Pink Booklet

[Aura]

Dear Diary,

I've been told he loves me yet... he won't try. Fear holds him back, he holds him back.

I lay here, in bed and stare at pages of writen emotions - I start to grow sad as I read over my past thoughts.

I loved him. I love him. I see him, for everything he is. From his best qualities to his flaws, everyone has flaws. I have flaws.

Father, give me strength. I will fight for him everyday - I wish he knew how much I cared.

- Aura.

[Aura]

Dear Diary,

I am happy. Content. Full of joy. I understand. I am learning. I am, living in the moment or, I'm possibly dreaming.

-Aura.

[Aura]

You there, booklet.

Vaughn can’t love... **** me sideways then up and down... Can’t is so hard to believe. I can’t do this... I can’t do that... is it you truly cannot or you just won’t try. Try, that’s all I ask. Try for me, just let all your worries fade away and try, for you are not the only one jumping into this feet first and blind folded.

I love him, as I most likely will for the rest of my days. Just take control and claim me in return. Put your name on me, even if it’s in secret... No one would have to know, it could just be between us, a secret relationship. I don’t need you to love me yet... not as deeply as I you. I will love you enough. Maybe with time you can look me in the eyes and say those words, and mean it with everything of your being...

Frustration claims my brain, you seem so happy with me and I am working on myself, not for you but for me. I wish to be better, to live more freely without walls around me... Learn to love, learn to live, learn to laugh – You may live forever, but why live in misery?

Mal died... NOT ******* HAPPY. I’m not happy, I am sad, I want my Snickers back. I heard everything... I know what happened and I will sit by and wait for the day he knocks on my door. I love him, with all my heart he is forever my brother in the realm or not... I will hug toothless every night because that is all I have left to hug that was his and given to me...

Until you return my brother, I will miss you more with each and every passing day.

Hel wants me to get another cat so I can have a million kittens running around... Oh joy? I’m considering it only because I love him... and who am I kidding I love animals.

I want to get a puppy, a cute little puppy I can hug and hold in my arms. I want a Bernese mountain pup. If anyone manages to get it right and give me a puppy, I will love them FOREVER. I want it... Gimme, please?

-Aura

[Aura]

Dear... Diary,

Uhm, so, it's been awhile... and I'm happy, really happy.

I was out last night at the beach with someone and we had a rather long and interesting talk... Some things surfaced and came into light and... and yah. Just happy.

I saw old **** a few nights ago, I suddenly have the urge to dance again. I want to go dancing, and I want to go shopping! Oh my god, it's been forever since I've had the urge to shop. I think I'll wear a dress and some nice heels, put my hair up and actually wear make up! I need to buy leather, a nice jacket to show Hel and a nice swimsuit to bare the cold in for one last swim before fall really sets in.

I should paint too... I need new painting things, brushes and paints and new canvases. Maybe I'll go for a walk in the forest with the pup and cat... I still have to check in and watch Snickers wonderful pets who I admit I won't give back because of their cuteness... I need to drop in on Ry ry too... and I'll have to drag Micah out for our tattoo date, SO EXCITED! Things between Micah and I have been odd lately, ****'s been going down here and there and well... fucked. But, they will get better because things change and well.. change can be good - So I'm finding out.

Anyways, time to call up Old Loon and get shopping and B-u-b-b-l-e-d-a-n-c-i-n-g!

Note to self : Buy a nice dress...

-Aura

[Aura]

Dear Diary,

I'm ready for this new adventure. I'm ready to face the facts.

I can do this, I can be by myself. I'll be fine.

I just have to keep hiding, and keep staying to myself as best I can. Things will slow down, things will work themselves out - Maybe. Snickers will look after me, regardless I will allow myself to be true to my emotions around him, I will not hide what I am feeling from one of the men who truly sees me. I will suggest a movie, and maybe everything I am feeling and everything on my mind will melt away and I'll be left clear and level headed. My brother always has a way of cheering me up, of making me feel cared for. Snickers, I know I tell you this often but I love you, and I am so thankful you are my brother.

I will add more later... right now, I am about to relax with one of my protectors.

Reminder: Pick up new movies, more tea, and pet food...

-A.



[[song credit goes to Vaughns human for sending me this amazing song <3]]