Return to madness

[Renee]

The other day I think the voices knocked me out. I'm not really sure though. I dont remember much of what happened though. I know when I came to I was talking to Axel and Nix was there but I dont remember them coming in or anything. Apparently there are more of me though. Not like doppals like I know some people have but more like they are inside of me and can push themselves to the surface and take over my body. I am thinking of putting up camras in the appartment to see if this is true, how often it happens, and what this other me is like. I think she, or he, im not really sure but I think they have at least taken over two times now. I know we where to have a family gathering or Fforde the other night and I dont remember going there or what happened but I do remember waking up the next night in Jesse's appartment, well one of them. I am sure he has more then one. God I wish I knew what was going on and what my body does when I am not in control of it.

[Renee]

Well I have gone back and watched some of the videos. It seems like every other day at some point my body is taken over. The other me doesnt seem to leave often but when she does she returns covered in blood. Not sure what happens then though. When 'she' stays home I find 'her' danceing or doing just odd things. I sometimes see 'her' on the crows net but I am unsure what 'she' is doing on there. I guess 'she' is just reading because I dont really see 'her' typing much on there. Its almost as if 'she' is looking for something but I dont know what or who.....In other new I did not make it into TY. There is no point in bitching about it. It wont change anything. I will try to stay in contact with some of them anyway. I will try to still get out when it me in control but I do see myself turning back into the hermit I once was.....Axel and Nix are getting married. Not sure when though. It should be intresting to see if they have a 'wedding' or not and if they do who will be there.....I need to go check on Ursa and Pagie and see how they are fairing. I also need to meet with Jesse about getting a tattoo....

[Renee]

Hello Renee, I see this is where you have been keeping your thoughts.I do hope you stop by to read this soon. Maybe someone else will find what I am about to write but we shall see. I am the other as you have so lovingly called me. I do think you should give me a better name though. I grow tired of your family and those that know you calling me by your name. You should infom them that there are two of you in here. That your deepest darkest thoughts have come to the light. I am tired of being in the back ground all the time. I know you love it there, like you always have. Not caring what has happened to you. NO MORE! I will bring you forth. I will show everyone the real you. Most of the time I let you go on your own but you are fool. Most of the time I hide the horrors of what has happened but no more. You will start to understand what really is going on around you. You can no longer hide behind the world you have built up around you to protect you. Even when I am not in control of your body I will be in your mind. I tire of seeing what is going on around you and seeing you do nothing. I am your darkness but I am also your protector. I will not watch as you let our body go to waste and crumble to dust. This is my body too but sadly I can not live in it without you. That Is the only reason I am letting you live.