I recently had a run in with a human and I feel the need to share it with you, though to fully grasp the situation, I've decided to include all of our interactions.
To: KOLE IS GOD <xmasterxorpheusx@yahoo.com>
From: Tim <puppylover2@yahoo.com>
the local hoa says i can have a dog for security reasons
To: Tim <puppylover2@yahoo.com>
From: KOLE IS GOD <xasterxmorpheusx@yahoo.com>
Dear Neighbor,
Yesterday, your dog once again kept me up for hours while I was attempting to sleep. You see I work during the night, and so it is of key importance that I be able to get my rest during the sunny hours. As a result, I removed his collar and called the local pound (as you like to recite charter rules at me). It is my sincere hope that this issue does not persist in the future.
Kind Regards,
Kole Cross
PS: The collar is in your mailbox.
To: KOLE IS GOD <xmasterxorpheusx@yahoo.com>
From: Tim <puppylover2@yahoo.com>
dude, what the ****???!!!?? i need my dog the crime rate in the city has gone WAY up in the last year and i need an early warning sistem plus going onto my proporty without my premision is against the law
I felt guilty and so I sent him a little sticky note with some cookies.
Dear Neighbor
My apologies, I realize I acted rashly. Find a tin of cookies enclosed.
But then then:
To: Tim <puppylover2@yahoo.com>
From: KOLE IS GOD <xasterxmorpheusx@yahoo.com>
Dear Neighbor,
As you may recall, last week I sent you a tin of cookies in hopes that it would act as a kind of peace offering. However, as your dog continues to bark loudly, I feel the need to inform you that I swapped the milk in the ingredients for the contents of several used prophylactics. As I am certain you've eaten the cookies by now, I would suggest that you get tested for any communicable diseases that can be passed via body fluids. While I am sure that most of the harmful material was baked out; it never hurts to be sure.
Kind regards,
Kole Cross
To: KOLE IS GOD <xmasterxorpheusx@yahoo.com>
From: Tim <puppylover2@yahoo.com>
DUDE! WTF ARE YOU ON YOU NEED TO STOP ******* WITH ME RITE NOW OR I AM GOING 2 CALL THE PALEASE ON YOU. STAY THE **** AWAY FROM ME AND MY DOG!!!!!
To: Tim <puppylover2@yahoo.com>
From: KOLE IS GOD <xasterxmorpheusx@yahoo.com>
Dear Neighbor,
I do not think it would be beneficial for either of us to cease our interactions as I have recently thought some on your security concerns. You see, I was raised in New York, which has a crime rate higher, in some places, than Harper Rock. As such, I understand the need to be protected. To expand on that thought, I'd like to tell you a story.
Once upon a time, I was in a dark place and there were many zombies shuffling after me. At first I was confused as to what to do, perhaps even scared. And then I pulled out my gun and shot them.
If the moral of the story is not clear, perhaps if I pose it in riddle form; it will become more obvious: What shoots bullets and rhymes with fun?
Hint: Purchase a gun as it will not keep me up, annoy me, or distract me from my work in the evenings.
Kind regards,
Kole Cross
To: KOLE IS GOD <xmasterxorpheusx@yahoo.com>
From: Tim <puppylover2@yahoo.com>
WTF? GO BACK TO AMORECA ASSHOLE AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!
To: Tim <puppylover2@yahoo.com>
From: KOLE IS GOD <xasterxmorpheusx@yahoo.com>
Dear Neighbor,
Your dog continues to be persisting issue. So have taken it upon myself to purchase you a firearm. I felt the need to test it, and did so at point blank range. On your dog. Both my cat, Jabba the Cat III and I would like to express our pleasure at the lack of barking this morning. You will find the gun in your mailbox, wiped of my prints.
Kind regards,
Kole Cross
To: KOLE IS GOD <xmasterxorpheusx@yahoo.com>
From: Tim <puppylover2@yahoo.com>
FUK U MAN, I'M CALLING THE PALEASE NOW. I GOT U ******!!!!
To: Tim <puppylover2@yahoo.com>
From: KOLE IS GOD <xasterxmorpheusx@yahoo.com>
Dear Neighbor,
I felt you might see things that way, and so, for the sake of reconciliation; I was going to get some of your images together and create a collage for you. Unfortunately, upon prying into your computer, I found several off colour pornographic photos involving yourself and...well let's just say that I understand now why your screen name is puppy lover. In the interest of not having these images posted to the internet, I think it would be best if we would go our separate ways at this juncture.
Kind regards,
Kole Cross
PS: Stay away from Jabba the Cat III.
From: Tim <puppylover2@yahoo.com>
the local hoa says i can have a dog for security reasons
To: Tim <puppylover2@yahoo.com>
From: KOLE IS GOD <xasterxmorpheusx@yahoo.com>
Dear Neighbor,
Yesterday, your dog once again kept me up for hours while I was attempting to sleep. You see I work during the night, and so it is of key importance that I be able to get my rest during the sunny hours. As a result, I removed his collar and called the local pound (as you like to recite charter rules at me). It is my sincere hope that this issue does not persist in the future.
Kind Regards,
Kole Cross
PS: The collar is in your mailbox.
To: KOLE IS GOD <xmasterxorpheusx@yahoo.com>
From: Tim <puppylover2@yahoo.com>
dude, what the ****???!!!?? i need my dog the crime rate in the city has gone WAY up in the last year and i need an early warning sistem plus going onto my proporty without my premision is against the law
I felt guilty and so I sent him a little sticky note with some cookies.
Dear Neighbor
My apologies, I realize I acted rashly. Find a tin of cookies enclosed.
But then then:
To: Tim <puppylover2@yahoo.com>
From: KOLE IS GOD <xasterxmorpheusx@yahoo.com>
Dear Neighbor,
As you may recall, last week I sent you a tin of cookies in hopes that it would act as a kind of peace offering. However, as your dog continues to bark loudly, I feel the need to inform you that I swapped the milk in the ingredients for the contents of several used prophylactics. As I am certain you've eaten the cookies by now, I would suggest that you get tested for any communicable diseases that can be passed via body fluids. While I am sure that most of the harmful material was baked out; it never hurts to be sure.
Kind regards,
Kole Cross
To: KOLE IS GOD <xmasterxorpheusx@yahoo.com>
From: Tim <puppylover2@yahoo.com>
DUDE! WTF ARE YOU ON YOU NEED TO STOP ******* WITH ME RITE NOW OR I AM GOING 2 CALL THE PALEASE ON YOU. STAY THE **** AWAY FROM ME AND MY DOG!!!!!
To: Tim <puppylover2@yahoo.com>
From: KOLE IS GOD <xasterxmorpheusx@yahoo.com>
Dear Neighbor,
I do not think it would be beneficial for either of us to cease our interactions as I have recently thought some on your security concerns. You see, I was raised in New York, which has a crime rate higher, in some places, than Harper Rock. As such, I understand the need to be protected. To expand on that thought, I'd like to tell you a story.
Once upon a time, I was in a dark place and there were many zombies shuffling after me. At first I was confused as to what to do, perhaps even scared. And then I pulled out my gun and shot them.
If the moral of the story is not clear, perhaps if I pose it in riddle form; it will become more obvious: What shoots bullets and rhymes with fun?
Hint: Purchase a gun as it will not keep me up, annoy me, or distract me from my work in the evenings.
Kind regards,
Kole Cross
To: KOLE IS GOD <xmasterxorpheusx@yahoo.com>
From: Tim <puppylover2@yahoo.com>
WTF? GO BACK TO AMORECA ASSHOLE AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!
To: Tim <puppylover2@yahoo.com>
From: KOLE IS GOD <xasterxmorpheusx@yahoo.com>
Dear Neighbor,
Your dog continues to be persisting issue. So have taken it upon myself to purchase you a firearm. I felt the need to test it, and did so at point blank range. On your dog. Both my cat, Jabba the Cat III and I would like to express our pleasure at the lack of barking this morning. You will find the gun in your mailbox, wiped of my prints.
Kind regards,
Kole Cross
To: KOLE IS GOD <xmasterxorpheusx@yahoo.com>
From: Tim <puppylover2@yahoo.com>
FUK U MAN, I'M CALLING THE PALEASE NOW. I GOT U ******!!!!
To: Tim <puppylover2@yahoo.com>
From: KOLE IS GOD <xasterxmorpheusx@yahoo.com>
Dear Neighbor,
I felt you might see things that way, and so, for the sake of reconciliation; I was going to get some of your images together and create a collage for you. Unfortunately, upon prying into your computer, I found several off colour pornographic photos involving yourself and...well let's just say that I understand now why your screen name is puppy lover. In the interest of not having these images posted to the internet, I think it would be best if we would go our separate ways at this juncture.
Kind regards,
Kole Cross
PS: Stay away from Jabba the Cat III.
I suppose I may never understand the human mind fully.
This is Kole Cross, signing off.