The Journal of Catherine

[Habren Ashe]

OOC note – Catherine is Habren and Mircea’s thrall, their cherished, pampered human pet. Every need and whim of hers is fulfilled while caring for her two vampires, protecting them in her small human ways (providing blood, etc.) and occasionally sharing their bed. She has her entire mind to herself, but as a show of her loyalty and care, she freely gave up her ability to speak, write or type, instead sharing a psychic connection with Habren to communicate and could easily express herself to others with gestures and looks. However, Habren restored in the girl the ability to write when she expressed a desire to keep a journal and tell her story as she had in her prior life, even if she did not intend for anyone to ever read it. Now, with the addition of Michael and how he came into their lives, both thralls are fully able to communicate and are bound to their two vampires by love, trust and a deep psychic connection.



My name is Catherine Anne Montmartre. I’m twenty-six years old and was born in France but moved here to Canada when I was just a baby. My parents have passed on, right around the time I turned seventeen actually, and, being an only child, I have no family left to speak of. And that might be a sad, tragic thing. Except for these two vampires…

Yes, I know. Vampires. Who would have thought they were real? Who would have thought I could or would ever know the things I know now? Truth be told, I lived an immensely simple, boring existence as a bookshop cashier in a little tucked-away kind of place, for far too long, right here in Harper Rock. A quiet, mundane sort of life, for sure, but one I supplemented with books, art, culture and every and anything I could that interested me. I even got to travel a bit – nowhere special or exotic…but the very act of getting away once in awhile was heavenly. I could have gone to college, I guess…but what was the point of spending so much money for something I could get on my own?

It might have continued on that way, too. I always figured I’d meet my local prince Charming while toiling away one day, get married, have kids, and live a simple, ordinary life for the rest of my days. I didn’t expect much of it – only some semblance of a family, a shot at happiness and that quiet contentedness you see in all those old couples who have been together for a million and one years. You know the ones… Much like my two guardians, you could say, except they aren’t quite so old as a million and one.

So. I spent my days waiting, my nights reading and everything in between was sort of a blur of the same. Until she walked in one night, just before closing. Habren Ashe de Grigori. A gorgeous woman, inspiring an interest I had never known could exist in me for a member of the same sex. She reminded me of a stalking panther, sexy and sleek and purring for attention. But underneath all that was a humming hive of anxiety. One I could tell she tried to conceal beneath the thick shell, and for most people, I guess it worked. But for me, an avid people watcher, it was pretty clear. Something had her unsettled, uneasy…and while she seemed harmless on the outside, a slightly unnerved feeling crept over me when I realize I was all alone that night. Perhaps it had something to do with the look in her eye…

[Habren Ashe]

So there she was, stalking about slowly like some predator looking for a bit of prey that had gone missing, vivid blue eyes raking over every shelf in a disturbingly rapid manner. And there I was, staring, just trying to figure her out, to get a bead on her personality. And I came up empty with every try. After waiting a beat, I cleared my throat, gently trying to draw the woman’s attention without seeming too forward or intrusive…after all, she looked tense enough to pounce. When I had it, I asked her what she was looking for and if I could help.

I’m not certain just what it was I said to her that had her honing in on me in such a beautifully intense way, but I felt a flush washing over me under her gaze. Her smile alone was intriguing, beguiling and more than a little interested. I scrambled to assist her – she was seeking out a book. She explained it was rare and old and was extremely specific about its contents. Even her softly-accented speech was distractingly beautiful, haunting in its melodic tone, something about it hailing from another era, where people were more careful with words. But, as she said, she knew it was not there. She hesitated when I asked how she could possibly know, merely flashing me another soft grin and a wink, barely a hint of teeth showing. And now I know why.

I’m really not sure how to explain this effect she had – still has, actually – upon me, but I felt a sudden desperation to find a reason for her to stay there, to talk with me. I had something of a life, a small group of friends who meant a lot to me…but suddenly, I felt like this woman was the only thing of interest in my world. Getting to know her was the only thing that mattered. And the way she looked at me…I could tell she wanted to know me too. That alone made me feel strange – why would anyone this exotic want to know boring old me? And so, without me needing to say so, she sat and talked with me for hours. I was amazed and more than a little thankful that my dignity had been kept intact; I was wanting this so badly that I realized I hadn’t been above begging, which is not in my nature at all. I’m stubborn as anything and determined as hell, but I have a proud streak that has sustained me in many a situation during less-than-ideal circumstances.

When our conversation was coming to an end – and of course it was, when I saw that it was well past 3 AM by this point – she gazed up at the sky outside the shop window for a long moment, looking for something I again couldn’t seem to see, and I could tell she had to go. I could feel her hesitation, and my own, but, as she explained, she had a family to return home to, a long-time lover who would be worried for her absence.

“But Catherine,” she murmured in that quiet, sweet tone of hers I have come to adore. “If you are here tomorrow night,“ - to which I vehemently nodded yes, and was rewarded with one of those soft smiles -“Then I will be waiting, right here, for you. There is more to tell, more to say…and I wish to keep doing so…” She stood then and brushed a kiss to my cheek before turning and walking out the door and into the night, the scent of rainwater and wildflowers left in her wake. Stunned and left in silence, I quickly closed up the store and headed for home, only to toss and turn the rest of the night, finally drifting off around daybreak…

[Habren Ashe]

The night passed so slowly; strangely enough, though she’d not promised anything, I had an odd feeling that there was something coming, some big change that would make my life better, different…interesting. I know everyone says “life is what you make of it,” but I felt like I had made the most of mine so far, with what resources I had at hand. Habren had been a breath of fresh air, quite literally changing my existence with that one single night of conversation. I knew she was not even close to revealing everything about herself, but she had already learned so much about me…and I felt as if I had barely scratched the surface with her.

To put it short, she was enthralling. Is enthralling. For that matter, so is Mircea. I now understand that it has much to do with the mystical traits of their vampiric paths, but I cannot bring myself to say I was disappointed in learning that. As I understand it, the Dark Mother, or Mater Nox as they often call her, sets each new vampire upon a path that corresponds to his or her innermost traits. It makes sense, I suppose, if one is a religious person, or even for one who believes in fate and higher powers…

When I finally woke from one of those heavy, uncomfortable sleeps that one falls into when the room is too hot, or when they’re exhausted or drunk, feeling clammy and as if my head was stuffed with cotton, I managed to get through the afternoon and get myself ready for work. But this time, instead of the drudgery and dread that filled me, I was excited, filled with anticipation and butterflies. For once, I dressed up a bit more than usual, took the time to do my hair properly and even put on a little makeup. My nerves were in tatters by the time I arrived at the store, and the rest of the evening passed in relative quiet. I even got complimented more than once – I knew I was not unattractive, had even had a few boyfriends by then, but I didn’t really ever see a point in making much of an effort besides the basics. Apparently, it pays off now and then.

I busied myself during the early hours, watching as people came and went, and finally, I was left on my own to close up again. After putting some paperwork away in the back, I returned to the main part of the store and to my pleasant surprise, there she was again, seated at a café table with a cup of tea and glancing over a book as if she had been there all along. It didn’t register that this, the second night she had come, it was well after dark. It didn’t register that she waited until most people were gone, until I had turned the sign to “closed” but hadn’t quite locked up yet. A grin stole over my face as I sat across from her, nervously tucking a long lock of reddish-gold hair behind my ear.

She smiled at me, head tilted in that curious way, almost as if she were sizing me up. Looking back now, I knew she was deciding, considering if I was the sort of human she would want to let into her life with Mircea and her family. Lucky for me, I measured up, or I imagine I would not have seen her again. I imagined she might have spent just as restless an evening as I did, making certain she did not choose wrongly or make a mistake that only death could resolve – Habren is not one for senseless killing. I know she has a penchant for spilling blood, for certain aspects of pain, and certainly for defending her family and Mircea in a manner so fierce I am only thankful that rage has never been turned upon me. I have watched that woman literally come home doused in blood, sometimes her own and most of the time from those she’s maimed. I’ve watched her stride in with victory in her eyes when she killed another vampire who tried to bring harm on her House. And I have watched her rend predatory animals, five times her size, limb from limb. It would not be nearly so surprising if the woman were not merely half the size of the man she loves, or if she had anything more than the quiet, meticulous air about her she is so careful to keep intact…

But fierce though she is, I didn’t even catch a hint of it in that second night with her, another spent talking about anything and everything. Even the more intimate or private questions she asked seemed innocent and friendly…so calm and curious that I couldn’t help but to answer with honesty. Besides, it felt like she already knew the answers, no matter what I had to say in response. And she seemed to like what she heard, which was even better.

And finally, she asked me if I was happy. Content. Satisfied with life…what could I tell her, aside from the stark, uninteresting truth?

[Habren Ashe]

I was happy enough...but not content. Never quite satisfied with my lot. I had long since given up the thought that there might be something more, resigned that each night passing drew me further and further into a life I didn't exactly choose, but one I kept on living because, in reality, there seemed to be little other choice. Besides, I couldn't deny that I was proud of myself. I still am. I carved out my own little existence, picking up the pieces of my shattered life after the most painful loss I have ever known in my young years, and made something of it. Perhaps nothing special, exactly, but something.

The woman across from me gave me one of those mysterious smiles as her head tipped to one side again, curiosity clear in those blue eyes. "Ah, but Catherine...you are something quite special indeed." She regarded me for some time, as if expecting me to protest or offer some alternative statement. "Do you not see it?" She finally questioned me, softly. When I shook my head - for truly, I didn't see it at all - she looked almost sad. Almost disappointed. "But of course you are a fighter!" She exclaimed quietly. "A survivor. Just like me. Surely you see that in yourself..." At the crimson flush that tinted my cheeks, she trailed off with a soft laugh, her cool, soft hand covering my own and giving a gentle squeeze. I almost gasped at the feel of her, at the strange energy that sent a light jolt of want through me. "Some night, you will. Some night, you will wonder how you ever thought otherwise."

Her choice of phrase might have given me slight pause - Some "night," she had said, instead of the far more commonly used "day" - but I didn't think too much of it. It was but one more bit that held my interest, the intrigue of this woman drawing me in more and more. She seemed to sense it, too, not quite playing upon my eagerness, but certainly encouraging it. And after another long night of talking, of sharing hopes and dreams and ideas I had never spoken of to anyone, I finally found out what she wanted from me.

"How would you like to...come stay with me a spell?" she murmured quietly, as if this were the most natural thought in the entire world. And though I'm usually a practical sort of girl, I suddenly realized that it was. It was natural and easy and if she hadn't offered, I would have probably been wishing for something just like it late that night, when I was alone with my thoughts. But the simple statement astonished me as much as it tempted me, and I was struck speechless for a long moment. Funny, that...the speechless thing. I find myself so thrilled with my new life that I don't miss using my voice at all now.

Anyway. She sensed my inability to put my thoughts into words and gave me a slow, amused smile. "I know that is quite sudden, even for a girl with a spirit like your own. I will tell you what..." She trailed off, eying me quietly for a moment while I considered how long a spell might be, and found myself hoping it was open-ended. "I know it is a difficult choice to make when I have not been entirely forthcoming. I will give you a week to think about it, and to put your life and affairs in order. Perhaps tell others you are planning a very long trip away... And in seven nights, I will come back for you." She gave me a fresh smile, watching as I absorbed all of this. "That night, I will tell you everything, and you can decide then without consequence. I like something about you, Catherine...several somethings... and I think this will be a lovely arrangement."

With another guarded smile, she rose then, brushed a kiss to my cheek as she had the night before, and disappeared into the night, leaving me alone with my churning thoughts and warring desires.

[Habren Ashe]

Seven long nights passed - tortuously slow - because I had of course made up my mind that first night. I wanted this. Badly. Habren had unleashed within me this utterly insane need to learn more, to know more, tantalizing my sense of adventure and making me want things. Intangible things that had my head spinning while I tried to understand what they were. It would be so easy, too; there were precious few people I would have to worry about telling and giving notice at my job was barely a blip on my radar...

Until the light of day, when all of my misgivings made themselves known. I must be a fool! I must be off my rocker! Who in their right mind would even think of going off with a stranger in this day and age, and in this city to boot? Who would give up a perfectly decent livelihood on this kind of a gamble? But slowly, these panicky thoughts drifted away, dissipating as the day wore on. I came to a point where, having reached both extremes, I could sit back and give everything the cold appraisal I had worked hard to master.

I made myself detached, blocking out any emotion for the time being and quickly made myself a pros and cons list, refusing to read it until I felt it was as complete as possible. When I was done and I finally looked the whole thing over with an appraising eye, I found that the pros far outweighed the cons. I had a pretty good idea that they would...but it helps to see a thing completely written out. A sigh of relief left me and I slowly straightened up and got to my feet. That was my day off, and I had a lot to take care of that night and during the next six days and nights.

Somehow, I got through it. Perhaps the thing that helped most was the constant feel of warmth surrounding me. I didn't think anything of it, but now I know that Habren was watching. Never too close, sometimes, she later admitted. Sometimes, she would just wander by the shop, wondering what direction I had taken...but each night that week was painfully slow, for both of us. I felt like I was waiting for my life to begin. But somehow, I managed to be patient. Busied myself with everything and anything. Told work I was taking a leave of absence with an open end date - they liked me there and were happy for the potential prospect of my coming back. Told my friends I had been called away back to France for a distant relative's illness, which they swallowed easily enough before insisting on taking me out for one last evening of fun with them. It was bittersweet...but I'm glad I did it. Packed up my things and moved them to storage and figured out everything I wanted to bring with me. I realized that night that I decided that I didn't care what Habren had to tell me. I had a strange feeling that I already knew it was going to be out of the ordinary...but I didn't care. I just wanted to take this chance... I needed to take this chance.

[Habren Ashe]

"Catherine."

It was just the one word, just my name and whisper-quiet, but it was enough to startle me out of my stunned reverie. Finally, I met the woman's neutral gaze, that startling shade of blue, sitting there across the table. Habren had been studying me, calmly waiting for me to react to her words.

Vampire. Undead. Stuff of legends. And she wanted to make me her... well, for lack of a better word, pet.

That had been pretty much all I'd heard at first. All I could process. She had quietly explained what she was, what it meant, what she was offering to me. It wasn't an offer to take my mortality - to her, the allure lay in the life I possessed, my mind, my aura. Things that would change fundamentally if she ever turned me...but I noted how she left that open-ended, without giving the finality of a yes or a no. I took a deep breath, trying to ground myself and calm my racing pulse, and met her silent gaze once more.

I still didn't know what to say. I knew it would be...different. Out there, and something so utterly unbelievable...but I didn't think it would be...this. She took a small sip of her tea - the act suddenly piqued my curiosity. Perhaps a little rude for its bluntness, the question slipped out before I could stop myself.

"I thought you could only drink blood?" At this, she set her cup down with a light trill of a laugh and nipped lightly at her lower lip, unabashed.

"I do, mostly. But one of my...ah...path, can eat and drink as we used to," she explained in those same soothing tones. "I do not usually partake, but I enjoy tea. It is a bit of a comforting substance," she murmured softly. "Plus, it helps me blend in." I nodded mutely for a moment, as if this made all the sense in the world. And, if you looked away from the fantastical nature of the story, I suppose it did. I shifted in my seat, nervously tucking a lock of hair behind an ear before folding my hands neatly in my lap as I eyed the beautiful woman up and tried to put all my questions into words without overwhelming her ... or me, for that matter ... any further.

"So... I want to have this straight in my head. You want me to come live with you and your lover ... " I trailed off, still trying to make sense of the words she used, some old fashioned enough to take her right out of this place and time...like...why not 'boyfriend?', "who is also a ... a vampire, and be your kept companion? A human...pet...of sorts?" She nodded, waiting for me to soak it in again, before she elaborated. "If you agree, Catherine, you will live with us, have everything you could want or need, companionship and care, even love. For as long as you wish. You will not do anything against your will. We will share a bond the likes of which you have never known; it is an old magic that binds a mortal to a vampire in such a way. But in return, you must keep our secrets. You cannot breathe a word of our existence to anyone. It is...imperative...that you do not. Mircea and I died once because of follies such as that, and I will do anything... anything... to ensure it never happens again."

She wouldn't elaborate on that particular statement until later, much later, when our bond grew enough that I could see some of her memories. But it was so fervent, with so much strength behind it, that I didn't even think to question it.

She had already explained why she'd chosen me... me of all people... so I wouldn't ask her again...but my head was still spinning. It sounded...too good to be true, but then again, so was Habren herself... just with that glaring flaw. But was it really a flaw, I wondered to myself, or just something unfamiliar, filling me with the bias of a mortal who'd read all the horror stories that had been written about her kind? Could I live with her, with her companion, and be happy? Yes. I was pretty sure I could, in all my naive experience. And like she said...if I was ever unhappy, she would release me. I believed her, trusted that she would do what she said and simply scrub my memories and release me from the bonds, keeping us both safe and insulated from harm.

"Catherine... I can give you more time if you wish it..." she murmured, sliding one hand over to gently squeeze my arm in comfort but I looked at her, almost aghast, as I shook my head no.

"No...Habren...I...I want this," I said, resolve filling my voice. It would be an adventure. I trusted her; she'd been open with me and willing to answer anything I asked. I had no real reason to fear her. She could have killed me at any time, or forcefully taken my blood, but instead she was offering me a friendship like no other.

"I know you're worried about it...but I do. I want to prove it, and prove my loyalty...you said we'll be able to communicate by thought, right?" I must have been crazy to offer something so profoundly necessary, but I did it anyway. I wanted her to be sure of me, in every way. She gave a quiet nod, listening. "So I'm going to ask you, when this is done, to take my voice. Take my ability to write and type. This is my proof that I trust you and that you can trust me."

My vampire's brows rose at this, surprise written all over her features and I knew then that it wasn't something she'd even considered doing. But my own fervent tone seemed to convince her...she knew it would be the best way for all of us, now that the words were out.

She stood then, with a quiet nod, and took my hands in her own. "If this is what you wish, my dear, it will be done. Are you ready?"

I took a deep breath, gave her a wan smile, and nodded.

[Habren Ashe]

I wish I could explain how it felt in better words when it first happened. My mind opened, I felt it stretch, widen, taking in so much that I felt lost for a moment until that connection was made. The one I will never ever ask to be rid of. It feels so...right. So perfect. Its all wonderful, like I was supposed to be here all along. I know I sound like some brainwashed crazy cult person, but my mind is and has been my own, just as Habren promised. We can speak like this, we can transmit thoughts or images to one another without uttering a word...but I'm still me. Its exactly as she said it would be, only better.

Those first nights took some getting used to. I felt off balance - not only was there a whole other person in my head now, but I had to adjust my schedule a bit. My vampires sleep, but in the daytime hours. And they get by with far, far less than I can, even though I couldn't fathom functioning on two or three hours alone. Once I found out why, it made plenty of sense why they didn't care to rest for long. But even now, I might be blushing just a little at the thought. :)

Habren taught me how to block certain things in my mind; even though we were connected and could see, feel, hear, know everthing the other did, as she told me, my mind was still my own. My privacy was still my own and she wouldn't pry into anything I wished to keep to myself. I had to practice, though...it was mind-numbing, literally, to make that kind of an effort day in, day out, but I quickly got the hang of it. Soon enough, it was second nature. I forgot sometimes...but then again, so did she.

Speaking of those first nights... I'm smiling at the recollection of the first one, especially. After Habren had worked her magic and given me a little while to get used to the feel of being connected, and to practice speaking without speaking, she decided it was time to get home and settled. Dawn was coming soon, so I locked up the shop, slid the keys through the mail slot as promised and we spirited off and into the night with three of my suitcases. The rest would be brought from my apartment by movers the next evening.

Mircea was waiting for us, much to Habren's delight. I'd already caught glimpses of him from her memories and could tell already, amongst the strength and depth of her feelings for him, that he was as unearthly beautiful as she was, in a rugged way. But nothing could prepare me for how striking he is in person. He seemed like a mountain the first time I laid eyes upon him; he's tall, but the broad shoulders and the sheer muscle of him makes him seem even taller. I guess I should have been scared, or intimidated or something, but either Habren's knowledge filling my head or his gentle demeanor - maybe both - had me at ease immediately. I could tell right off that he trusted his woman implicitly, and her judgment, and so he welcomed me to their home with open arms and more kindness than I could have hoped for.

It made everything, the newness of this situation and the transition into this life, so much easier. I could see how much love there was between my vampires, and eventually came to understand precisely what that meant to them. And for me.