HOLY STRAWBERRIES BATMAN! WE'RE IN A JAM! (CHAPTER 7)

[Salvador (DELETED 8639)]

The Latino male sat in their apartment, wearing-well, not a lot. Boxers and a button down polo that he put back on from the night before when he got up. It wasn't buttoned-no need for formalities with his roomie, best friend and so much more. The couch beneath him groaned in protest as Salvador leaned forward and grabbed the remote. He changed the television to Wheel of Fortune and shrugged. It was better than the news lately.

He set the remote down, then grabbed his plate of food, which was two sandwiches. Two glorious, peanut butter (extra crunchy cause that's the best) and jelly sandwiches. Strawberry to be exact. Grape was crap. Too sweet and tasted fake in his mind. The only thing grapes were good for was wine. Which...."Sage! You find that bottle of wine yet?" Classy. That's how they were. Dinner, wine and a movie. Or in this case, Wheel of Fortune.

"A! Buy a vowel!" Salvador shouted at the television as soon as he figured out the remainder of the puzzle. "MAGIC WAND! A! A! A!" He all but jumped off the couch in excitement, the sandwiches sliding to the edge of the plate and one plopping down on his lap. Jelly on his boxers. His clean boxers. "Oi!" He set the plate down and grabbed a napkin from some fast food joint that was sitting on the table from a few nights ago and began to wipe at it.

[Omar]

Omar checked the GPS once more and shook his head in annoyance. A bloody apartment building. Apartment buildings had CCTV. So before he left his nondescript average white delivery or work van, he pulled on a black hoodie. He zipped it all the way up and tightened the hood. Pausing before he left, he shoved a wadded pile of tee shirts up under the hoodie, to make it look like he had a distended pounch. Careful to alter his walking pattern, he hurried inside the apartment complex with a pronounced limp on his right leg.

Keeping his head down, to avoid the CCTV getting a screen of his face, he hunched as if he were extrememl;y cold. A good reason for avoiding the the CCTV without .. looking like he was avoiding the CCTV. He carried a pocket pistol in the pocket of his hoodie, just in case. Dealing in .. less than legal items, such as he was, meant he needed to be aware of who he was dealing with.He had had a close call back in the spring that he wasn't ready to repeat.

Out of the elevator and down the hall, he found the door and knocked twice, as instructed. He kept his face averted.

[Sage]

Sage padded on bare feet back through the minimal length of the hallway. The green avocado mask that covered most of his face and a better part of his chest had him shaped vividly to look like a wafer thin version of the Hulk. The snap of the cheap plastic jelly slip on sandals kissed his heels as he cleared the corner to discover Sal camped out with pb&j's. He flat lined his lips and blinked. Sage wanted to buy more than a vowel. He wanted a new sofa to replace the one Sal was bouncing his *** off of that was better than a lint roller thanks to all the preserves that had been stuck to it over the last several months. It was time to hit the second hand shop and haul home another mismatched piece to fit in with the rest of their decor.

"I got the bottle." He hip checked Sal nudging him as he sat down. The stretch of his official Hostess Cupcakes too small boxers barely avoided giving at the seams. "Good thing I came prepared." He nodded reaching behind him to find the sunflower yellow rubber gripper in the shape of a circle waiting for him. Pulling it forward he slapped it down on the cluttered coffee table that somehow managed to stay upright on three and a half legs. The plate that Salvador had been working on was shifted to the top of the yellow no skid pad. A corkscrew appeared from between the cushions and a quick pop followed as the top of the wine bottle finally had a chance to breathe. "So, when can I wash this **** off? It tingles and pretty sure whatever is in it melted my chest hair. Arm pits are numb." He sniffed one then shrugged. "Smell decent though." He took a pull from the bottle then passed it over like a good ***** should. Especially one who has no clue what the ingredients are that had been slathered over his body an hour or so prior. "You sure that my *** is supposed to burn? You said it was a good sign." Sage found Sal chewing satisfactory for not answering. What is the worst thing that could happen? His hand rubbed the top of the neon orange headband holding his shoulder length unruly hair back. "Right?"

The sound of the background music on the game show caught his attention. His eyes bounced back and forth over the squares that had yet to reveal the letters behind them. He leaned forward and at the last possible second he jumped up springing onto the couch with his jelly sandals. He bounced from one foot to the other like he was walking on a bed of hot coals.

"I GOT IT! HOLY ****! I GOT IT SPOONS! **** ME! I GOT IT!" He squealed ignoring the bounce of his room mate and the bread confections shaking on the rocking coffee table in front of them. "You can't touch this!" Sage howls out his prediction and paddles the top of Sal's sweet head. A few pelvic thrusts in the air sends home his enthusiasm as the letters flip to show he would have been a winner if he had been on that studio stage. "Now that is what I am talking about!"

[Salvador (DELETED 8639)]

HOLY ****!

When Sage emerged from the bathroom, he looked almost like something from the movie 'Creature from the black lagoon.' Sal stopped what he was doing and just stared. Mouth agape and eyes wide as he saw all the green on his boyfriend. Maybe he should have only put one coat on him, but too late now!

"Baby, it's avocado. Got all the good stuff in it. Vitamin E. T. H. and C." He winked, knowing that last part was ********. "Speaking of, ordered something and should be here soon!" Salvador dipped a finger in the avocado monstrosity he made and put it on his plate. Then, proceeded to dip part of his sandwich in it. He lifted the sandwich to his mouth, smelled it, shrugged and took a bite. It was just the fruit.

"When I was twelve, my mama put avocado on a sunburn and the next day? Silky smooth skin. Baby soft." Sal tried to assure Sage that whatever he was experiencing was normal while he finished one of his sandwiches. When the bottle was passed his way, the plate was found on the yellow pad of ugly and he took a large sip from the bottle.

When the knock on the door came, Sal shot up like he'd been slapped in the *** like a race pony and raised a finger in the air. "The order!" He mocked Einstein, or what people assumed the guy looked like when he discovered--what did he discover again? Sal shrugged his shoulders, then bolted for the door in all his glory.

And when the door was ripped open after being unlocked, Sal just stood in the doorway. "Didn't order you, but it'll do!" He winked at the very handsome man at the door. Hoodie or not, when Sal saw those eyes, he was smitten. "Come on in, Snookie. What are you selling? I'll buy it by the bucket fulls." Sal turned away from the man and waved a hand in front of his face, indicating that there was something 'caliente' at the door for them. "I got fifty. What can fifty get me?" He said, expecting the guy to step into the door and not try to sell anything where other ears or eyes could see.

[Omar]

Omar, was about to leave, he hated hanging around. If someone one were waiting for this.. They should have opened the door by now. But just as Omar was about to head off back to his van, the door was yanked open he was faced with a half dressed male that lost no time in propositioning him. Did that man just call him ‘Snookie’? He blinked. What?! “No.. I must have the wrong address.” He could barely pry his horrified gaze down to the address scribbled on the back of a chinese menu.

He saw at once he had the right address, but he lied. He lied through his teeth, with a smile on his face. “I do … my apologies.. I have the wrong place.” Shoving the menu into his pocket, and then pulling his hands out and gesturing in the universal shrug of apologies, Omar stepped back from the door. He could tell there was all sorts of crazy going on in there, and he wasn’t about to get involved in it. Snookie indeed!

“My apologies, for disturbing your..” His words trailed off. He did not want to put a voice to the image that was bouncing around in his mind. Why? Because it could be true. Ignorance was bliss. He needed a drink. He also needed a to hire someone to make these deliveries! Someone young, but trustworthy. That was the problem. There were no young trustworthy drug runners. They were all out to undercut you and take your client list. And where did this guy get off saying fifty? It was supposed to be five hundred. This was a bad idea. From now on, he was sticking to his usual delivery method, storage boxes at the bus terminal. No more face to face ****.

“You gentlemen have a nice evening.. “

[Sage]

"Say, say, s-a-a-a-a-a-y-y-y-y"

Was the first sounds out of his mouth as the whites of his eyes framed in seaweed green widened at the visual filling the doorway. He knew the candyman was coming to town but when did the crack head sore marked face with three teeth left to chatter with turn into a walking dream? Sal had great taste and Sage had no issue backing it up with a happy second. He could have been peddaling cotton balls with baby powder on them and they would have been sold. The stunner with a bag full of goodies was enough to make Sage completely forget just what he looked like. He stepped closer to the door and his white and hazel orbs traveled downward taking in just what showed up at the right time.

“Spoons always knows what to order.” Sage leaned over Sal’s shoulder and bit down on his bottom lip. A twitch of his green coated nose reminded him the crust like sensation over his nose was all that **** he had yet to wash off. “Ahh ****!” His hands went to his hive peppered chest and rubbed in circles as if to wipe away the evidence and soothe the rising itch spreading across his skin all at once. “Don’t stand out there, man. Come on in. Fifty for knocking. A hell of a lot more once you see the door close from the inside. We got it covered. Chill, Sugar.” The sweep of his tainted hands pulled off the offensive headband and set his hair free from where it had been pinned back. He pulled it back using his thumb to aim it like a oversized rubber band and shot it back to the jelly and jam seating. “I will get the benjamins. Get him a glass and a drink while I do?” A wink left Sal and the delivery hunk briefly.

[Salvador (DELETED 8639)]

'Snookie' seemed as if he was about to do a runner. Sal stood there and pouted a little, because of the simple fact that 'Snookie' didn't seem to be delivering anything tonight. Luckily. Sage was here to save the day. Or in this case...night. Sage was good like that. The life of the party without so much as trying. Which explained the club's success.

"Right! Drink. Coming right up!" Sal said as soon as he realized minutes had passed and he was staring right at McDreamy. "Sage's got what you need. What you came for. Come in and chill." Sal gave the guy a grin, then closed the door behind the delivery man to make sure that he -did- stay. Creepy? Hopefully not, but he wasn't going anywhere. Not without delivering something tonight.

"We've got Tequila. Vodka-most of that is flavored with something. Ever try birthday cake? The drink. Not the actual cake." Sal said as he disappeared into the kitchen and grabbed a cheap glass tumbler. "What'll it be?" He asked, head popping out from the kitchen, eyes on the guy for a few seconds, before he cocked his head to the left and frowned. What was that?

Sal set the empty glass down and moved right back into the living room where his 'precious' (a pot plant he fondly named one drunken night) and pulled at a leaf. It all but crumbled in his fingers, making him scowl. That was, until he saw something partially sticking out of the dirt. "Oi!" He said, wondering if that was the reason his 'precious' was doing poorly. Sal bent over, *** in the air for McDreamy to get a great view of (unintentionally this go around), and began to dig in the dirt. "Huh." He said as he pulled it out and examined it. "Oh ****! Hey Sage!" Sal's voiced boomed throughout the apartment as he realized where this key had come from. "Wasn't this what you pulled out of that clown's *** that one time?" He asked, though it hadn't literally come from a clown's ***. "The guy that came over last week and delivered that pizza? Higher than a ******* kite? On about sea creatures and ****?"

[Sage]

Sage was licking the pad of his thumb and setting it to stick to the top bill in his hand started counting out loud as he snapped his way around the corner in his discount jelly sandals. "Uno, dos..." He caught sight of Sal's *** sticking out and shook his head. "I lost my count already." The key came to view and Sage was nodding as Sal went on about the key. Except part of it was a bit off on how it really happened. "It was the clown's boyfriend's cousin that originally had it. You remember? The guy who rides the same bus you did until they kicked you off when he forgot your helmet. He came across it in that warehouse type deal. Can you believe he found it on a big black X? Like X marks the spot? So, yeah, Numbnuts traded it for a bottle of that Smoked Salmon Vodka that he can't get enough of that I carry at Taboo for freaks like him. I personally can't stand that ****. Pretty sure the dude's taste buds are fried with all the anti-whatever-the-**** meds he takes to keep him semi-right. But I believe everyone is entitled to kick back and get their party on. Anyways we heard that it is a big deal." Five bills fan quickly out then shuffle into a neat stack in front of the other two standing in the room. "From what I have heard lately that is like Wonka's Golden Ticket right there." He nodded again towards Sal and the proof that the story is totally true, give or take a few creative details that made it all sound kosher. It was what it was all about in the end. **** so crazy it had to be true.

[Omar]

Omar could not for the life of him figure out how he got from being -in- the hallway, to being -inside- the apartment. He blinked a few times, as he stared at the now closed apartment door, while Frick, (That is what Omar named the first guy) started asking what he wanted to drink. He mentally went over what just happened. He was in the hallway .. backing away .. when…

“Tequila is good..yea make it a double.. ” came out of Omar’s mouth, as realization hit him, he just accepted a drink from the Crazy twins, Frick and Frack.

What the Hell!?

What the ******* hell?! You don’t drink with the clients! You don’t even fraternize with the clients! Rule one: There was no fraternizing with the clients in drug dealing.. And yet here he was asking for tequila.

He sniffed the air, had he been drugged. He felt his pulse. No. Pulse was normal.. Maybe a bit fast.. But normal under the circumstances that he just lost several minutes of his life and he had no clue how that happened.

Meanwhile Frack was peeling of a pile of bills off of a bigger wad of bills. Good. this would not be a smash a grab. ‘Ok Omar.. get a grip.’ He gave himself a mental pep talk, ‘Get the money.. Give over the drugs, and leave. It’s easy. Be nice. Smile. Nod. Just get the hell out as quick as you can..’

Pulling the discreetly wrapped package out of his hoodie pocket, he held it out the Frack, because Frick had suddenly gotten all intimate with a plant. Waiting for the payment, he got lost in the story that Frack was telling.

“The hell you say? Smoked salmon flavored vodka? Why?” Omar hadn’t really focused on the key. Moreso the horrible waste of good vodka. “Please tell me it was not good Polish Vodka.. But rather cheap Russian or American Vodka... “

Omar groaned mentally. He had done it again! He engaged the looney twins in conversation and he still did not have his money!.. Or his tequila..

‘Stop! I don’t need tequila.. Get the money and go. It's not that hard!’ Focusing on his thoughts, 1. money, 2. then leave. It was a sound plan. He looked at Frack. “So have you tasted it? Was it as bad as it sounds?” For some reason, Omar was intensely interested in Frack’s opinion of the Salmon Vodka. Why? He had no idea.. He never had a problem ignoring people before.. But suddenly.. He was interested .. no intrigued with Frack’s take on the vodka situation.

Then the money was in front of him. Money in his hand, and hand quickly shoved into his jeans pocket. “So about that Tequila…”




(ooc: Sage - Charisma: 35)

[Salvador (DELETED 8639)]

Sal listened to the story, then snapped his fingers like he had an epiphany. "Right! The salmon vodka." He nodded, remembering the smell of the stuff. "And...coming right up." He turned to look at 'Snookie' when the guy reminded him about the other, promised drink.

Salvador disappeared back into the kitchen and grabbed the bottle of dark liquor. He then slid the glass over to the bottle and poured what would be considered a double, for the guy, after setting the key on the counter. "Didn't he say that someone told him there was something crazy in that place by the old abandoned mansion? Something about...." Sal returned to the living room with the drink and offered it to 'Snookie.' "I can't remember. Think he was talking out of his butt. A key on an 'X,' really? sounds almost Pirates of the Caribbean. You know..." Sal turned his attention to the deliverer. "You'd make a delicious Jack Sparrow." A wink accompanied the compliment as Sal returned back to the couch and snagged one of the sandwiches.