We Need to Talk [Kaelyn]

[Clover]

We Need to Talk

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<Clover> [T] I owe you a better explanation than the one I gave to you. One, because we share the same blood. Two, because hurting you hurt Jesse. And three, because I don't want things to end on misunderstandings. My explanation won't come with an apology, but I'm hoping, by the end of things, you'll understand why I'm not apologizing. If you'd rather we didn't talk, then I'm content knowing I tried to fix something.

<Kaelyn> [t] Fine. Meet me at Voodoo Cafe later. I like it there.

<Clover> [T] Done.

<Kaelyn> [t] I'm at the cafe.

<Clover> [T] Just got your text. I'll be there soon.

<Kaelyn> [t] In the basement. More vampire friendly.

<Clover> [T] I'll say.


<Kaelyn> Kaelyn glanced up as she heard someone coming down the steps. Hardly anyone had come down today, so she was pretty sure she knew who it was. She had been expecting Clover...and there she was. A hand gestured to the chair across from her own.


<Clover> Clover had taken her time descending the stairs, having absolutely no clue where to start with the evening’s discussions. Tucking her hands into the pockets of her skinny jeans, she took Kae’s gesture to heart and claimed the chair across from the woman. “Jesse told me about how he tried to make you feel better. He also had some words to say to me. His words didn’t bring me here though. What he looked like brought me here,” she paused, “and what I felt like brought me here. I will never be a good friend to anyone. Ever. I am a paranoid person. I suspect everyone of plotting against me. If I don’t, I suspect them of being unhappy with me. I’m lucky to have anyone at all in my life.”


<Kaelyn> Kaelyn crossed one leg over the other as she waited for Clover to take her seat. Kaelyn had been here for quite some time, just sitting, watching, waiting. She liked it here. It was a place she could relax and not overly worry about humans. Guards were stationed so they could not come down. Plus she had met quite a few lovely people here. As Clover began to speak, she listened. She was here because of how Jesse felt. How he was torn because there would never be a family. How exactly did Clover feel? Bad for making Jesse feel negatively. It had nothing to do with how she had made Kaelyn feel. "You are paranoid. It is ridiculous. However you are not paranoid over me being unhappy with you. I am very unhappy with you at this time. You were my best friend. I had thought I was that to you. At least that's what you said. I'm disappointed in you. That you can talk **** about someone you claim to care about behind their back."


<Clover> Clover nodded, practically drinking in the girl’s words. Jesse had no idea that Clover went to meet with Kae, to talk to Kae. For all he knew, she stepped out for a lovely stroll along the docks. Clo didn’t want him to know. At least not from her. Good or bad, he didn’t have a part in what was said or what took place. “You can be disappointed in me. You can feel however you want to feel. I know that you like to repeat things, and that fact alone made me paranoid. I censored myself around you. Then again, I do that with almost anyone I speak to. I told you not to take my paranoia personally, and I meant it. Every friend I’ve ever had I’ve either killed or they’ve betrayed me. Now you,” she stopped and shrugged her shoulders, “have done some things too. Have said some things. So don’t tell me about talking about you behind your back. I told you I didn’t trust you. What did you think I meant by that? The point is...I thought I could maintain a relationship without trust. That just shows how incapable I am at maintaining friends. And, more importantly, it shows that maybe I'm not as invested as one should be. There's more, of course.”


<Kaelyn> Kaelyn took a sip from the glass at hand. Her head tipped to the side a bit and she nodded. Eyes focused back on Clover. "I repeat things. When you hurt me...or anyone for that matter, yes I used to go to Doc and tell him why I was upset. When I needed help because I was worried, yes I went to him. Since you and Jesse brought it to my attention that talking to him about you and what goes on is undesirable...I have stopped. Doc knows very little of what happens in my life when it comes to Fforde anymore. I try hard not to talk to him about you two. Which can be really difficult...because he is who I have. I don't do well with bottling everything inside." She took another sip and set it back on the table. "I'm not perfect, but at least I tried to help us all become and stay a family. I tried my hardest to please everyone. Every single one of you. Especially you and Jesse. But no, it doesn't seem you are as invested into friendship and the like as I have been."

[Kaelyn]

<Clover> Clover frowned to herself. Taking her lower lip between her teeth, she nibbled on the more sensitive skin. It was easy to believe someone. Either one did or one didn’t. “You did try,” she relented. “I know you tried. You’re still trying, even right now. In your own way, for your own reasons.” Clo crossed her arms over her chest, showing her hesitation at continuing. “I think I stopped trying after Jersey left. That party, where you met her? I called her my sister? She abandoned me. We argued viciously. We never reconciled. Before that, it was Victor. It was Kenny. It was you. Friendships have always disappointed me. Families have always disappointed me. I think I just gave up. If it weren’t for Jesse, I’d leave the family. He knows. I just have no desire to put myself out there again. I’m far too pessimistic and disinterested. I just want you to know that it’s more than you too. It’s a combination of everything and everyone. Despite reassurances of the opposite, I’m still a firm believer that relationships are weaknesses.”


<Kaelyn> Kaelyn stared at her a long moment as she spoke. She wanted to feel for her...wanted to pity her. But she was lacking. Clover didn't trust or want to get close to people because she felt abandoned. It was an excuse. She didn't feel like dealing with the possibility of being hurt, so she just chose not to get close to people. Kaelyn had been abandoned and treated like absolute crap from the man she called her dad and from her mom. Not to mention her real father had left her just a few years before. Her mother pretty much abandoned her in the hospital after a while, rarely coming to see her. Clover had pulled this with her multiple times going back and forth with 'I like you. No now I can't stand you.' Her friendship with Jesse had tarnished a great deal.

Ishaq was gone. Axel was gone. They were all gone. Kaelyn didn't use that as an excuse to back away from people. To distrust and think the worst in people. This was a weakness in Clover and Kaelyn saw it. She said relationships were weaknesses. No, the weakness came in the form of allowing others to control how you feel, think and act towards everyone. The young blonde had had that weakness to a slight degree at times...but she had gotten over it. She would do things, feel things,and act how she saw fit. One person screws her over...it isn't going to affect how she is with others. "If that's what you wish to believe...then that's that, I guess. You chose you don't want a friendship with me. That's on you. I don't need you. I had chosen to be your friend. I wanted us to be close. But that is fine."


<Clover> Clover had succeeded in communicating what she wanted to communicate. She wasn’t out to befriend Kaelyn again. She’d recognized that the problem was with herself, that she just seemed to lack some emotion and some follow through. Clo folded her arms atop the table and just sat there. It was actually nice to have a conversation, an honest one, about herself, one without being reprimanded for thinking and feeling such things. At least there was that, she thought. At least she had that much. “It is on me. I came here to explain things to you, so you’d know what’s going on in my head. Now you do, or you have some idea.” That was it.

The topic could have moved to Jesse, to how much she worried that Kaelyn would walk away from him, would hurt him, but she declined the possibility. In the end, whether Jesse understood or accepted it, what happened was simply between Clover and Kaelyn. “I appreciate you sitting down and talking with me.” Everything sounded so formal, but she didn’t know what else to say. They weren’t friends. She’d only just admitted she lacked the--the word even escaped her then. “I think we can be done,” she trailed off. There was a sigh, a quick one, and then she licked her lips. “Maybe you could visit Jesse more. He likes seeing you and talking to you. I don’t have to be there. I want you to know that. I guess,” she shrugged, “I guess I just wanted to throw that in there.” Clover pushed her chair away from the table and got to her feet. Her last words were quick and she’d gone against her own decision to remain silent.


<Kaelyn> She pursed her lips some, listening to Clover once more. She wanted her to visit Jesse more...She had just told Jesse the other night she'd come by for the next addition to her tattoo. "If Jesse wishes to see me, then I'll see him. I'll still be at all family events. You'll have to see me around whether you want to or not." Kaelyn suddenly started to giggle a bit, shaking her head. To Clover it'd probably look a bit confusing and wouldn't quite know what the heck she was doing. Quickly she tried to regain composure and simply smiled to Clover. "Yes, I think we are done now. You may take your leave."


<Clover> Clover arched a brow at the girl, but she chose not to ask. She didn’t want to know. “I don’t have a problem with that,” she shrugged. “I’ll see you around. This is actually a nice place.” Clo knocked her knuckles on the table and then moved to push her chair back in. There was no goodbye, no official goodbye, and she didn’t look back. She didn’t want to do those things, so she didn’t have to. She could be honest.