Waldeinsamkeit [Athena]

[Cosimo Alessi (DELETED 6612)]

W A L D E I N S A M K E I T
the feeling of being alone in the woods
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<Cosimo> The nights all blurred, one into the other. Cosimo, a man who’d never really kept a routine in the past, was now a man on a routine. When his sire requested his presence he generally jumped, and went without hesitation, without question. Because he didn’t know what to do otherwise. He lapped up her company like a tree lapping up rain after a drought. If he found a stranger in a bar who wanted to talk, he would talk without hesitation. He could not eat, and he could not drink, but he went to the bars anyway, to find the lonely people.

He didn’t realise that he was one of them. One of the lonely people.

Every now and again he would find Juniper; he would go to the bars with her, too, on her never-ending quest for her father. She was the independent sort, however, and his company was not often required. He did not want to be overbearing. He did not want to overwhelm her. Besides, there was a terror that he would not admit to. What if Athena woke up? What if he were to spend all his time with Juniper? What if Athena were to find out? She would assume the worst. She would imagine an illicit affair, when such a thing did not exist. It was not something that he had to worry about with the others. Esmeralda and Rhiannon had disappeared; perhaps it was Athena who had convinced Ophelia to disappear, too. Whatever the case, Juniper was the only childe that Cosimo ever heard from.

His nights were spent thieving, or scouring the sewers or the slums for guns and gun parts. At the forge, he would try to improve them; try to create weaponry that was always better than the last. The guns stacked up, stored at Ivory Towers, gathering dust.

And he always came home to an empty apartment. One that felt empty, except for the cat that curled around his legs. He hated the name Fluffy, but even he had started to call Artu by Athena’s given nickname. To begin with, Cosimo had slept in the same bed as Athena. He had put his arms around her, hoping that it might entice her to come back to him. He told himself that she was there, with him this time. She didn’t sleep some place else, where he could not find her. At least, he told himself, she was not dead.

After a few weeks, however, he had moved himself to the couch. He couldn’t tell himself why. He couldn’t understand his own actions. Except that every night he woke with a heavy heart, and everywhere he went, he went with heavy feet. He still smiled; he still laughed, when he could. But it felt like a farce.

He felt, for all intents and purposes, as if he were alone in the woods of the world.


<Athena> It had never been her intention to leave him for so long. To sleep days, then weeks that turned to months. When she slept she dreamt of the past, the days that she hasn't spent with Cosimo and the wonderful nights that she had. She dreamt of love, of forgiveness and of sharing more of herself with him. There was no clock on sleep. No alarm to wake her up until her body was ready and maybe after all that fighting in her life- she just needed a long deep sleep. A sleep to forgive herself. A sleep to not be so angry. In a place she truly felt safe and comforted. Her place with him.

And when she did finally wake, when those crusted blue eyes opened they widened in panic. She didn't really remember going to sleep. She didn't remember what day it was. Was it Christmas already? Was it time to give gifts? Athena didn't know which only made her panic heighten. She could feel the thudding of it deep in her chest, though dull with no working heart to flutter. The woman jumped up, sitting up in their bed with her boney pale knees bent to her chest. Her arms wrapped around her thighs tight as her eyes scanned the apartment. It didn't seem different. It was clean. Even the air smelled like him, even the sheets felt clean. But where was he at? And what day was it? Was there a reason why it suddenly felt like a longer time passed by?

Athena didn't know. Staying in her spot, still timid and slow with sleep she called out. “Cosimo…?”


<Cosimo> Cosimo often stayed away from home; he came back only to sleep, to feed the cat. Some nights, however, he couldn’t justify staying away; there wasn’t so much to keep him occupied in this city. There was only so much that he could do. If he was forced to think about it, to explain why he stayed away, he’d have realised the apartment felt like a tomb. As if Athena weren’t sleeping, but was instead dead. Or perhaps in a coma, from which he was wondering whether she would ever wake up. It was depressing, to stay at home and dwell on it; because when he was home, he often found himself wandering into the room; checking on her, hoping that she might have moved, hoping that her eyes might open.

But it had been so long since she’d even fed. Her face was pale and her body fragile. She looked like she was dead. Cosimo had to keep telling himself that she wasn’t. That even though there was no heartbeat, even though she didn’t breathe, she wasn’t dead. She wasn’t decaying - she was not dead.

Although she did not sweat, although she could not possibly dirty the sheets, Cosimo knew that Artu had been in the habit of sleeping with Athena when he was not home. The cat didn’t shed any fur, but somehow, that living animal was able to dirty the sheets in much the same way a human could. So he would wash them, moving Athena from bed to couch and back again when he was finished. he’d make sure her hair was brushed.

Some might think it was creepy. Others might think it was sweet. Cosimo just missed her - he wanted her to wake up. But lately, he’d begun to lost hope. It wasn’t in his nature to lose hope. he didn’t quite know what to do with it.

So as he sat on the couch, reading, he was frowning for no good reason. It was Artu who heard her moving, first; he slipped from Cosimo’s side and padded across the floor to the bedroom. When she called out, Cosimo dropped the book and raced after the cat; when he got to the door and saw Athena sitting up, her eyes opened, he couldn’t stop the smile from winging across his face. Ear to ear relief, crashing through his body. He strode forward and slipped onto the bed; he cradled Athena’s face, tucking hair behind her ears, fussing. He kissed her forehead, her temple.

“You are awake,” he said, breathlessly. “You are finally awake.”


<Athena> Athena was slow, she felt slow and her body felt heavy although her stomach was empty. She was hungry. Her head buzzed with a low static, just as her stomach rumbled with a deep ache for blood. It was almost painful. How long had it been since she last fed? Hell, how long had she been asleep?

She didn't know yet. Her lips smacked together, they were chapped and as she attempted to moisten them she found it difficult. The first thing she needed to do was feed. Athena needed blood. She needed substance. Those blues blinked slowly, taking in the sight of Artu and even the sound of her voice. It all felt half a second behind, as if someone else had attempted to use her vocal cords.

“Cosimo…?” she tried again, her voice rough with how long it'd been since she last used it. Since the last time she had uttered a word. Her tone raspy. But it wasn't her eyes opening, her body moving, or even the sight of Artu that convinced her that she was finally awake. It was the sight of Cosimo. It was his gentle touch and the way his face brightened with his happiness. Athena melted, she melted so thoroughly that her body sagged a little under his touch. A touch she suddenly felt she didn't deserve. Maybe she didn't deserve him.

“I'm sorry,” She rasped, her hand slowly moving to fuss back at him. To tuck his hair behind an ear, her blues on the man's handsome face. “How long has it been? I've been dreaming, I've been dreaming of me… of us…” Athena cleared her throat, the sound rough. “I'm sorry.”


<Cosimo> Cosimo wanted to pull Athena out of the bed. He wanted to make her stand; shower, dress, feed. He wanted to get her outside, somewhere as far away from the confines of this room and the softness of the bed beneath them. There was a desperate urge to keep her awake, for as long as he possibly could. There was a bad feeling churning in his gut; if he let her go, if he left this room and left her alone in it, she would just collapse again. Go back to sleep.

“It has been… months. I… “ he couldn’t remember the night that Athena hadn’t woken up. He couldn’t remember the exact date. He’d thought it would only be a couple of days. But it had been far longer than he had anticipated.

“You missed Christmas. I did not think you were going to wake up. I thought….” he sighed, he shook his head. It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter what he thought, because he was wrong. She was awake now. That was all that mattered. His fingers tangled up in hers, he slipped from the bed. He leaned toward her, though, helping Athena as much as he could. But he wanted to get her out of the bed. Even if it was just to the couch, or one of the stools in the kitchen.

“Come, come. I will get you some blood…” he said, still fussing. He couldn’t stop fussing.


<Athena> It had been months. She had missed Christmas. Their first Christmas together, the first ‘real’ holiday as a couple. And Athena had missed it. Yet here Cosimo was fussing over her, worried and seemingly just as much in love with her as before. It had just passed her by and he had to spend it alone. She was off dreaming about him and he was here awake by himself. Athena swallowed again, the dry feeling in the back of her throat hurt a little but she deserved it. She felt she deserved worse. “Months?” she asked, her voice still raspy despite her best efforts to wet her whistle. “I’m so sorry.” She gasped, the knowledge kicking her straight in her gut. It went right for her gut and then right for her heart. It hurt.

She felt his fingers tangle with hers and with a weak grip she held onto his hand briefly but desperately, she just needed to touch him. To be close to him. To apologize over and over again until his ears bled. Never in her life before had she been this sorry. Not ever. He moved from their bed and she felt her body sway towards him, her arms lifting to try and reach for him. To bring him back to her. But he wanted her out of the bed and slowly she realized that. It was an effort, to shift her body and to move herself off the bed. Athena was weak and she needed more help from him than she had ever asked for before.

“I’m sorry, I’m so weak.. I need.. blood..” she trailed off, standing tall on her feet and lifting up her head slowly to gaze up at him. She had managed to stand by him, to have her weak hands hold onto his forearms and to steady herself against his chest. Athena wanted out of that bed too, she desperately needed it. She wanted to be with him.


<Cosimo> Cosimo wanted to be able to tell her not to be sorry; he wanted to be able to tell her that it was fine, perfectly alright. She must have needed it, right? That’s what people always used to say, if they slept ten or twelve hours overnight on a weekend. You must have needed it. But how can one just easily brush away months of sleep?

Even so, he couldn’t be angry with her. Even as he accepted her apologies, even as he didn’t brush them away, he wasn’t angry. Not at the moment. He was far too happy, far too relieved that she was awake. Far too anxious that she would go back to sleep again. When she said she needed blood he just nodded and helped her out to the kitchen; even if he had to half carry her, he would. He would deposit her onto one of the stools while he went to fridge, often glancing over his shoulders just to make sure she was still there - that her eyes were still open.

There were so many questions he wanted to ask, though they all boiled down to the one: Why? Why had she slept for so long? How? Had something happened to her, beforehand? Something she hadn’t told him about? Something that had sent her so far into darkness that she hadn’t been able to dig herself out of it?

There was always blood in the fridge; always a store kept aside for them, when they needed it. He emptied a couple of them, now, into the biggest mug he could find; he put it in the microwave to warm it up a little, so it might tate a little better. The whole time, Artu danced around Cosimo’s feet, meowing to be fed. Cosimo ignored the cat.

“Here,” he said, pushing the mug across the counter to Athena. “We will have you feeling better soon,” he said with a smile that wasn’t as bright as it could be; the edges of it were sharp, edged with concern.


<Athena> While she settled herself on the stool she slumped, she was far too weak and drowsy to hold herself up. So she slouched, she rested her elbows on the bar top and she used her eyes to watch Cosimo bustle around like the involved boyfriend he had always been. She realized then, that the ache in her stomach wasn't just from hunger but from loss. From missing him. It hadn't been enough for her heart just to dream of him. To see him smile that way, to feel his touch through a dream. Just like it hadn't been enough for him to know she was dreaming near. To have her body curled up in their bed. It wasn't enough. It would never be enough and this was the second time she had slept for longer than she should have. Athena was scared. Would this happen again? Why did it happen anyway? And of course, how could she stop it?

He pushed the mug to her and slowly her hand lifted to curl around it. To take it in her hand, to bring her free hand around the other side. With a shaky grip, she pointed her mouth to the mug and lifted it careful to her lips. When the blood touched her mouth she managed a small shiver, lifting her blues to his face as she downed the mug of blood in big needy gulps.

“Thank you,” She whispered, her tongue snaking out to clean her lips free of the blood that escaped. It was with careful concentration then that she lowered the butt of the mug back to the counter top. She didn't want to break their things, not now. Not after all this. Athena managed to clear her throat, to slowly straighten herself out and place her palms flat over her thighs to face her lover. “. . Fluffy needs to be fed..” she joked, those blues falling quickly from his worried face towards the direction of the cat meowing. It was his worry that she couldn't look at. Maybe they both were worried about the same thing. Would this be the last time she slept so long?


<Cosimo> Cosimo didn’t know whether he could bring himself to ask. Why had she slept for so long? He wasn’t sure whether he’d be able to believe her if she said she didn’t know, or if she said she hadn’t realised. And if there was some other reason, he didn’t want to think it was something he didn’t want to hear. As he fussed around the kitchen, these were the things that he thought about. The inward struggle. To ask the question, or to not ask the question.

Athena mentioned ‘Fluffy’, and Cosimo immediately went to work getting biscuits out for the hungry cat. They clatter into the metal dish, and the meowing ceased. He had watched Athena gulp down the blood like she was desperate for it, and it hurt him to watch. After the cat was fed he went back to the fridge. He got more blood; he emptied it into the mug. He wanted to be able to joke as well. He wanted to be able to argue lightly about the cat’s name, but the laughter wasn’t there. He couldn’t summon it. He wanted to be able to pretend it was all fine, that she was awake now, and they could laugh until they went back to the way they were. As if it were just a personality quirk.

As the blood warmed up in the microwave, Cosimo turned back to Athena. He reached out to take her hand in his, his thumb grazing at the skin over her knuckles.

“Are you okay? Is there… is it something that you could not tell me? Or… would not? Are you… is it depression?” he asked. He’d gotten in trouble, once, for asking one of Athena’s friends if she were okay. Now he was asking the same question of Athena - but he didn’t care about the consequences. He cared only for her wellbeing.


* Athena looked up, her hand taken by the man she loved. Her small hand in his gentle grasp made her feel even more like she had waken in her home. Those tired blue eyes raised to his face and gently she frowned at him. Was she depressed? Athena could laugh at that because to be honest.. when hadn’t she been? They had met and she was depressed. Her eyes drifted from his face then to behind him at the microwave that was warming the blood she so desperately needed. “I’m not more depressed than usual, Cosimo.” It was hard to say but it was the truth. “What do you mean what I wouldn’t tell you?” she asked, slowly then taking her small hand from his grasp. “You know what pissed me off before I slept so long.”


* Cosimo felt the pull of her hand from his grasp like a tightened rope around his chest. The way she said it, he was certain that his concern was not welcome; that his questions only served to irritate her. He pulled back, turning to the microwave to retrieve the second mug of blood, busying himself while trying to figure out what he could say. She'd just woken up after months of silence, the last thing he wanted to do was argue with her. "Yes. And I am sorry for that," he said, referring to what had pissed Athena off. "If it makes you feel better, I have not seen her for as long as you have been sleeping," he said. Ophelia. The last person he turned. Maybe he would never sire again. It wasn't worth the hassle. He placed the mug down in front of Athena, his arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against the bench. "I did not know you were depressed, Athena. Why did you not tell me?"


* Athena really felt his absence when she pulled her hand away. Even if it had been her choice, even if she had wanted her hand back because she was irritated- the separation was enough to sink her heart. Athena sighed, eyes dropping to mug that was set before her shortly after he turned away from her. She paused then. Did it make her feel better that his childe was ignoring him? That she seemed to fall off the face of the earth? Yes, yes it did and it also made her feel sick.

It made her feel twisted and she couldn’t look at him. Athena put both of her palms around the warm mug, lifting it up to sip at the warm liquid and let it replenish everything that sleep for months had taken from her.

Athena didn’t respond right away. She couldn’t. Why hadn’t she told him? She felt like that would have been pushing it. That it would have been calling the sky blue and the grass green. “Cosimo, why would I?” she asked after a long pause. As she moved to set the mug back down, she sat up straighter in her seat. Athena was getting stronger with every cup full of blood. “You are the love of my life and you didn’t know that I was depressed when I met you?”


* Cosimo thought about it. Had he known? To an extent, but depression wasn't the name that he had attributed to it. But now that he thought about it properly, what else could he call it? She'd slept beneath cars and in sewer tunnels. She was prone to outbursts of anger and jealousy. Thinking back on their relationship, she had been upset more than she had been happy. He chewed at the inside of his lip as he gazed at her.

"I am sorry. I think that I did know. I did... but I think I am an optimist, si? I thought that you would be happy, that you were with me..." he laughed, a hollow sound under his breath. "It was stupid, but I did not think. I... can I help? So that you do not sleep again... is there something I can do to help?" he asked. He did not know how to frame his words. He could not expect that his company would cure her. That wasn't how depression worked. A person could have everything they wanted, and still be depressed. "Is it something that you understand?"


* Athena watched as he chewed on the insides of his mouth. While he really thought about her, about their relationship and it all could have made her throw up the blood. It tightened up her throat, it shoved her heart into the coal pit of her stomach and she felt sicker. So many things rushed through her mind. Would he leave her now? Now that he knew how wicked she truly was? Athena raised her hands then to her face, she rubbed her soft palms soothingly over the flesh of her cheeks. He overwhelmed her sometimes.

These were one of those times, suddenly then she put her palms flat down on the counter with a loud little sound. “Stop, Cosimo.” For once, her voice wasn’t harsh and she didn’t yell. “Please, Cosi, I can’t - I can’t right now. I need blood, I need to wake up - I can’t right now..” As she stuttered, her hand raised back up and tiredly she rubbed her fingertips into her left temple. “Please, just let me wake up..”


* Cosimo bowed his head beneath Athena's outburst. She didn’t sound angry, for once – just tired. Overwhelmed. She didn't want to have this conversation right now, and he understood. It was too soon. Maybe it was something she didn't want to discuss – something too personal. He would wait for her to open up, on her own terms. For now, he would do as he had been doing. He would take care of her, to the best of his ability. "Si. Scusate," he said, leaning in to press a kiss to Athena's temple, lips lingering for a few moments before he returned to the kitchen; she needed blood. More blood. And he was willing to prepare it for her.

[Athena (DELETED 6736)]

* Cosimo As another mug warmed in the microwave, he came back to Athena. He cupped her face between his hands and he looked her in the eye. The smile wasn’t as sad as it was; just like that, he had swept the last couple of months under the rug. They were the past. Right here, right now, Athena was awake. And that was all that mattered. “I am happy that you are awake. I will stop asking questions,” he said, nodding as pressed a kiss to her lips.


* Athena felt like all she really needed was him and blood. But that couldn’t be true, could it? She’d miss her Clover and her Jersey. She felt the pang then, that she needed to see them as soon as she could manage it. Didn’t she have much explaining to do? Those blues lifted to watch him walk away, to leave her there waiting for his return but it couldn’t have been as painful as his waiting surely would have been. He came back and he touched her again. That’s what she needed. Him. His love. His acceptance. The words would come.

“I love you so much, Cosimo. I am sorry that I cannot be who you want me to be.” Athena’s eyes lifted to his own, her lips as soft as they had always been and his lips as full as ever. She sighed then, lifting up in her seat to press her lips just that firmer against his own. The love blooming from her chest, from her heart. “I am sorry for all of my darkness, for my wickedness while you are a stranger to them. You are kind, you are pure.”


* Cosimo shook his head. He was not in the business of changing people. If he didn’t love Athena for who she was, then he wouldn’t be with her. If he wanted her to be any different he would have been angry with her. No, he wouldn’t have been home. He would have left her sleeping in the apartment, to gather dust. He wouldn’t have taken care of her. But he wasn’t angry. He was sad – and he didn’t quite know what to do with it. It wasn’t something that he was used to.

“No, la mia strega. I want you to be happy. I am sad because you are sad. I do not want you to change, I want you to be happy,” he said. He smiled, then. A wicked smile, if ever there was any. “I am my mother’s son, and it is a weakness,” he said with a vague shrug of his shoulder. “Sometimes,” he added. He knew that he was perhaps too kind, sometimes. At least, for Athena’s liking. But he wouldn’t say he was pure. Far from it. He was hardly a beacon of good morality.


<Athena> But to her it didn't feel that way. It felt like he wanted her, but he wanted her a certain way. Or, at the very least that's how she felt about it. Maybe it was her. Maybe it was her entirely wanting to be better, to be different for the man she loved. Athena wanted to be a better woman than the one who kicked him out of his house. A better woman than the one who tore up their home with her best friend. An all- around mellowed Athena. Maybe now, that she understood that's what she wanted she could make it happen.

“You make me happy, Cosimo.” And she wasn't lying, she looked up at him and she meant every word. “You do make me happy but I just didn't know how to deal with anything. I don't know how to deal with how you make me feel so I guess. .. I fled. I slept and I avoided you because I want to swallow all my bad down and be better.” Athena sighed, her blues dropping down then. She didn't know how to be better.


<Cosimo> Cosimo didn’t quite know what to think. The words I avoided you were the ones that stuck - the ones that wrapped themselves around his heart like chains attached to bricks. But he tried to rip at those chains; tried to focus on the rest of the explanation, rather than just those three words. The smile remained a constant upon his features, his gaze trained on Athena’s face. His hand rested on her thigh, allowing no distance to come between them.

“You need to talk to me, I think,” he said. “Tell me how you feel. We can work through it. We can work it out,” he said. He wanted, then, to exist in Athena’s head, in her heart. He wanted to be able to step into her shoes, to understand. But he couldn’t understand. He was struggling to comprehend - she was too happy, and so she had fled? It was confusing. Happiness wasn’t a hard emotion for Cosimo; it was default. To run from it was not something he would ever consider.

“For now - what do you want to do? Do you want to go out, fresh air? Or do you want to stay in?” he asked. Whatever plans he might have had for the rest of the night were cancelled. He couldn’t even remember, now, what they might have been.


<Athena> He kept saying that she needed to talk to him. That she needed to make him understand but she wasn't sure she even understood what was going on entirely herself. Athena lifted her eyes back to his face, she watched his easy smile never waver and she wandered how her lover did that? How could she find a place inside of herself that was so happy that she could manage a forever smile like his? She didn't know she had that depth. That she had a forever happy option like he did. When she felt his hand on her thigh she moved a hand over his own to hold. She didn't want any distance, not now and not ever.

“I do need to talk to you, you're completely right about that, Cosimo.” Athena squeezed his hand, slowly smiling at the man. She paused then, to consider. What did she want to do now? Ah, she knew and the thought almost made her laugh. It wasn't anything big, anything flashy or even something that they had to do together. It was something that she simply had to do. “I need to shower, Cosi.” Athena paused then, only to laugh out loud now and at herself. “I probably smell..”


<Cosimo> What Athena did not know was that Cosimo’s smile was not a forever smile. It wasn’t always there, regardless of situation or scenario. For the majority of the time that Athena had slept, he’d struggled to find his smile. Depression was not something that he was accustomed to; sadness was not something he knew how to deal with. Silver linings grew duller every night, until finally he could not find them at all. Life was reduced to seconds and minutes, to menial tasks which he had to focus on in order to distract himself.

With Athena’s consciousness came Cosimo’s smile. She’d had it with her all along; it had been sleeping with her, only able to wake up at her bidding. When she agreed with im, Cosimo nodded. “Yes, talk to me. Even if it is just to tell me how you feel. If you are sad, I can do what I can to help cheer you,” he said. Whether or not he succeeded - well, they’d have to wait and see.

He leaned forward, burying his face against Athena’s neck; he nipped at the lobe of her ear and took a deep breath. He shook his head. “No, you do not smell. But a shower will help you to feel more alive,” he said, stepping back to tug at Athena’s hand. To start to lead her toward the bathroom.


<Athena> She listened to what he had to say. As she always did, and she did this time with a big smile on her face. It had to be them communicating. It had to be her awake and the feeling that she could talk to him, that she didn't have to stuff anything deep inside. Athena felt like she could talk to him, even if she didn't understand everything she felt or even what she needed to say.

“- Baby, I smell.” Athena laughed, her free hand moving to gently cup the back of his head as he nipped her, as he made her shiver in her seat and smile even wider at him. She missed this. Talking to him. His affections. Her hand dropped as soon as he moved away from her. “Yes, it'll help me feel more alive..” she agreed, squeezing his hand back as she moved to stand to her bare feet. With a smile on her face she walked next to him and made her way to their bathroom by his side.

Athena paused a second then. “Will you join me?”


<Cosimo> Cosimo disagreed, but regardless of whether he thought Athena smelled bad or not, he still thought a shower was a good idea. A shower could make a sick person feel well again. Surely, someone somewhere had to have written about the healing, miraculous effects a shower could have.

They stopped in the bathroom and although Cosimo was sure Athena could take care of herself, he still nursed her as if she were too weak to do much of anything. He leaned into the shower stall to turn the water on - hot, but not too hot. Hot enough to be refreshing, anyway, with skin as cold as theirs. She asked whether he would join her and he glanced down at himself. He wasn’t really in need of a shower, but he nodded anyway.

“Si, yes,” he said. The steam started to rise around them as the water hit the cold tile; Cosimo closed the door so that the warmth would remain trapped within the bathroom, and the Winter cold could stay outside. Back in front of Athena, he tugged at her nightclothes to help her out of them.

<Athena> It wasn't common for her to allow someone to take so much care for her but she didn't fight Cosimo. She let him take off her nightclothes, though she couldn't help but to wonder if those were the same from when she fell asleep to begin with. Athena couldn't say either way though, she didn't remember what she had put on herself or if she had even worn anything that day to sleep.

As the warmth filled the room, she breathed it in through her nose and appreciated it covering her like a warm blanket or even a sweater. Looking up at her boyfriend, she smiled a slow and loving smile that touched her eyes. “I miss the way you used to wash my hair,” Her voice was low, her tone almost as warm as the room. “I think even in my sleep I missed you - though I can't assume it's near to anything you felt.” There, naked, she slid her hand lovingly from down his shoulder to grab his hand to kiss.

“I love you, Cosimo. Thank you for taking such good care of me, no one ever has before you.” she kissed his hand again, trying with everything she could to show the man how she felt about him.


<Cosimo> Of course Cosimo didn’t let Athena sleep in the nightclothes she’d put on when she first went to bed. After a week, after he’d realised she wasn’t waking up any time soon - that was when he had started to treat the bedroom like a hospital room. That was when he had changed and washed the sheets, and twice as much as he did that, he would change Athena, too.

Though he discovered that vampires, when sleeping, may as well as be dead. Dead, without the decomposition. There was no sweat, no gathered body odour. If Athena thought she
smelled now, Cosimo assumed it had only to do with habit. Mind over matter. Because she believed she hadn’t washed for months, of course she would believe she smelled bad.

“My English… it is not so good, sometimes. But I do recognise that past tense,” he said, watching as Athena lifted his hand to her lips to kiss. “Used to. Used to, as if it is something in the past that we cannot get back. Used to,” he said with a shake of his head and a cluck of his tongue. He clearly had issue with Athena’s choice of words, though there was a smile still on his lips. Her declaration of love wasn’t in the past tense.

“I will take care of you as best as I can. If that means I will wash your hair, then I will wash your hair,” he said, stepping to the side and gesturing to the shower, holding Athena’s hand aloft as if he were leading her onto a dancefloor rather than into a tiled shower cubicle.


<Athena> When she took his hand she didn't even think twice about him guiding her. She moved easily from her spot to take a few steps to their shower. As she walked, she thought about what he said and his distaste for her words. The fact that she had used past tense didn't seem to have the same effort on her. She just meant that it simply happened before those many months of sleep.

The warm water hit her and she sighed, enjoying the water spill over her body. It made her feel warm, it woke every sense of her body and she couldn't help but to sigh again. “Cosi, I never doubt that you would take care of me.” she mumbled honestly, her head tipping back to let the water spill over her dark hair. “Never…” she mumbled, her eyes closed tight.

After a few moments, once she was certain the man was settled behind her, she pivoted on her feet and naturally wrapped her arms around him, her cheek gently against his now wet chest. “I'll never leave you again.” Athena whispered to him honestly, her eyes squeezing shut as a rush of emotion fell over her. She really didn't want so much time to pass between them again. It broke her heart just as much as his.


<Cosimo> As Athena reacquainted herself with the delicious feel of hot water sluicing over skin, Cosimo undressed. It still seemed surreal, somehow; he had to feel the cold tile beneath his feet, the wetness of the humid steam as it bathed his skin to realise that he wasn’t dreaming. How often had he dreamt that she had woken up? How often had his imagination concocted scenes like this one, only to have woken alone?

He stepped into the shower behind Athena, the glass cubicle door shutting them in, the heat rising and enveloping them. In this warmth, they may as well have been human, rather than vampires with skin as cold as arctic corpses.

They hadn’t yet embraced quite like this, not since she had woken up. A sigh deflated Cosimo’s lungs as he wrapped his arms around Athena, as he held her tight, his cheek pressed to the crown of her head and his eyes closed against the droplets of water on the inside of the glass. The water hissed against the tiles, it gurgled down the drain, but Cosimo was aware of nothing but the woman in his arms.

“That will be nice,” he said. “I did not like who I was when you were gone,” he said. He could say that now. He could see who he had become; he could realise it, now that relief had its hold on him. He’d been but a shell. Hollow. He hadn’t known what to do with himself. Now, he hoped, everything could go back to normal.



<Athena> Athena pressed her cheek against his chest harder, her arms wrapping around the man as if her very life depended on it. Maybe, it did, really. Athena couldn’t get close enough, it wasn’t in her character to be so needy with him but she couldn’t help herself. Not with so much time passed, even if it had been easier on her. She hated the thought of sleeping so long, that she had missed valueable time with the man she loved. That she missed his smiles, his sounds, and even his touch. She missed everything, and all because she had a nasty temper and that was the only way she could express herself. How could she have let it get this far? The warm water felt calming, the sound of it, the feel of the warm drops on her skin and matting her hair to her skin.

But she couldn’t help that ache she feel in the pit of her stomach when she heard him speak. He hadn’t liked who he was? Who had he been? Of course, she understood that he had missed her. That he had to sleep eventually realizing that she wasn’t going to wake up as usual and that this night had come as a welcomed surprise. “You didn’t like you?” Athena asked, her voice low, just like a child who knew they were in trouble.


<Cosimo> This conversation was bound to come. Cosimo opened his eyes, gaze dropping to the bottles of shampoo and conditioner - right where they had always been. Every now and again he'd used it - the conditioner meant for Athena. Just so he could walk around at night with the scent of her clinging to him. Not that he would tell Athena that. It would sound all kinds of pathetic. He reached over, now, and squirted some of the shampoo, leaning back just a little to lather it in Athena's hair. He'd taken the time to think about his answer.

"I did not like me. I was a shell, I do not think that I smiled. I could not find the silver linings. The clouds were all dark, and they wouldn't go away," he said. He'd had time to think about it, to admit to it. To understand that his optimism had taken a hike. When the days started to turn into weeks, he'd lost any hope that Athena would come back to him, and he'd lost all hope in everything else, too. Though, that would be a lie. If he'd given up all hope, he wouldn't have cared for her. He wouldn't have prepared her, every night, for the night that she might wake up. "I think it was like a broken heart," he said, continuing to lather the shampoo.



<Athena> Athena enjoyed the man’s fingers in her hair as he lathered her hair up, as his fingertips scratched gently over her scalp as he worked her hair. She didn’t rush his answer, she didn’t rush anything infact. Just enjoying having him in her arms, the warm water and his soothing hands. Her head began to naturally tip backwards, big blue eyes closing so she didn’t get shampoo in them. It didn’t matter that she was a vampiress now, that would still hurt anybody. But the pain in her eyes would have been welcomed compared to the pain that his words brought. She didn’t have to question if he was being true or not- it was all in the way he looked at her now. Like if he spoke too loud, or if she walked too fast - she would end up asleep again.

He was terrified and so was she, but she was terrified to lose him. Not to fall asleep again, at least, she felt strong enough now that she wouldn’t sleep. No. She couldn’t sleep, she had to be awake to be with him. To think about Cosimo’s smile fading from his lips was simply something that she couldn’t do without her own heart breaking. Her eyes opened again, leaning back so she could stare into his handsome face with tears budding in those stormy blues, “I’m sorry, I never wanted to break your heart, Cosimo. I just..” she trailed off, sucking it up so she could continue talking. “I want to be your heart, you know I want to be with you forever.. be your wife..” at this point, the tears came tumbling down along her pale cheeks.


<Cosimo> He realised as soon as he had said the words, that he had said the wrong thing. He'd only wanted to try to explain what he had become and why. The way it had lasted, this feeling - it was like being stuck in a romance novel. One of those soppy movies where the man's heart is so broken he can't move on. Sometimes it took years, didn't it? But no one had known. It wasn't something that he spoke to anyone about, and no one paid much attention to his movements or his attitude to figure out that something was wrong. Elizabeth had her own woes, her own preoccupations, and he couldn't expect her to know. But now, he had told Athena. And he had made her cry. He hadn't meant to make her cry. A low croon reverberated in his throat as he wiped away the tears that mixed in with the water from the shower. He kissed each cheek before he swiftly kissed her lips - once, twice - before he pulled back.

"No, no. You are not allowed to cry. And I do know, but you have to let me do it properly, si? With a ring and one knee and everything as it should be," he said, his hand making circles in the air as his imagination conjured a scene in front of him. Perfect weather, perfect night, a cool breeze and just the two of them. "It is okay. It will be okay. Please do not cry..." he cooed, summoning a smile that he didn't have to force. The brightest he had summoned yet that night.


<Athena> She was crying, thinking about all the different ways she let him down. The way his heart must have felt, the way it must've broken further each night she didn't wake. When she'd turn in sleep, and not because she was working her way out of bed. With every little hope her body gave him only to keep her eyes remained closed. The crushing question of; what if she doesn't ever wake? She knew that he loved her without a shadow of a doubt. Athena wouldn't be able to get away with doubting him now, the man loved her with every fiber of his being and it showed in every moment she paid attention. Guilt washed over her just as easily as the water did now.

He kissed her, he tried to kiss away the pain she caused - the pain she thought she deserved. His lips over hers was a familiar one, a feeling she couldn't help but to enjoy and return. “Yes, yes...I will let you do it properly..” Athena paused, remembering then that he had said before that they weren't ready. Or was it she who wasn't ready? Athena continued, her heart sinking just a little. “And in times, yes, Cosimo..” unable to help herself, she found her lips over his again and then again.

As her arms circled around him tighter, she leaned back towards his body to rub the flesh of her cheek against the man's broad chest. “After this, let's take a walk, Cosi. Tell me.. What I've missed, talk to me, hold my hand and lead me.” If she were honest with herself, she would have accepted by now that she was following his lead already.