A Nondescript Book

[Doc]

June 20, 2015

Conflicted. Have I made a mistake?

Velveteen says it sounds like duty, because I broke up with Mortll and am attempting to reconcile with the wife. Truth is, I want to be with the wife. I care a great deal for her. More than than I do for Mortll.

However, one of her requirements is for me to be ‘nice’. That is more difficult than I imagined. I will be having a frustrating day, and Cytherea will look at me with those eyes and ask me how I feel. How am I supposed to answer, and stay ‘nice’, when the truth is I want to rip someone’s testicles out through their throat. That is not a conversation conducive to nice. Mortll would discuss ways I could seek revenge. Yet Cytherea wants me to be nice.

Mortll never cared if I was in a shitty mood, she would ignore it and things went on as usual. Cytherea always looks worried, as though I am coming suddenly attack her and take my ire out on her.

I tell myself it is due to Cytherea’s path. She feels things so much stronger than most. It is what drew me to her to begin with. She has the empathy I lack. But she seems less sure of herself, now than before. Is it because she doesn’t trust me? Or is it because she is scared of me? Does she feel obligated to attempt this reconciliation? She wants her sire to accept her as an adult, to see her as a capable individual that should be respected. But her sire hates me. And if she left me, it would prove that Elliot was right all along about me, and she should have listened to him. So does she reconcile with me to save face with Elliot? Was she hoping I would not want to reconcile, thus being the jilted wife, she can begin to repair her relationship with her sire? But because I agreed to reconcile, is she now trapped?

I know she does not like Tytonidae. She is always careful to avoid commenting on the subject when it is in the conversation. How are we supposed to reconcile if she hates who I am, what I do? And why does it bother me so much? Why do I feel this desire to make things work with her?

I have only known her as Cytherea. Years. And now.. now I find out, she hates that name. She wants me to call her Aurora. **** that. That is what the Pratt called her. I am not calling her that. I cannot. I will not call her the same name that he did. I find it abhorrent. And why now, does she tell me this? She comes back. Pratt comes back. Am I being a fool to believe her? Because I do.

Have I made a mistake? Should I have told her no?

[Doc]

June 21, 2015

Phoenix visited. It was enjoyable. Perhaps one of the most enjoyable in a while. The wench sent me a marbled fox pelt hat. Then called me and asked how I liked it. What was i supposed to say? ‘**** no.. you killed the pet I sent you’? It’s not my style. In fact it’s not anyone’s style from the last two centuries. But, she meant well. I have enough conflict I don’t want it with her too. So then she came over.. with Catdog. She didn’t skin her. I was relieved, mainly because I really did not want to wear Catdog on my head.

I am concerned about her however. She didn’t remember that I had been at her wedding. Her newest fugue episode seemed to remove all but the closest people to her. Myself included. I tentatively broached the subject trying to, in an easy careful way, find out what she remembered and what she did not. Things seemed to progress well, she accepted the fact that I had been at her wedding, until a specific subject came up and she visibly blanked and promptly forgot what we had been discussing.

It is concerning because the subject is an integral part of me. Do I keep her purposely in the dark, so as to give her time to come to terms with it? That is what my gut says is best. However, when she finds out, will she think I purposely lied to her? Because I do not wish to lie to her. I prefer the truth with her. But if the truth causes a micro-fugue it is harming her, not helping. Will she understand that? Will she even care that her welfare was my concern? Doubtful.

On the upside, Minx sent me a father’s day gift that, I will admit, is ******* awesome. A gun safe. This baby has it all. Zombie Apocalypse, I am prepared. She also sent Molly a gift. The penguins will hate it. She’s definitely going to wear it.

[Doc]

June 24, 2015

Blood sport. A game. Normally I am not fond games. I hate wasting perfectly good time on trivial pursuits. But in this case, it wasn’t a trivial. It was captivating and intriguing, but I was definitely not what one would call, fond of it. The city of course had to weigh in with their ‘opinions’. The saying ‘opinions are like assholes, everyone has one’ is true. But the opinions that are always posted first, are from those that dislike Tytonidae and what we stand for. They have to reply. They cannot keep their opinions to themselves. It’s amusing. There are those of us that have bets as to who will post first. It is always the same group. They are so predictable. Like Sheep.

Then Mortll decided to become a martyr to our game. What did she think? That I would ask her not to do that? That I would gallantly refuse to participate? No of course not. Mortll knew I would not withdraw. She knows me. But the looks I received from others. One would think I just kicked a kitten in the face because I participated in the Blood Sport.

Everyone was avoiding looking at me directly, but yet they watched surreptitiously. Did they think I would not notice? Even family was tentative in their approach to me, except for Chubchub. I put that down to her being oblivious to the situation in the first place. Because if she had known she would screamed at me until her voice cracked. She gets shrill and shrieking when she is annoyed. I am glad she wasn’t aware.

I wish people would just ask me, instead of walking around on eggshells because they ‘think’ I am going to do something, that I have no intention of doing. The Ball and Chain kept asking me.. ‘Are you ok?’ Why the **** wouldn’t I be alright? I didn’t suggest her. Mortll suggested herself. Why does that suddenly make me the object of concern?

[Doc]

July 2015

It never ceases to amaze me, how ******* oblivious people can be. Or maybe being oblivious is too nice of a term, ******* stupid might be the correct word. I had someone approach me about an issue they were having and could I help. It was someone with a similar night time condition as I have, and due to my medical degree, they came to me.

My dealings with this person have been peripheral best. We belonged to the same group for a while before they left to go their own direction. Apart from a vague difference of opinion on occasion, I had no opinion of him at all. No harm, no foul. So when he approached me, in the quest for better understanding the night time condition we both have, I agreed.

In speaking with him, it was understood that he has an affliction that ties directly back to the aforementioned condition. He wanted the affliction, gone. As details emerged, it became clear that the affliction mimicked an obsessive compulsive disorder or an addiction. As there is no published studies on our condition coupled with his affliction, it was going to be a long drawn out process. I thought I was clear when we spoke that a baseline of information had to be established. Perhaps I was too generous in my opinion of his intellect because I obviously over-estimated his ability to understand what a baseline was.

To establish a baseline, questions must be asked. They must be asked in multiples ways over a period of time. A baseline would be critical to narrowing down the extent of his affliction, whether obsessive or addictive. They have similar attributes. To jump forward discounting one without any evidence, could do more harm than good. There could be lone reaching implications that may seem like nothing now, but down the road, in the future, could be catastrophic. Thus, before I was going to offer a set course of action, things needed to logically counted, discounted, graded and ranked in order of importance.

A list of questions were compiled. To a lay person, yes they may have seem simplistic, but there was a basis for them. The creation of a baseline. I spent a ******* week pulling information, creating a grouping of five sets of questions, all designed to grade the affliction as obsessive or addictive behavior. Then once that would be calculated, there was another two groupings of five sets of questions for either the obsessive affliction or the addictive affliction.

To get rid of either condition is corrective behavior modeling. However, the type of behavior modeling is key. The behavior modification one does when obsessive, will not correct addictive behaviors. And vice versa. However, I never proceeded past the first set of the initial five question groups. He found the questions stupid and a waste of time. He wanted to jump straight into a course of action. Why? Because, I found out, that he wasn’t not wanting to correct the affliction for himself. No, rather, his woman wanted it gone.

I have no idea if she nagged the ******* **** out of him over it; or if she was unable to to emotionally deal with it. But it became clear to me, that he was only doing this to shut her the **** up. Having already spent too much time on him, I washed my hands of the situation. If the patient isn’t really working toward a positive result based on his or her inner feelings, it was a waste time. People do not change unless they deep down, want to, and strive for that change. The fact that he was doing it for her, was enough information to tell me, my time would be wasted.

[Doc]

August 12, 2015

It is no secret, I like women. All women, with the exception of a few. Those few are ******* idiots. And I mean idiot, in the informal sense of the word, not the clinical sense. Someone without common sense. But I digress, I also like to flirt. And I know I am not a great flirt, but I enjoy it. What I am not used to, is a female throwing themselves at me. And a young hot one at that.

I am under no illusions about myself. I am an old ******** asshole, who is amused by others pain. And since the Ball and Chain and I have reunited, I have cut back considerably on the flirting and I don’t make a secret of my bastardness, as it tends to be a turnoff to most females. Which makes it all the more surprising this female threw herself at me. It was a situation I was not prepared for. I did manage to extricate myself from the situation, somewhat gracefully I would like to think, but it makes me wonder, if it isn’t part of a bigger scheme. And if it is.. to what end? And who is behind it?


-------



August 17, 2015

What the **** is wrong with people? If you don’t like someone, stay the **** away from them. But no, they can’t do that.. that would be ‘mean’.

Really?

You would rather spend time and associate with someone you do not like; someone who annoys and frustrates you, because someone somewhere else, might consider that mean of you? Where is the sense in that?

If you were to stay away from those who annoy you, you wouldn’t be annoyed; you wouldn't be frustrated and most of all you would not come to work and spend every moment whining about your horrible life. I pay you to ******* work.. not talk. Talking in your position is not necessary. Shut the **** up.

Do people like that, the whiners and complainers, not see how others cringe when they come into the room. Have they never noticed all the stupid excuses people use in order to get away from them? ‘The copier is broken, I am the only one that can fix it.’ or ‘I smell cookies. I must find them.’ and my personal favorite, ‘You said ‘that’ word..I must leave now or the world will end.’

I have never had that problem. I am honest when someone comes whining at me. I say the same thing every time and it works. “I don’t ******* care, go away.’ What is so hard about that?

[Doc]

August 21, 2015

What utter ******* ********.

There is no other way to describe it. Elliot is a ******* lying piece of ****. And what makes it worse is that Pi takes his side, and vilifies the innocent party.

Elliot is forever spouting how ‘we should be tolerant and peaceful. That those weaker than us, deserve this tolerance and peacefulness. That we resort to violence too much. That because those of us that are violent and are not inclined toward peacefulness, we are wrong. He is always putting himself on that high morality pedestal. Peace is the answer. Only the weak resort to violence.. so he says.

So the truth comes out. Elliot is just as ******* violent and ‘weak’ as the rest of us.. but he is worse, because he started the ******* fight,. Yes Mr. Morality.. Mr. Peace and Love.. started a fight with someone younger and weaker than him. And not just a little weaker. Oh no.. and not only did he start the fight. He beat the guy to a ******* bloody pulp. The guy couldn’t move he was so damaged.

And just who was this poor mutilated guy? None other than his kid’s husband. Where was the caring and concern for her? It took a holiday.. if he ever really cared that is. Because instead coming clean, and admitting his shitty part of it.. he tried to ******* justify it! He tried to lay at the other guy’s feet.

Too bad for Elliot, that guy had lots of friends. Friends in ‘high places’ so to speak,friends hat can see into the soul of the matter, and see what really happened. And those friends gave Elliot a return beat down.

As much as he wanted to think he could beat a guy senseless and get away with it, he had to know a return beat down was on the horizon. He can’t be that stupid. He couldn’t think that he could talk himself out of it, could he? I learned Newton’s third law in primary school. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Action: Beat the **** out of someone
Reaction: Get your *** handed right back to you.

It gets better, instead of warning his wife, that there is a beat down imminent, he skulks off to deal with it in silence. Maybe he was trying to save face. Maybe he really did think he could sweep it all under the rug, and hide it like a junkie tries to hide their track marks. But that did not happen. Mr. Peace and Love was given a week long vacation to the SR, in retaliation for his actions; and this is where it really gets fucked up.

Elliot’s wife finds out that Elliot is out of reach.. and who does she blame? Elliot for starting the ****? No. The catatonic guy that Elliot slaughtered? No. The catatonic guy’s wife, Elliot’s kid. Yes. Apparently it was all Skylar’s fault that Elliot beat the **** out of Skylar’s husband.

Skylar is a good kid. She will do what she can for anyone. She puts others first before herself. She is the sort person that wants everyone to get along. She has helped me out on more than one occasion. So when Elliot’s fishwife unjustly went off on her, I had to step in. It was bad enough that her own ‘father’ put her husband in a coma, but to then have the fishwife blame her for all of it? **** no!

The fishwife was spouting all sorts of stupid irrational ****. The more I pointed out that Elliot started the fight; the more irrelevant things about Skylar she threw up. She actually said it was Skylar’s fault this all happened, because she married the guy. The scary part was, she believed it. Then she brought up how Elliot had attacked me as well, as though that would help her argument. I reminded her, that Elliot’s started that ******* fight too. Two instances where Mr. Peace and Love showed his true ******* violent colors.

[Doc]

September 23, 2017

Shot Ephraim Steele in the nuts this evening. Nearly killed him. Must have severed an artery. Hope he never ******* procreates.


OOC: You sneak up on Ephraim Steele and attempt to snipe them.Unfortunately, the only bullett that hits is one in the groin! Ouch!
VICTORIOUS! Ephraim Steele collapses, near death. Ephraim Steele automatically attacked in retaliation, but missed!

[Doc]

I turned my application in, with a check for $10,000.00 today. It's official. I am running for City Council.

[Doc]

October 23, 2017

The Ball and Chain is back in town. Strangely enough I didn’t sense it like the times previously. The bond is well and truly gone. As curious as I am to know ‘how’ she did it, I am not sure I even want to broach that subject with her. It would only open the door for recriminations, anger, finger pointing and the inevitable argument once more. It is better that I let it drop. Secretly I do admit that I am impressed with her ability to break an eternal bond. The unbreakable bond was broken. She probably nagged it into submission, and it broke to shut her up.

I have not seen her in person, myself. Just the rumor from someone, who heard that she was back. Then the cameras in the Lab were set off, she had done it. It was odd, I almost called her. I pulled out my cell phone to call her, but her number was no longer there. I don’t recall deleting it. But with technology today, I would submit there is an application that allows the owner of the number to auto delete from other phones. The I-phone and the Kindle can auto delete product, how hard would it be for someone to create a phone number deleting application?

[Doc]

October 24, 2017

The campaign is taking more time than I expected. I am going to have to hire a campaign manager. Cyril claims he cannot do it and run my businesses. ********.

In fairness, I suppose it would be more prudent to hire a campaign manager who is a bit more cut throat than Cyril. Cyril is far too fair minded for politics. He gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. Except the Ball and Chain. I informed him she was back in town, and he gave me a blank look. I reminded him, she was an employee of the Asylum. That is when Cyril informed me he had fired her in February. The man fired her in February! And never said a word to me about it. I was about to read him the riot act, and then I stopped. Why did I care if he fired her? I didn’t. I suppose it was the fact that he handled business and did what needed to be done, when I could not.

It turns out that Cyril needed new tax documents filled out at the first the of year, and she never submitted them to him. So legally, to Cyril, no new tax forms, no check. There was nothing personal or vindictive in it. It was her lack of action that caused her termination. Being my spouse, I had always submitted them for her. Cyril isn’t the type to fudge things at all. So he stopped paying her, something I should have done. The truly surprising bit was, She never screamed into my head about it. Never left a nasty note. I never heard a peep out of the Ball and Chain Cytherea.