Innocence Lost.. or not? (Kaelyn)

[Doc]

"--The following transcript was a live chat roleplay--"

Kaelyn: I'm really really trying to be good

Doc: * Doc snorted. Words.. like words matter. They don't. It's actions and only time will tell.

Kaelyn: Please Doc....don't leave. I'm sorry....I didn't mean to make you angry

Kaelyn: I won't go to my apartment anymore…

Kaelyn: I'll stay at Larch Court

Doc: * Doc turned to look at her. "Larch Court?"

Kaelyn: Jesse's house

Kaelyn: for all of us

Kaelyn: with family like you said

Kaelyn: I have a bunk bed there

Kaelyn: I stay there most of the time anyway

Doc: "Alright."

Kaelyn: And you won't be mad at me anymore?

Doc: "Once you've moved."

Kaelyn: Do you want to come help me get my stuff? I don't have a lot there...Really just need to get Sam and some clothes

Doc: * Doc sighed, who the **** was Sam? "If I must." Ungraciously.

Kaelyn: Ok. My apartment is WT 1906

Kaelyn: He's probably sleeping....so just quick in and out.

Doc: "Fine.. " He looked at Kenlie, "We'll be back.. "

Kaelyn: Is there anyone else i have to stay away from?

Doc: "we can store your stuff.. in my apartment temporarily.. it’s a few floors down."

Kaelyn: * Kaelyn quietly headed out of the bar and to the Swansdale transit, taking that to honeymead. She quickly went up grabbed as much of her stuff as she could, stuffing her backpack full of clothes. She frowned heavily as she saw Kane sleeping but walked right past him to grab her flying monkey squirrel thing named Sam and hugged him close. "Can you grab his cage, Doc....and my teddy bear?"

Doc: "Yes.. yes I will." He was as good as his word. He took the teddy bear, and the cage. "Anything else..? We don't want to leave anything." His voice was soft. But he studied the sleeping male. Yes. He would recognize him again. And he may just have to shoot him for funsies. **** him?! Did he just think funsies? That made him think of Boo for a moment. He hadn't heard from her in a few days.. maybe a week? More? Focus on task at hand. He waited for Skipper to answer.

Kaelyn: * Kaelyn shook her head "Nothing important. I can buy new stuff." She bit down on her bottom lip hard as she walked past Kane to get to the door and opened it for the other. She could just tome home with her stuff, but he didn't have that ability. They'd have to go the long way.

Doc: "What is the house number? Mine is 1." He really didn't want to walk across the city with a ******* teddybear. But it wouldn't be right to leave her to wander the city by herself. So transit it was.

Kaelyn: * Kaelyn glanced up at him "12. Kenlie and Victor have a house too that is also mine, but no one is ever there and it gets lonely"

Doc: "Cat and Zoey.. live in mine. Female underwear .. every ******* where.. " He sighed. "But at least I know they are safe... and they aren't ******* children."

Kaelyn: I met Zoey. She was nice. I'm not a child either. I do really well. I take care of myself. I Just...I don't know as much as all of you and I'm not as experienced. But I'm learning. I'm safe.

Kaelyn: And I have strong emotions. That might be due to my age too. But I'm trying

Doc: "Newsflash baby.. you are a child. And you will be until you're about 25. Trust me.
When you are 50.. you will be appalled at your actions from now."

Kaelyn: What did I do so bad? I don't understand…

Doc: "See that's the irony of youth. You won't until you are older. That's why you have to trust those that are trying to look out for you. Ripper is not the sort you need to hang around. And anyone who is related to Ripper will .. unfortunately be more like Ripper than NOT like him... "
Kaelyn: Even if he never even sees him really? Or spends time with him?

Doc: 'yes even then.. Once Kane has been in the city and established a reputation apart from Ripper.. then I will reconsider. Ripper is sneaky and conniving. You are far too innocent and ******* nice to see that he should have never laid a hand on you. You defend him.. like a battered woman defends the asshole husband that beats her. Its unacceptable."

Kaelyn: But it was only the one time. One time he broke into my apartment and threw me through the window. I came back and stabbed him. He didn't hit me back. He accepted it. He only did that time before to teach me a lesson. But I understand sir.

Doc: * Doc was about to interrupt her and rail at her again.. until she said she understood and she called him 'sir'. "If no one is at Larch 12.. you can come spend the night with the girls. Just stay out of my room..Alright?"

Kaelyn: * Kaelyn nods a little "There is always people at LC 12. I don't ever sleep alone. I don't like it. I make either Axel or Clover or Paige or Victor or now I have new Mouse to sleep with me. Thank you for the offer." She thought for a moment.... "What's in your room I cannot see?"

Doc: "Me."

Kaelyn: Why wouldn't you want to see me?

Doc: "I sleep in the raw, kid."

Kaelyn: Oh...naked.

Kaelyn: I can never talk to Kane again?

Kaelyn: Will you meet him please....and after a period of time, determine your opinion on him? He was my best friend....When i had no one I had him. Just....try to meet him and then decide?

Doc: "After a period of time.. yes." He paused then added in an exasperated voice, "You know guys just want to **** girls.. and how they do it.. is they become their friend. And then they get a little bit more comfortable.. and more comfortable.. until they are ******* you. They don't care about you .. they just want to get off. I know because that's what I did.."

Kaelyn: He doesn't want that. Not me. He's never been with a girl before. I'm the only person he ever kissed. And that is only because I wanted to try it. He didn't like kissing me. He's not interested in any of that.

Doc: * Doc sighed. "You don't see it. He is doing it by the ******* play book. Kiss her. Tell her its 'eh' she don't do it for ya. Then Get her comfortable touching your junk. Tell her, its no big deal. He's ******* lying. It is a ******* big deal.

Doc: "he does want in your ******* pants."

Doc: 'that is what you aren't seeing. And why aren't you seeing it.. because you are inexperienced.. and I want you to stay that way for now."

Kaelyn: * Kaelyn nods "I don't want to have sex...not yet. It's supposed to be special. With someone special. I thought he was special, but he's not. Not at all. Some people keep telling me to try it. But I'm not ready."

Kaelyn: It's all anyone ever talks about...So of course it makes me interested. I like to learn things

Doc: "we all want to learn things.. What if I teach you **** .. no one else knows? And you stay away from sex? Deal?"

Kaelyn: Things like what? I'd like to learn things....I don't want sex yet, so yes deal
Doc: "Ever dissected a body?"

Kaelyn: Eww no....

Kaelyn: I'm not all about the yucky gorey stuff

Doc: * Doc frowned. Well ****. "Target practice?"

Kaelyn: I shoot things lots. I'm getting better

Kaelyn: Almost without fail now

Doc: "What are you practicing on? As you start to get that good on a target, you step it up.. move to harder prey."

Kaelyn: I shoot hunters and paladins in the sewers mainly. When Jesse needs objects, I'll shoot mooncalves in the cats

Kaelyn: I killed a greater mooncalf a couple times

Kaelyn: Oh my goodness! Have you seen that really really really big fadebeast!?

Doc: "That's impressive.." he gave her an appreciative look. "Have you been in the abandoned mines? You can find gems in there as well.. and Yes.. Phoenix killed it.." said with pride, since that's his kid.

Kaelyn: Phoenix.....that's the bad lady isn't it? And no...I've not been there

Kaelyn: Lucretia mentioned her once

Doc: "Phoenix is moody.. yes.. and she and Jesse don't get along. But bad? Why do you think she's bad?"

Kaelyn: I've been told to never go near her

Kaelyn: That it's not safe for me

Doc: "She does have a short temper. Perhaps it is best you stay away from Her." Jesse most likely told her to stay away. And since he just told her to stay away from Kane, he wasn't going to go against Jesse.

Kaelyn: What else can you teach me?

Doc: "well I was going to teach you dissection..but you killed that .." his tone glum. He liked dissecting things. "What do you like?"

Kaelyn: I like to go shopping and reading and movies and I like hunting...it makes me stronger. I like spending time with my family and those I love. I don't like being alone. Im not good at being alone...I hate it. It makes me feel very sad. Umm I like asking questions. I like being told new things. I like being able to explore and learning through such...I just like stuff

Doc: "Movies.. I like movies. Not so much chick flicks. But I do like movies. What kind of shopping?" he had found himself shopping with females more than he cared to admit. He liked to think it was because he had a good eye.. but the truth was it was because he paid.

Kaelyn: * Kaelyn shrugs "I like to shop for everything. Clothes, accessories, shoes, movies, stuff for my apartment.....well I did like shopping for those things. But I Don't know...just stuff"

Kaelyn: After I pay Jesse back, I'll have to start saving up for a new one again…

Doc: "If you don't like being alone.. why do want another place?" He would never understand females. "I have taken the spawn shopping before. Mostly Catherine .. China will need some new clothes too.. since I just burned hers..."

Kaelyn: Because....it was something of my own. Something no one else gave me. Something I have been working very hard for.

Kaelyn: It felt nice to have something that was just mine. Somewhere I could run when I needed to run. Things weren't always good....sometimes I needed just my bestfriend and I needed my own place.

Doc: Since she completely overlooked the shopping comment he would too, "But you don't like being alone.. why not buy a car instead? That I can teach you how to do!"

Kaelyn: * Kaelyn shook her head "Victor told me I wasn't allowed to learn to drive til I finished my schooling. I have obeyed that order."

Kaelyn: Even when...through the bad stuff, I still listened

Doc: "Alright.. but you can still learn about them... for instance.. you want power! You do not want to be stuck with some four cylinder piece of crap that is 'cute'"

Kaelyn: I don't even know what that means

Doc: "Power and torque..." He grinned finally. "That means.. when you hit the gas.. you get slammed back in your seat from the force of the take off. That also means your need to wear your ******* seatbelt at all times." He steps back a step, and eyes her judiciously. His brow furrows and he cants his head to the side. "We will start you slow.. Dodge Challenger. It's an aggressive beast.. but affordable." he paused, "Mine set me back 275k.. but she is a ******* beauty.."

Kaelyn: I only have 23k right now...and that all belongs to Jesse

Kaelyn: I owe it to him

Doc: * Doc pulled his cell and started searching for a photo. "So pay him.." he said absently, "You have to finish school before you can drive.. you have time to save..." he grinned "This..maybe not this color..." he showed her the photo.http://images.thecarconnection...9_h.jpg

Doc: * Doc searched quick again. "This is what I have... "http://uncrate.com/p/2012/06/a...-xl.jpg

Kaelyn: * Kaelyn looks at it a moment then nodded "A blue one...a light blue. I like light blue." She then looked at the next "Oooo I like that. That's pretty. They look super expensive." She thought about the money. She still owed Jesse $40k. She'd have him paid back in a few weeks or so. Maybe a month. School should be done by the end of summer if she did well on all her tests. "I'll work on it"

Doc: "Blue huh?" Another search.. "What about stripes...?" He turned the cell back toward her, while finally shoving the Teddy bear under his arm.
http://best-carz.com/data_imag...-07.jpg

Kaelyn: Oo that would be nice. You will teach me all about cars first? Before I learn to drive?

Doc: "Yes I will .. and what I can't teach you .. Minx can."

Kaelyn: You're not mad at me anymore?

Doc: "I don't know yet. You have to prove yourself." Yes it was mean. But it was true. He could cut her off in the blink of an eye.

Kaelyn: * Kaelyn her smile instantly turned to a frown and she just nodded slightly

Kaelyn: You're supposed to be family now......don't get rid of me please

Kaelyn: * Kaelyn was pretty much pitifully begging with that statement

Doc: * Doc was a grown *** man.. carrying a ******* teddybear on a transit train. Did she not see that? "I am carrying your ******* stuffed animal.. that should count for something."

[Kaelyn]

"--The following transcript was a live chat roleplay--"

Kaelyn: * Kaelyn nods "But if I mess up, you'll go too....I'll try really hard"

Doc: * Doc pressed his lips together firmly. "Look. IF you **** up.. you need to own up to it. Don't hide that ****. Own it and apologize. It is a lot harder to be angry when someone is telling you they messed up before you found out about it." he paused, "And for the record, I have anger issues.. that I am working on. We all have to work on ****."

Kaelyn: * Kaelyn glanced up to the man holding the fluffy teddy "I don't always know when I mess up. Kenlie and Victor tell me all the time and I don't see it. Sometimes I do things and they are bad but I don't see them as bad and it makes it hard. But I really do try...It's why I lost them before. Because I don't know when I'm bad"

Doc: * Doc sighed. "That is because you are.. inexperienced. Which is what I have been saying all night.." He stopped and counted. "It is hard, because you were trying to do it on your own. On your own with no guidance. You do not need to do it on your own. Ask for ******* help. You're not bad. You're -young-. There is a phrase. Young and stupid. Not stupid because they are bad.. stupid because in that they do not know any better. Get it?"

Kaelyn: Yes but...I'm not stupid. And I had to have been bad because they didn't want me anymore. But now they do. Now we are ok. I'm afraid I'll mess up again. I don't want to lose my family again. I don't want to lose anybody. It hurts too much. I'm sorry. This probably isn't what you signed up for when you agreed to help me get my stuff. I only asked you to help so you'd see that I really was getting my stuff

Doc: "You know how you get mad.. then a couple weeks later you aren't mad anymore? Adults do that too. The trick is to give people time. Don't push them.. " he stopped, "And by 'them' I mean me.. Do not push me when I angry. Don't push Vickie when he's angry. We say **** we don't mean. But it hurts you. Men don't ******* care about feelings. females do." He rolled his eyes, "Dear god .. do they care.. "

Kaelyn: I don't get mad though...not really. It's very hard to make me angry. I get hurt, and sad, and feel really yucky inside, but not mad really. For a while there I think I felt resentful towards Kenlie and Victor because they got rid of me and they were supposed to be the two who wanted me most. But I don't really get angry. And it took them more than weeks. They wanted nothing to do with me, didn't speak to me for months. Victor showed up once when I got hurt, but was gone again the next day. And I do push. Kenlie says I push. But it's because I can't bear the thought of someone walking away and not coming back again...I can't
I'm not good with emotions or people…

Doc: "And that is precisely why you should not push. When you want to keep pushing.. remember those months without them. And you know what.. Most are not good with emotions and people.. the ones that make it look easy... those are the ones to look out for; because they make a living using people."

Kaelyn: I'm not good at giving space....I try harder now though

Kaelyn: The past 6 months....my life has completely changed. And it's not been easy. I mean...yes i have a roof and im stronger and smarter and have everything I could need....but all these thoughts and feelings inside me....it's too much

Doc: * Doc moved into counselor mode "Do you keep a journal? Some people find it helpful to write their feelings out. It helps them focus and really see what is bothering them."

Kaelyn: I just started one the other day. Because Clover has one

Kaelyn: I wrote two times so far

Doc: * Doc didnt like this clover person. Clover was telling a child to give head.. he counted. This is why children should not be ******* sired. He counted some more. "The reason to write in it is .. is understand what you are feeling.. not to recount your day. There is a difference. "

Kaelyn: I know. I write things that I feel down in there so I can look again and try to figure it out

Kaelyn: I don't even know you, yeah?

Kaelyn: But...I just left my bestfriend so you wouldn't be mad at me and so I wouldn't lose you…

Kaelyn: And it hurts so much inside. But I don't want to upset you

Kaelyn: and I don't want you to leave me

Doc: He looked at her. He knew he should feel something about her beseeching look and heartfelt admission to him. But he didn't. Not a ******* thing. He was going to have to fake it. "You do your studies.. You stay away from Ripper and his spawn..I wont cut you off.." He shifted the teddy bear strategically so it stared at her like 'love me'.

Kaelyn: * Kaelyn her blonde head just nodded a little. "Yessir"

Kaelyn: I want Victor…

Kaelyn: Can you make that happen?

Doc: * Doc heard her words and was taken aback. "He is married.. to my spawn. I am not going to help you seduce him .. no. Absolutely not .. that.. in case you didn't know.. is BAD."

Kaelyn: .....

Kaelyn: * Kaelyn stared confused as hell

Kaelyn: What?

Kaelyn: I…

Kaelyn: He's dead! I want my sire!

Doc: "Oh.. Oh.. Right...my bad." He licked his lower lip, "He will be back.. he should have gotten that **** over with a month ago.."

Kaelyn: Yes but he didn't and he's gone now. And I want him now.

Kaelyn: I want to go see him

Doc: "As much as I wish I had that power.. I do not. Why do you need him?" It was a typical male question.

Kaelyn: Because he'll make me feel better

Doc: "Fair enough. What does he say to make you feel better?"

Kaelyn: He hugs me and keeps me close. Just his presence makes me feel better. And I don't understand because he okayed Kane and Jesse did and everyone but you did

Kaelyn: Isha and Victor are going to shoot him. Maybe kill him, but they okayed him

Kaelyn: I'm sorry

Doc: "What I am doing.. I am doing for your betterment. Yes you could stay with him.. but he would eventually **** for fun.. and you .. you would be devastated. And I am not going to apologize for protecting you from that hurt. If you were my spawn.. I would have ******* killed him.. or died trying."

Kaelyn: He can sleep with whoever he wants...just not me. I won't let him. He's proven he's not worthy of having me. Not like that. He's never ever done anything bad to me or anyone for that matter

Doc: * Doc looked at her with a sympathetic look "Yes you keep believing that." Then he abruptly stopped. "Let’s test him.. shall we?"

Kaelyn: * Kaelyn nods

Kaelyn: * Kaelyn she was absolutely fine with testing him and pushing him to limits

Kaelyn: What do you have in mind?

Doc: "Alright .. here is the test. No telling him you moved out. No telling him anything. If he contacts you via phone or email.. you can talk or write him.. but no telling him you aren't coming back. If he starts asking you where you are ...you're a **** buddy. If he never catches on.. you can talk via text, phone and email all you want.. and you still have your friend.. sound fair?"

Kaelyn: He won't…

Kaelyn: He's a loner. He prefers his own space. Last night was my first time back there in a week

Kaelyn: I talked to him about this a couple weeks ago. That I put all effort into our friendship. That he doesn't even try. He doesn't even know me

Doc: "I am going to trust you to keep to the deal. HE has to contact you first. If he doesnt.. is he really your friend?"

Kaelyn: I've been going over that in my head a lot lately....

Doc: * Doc wanted to ram that point home.. but he didnt. "It's our stop..." He moved to the door and held it open for her to precede him.

Kaelyn: * Kaelyn nods and slid out of her seat and to the door and headed directly in the direction of Larch Court "I know that he isn't very good for me. He doesn't do anything for me at all. I give everything. He's never even showed any emotion to me at all. Not happy, sad, anger, pain...anything"

Doc: * Doc bit his tongue. Maybe her saying it out loud to someone else would help her see this move was a good thing. When she was stronger and able to see Kane for what he was.. he would help her kick kanes *** out of her apartment. But only when she realized it. “Twelve right?"

Kaelyn: * Kaelyn nods "It's at the very south. Thank you for helping me"

Doc: "It is the least I could do after demanding you move..."

Kaelyn: * Kaelyn shoved open the door and nudged her way in "Umm...can you get in? Or...I'll just take it and we can go back out"

Doc: "You go in.. I will wait out here.. You can come get teddy and cage. Take your time. I am practicing patience.

Kaelyn: * Kaelyn nods and does just that. She puts her clothes in the little cubicle boxes beneath the bunk bed. She sighed and then headed back upstairs and grabbed the cage and her teddy. Teddy was set on the bed against her pillow and Sam was carefully put into his cage. Nothing could replace the beautiful one Victor had built for her at his house, but no one was ever there and she hated staying there alone. After a bit, she moved back upstairs and out the door, shutting it behind her "Thank you"

Doc: "You're welcome." After a moment he said, "I am not doing this punish you.. you know that right?"

Kaelyn: * Kaelyn shrugs "It is what it is. What the intentions are doesn't change the hurt. I understand you believe it's in my best interest"

Doc: "But you do not believe it.. do you?"

Kaelyn: believe what?

Kaelyn: That it's in my best interest?

Kaelyn: I believe that I get attached to people far too easily. I believe that he has the one person that has been here for me the longest and the most. I believe that I feel far too much. I believe that when I lose someone that I feel close to, I lose a part of me. And it hurts so much. I believe that you are trying to help me.

Doc: "Yes.. You do not believe it is in your best interest." Doc had parents that were more involved in their own drama they ignored him, except to drag him into their ****. "Yes You -say- you think I am trying. But you don't believe it . Not really. And that is alright. I am used to being the bad guy and I don't care because you are going to be better for it." Deep down, he did care, but he shoved that emotion down into the black pit that was ignored.

Kaelyn: I know you are doing what's best for me. It just doesn't feel good.

Doc: "I know Kid.. " He sighed, "I know..." He led them back to the bar.

Kaelyn: * Kaelyn followed him and found a seat at the bar again

Doc: * Doc took the seat beside her. He looked at her. She looked so young, sad and alone. He mussed her hair. She wouldn't know it..but that was as close it came to him showing emotion.

Kaelyn: I really miss Victor…

Kaelyn: Have you been to the shadow realm

Doc: * Doc nodded slowly. "I have. I can shadow walk. It is not pleasant there. I cannot speak for others, but when I am down there..there is constant static in my head." He pauses, to collect his thoughts. He had just been there last week to visit Minx and Kenlie. "There are voices telling you things that aren't real. That you are hated. You are worthless. That you should just give up." He was silent for a time. "You never want to go there." Another period of silence. "That is why adults tell you **** you don't want to hear. But you need to hear it .. and obey. Because if you dont.. we cannot pull you out. You have to pull yourself out."

Kaelyn: .......Will Victor make it out?

Doc: "If he fails to show up.. I will go find his ******* ***" Because quite frankly.. he had his hands full with his own spawn.. he didn't need to be a surrogate for her too

Doc: "If he doesn't show up.. I will try to find him"

Kaelyn: Ok good. I need him here.

Kaelyn: I've always needed him

Doc: "Yes.. I do too. Different reasons."

Kaelyn: Why do you need him?

Kaelyn: To keep Kenlie happy?

Doc: * Doc lied. "Yes. Yes I need him to keep Carmen happy."

Kaelyn: Do you feel like you are a part of your sire? That you don't feel quite right when you don't have them?

Doc: "Oh **** no!" As soon as the words were out of his mouth regretted them. "You have to understand.. I was ******* my sire before I was turned. It has never been a parent/child relationship. .. NEVER." he looked at her. "Nevvvvv-er. God she was so ******* hot."

Kaelyn: ........who is your sire?

Doc: **** him, he walked right into that. He raked both hand through his hair. "Let's save that for another time.. "