Say it isn't so

[Lorelai]

~ This story begins on Monday 23rd June 2014 and centres around the death of Cinnamon Cherrywhip and Leo Firestick as experienced by Lorelai. ~

Lorelai was pacing the apartment, stopping every few paces to wipe a surface she’d already wiped down several times over in the past hour. It wasn’t like CC to stand her up without a word; if she was working she knew it and so when the time came and went at which she was supposed to return home, Lorelai natural began to feel anxious. She was happy to wake up early or go to bed late if it meant spending time with her lady, and quite frequently would climb into bed with the woman and nap after she’d finished work and the sun was still up. It was an odd routine she kept these days but she was more than content with it.

Work brought yet another disappointment as Leo, whom she usually caught a few glimpses of (even if he did do his best to keep out of her way) was absent. This struck her as strange, as both CC and Leo lived for their work, not that she suspected Leo had much choice in his arrangement. As far as Lorelai could tell CC had him working 18 hours days or longer at times. She hoped she was wrong but it certainly felt that way to her at times. Work did not pass as quickly as it should have as Lorelai’s nerves were all a flutter and so when her lunch hour came, she slipped off home, hopeful to find CC asleep in bed as she usually was. In discovering the apartment exactly as she left it, her heart sank.

Where is she? Is she working? No. She would have told me. It could perhaps have been a late engagement but even then… She didn’t forget about me…did she? It is entirely possible she could not get away from the client before the sun rose but even then… I’m sure she’d of found a way to tell me. This is so unlike her. I wonder if something happened?

Lorelai picked up the receiver on the landline and dialled CC’s mobile number. She had the telephone numbers she needed written on a pad by the side of the phone as she refused to carry a mobile of her own. She’d lived her life this long without one and so saw no need for such a devise and yet here she was ringing one. There was no answer and so she hung up and tried ringing Silks; once more she was met with disappointment as no-one picked up. With a sigh born out of worry rather than frustration she finally tried Leo’s mobile. She doubted he’d pick up, in fact she pretty much expected him to ignore the call and so left a message asking him if he’d seen CC. She explained her concerns for them both to the machine and then hung up.

She was about to return to work when the landline rung and feeling a bubble of excitement she ran to the phone and picked it up…

[Lorelai]

The phone call was brief but not as brief as it could have been, as the unfamiliar voice on the other end had to repeat the information several times over as Lorelai struggled to process what was being said; Leo was dead. The hospital informed her that as Leo’s next of kin she was required to positively identify the body and collect his personal effects. The thing was, she wasn’t Leo’s next of kin, CC was and CC was no-where to be found. The person tasked with making the call had assumed the woman he was talking was Cinnamon Cherrywhip and when the call was concluded, Lorelai placed the receiver in the cradle and sunk to the floor.

He’s dead. What am I supposed to do? Where is CC? Is she hurt too? Is that why she hasn’t called? What if she’s…dead? They come back. Correct? I believe so. I’m sure she told me as much. They come back. She’ll come back. She has to come back. But… Leo…

It was slowly sinking in for Lorelai that her only friend was gone forever and her girlfriend was likely hurt or worse and she had no way of contacting her beyond the methods she’d already tried. She wasn’t sure how or when she’d see her again and her breathing became laboured as she realised that she was going to have to cope with this situation alone.

Be strong Lorelai. You must be strong for Ana. I want to call my mum. She reached her hand up over her head to grab the phone but as she began to dial the only number on the planet she knew by heart she suddenly paused. She doesn’t like it when I do this. I have to try and do this… But surely she wouldn’t want me to go through this alone? She isn’t here. How can she object? She began re-dialling the number but once more stopped before she dialled the last digit. No. I can do this… Right after I…

Allowing herself a little time to grieve, Lorelai curled herself up into the foetal position on the floor and began to weep.

[Lorelai]

She was wrapped up in her own little world for a good hour and that was when the phone rang once more. This phone call did not bring with it any relief from the painful news she had already had, as it was her manager at the shop enquiring as to why she had not returned from her break. Lorelai explained the situation as best she could without giving any details, (not that she really had any to give); she explained that Leo had died and that she was required at home to help CC manage his affairs. Lorelai excused her behaviour and apologised for the hardship it would place her manager in as the store was now short two employees. Having given her apology, she promptly hung up.

Lorelai was barely able to get to her feet as he legs trembled beneath her. She’d cried for Leo and while she knew the tears would soon flow again, she had to pull herself together and do what had to be done. Before leaving the apartment, she went about a sort of cleansing routine, she splashed her face with cold water, took a few deep cleansing breaths and then took a little time to compose her thoughts. As she sat on the sofa, alone and unhappy, she drew comfort from her unborn child, her hand resting on her stomach.

A good mother should be able to handle anything.

She looked down at her stomach and then began her speech aloud.

“I’m not sure I’ll be a good mother little star but I promise you I will try. I thought I just had to be strong for Ana but I need to be strong for you too. All this upset cannot be good for you.” She nodded to herself and wrapped her arms across her stomach. “I shall take some time to bring us some peace tonight. I promise. You’ll hear me promise a lot of things in the coming months I am sure and I hope that no promise I ever make shall be broken but all this is new to me too, so have some patience with me…please?”

Having spoken to the child within, she began to muse over CC’s sire…

Do they know where she was? What happened to her? If only Ana trusted me enough to let me meet them we might have some peace. Though I doubt there would be any peace to be had if I knew for certain that she were dead. Though it does seem likely this is the case. Oh I do hope I’m wrong. I hope she’s working. I hope she’s forgotten me and will come walking through the door any minute.

Lorelai cast her eyes towards the door but the thing didn’t move as she hoped it might. With a soft sigh, she pushed herself up from the sofa and walked on more steady legs towards the door. Her hand on the handle, she took another few deep breaths and headed off to the hospital to do her duty to her friend and lover.

[Lorelai]

She didn't pay any attention to the people around her on her way as she moved through the city. If asked about her journey to the hospital she couldn't have said a word. She had no notion of the weather as she was so numb from her emotions that it could have rained and she would not have felt a thing. Lorelai had not noticed the group of youths on the train that had been shoving and teasing one another, the couple that were bordering on the verge of public indecency or the fact that someone had tried to lift her wallet from her bag. (Something they had failed to do because she locked away anything worth having zipped up in the internal pockets).

Arriving at the hospital her mind was barely functioning and when asked her name she gave Leo's name instead. The receptionist repeated the question but received the same reply a second time. Lorelai was obviously distressed and when asked if she was all right, all she managed to do was nod her head. The woman was incredibly patient with her and after a few minutes had managed to get enough details out of her to understand the point of her visit and point her in the right direction.

Despite the fact that she had told herself to be strong when she'd been standing in their apartment, her mind was struggling to process the fact that her friend was forever lost to her. CC's whereabouts were also still of some concern to her but she had little time to dwell on it all before she heard her lady's name being called. Lorelai stood up as if the name were her own and followed him through a set of double doors. Once seated in a private room, the male began to explain the circumstances of Leo's death and told her that his body would not yet be released as he had died under suspicious circumstances. Lorelai nodded at this and the professional continued to lay out for her why they had asked her to come in. When asked if she needed to wait for anyone else to arrive before they continued she shook her head and was promptly left to steel herself against what was to come while they arranged for her to view the body.

The body. Such a cold word. So empty of meaning. I don't wish to think of him that way. Leo. I need to tell him his name is Leo. I wish Ana was here. She'd know what to say and do now. I wonder if she'd cry for him? Possibly. Possibly not.

By no means did Lorelai believe her girlfriend to be devoid of emotion, she just wasn't sure if she'd allow herself to grieve before she'd found out every detail of his death and possibly avenged him. It wasn't something Lorelai would want CC to do as, in her mind, no good came from violence. She was lost in thoughts as to how she could best honour her friend when the door opened and the male bid her to follow him.

Her nerves took a hold of her as she was lead into the viewing room and she was to see him on a screen. The sheet was drawn back to show his face and her legs buckled beneath her as any hope of it not being him was lost. Between sobs she begged to be allowed in to see him so that she could say goodbye and was eventually lead through (on the male's arm as she could barely support her own weight) to Leo's side.

Lorelai leaned over the empty vessel and pressed her lips to Leo’s forehead, whispering her goodbyes through her tears as she lingered over his frame. She still thought he was mad at her, despite him saying that he wasn’t, (more or less), and so it stung her to know that she had been unable to truly earn his trust and friendship back before they were so irrevocably parted. If she’d of known she could lose him so soon, she’d have done anything he asked of her without question. To think that in his final few months she’d been the cause of any pain to him at all was now going to haunt her beyond what it what already was to do. Before she would have been able to calm herself with the knowledge that she could make it up to him in time, now, all such hopes were gone.

After an almost inappropriate amount of time at his side and having stroked his cheek and kissed him more than once, she was finally ready to let him go and was walked out of the room to retrieve his effects. She signed for the bag of odds and ends, not really taking in the list of items as they were rattled off to her. Once more she was told that the body would be detained for a while longer due to the violent nature of his death. To this information, they added that the contents of his mobile phone had also been copied for the sake of the ongoing investigation. Lorelai nodded, signed the paper before her in CC’s name and left the building on shaky legs, her heart aching all the more with the loss of her friend.