Advienne Que Pourra

[Soleil]

||OOC: RP wise, this journal is written in French||

Change.

Sometimes we change because we want to, other times because we have no control and the decision is made for us. And still, change can come about because of need, which I don't mean lightly. Sometimes one's very own survival depends on it, and I believe that's where I'm at.

So much has happened in the almost handful of months I've been...a vampire. I've felt the highest of highs, and at times lows lower than I ever thought possible for myself. I'm working on it though, on building myself back up...

There's no way to describe every thing of importance that has happened in my life since that night in June. I could try, but I'd drain myself attempting. The most important things to mention are

-I'm growing stronger and learning more about this world and the path I've chosen, every day
-I'm now a full member of Tytonidae
-Faye and I are living together alone majority of the time
-Things went sour between Aiden and I. He's recently reached out though, and I'm curious to see if things are repairable
-Velveteen has been so good to me. I honestly don't know where I'd be right now without her

I also cut my hair yesterday, it's shoulder length now. I find it to be pretty low maintenance so I'm liking it a lot. I've been contemplating swinging by Adrenaline for a piercing, but I feel I'm just being compulsive so I'll give it a couple weeks and see if I still want it.

[Soleil]

I just placed an order for the fabrics and other materials I need to build my costume. I managed to swing by the mall right before closing to pick up the base items I'll need. I hope everything comes together; it's been a couple years since I've picked up a needle and thread!

[Soleil]

The remaining components for my costume came in the mail yesterday Evening. I guess I'm going to spend the next few nights building and embellishing, with hopes it turns out how I'm envisioning.

I had great luck with the auction house Thursday, and am still surprised I was able to turn such a profit. I need to start selling more. I have more things than I have need for, and all they do is take up space, which reminds me I need to start scouring this city for interior decorators.

At the opposite end of the spectrum, I spent some time with him last night. I can't believe I went through with letting him hear the cover I'd been working on- the song makes me so emotional. He seemed to enjoy it though, and agreed to play the composition as I sang. I truly miss my music and think I'm going to make efforts to begin writing and performing again.

Où que tu ailles
Ces derniers temps, j'me suis demandé
Qui sera là pour prendre ma place.
Quand je serai parti, tu auras besoin d'amour
Pour éclairer les ombres sur ton visage.
Si un vague géante devait s'abattre sur nous tous,
Alors entre le sable et la pierre,
Pourrais-tu te débrouiller sans moi ?

(refrain)
Si j'en étais capable, je le ferais,
J'irais où que tu ailles.
Que le chemin monte très haut ou descende très bas,
J'irais où que tu ailles.

Et peut-être que je trouverai
Un moyen de réparer cela un jour,
Pour pouvoir te regarder, te guider
A travers tes jours les plus sombres.
Si un vague géante devait s'abattre sur nous tous,
J'espère qu'il y aura quelqu'un là-bas
Qui pourra me ramener à toi.

(Refrain)

Je m'enfuis avec mon coeur,
Je m'enfuis avec mon espoir,
Je m'enfuis avec mon amour.

Maintenant je sais quasiment comment
Ma vie et mon amour pourraient continuer.
Dans ton coeur, dans ton esprit,
Je resterai avec toi à jamais.

(Refrain)

Si je pouvais remonter le temps,
J'irais où que tu ailles.
Si je pouvais te faire mienne,
J'irais où que tu ailles,
J'irais où que tu ailles.

[Soleil]

For every one step we fight to take, we are set back another five. Mentally, physically...I'm exhausted. I was struggling but making it through, and he just had to come around. I thought I'd hit the bottom, but I'm even deeper now.

If you can't change the people around you, change the people around you. When a person is so low, down on the ground like I am, the only thing left to do is pray.

[Soleil]

Came across a song to cover while passing time online. It's from quite a few years back, but when lyrics touch you that doesn't matter. I'll be updating it, as I don't feel the tempo of the original fits my situation or mood. I'm going to start working on more pieces in English as well, to reach a broader audience.

Believe
No matter how hard I try
You keep pushing me aside
And I can't break through
There's no talking to you

It's so sad that you're leaving
It takes time to believe it
But after all is said and done
You're gonna be the lonely one, oh

Do you believe in life after love?
I can feel something inside me say
I really don't think you're strong enough, now

What am I supposed to do
Sit around and wait for you
Well, I can't do that
And there's no turning back

I need time to move on
I need love to feel strong
'Cause I've got time to think it through
And maybe I'm too good for you, oh

Do you believe in life after love?
I can feel something inside me say
I really don't think you're strong enough, now

But I know that I'll get through this
'Cause I know that I am strong
I don't need you anymore
Oh I don't need you anymore
I don't need you anymore
No I don't need you anymore

[Soleil]

I put the finishing touches on my costume, and clearly not a moment too soon! I'm looking forward to being surrounded by Ty- they truly are a wonderful group of people. This is just what I need to take my mind off of everything that's going on.

[Soleil]

The Ty party was last night, and my costume was a hit! The hours I spent cutting and sewing definitely paid off. Faye and I went for drinks at the Necro afterward. She is such a sweetheart!

Speaking of the Necro, I'm their newest bartender! I absolutely love my job. What could be better than mixing drinks, talking to people, and performing from time to time? It seriously feels as though I'm getting paid to be on vacation. I'm currently working on a menu of signature blood cocktails for the vampires that frequent the place. I'll be building the recipes and presentation. I've always found such detailed forms of work to be rewarding when completed and received well.

I also applied to the dojo about a week ago, and found out recently that I was accepted. I like testing myself, and having the opportunity to learn at the same time.

So many positive things are beginning to happen for me! I'm starting to believe I'm going to make it afterall.

[Soleil]

It feels like I've not written in forever!

There's not a lot new going on in my life. Chasing bounty violators, working hard and enjoying every minute of it, spending time with Faye and the furry one- my usual. Halloween has come and gone, and along with it his day. He insisted I not get him anything, and it was very hard for me to agree. There's always Noël, though! I'll probably begin making my shopping lists sometime soon.

Ty is going wonderfully. To be honest, I'm quite astounded that there are so many women who I genuinely like. Where has this been all of my life?!

My hair's growing back slowly but surely. I know the cut wasn't drastic, but it's 'short' for me all the same. I'm hoping it's close to where it was beforehand by the winter Holidays.

I've still not gone public with any of my music at the Necropolis. I think I'm going to take time this week to sift through my sheets looking for suitable pieces. I doubt all of the ballads I've been singing lately would go over well in the pub atmosphere.

[Soleil]

Dream shattered.

[Soleil]

Forgive me, I know it's been awhile since I've written! Things have been improving for me with each passing day, so I've not really felt to need to write. I know that's terrible, I should be writing regardless so I'm going to work on it.

The Necro has been as good as ever! I love meeting and getting to know new people. Elliot's been holding out on me! I'd heard him play from time to time while I was on the clock, never having much time to pay attention. We had a chance to sit down and play for one another not long ago and he's simply wonderful with a very nice voice! Of course it was my turn to perform afterward so I sang what came to mind, a song I've not performed live before. I was a bit nervous, but managed nicely I believe.

Also along the lines of work, there's a beautiful woman also in Ty, named Aura. Where has she been all my lives?! It seems we have a lot in common. She owns a bakery called the Cupcake Corner and has allowed me to begin helping her with orders. It's been awhile since I've actively worked on decorating, but I was surprised to find myself able to fall back into it quite easily. I did a lot of work on a cake for Ty's Anniversary. It turned out better than I'd even dared to imagine!

Speaking of the Anniversary party, it was interesting to say the least! There were a few minor bumps, but nothing that could stop the fun! Niklaus accompanied me for the majority of the night and I must say he was quite the gentleman, definitely a nice side of him to see. I was thoroughly surprised and overjoyed when Aiden came through the doors a bit later. I'd hoped he'd stop by and see me, but knowing his personal preferences I wasn't sure if it were likely. He left early, but the fact that he stopped by at all had me soaring.

I should end here, there is so much I need to get done in the next few days that it seems I have little, if any time to spare!