Re: Harper Rock Journal [Grey]
Posted: 02 Jun 2016, 13:59
June 2, 2016
I've done without a family for a long time. No. Not a family - my Ex-family. Fforde.
I should let Micah know.
It isn't like I'd be the one to bring the bad news. In fact, I don't find it bad news at all. I did, when I first felt some of the connection snap. When I felt what was left of my heart break into a million pieces. I thought it was pathetic, really. To feel that way about someone. Love isn't supposed to hurt, the quotes say.
It is funny. All the Instagram and Facebook and Crow messages about love and affection and truth and pain swirl around inside my mind like a lump sum of charcoal. It makes me want to dip my hand inside that full barrel of black dust and paint my fingers across a blank, crystal clean canvas.
Because in truth, loss is about starting over. It is about a new light at the end of the tunnel of darkness.
I smirk as I write that. Because... I feel like I'm feeding myself a load of crap. Pretty words to make me feel better when an ex-lover and Sire dumps me. Ex-Sire. He cut off access to the little family I might have thought I had left.
In a way, that's okay. Because if he's not mine then they were never mine to even begin with. They were his. His connections. His family. His friends. His own Childer. Remnants. Left over. Pieces.
I should tell Micah. He deserves to know.
I don't know if I can tell him, though. He's been so supportive. Hard. Demanding. Expecting. He's helped me through a lot already. He plucked me up from the sewers. He dealt with me - Jesse's problem. But, now I'm free. Free to be whatever and whoever the **** I want to be...
Free.
I've done without a family for a long time. No. Not a family - my Ex-family. Fforde.
I should let Micah know.
It isn't like I'd be the one to bring the bad news. In fact, I don't find it bad news at all. I did, when I first felt some of the connection snap. When I felt what was left of my heart break into a million pieces. I thought it was pathetic, really. To feel that way about someone. Love isn't supposed to hurt, the quotes say.
It is funny. All the Instagram and Facebook and Crow messages about love and affection and truth and pain swirl around inside my mind like a lump sum of charcoal. It makes me want to dip my hand inside that full barrel of black dust and paint my fingers across a blank, crystal clean canvas.
Because in truth, loss is about starting over. It is about a new light at the end of the tunnel of darkness.
I smirk as I write that. Because... I feel like I'm feeding myself a load of crap. Pretty words to make me feel better when an ex-lover and Sire dumps me. Ex-Sire. He cut off access to the little family I might have thought I had left.
In a way, that's okay. Because if he's not mine then they were never mine to even begin with. They were his. His connections. His family. His friends. His own Childer. Remnants. Left over. Pieces.
I should tell Micah. He deserves to know.
I don't know if I can tell him, though. He's been so supportive. Hard. Demanding. Expecting. He's helped me through a lot already. He plucked me up from the sewers. He dealt with me - Jesse's problem. But, now I'm free. Free to be whatever and whoever the **** I want to be...
Free.