--Life's a Circus PRT 2.---

[Prudence]

Macro's gone. The last and only person I had any connection with before I became a vampire. My oldest and only friend growing up. My family. I always use to shrug things like this off. Say they were weak, or something just as stupid. But deep down I always think I knew that wasn't true. Their lack of survival, their desire to remain, is a reflection on me. If I can't even keep an old, family friend around, it really puts things into perspective.

CC hasn't talked to me in a long time. I think she's still pissy over me hanging around with Azariel for a little bit. I haven't talked to Jessica in probably a year and Suzi and I only talk for maybe a couple minutes a month. Aeryn is off doing who the **** knows what, and Cliff's stopped coming around to the bar. I'm pretty sure he spotted the charred remains of our Vegas wedding certificate in our cabin a couple months ago. And Lori's cool, but she's ******* crazy and always sad. I can't blame her, she did loose her baby and I guess she really wanted it and to be a mom.

I feel alone. I actually ******* feel it. I don't like it, but I don't feel inspired or compelled to change it either. No one likes emo bitches. No one likes bitches that complain all the time and no one likes a third wheel either. I know I don't like any of that ****.

Mordie called me gorgeous the other day. I know he's just trying to be nice, which is why I kinda flipped out on him and gave him a little ****. I hate being pity cases. I'm too strong. Or supposed to be too strong to be pitied. So, I just keep on with my usual routine. Killing ****, sleeping, feeding, repeat.

[Prudence]

So first things first: Remember to shoot Mordie in his ******* head for molesting my boob. I don't give a **** if he was a girl and it was for the good of the mission. NOPE. Many bullets in his brain are in order, pronto!

Secondly: Lori's nuts. Like over the ******* top. I think her brain was damaged when I sired her. But, on the plus side of things, I don't feel alone anymore? Just creeped out at my eternal stalker? I don't think she would ever do anything to me, but it's still creepy! But I think I would rather be creeped out than feeling what I felt like a month ago. I can deal with creepy. Just go hide for a while until she just, stops?

Thirdly: Apparently Bia is back, but Bia is back as Azraeth. Who they always were? And CC started up with the whole you loved Bia who was a chick ordeal again. I used to not believe her, but CC seems to know some things about some things I don't. I guess a lot of people, including CC like the new me. I don't know if it fits, but I'm comfortable in my skin for the first time in a long time.

Lastly: I started unpacking, finally. I made time for me. It was weird, but nice.

[Prudence]

So, I killed CC today. I'm sure she's gonna be all pissy at me, but let me back up a little bit. Yesterday I won my first raid. Go me. I always get to the second to last floor and get tired and then someone else nabs it and then I leave and go kill ****. Well, I worked my *** off and killed that ***** *** necromancer twat. So I tomed out, sold some **** then went back to the caverns. Where I practically live these nights.

And then everyone kinda started showing up. Azraeth, Lori, Levi and people were just shooting the ****. It's all cool. Then CC shows up and starts spazzing the **** out for no reason. She tried to take off my ******* arm, then took Levi's leg off. Now, I can deal with Levi getting his leg chopped off. I mean he is hers and he has tried to kill her, but I didn't ******* do anything.

Well, not unless you count the whole staring at Azraeth, subtly. Sorta. Maybe not, but he's not bad looking. I'm not really one of those girls, but I can sometimes appreciate when someone looks, well, good. I'm not dead. Well, I am, but, **** it. whatever. ya know what I mean.

So, either CC thinks I'm stealing her kiddos again, which is so ******* idiotic because I'd rather blow Levi's brains out than try and mold that waste of space, or she wants a piece of Azraeth. Which is whatever, because I can't blame her for thinking he's really good looking, but she apparently knows how I felt about Bia and since Bia is Azraeth, wouldn't that be really fucked up? I mean if it's true.

So after letting her attack me one too many times for free, I got tired of her stupid **** and after a couple people helped track her down, I asked her what the ****, then sent her to the sr to sort her **** out. Besides, I saw Azraeth first, so **** right off *****. Cause I don't want Levi, you can have all that ****.

Then I summoned Mordie and he was naked. NAKED. It was so horrible. HORRIBLE. It was all there, just hanging there. Must have been a cold shower. EWWW. GROSS. IT WAS SO WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS. I need to get that stupid mind power so I can give him a heads up if I need to summon his ***.

Lori's awesome and coming along, I think. I should get her some ear buds so she can stop having ghosts bugging her. But there are some weird things about her? She is always hugging me. And calling me weird names. Like star and goddess. She has some active imagination, that's for sure!

[Prudence]

Today 'my' team won another raid. I don't normally complain, but holy **** was there a lot of traps and stuff and man did Mordie and I get super fucked up. So before I crash for the day time hours, I thought I would play a little catch up on some ****.

CC's back. I've not spoken to her about what went down. I keep thinking I should, but she'll probably just turn it in some thing that's ya know, all about how I wronged her and **** like that even though she started it over who the **** knows why. But I seen her and good for her for coming back and not being a punk *****. And not starting **** again.

On to a new topic-something is going on with Levi and Lori. I'm always walking in on them on a couch. Then Levi always leaves. I guess he still has beef with me, but I don't really care. I can tell Lori is kinda digging him cause she's all starry eyed and fawning over him. I mean, he's not bad looking. And if she could put tape over his mouth, he might be worth ******* or whatever, but outside of that? I doubt he's relationship material. But she's an adult, so good luck to that. I guess I kinda don't like feeling like the third wheel. If **** is going down, they should just like, tell me not to come around the apartment. Ya know?

I'm really no further with the whole who is Bia thing. Mordie don't know nothing, but I'm not really surprised. I'm kinda a private person. Or just don't like to bother people. Mordie says maybe he or Bia traumatized me, which is why I can't remember my time with her. Or around her. Or whatever we did and got up to with DoD. I got mad at first, but maybe something did happen. I've been reading about trauma and memory lapses. I'm not saying Mordie is right on this, but he is on to something. There's a connection. Again, not necessarily in this case.

Lori kissed me again. I didn't even react this time. I feel like reacting negatively upsets her and reacting positively would probably upset her too. I care a lot about her and she's got this awkward somewhat cute thing going on, but I just don't think we're the right kinda fit. And that's not cause she's a girl. I think she's beautiful inside when she's not emo. She's amazing in raids and really smart. And accepting. It's nice to be around someone like that. To be part of their life.

I got something weird in the mail today. Some card for V-day. From someone I don't know. They signed it anonymous. I honestly haven't even thought much of the day. Not until I opened that card. I guess some people would think it's really sweet and ****, but I don't. I mean, if ya like someone or something, why not tell them? Ya don't gotta be up in their face about it, but to just send a card and not sign your name or even call a person and see if they got the card? not worth my time. So I tossed it right in the trash. I don't got time for those games. I figure if someone is in to ya, they'll let ya know personally.

[Prudence]

So today is V-Day and I was kinda looking forward to the anti-V-day thing. Whatever it was. I really don't follow the whole V-Day thing. I think ya don't need a day to tell or show someone ya care about them especially, but as I was walking around in the mall, I saw something and had to pick it up.

Well, a couple things.

First, was a tie. I liked it cause it was red. I really like red, go figure. But what was really cool about it was that it had what looked like a whole bunch of nonsense on it, but it wasn't. It was a tie of all the dead languages in the world. What it says, I don't know. Could say '**** you,' for all I know. But I really hope it doesn't, because, well, it was for Azraeth. Now, it wasn't a V-day gift. Not really. It was an appreciation gift. I realized I said thank ya for helping me unpack my **** and stuff, but I didn't really do more than that. He didn't have to help me unpack my ****. But now I'm kinda wondering if I shouldn't have gotten him a tie. Who gifts someone a tie? I just remembered he said he loved languages and when I found it, I just really liked it. He probably hates it. Does he even wear ties?

Next, I found some earbuds that will hopefully help Lori drown out them dead assholes that are always whining at her and ****. They were pink. I think she likes pink? It seemed like her. And I do appreciate her. And I guess, I love her weird *** too. But it's not a V-day gift. It's an appreciation gift. She's really nice to me and sometimes makes me feel good about myself.

Finally, Mordie. I got him a friend gift too. It's a zombie survival kit. I always give him a lot of **** and so I thought I'd show him that I appreciate him. I love Mordie.There, I ******* wrote it. But I'm going to scratch it out now, so **** you stupid journal thing. And **** you, V-day. It should just be called Appreciation Day.

[Prudence]

Let's see. Not a whole lot has gone on lately. But a few things. It's kinda awkward at the apartment. I feel like a third wheel since V-day. I think Levi and Lori are a thing, but can't be real sure. I just know something is different. If they are, that's good. I can't really give Lori what she wants, even if she has some qualities I appreciate and have come to like.

Speaking of like, there's this guy. I kinda like watching him. Not in a creeper way. But I can appreciate his techniques and determination. It's kinda sexy. But again, I won't do more than watch. But I really like watching him in the caverns.

Anyways! I have to get a plan brewing. Those asshats that ruined the group function have files on all of us. I have to destroy the ones of Lori and Kennedy. And bash some skulls in. Then get the one of me. Do they know me? The real me?

[Prudence]

I think I almost died last night. Not that I really thought about it until now. I don't know what it was, but those assholes in those buildings got me good last night. I think my guts sorta spilled out everywhere. Not that we need them, but it was really ******* gross.

On the plus side of things though.
1. We won the raid.
2. He was part of our group again. And I was watching him. Again.

Lori and levi are totally a couple now. They're banging. She told me as much. I don't know why she feels the need to share everything with me about that. Levi wants to talk to me. They better not be getting married. I'll tell him the same **** I told Mordie. N-O. Still don't trust that *****.

[Prudence]

Mordie's a creeper. Always watching people.

But he formally introduced me to the guy I was watching. Which is different to what Mordie was doing. Mordie was watching us both, or watching me, watch the other guy. Really, all ya need to know is that Mordie was being creepy.

I think we made plans to go on a date. I'm not really sure. We made plans to hang out, but it kinda seemed like we were making date plans. I wouldn't really know because I've not been on a date in forever. But, he seems really nice and he's friends with Mordie, so he has to be alright.

Levi keeps wanting to talk to me, but I kinda don't want to hear from him that he and Lori are doing the nasty. I already know and I don't care? If I did, I would have let one of them know by now.

I really hate my night class on Wednesday. I'm really bored in it. So, I zone a little and think about anything other than what I'm supposed to be thinking about.

[Prudence]

Since I'm not really sure if we are going on a date or we just have plans, I've decided to keep whatever it is we're going, pretty low key. Nothing overly fancy, not that fancy is really my style anyways. I still get to wear jeans and boots and a shirt. None of that dress crap, even though I think I could rock a dress. Not like the kinda Sophia stuffed me in to all the time. Like, a girlie dress. If it was the right color and style.

I had to go to a toy store to buy an obscene amount of nerf guns and darts and got some really strange look from the guy behind the counter. But totally worth it. I'm still thinking on a location. I need somewhere where it isn't super busy, so I'm thinking one of the cemeteries, or an old abandoned building. I thought about Castle West, but Mordie and I always go there, so it would be really, really weird if Mordie showed up in the middle of our, whatever it is. All creeper style like.

He seems really nice. And he's a little funny too. Which is a nice change of pace. I'll let ya know how it all goes later.

[Prudence]

OMG! I super love Mordie! I'm a beast in the castle now. He gives really good advice on how to kill ****. It's kinda funny, isn't it? I started him out and now he's helping me out? I mean, I don't kill as much **** as I used to because I'm spending at least half my nights running HNS, but I still think it's funny.

He should do something with his wealth of knowledge. I mean, there have got to be other people out there that need some pointers and **** on how to kill some punk bitches other than me. I think he should totally help people. I'm gonna tell him and maybe he'll agree. I'd even help him. I love that big ole brute. It's nice that I've always had someone that's always willing to help me out and be supportive on the **** I've wanted to do. And needed to do, like after Cliff and I split up. I'm really glad Kennedy and him ended up together. They're really a cute couple when I see them together and now I'll always have him in my life. Poor guy.

And on the plus side, he's always got my back on the dating front. The guy he introduced me to is pretty awesome and hot. He's kind of got this whole mystery thing going on too, which is really ******* sexy btw. Like he's funny, hot and nice and then sometimes he's quiet. I think it's always good to keep someone guessing. I think we should go to the gauntlet and do some hand to hand combat, no guns or swords. Gives me an excuse to put my hands on him.

:]