Path of the Vampire forum

June 9

I was training in the Flats today. Then, before I knew it, I had a bullet wound in my shoulder. I was already exhausted, but now I was losing more blood. Covered in Zombie innards was not a way I wanted to meet another member of Andras even. Darnell shot me. He tripped over the fake Persian rug, he said.

Jesse was upset. At least Darnell apologized, helped to heal me, and gave me money for the really ruined shirt.

July 5, 2015


It has been a while since I wrote in this journal.

I forgot I had it, really. Life has begun and ended here in this city. Jesse has provided a family for me.

He thinks I've rejected him, I think.

He tells me that another of his progeny has kissed him. It happened a couple days ago.


I hit him.


Clover knew better. Maybe. I don't know any more.

I hate them both right now.


Nothing makes sense.

July 12

I am going to take her paintball gun and stuff it where the sun doesn't shine.

She's lucky she is alive.

She's lucky she belongs to Jesse.

He can ******* have her.


I can't even stand the thought of her close to him, let alone the fact that we are all blood related.

It makes me want to slit her wrists and bleed her dry.

Pages were ripped out of the journal. The edges were ragged and curled, slit and destroyed. A large chunk of time ... gone.


October 25, 2015

I do not know who I am any more.

I am completely numb inside. I feel like I am behind a glass door looking out on the world around me. People look at me, but they look through me. It is as if they open their mouth and talk, but no words that I can comprehend come out of their mouth. I cannot put enough distance between the real world and myself to function in public.

This has become a huge problem.

The people around me speak a foreign language. They smile and laugh. They narrow their eyes and bite out remarks that I can only gather as frustration. Each thing they say to me is not a word at all, but an emotion. They speak in colors. They breathe in energy. They drip happiness or disdain and I feel as if I am drowning inside a sea of people that have no life jackets for me.

Since I slaughtered my mother in cold blood, something has changed inside of me. A pressure has been released and instead of relief, I only feel anger. I am constantly surrounded by this live wire sensation, threatening to explode even more when I am around my lover. Jesse is dealing with so much right now, that I do not know how to help him any longer. He is wound so tight that just standing next to him makes me want to scream and cry at the same time. He lost a family member. I lost a man I never even really met. I apologized, and that only brought on another round of frustrated remarks with each other.


I think we are through...

Over text messages, at that.


He doesn't have to say it, but I can feel it. He is starting to resent me. A little part of him hates me for what I've become and for who I now am. I am part of a family who I barely have been able to see on an individual basis let alone as a whole. I balk at the thought of meeting so many in the same room together. Tension coils up and down my spine, shoving that claustrophobic sensation around my windpipe and squeezing on a part of my anatomy that doesn't even require movement in order to survive the world of the sun-lovers.


I am taking my iPhone and my box of belongings with me that I came to this city with and heading into the sewers.

I need to be alone.

I will not force him to make a decision. His family is the most important entity in his life.


We were supposed to get married this fall. I found a dress. I had picked out a beautiful area, a local marina but with this generous alcove of beach. The trees along the shore were just starting to change colors. Against the evening sky, the lights would have been gorgeous. I only had to find a Minister and gather personal invitations to the family. I had thought about asking Jesse's cousin to officiate...

But, that is no longer in the plans.


I suppose I should take some savings and invest in my own apartment.

Maybe I'll just sleep on the cot in the back room of Auto Docs for a while.


Better yet, maybe I'll just disappear for a while. He already thinks I work too much. He can already tell the extra shifts that I pick up or the 'Rush' orders on vehicles Brock sends my way. On second thought, **** it. I'm going to the sewers. There's no judgement in dank, dark corridors.

November 8, 2015

I finally know what it feels like to be dead ... On the inside.