Path of the Vampire forum

Posted: **13 Mar 2016, 23:12**

It seems as if Ambrose has decided to remove me from the forum this evening. Funny, because I've never once requested it, but oh well.

It isn't my loss.

It seems I have some planning to do this evening, short of working on Allure and Envy. I wonder if Cedric's still there, if so, at least my childe'll be able to work well with those.

C.L.P.C 03/13

Posted: **05 Dec 2016, 03:07**

Nine months. It's hard to believe how far time has passed since the last time I picked up this book. Kika and the rest, minus Laney, Kitchi and Jed, have disappeared from this life. I still have a heavy heart over my sire taking her own life, but I understood. But, it is still his fault. I sit in the Cocoa Bean, if not Envy, most nights. I consider the life I have been given, and occasionally listen to my daddy talk about how he enjoyed being correct. I never outright told him that I was a vampire, but he guessed it after the truth came out.

He still encourages me to speak to Nolan, if not my children, but I can't bring myself to do it. I still watch them from afar, and as the holidays have come around, it was harder than I thought to stay away. I watch their faces change, my son has grown taller. I don't think it would be a good idea, at least, not until they are older. Maybe when there's a stronger chance that they will understand, or at least, if they don't, they will hate me and move away permanently. I suppose I keep an eye on them to make sure this fate doesn't happen to them.

At least, that is what I tell myself.

There are, though, some things that I am certain of. A plus, I should say, as I sit writing here. I would be nothing without Cedric. I do not have many left that I care about... but I love him, our friendship. He means too much to me and I cannot help that feel I take him for granted. His kindness, the way he cares for me. My childe is a good man, even if he is as promiscuous as I. The difference being I do not spawn monsters in result. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had resisted turning him until after we slept together. Would he have still ended up with this curse?

Would we still be attracted to each other the way we are? Or at least, I don’t believe it's only one sided. I often find myself thinking about his lips, the way they felt that night. His hands, and how they felt on my body. Part of me wishes I would have let it go further. It is a hassle, wondering what could have been. What we could have done. I told him that I would not mind the idea to have him around for cuddling, at least I know the idea of his morning wood would not bother me in the least. I know he doesn't think of me as a quick ****. The truth is I would not care to spawn a fadebeast if it meant seeing if he had the issue when sleeping with vampires rather than humans, as well.

I just do not want to lose him or what we have. The connection goes deeper than just friends. I know I can depend on him, trust him.

Hm. There went my mind again.

Oh, I bought him a ring. Nothing important, or pretty... but as a thank you/anniversary. Even if it is almost a month late, I felt like I should show appreciation. He didn't hate me like I hated Kika at first, or like we hated Ambrose. He could have, though. I would have understood, especially given the fact the poor man thought he was going to get lucky. Not be turned into a dinner.

I don't know what else I should write, but my coffee is getting cold. I think I'll put some in a tumbler and go for a walk.

Castalia P. - 12/4/16

Posted: **31 Dec 2016, 04:35**

I don’t really know where to start. Everything has begun to come together, even if it felt like for a while that my life was falling apart.

Nolan is dead.

I keep feeling the way his blood soaked into my shirt, the way his body grew heavy in my arms. I don’t remember much after that. Rhys filled in the blanks. He told me that I had tried to turn him, that I hadn’t given up even after he was gone. He somehow got me home. From there, Cedric took over. He helped clean me up and stayed with me, comforted me. I don’t think I cried in front of him. If I did, he didn’t say anything about it.

He was stern with me a few days later after. I had stopped feeding, and as it turns out, due to the fact I’d been biting him, as well as myself… I can no longer feed from humans. My childe, despite his vices, is a man who I admire greatly. He is much more than his looks and his music, the emotions he vary rarely shows. It bothers me that I cannot pinpoint what is it about him, but I did realize that evening that I am very scared to lose him.

Our arrangement has turned out to be one I enjoy, sleeping beside each other. I feel safe in his arms, at his side. I appreciate his efforts, too. I am not clueless of the fact he has sex with women. I smell them on him occasionally, but never when he comes before dawn. Always showered. What I don’t understand is the jealousy I feel about it.

Is it from the fact we never will finish what was started?

Or is it something else?

I try not to think on it.

And I believe Rhys is on his way inside. I hear bad singing. I am going to set the journal aside for the time being, go see what is going on. It is close to New Years Eve and they are making me go be social at the event. My dress has arrived, too. I need to try that on before too long.

Castalia P. - 12/30/16

Posted: **14 Jan 2017, 19:00**

The plans are made, the invitations are set out and apparently my thrall and bartender have been doing some advertising - getting that out of the way for me. If I didn't know they both were afraid of my temper, I would be worried of them stealing my business out from underneath my foot. Thankfully, I know they simply just try to make everything easier on me. With Owens' incessant emails about how well the bar is going, and the idea that I should expand has me under paperwork, looking at permits with Casey and boring tasks that I would rather avoid until after the New Year.

And Casey is a good man, but he can be a significant pain in my *** when I am no where in the mood to deal with him. I would likely have been in a better mood had he and I not discussed Nolan's will before he brought up the topic of the expansion. My ex-husband, late husband, I should say as we were never divorced - he wouldn't sign the papers when I asked, left everything to keep the children and I well taken care of. I wasn't surprised to find that his girlfriend didn't get much. What likely upset me the most was that while I was sorting through his paperwork, I found the divorce papers I had delivered to him. They were dated the day before I had met my fate at Kika's hands, signed.

Owens told me that he hadn't been sure whether or not to complete the filing process.

All in all... the gesture had surprised me and upset me at the same time. Nolan had always been a great friend, and as it seems, he would go against what we were raised to believe for me. I hope wherever he ended up, he's happy and blessed.

Speaking of happy, I invited my parents to Allure this evening for the New Years celebration. It was a bit of a shock to my mother to find that I was "alive" or at least not lying in a ditch somewhere, but she was relieved. Pissed off to high hell, to the point she used my full name and yelled at me for a good ten minutes, even more so after I told her I didn't want to see Judy or Reid. But, dad told her that it was safer for them, and better that they don't, she seemed to calm down.

I still wouldn't put it past her to chew him out something fierce at home.

They're going to be taking care of my kids from now on. My dad understands why I can't see them, although he still thinks its because that I feed from humans - it would be amusing to see his expression if I told him that I no longer feed from humans, but from vampires (Cedric, really. I don't think I can bite someone other than him... it's an intimacy I cannot explain). I invited a few of my old coworkers, as well. Lindsay, Genevieve were the only two that said they'll be able to make it, but it didn't surprise me. Even in the year I no longer work at the hospital, it seems they are still unable to find the right guy or gal.

I still believe they should try going out together.

Owens is on the list, as well, if he changes his mind - he said he would be spending it alone in his office, but I think he's got a new lady in his life that he doesn't want to tell me about. Although I hired him for the business, the accountant has become one of my good friends.

Cedric's doing his own thing in The Cocoa Bean and doesn't believe he'll be able to make it, so the invitation sent to him was declined. To say I was mildly disappointed is an understatement... but I understand. I'll see him soon enough in the morning, anyway. To feed, to sleep.

And speaking of the new year, I've been thinking on another business, as of late. I don't know quite yet what it might be. Perhaps I'll go another route, or perhaps it will be another thing to tie into the club or coffee shop. I did, however, purchase a spot for it in the mall. Sonrisa was the previous name, and I rather like it. It means smile. I'll have to think on things, check what's interesting in the market. I did consider the idea of doing something along the lines of non-profit... perhaps for those that go missing or die within Harper Rock due to our species.

I suppose I need to stop procrastinating, as I just glanced at the clock and it's time to get ready - at least if I want to be there before the crowds arrive which if I don't, the bartenders may all strangle me. Everyone is working this evening, at least for a few hours. We're going to need it for the crowd control, but we've decided to close down part of the club so we can keep an eye on things. I'm not looking forward to the falling glitter, or the confetti canons that Rhys has set up. He said the college kids would like it.

The clean up on its own is going to be a nightmare to start, and I'm positive it will be found until the next year.

Castalia P. - 12/31/16

Posted: **28 Jan 2017, 17:42**

I keep playing the night on repeat in my mind. New Years was significantly better than I had imagined it would be and no where near as boring, at least until after Cedric surprised me with his arrival. The diamond quaver that was a late christmas gift is beautiful and gives me something beautiful to look at contrasting with the horrors I see with my reflection. I can already hear the stern comment not to think like that, I can see his lips turning into a frown. I don’t believe he’s ever seen it, though, the fact I’m a corpse in a mirror.

Some days are better than others, but all in all… the entire factor of it is just unpleasant.

Folklore has it that the first person you encounter at midnight on New Years sets the tone of how your year is going to go, and if it’s true, my year is bound to be interesting to say the least. Lustful, I believe, is the best way to describe it. But, it’s welcome. We almost slipped in Allure and I can’t say that I’m in the least bit ashamed on how things went. Every bite, every kiss - it brought us to a conversation I doubted we’d ever have. Limits, where we wanted to go, what steps were we comfortable taking.

Physically, it was damn obvious with how we were at the club.

And back in the apartment...

I was surprised when he said that even if he didn’t have the curse, he would want to sleep with me. That he thought he would easily sleep only with me. He hides his feelings so often that I wonder what all was going on in his head. That spark of anger, of frustration, however, startled me some. He’s always so calm, so sure of himself. It’s a confidence that I admire in him, and while I carry myself well enough, it’s not difficult for me to allow my temper to get the best of me sometimes.

There would be a lie on my lips if I were to say that I didn’t care that he slept with other women. He knows it, I know it. I admitted to it, too, and if it weren’t for his curse, I don’t think I would be able to stand it. I don’t know why it bothers me, why I get jealous. He fucks them, he kills them - and if he doesn’t, a monster created from his seed will. It’s illogical, this feeling. Then again, I suppose the entire concept itself is illogical anyway. I still feel that this curse is partly my fault, and because of it, as long as he ends up in our bed at the end of the night, clean and showered, with his arms around me, I don’t think I’ll stay mad at him.

I’ve wondered if it's insecurity, but I have nothing to be insecure of. We aren’t a couple, friends with benefits would be the correct term, wouldn’t it? And yet, even then… I feel it's too simple of a concept.

The words I spoke to him that night still remain true to this day, that I would be something new to him. A friend, a familiar face. Deep down, I wonder if I knew I’d never be able to kill this man, this handsome man with his cold, lovely blue eyes. His haunted soul with a mysterious past. There’s a darkness in Cedric that I can see, but I wonder if he knows there’s a light, as well. I see it every now and then, a softness in his features when we’re alone in public.

I don’t know what will become of this.

We need to talk about it, he and I, but any time I find myself laying beside him, I can’t bring myself to say the words, to ask such a simple question, what are we? Instead of asking the question, I find myself looking at little details on his slightly tanned face. A freckle here, a wrinkle when he smiles. His eyes are what fascinate me the most, the beauty of them.

Why is it so hard to ask such simple three words?

Castalia P. - 1/3/17

Posted: **12 Feb 2017, 17:48**

Judy's birthday is coming up.

It's odd to think that my little girl is going to be eight years old this year. My children have been on my mind quite a lot lately, perhaps its because I actually let my mother know about me. With my father knowing, it was just... easier. It made more sense for a man obsessed with the supernatural and folklore to know that his daughter was a vampire, but my mother? She no longer looks at me with fear.

But... there's pity. I can see it in her eyes. She's sorry for me, something I never thought I'd see in her eyes - growing up, she had always taught me to be strong. Even after they told me that I was adopted, there was nothing that she needed to feel sorry for me about.

There still isn't anything for me to be sorry about as a vampire other than being unable to be with Reid and Judy. And honestly, that's not true. I can be with them, but it would never be the same. I would be their mother until they were older than I, then I would look like their sister, before eventually, I would appear to be their grandchild and I don't think I can put them through that.

I don't think I can put myself through that.

The idea of writing them letters, acting as if I've been traveling for the past few years has crossed my mind, that way they still have the ability to talk to me. I don't know how it would go, however.

On another note, my mother saw Cedric and I leave on New Years. She asked me about him when we went out to dinner the other night. My father said he was my new beau, which prompted me to choke on my wine - classy as ever, right? That started an entire new conversation about her wanting to meet him, which my father agreed to.

It'll be interesting to see how he reacts to that.

Castalia P. - 1/14/17

Posted: **13 Feb 2017, 04:47**

I've been taking time to appreciate the little things, such as the people I care about. My little family, thanks to Cedric, is growing slowly. It's not something I thought would happen when I sired him, that it would be more than just us eventually. But, then again, I certainly didn't except my sire to kill herself or for most of the line to follow.

I sit here and think about the future, a little concerned. I realize I want this to succeed, to create a little home for my grandchilder - I still hate that word. Thankfully, I really don't see Cedric as my childe. We have a tendency to alternate, it seems between who is the sire and who is the childe, and it doesn't particularly bother me. As we established when he was turned, he is older after all. In reality, it's just how we are.

This is my family, my reality.

Castalia P. - 1/16/17

Posted: **02 Jun 2017, 17:53**

Things hardly seem to stay the same. There's always the slightest of change, and it's both nice to see, but unnerving. I dread the future, the eternity that this life has granted. My parents and children gone. But, that isn't to say that I'm alone - I do have Cedric, something I will always be thankful for. I suppose the fact I drink a lot, or rather had been one to drink a lot in the past, should also be something to thank as it brought us together.

I love him.

It shouldn't be hard to say those three words aloud, but I haven't been able to admit it in anything other than writing. I call him my love, beloved. I trust him, too. I suppose its weariness. Our respected marriages didn't end on good terms, even if Nolan and I did remain friends after. I don't know all of the details of Cedric's, but it also isn't something I particularly care to ask - he's secretive and it doesn't bother me. For someone that I know so well, he's as much a mystery.

The memory of his daughter is burned into my mind. Her pretty face, Alaya.

Will I ever understand what this new development is, that ability? There are some things that should be private, but we still don't know all of how it works - who is it? His, or mine? There are also other things I can now do. As it turns out, I've somehow learned how to speak into the mind of others - Rhys finds it amusing as I don't think much on it. Could it be a development of that? Well, actually that would mean I would be projecting my memory onto Cedric, or is there something more to it?

Castalia P. - 6/2/17

Posted: **23 Aug 2017, 02:39**

I have sired again. Something that surprises me, really. Her name is Othella. I knew her while I was human. We worked together, her and I. It is different. I don't quite know how I feel about it as I've always planned to only have sired Cedric. Maybe it isn't a bad thing.

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