Harper Rock Journal [Grey]

[Grey (DELETED 5068)]

March 2, 2014

Sex.

He came to me angry. He stormed into the apartment, threw himself down, and said I had broken him. Well, he is supposed to be mine. He is an asshole for thinking he can stick his dick into another woman's pussy to get off.

I cried. I ... He completely overwhelmed me. I was disappointed. I was furious. I cried harder for even crying in the first place. And then he grabbed me. He kissed me.

That was the end of our argument.

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March 7

Jesse sends me another picture of himself while I am at work. This time it is with him in a black and white sweater with his arms covering his neck and holding his face. He has this intense stare about him. I can't wait to go back to the apartment.

I hope he is there, waiting for me. Because... I feel like I need him. Those eyes of his draw me in and hold onto me.

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March 17

I miss him. I don't want to cling to him. I don't want to be that demanding girlfriend - if I could go so far as to put a label on something. I don't want to call him.

I want to show him I won't abuse the privilege of having his number. I refuse to blow up his phone with messages, demanding texts, or sulking pouts that question his whereabouts.

And then, just as I give my phone the evil eye; he bursts into the bathroom. Relief wells inside my chest as I try to scowl and look angry. He will have to fix the lock he just busted after all.

But, he is here with me now.

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March 18

During a passionate time together, Jesse tells me he thinks he loves me. It barely causes me pause. I know he didn't mean to say the words. I cannot leave something so moving just on the edge, teetering precariously towards doom if I ignore his words and say nothing in return.

So I tell him that I think I love him too. After all, he has quietly laid pieces of tape over my, unbeknownst to him, broken heart.

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March 22

Jesse asks me if I know he is different. He questions me after we lay together in each other's arms. I answer him. Yes, I know he is different.

He tells me we need to keep it a secret. By my knowing, it goes against his creed. Part of who he is. That alone makes me feel bad. Guilty. I don't tell him that though.

I apologize, but he won't have it. He wants to know if I will let him turn me into the creature he is. I can't. I'm not ready. This answer does not satisfy him. So I tell him again when he was walking away from me that I wasn't ready yet.

I tell him, when he thinks I would leave, that I don't plan to unless he wants me gone. I refuse to stick around for anyone that doesn't give a ****.

He tells me that he does.

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March 31

Jesse wakes me up. He does it on purpose, his hips against my thighs. It is absolutely the best way he has ever awoken me.

We share so much passion that it almost scares me. He tells me that he is going to stay with me in the apartment now. I don't know what to say. It is his place after all. I am not sure how to take his words. Does he just mean for tonight?

All I can do is wait and see.

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April 2, 2014

I have never been regular. I chalk that up to too much stress, never settling down, and all the exercise I do. Well, since December I have steadily been involved in a routine. And Mother Nature has finally won. Embarrassment isn't even a word for how Jesse found me.

There was terror, yet relief on his face.

But, we made it through that night.

[Grey (DELETED 5068)]

April 10

I was bitten this night by two Vampires. At least that is what Jesse has told me. He said that those that show mercy often leave their victims confused afterwards. I ended up in the Quarantine Zone, he called it. I can see his fury and concern.

We have a brief talk about the way this can be prevented. He is upset with me. All I want to do is sleep. My body is bruised. It has to be bad. I haven't seen Jesse this shaken before.

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April 15

I am so upset. I thought he was teaching me a lesson. I thought he was trying to prove his point that this city is dangerous. I know that he wouldn't lie to me. I have accepted that he isn't like the others. He isn't a man that wants to get ahead or try to pull the wool over my eyes for his own cause. Maybe - maybe at the beginning. But, not now.

I went to look for him. He wasn't answering his phone. That was all I had of his. That was all I knew besides his work at a tattoo shop. Every step I take in the wind is another reminder that he was right. But, here I am out after dark with a throbbing leg, a splitting headache, and all I want is to know he is okay.

I met Valyrie. She has a friendship and connection with Jesse. She told me he was okay. She told me she would let me talk with him.

He'd be gone for a while. He isn't sure how long and his voice sounded even more painful than usual. I ask what is wrong or what happened. Jesse cannot tell me. I expected as much, and I try not to let it hurt me more. Just knowing I could not help him was devastating enough. I only want him to come back to me.

I just want him to come home to me when he is ready.

He has me go home.

By the time I am back in the apartment, I curl up on our bed and listen to him on the other end of the line. We don't need to talk.

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April 16

Every bone in my body hurts. I cry. I wake up in tears. It has been two days since Brock sent me home, arguing over how I look and how my job performance would suffer because of how slow I already was moving. He refused to have me underneath a car, sighting liability when I could see the care in his eyes. That pissed me off.

I can barely move now.

Something is wrong. But before I can try to sit up, the world just swims.

I am so tired.