Mad ramblings of a shadow

[Scorpia]

I have learned two things in my young life.

1. You can't trust men.
2. Men are beyond evil.

Yeah I'm pretty sure there are folks that are going to say I am wrong. Well these are the same folks that believe in love ever lasting and happy endings. Right... And fae are cute little tinker bell fairies that want to help you. NOT! Hey I'm not male bashing. I'm just.. well pissed. You start to let someone in and BAM! They run you over with a ******* monster truck. I know I am no prize. I seriously lack manners. My English is well lets just say I bash the English language with a baseball bat. I have a horrible temper. Ok so horrible doesn't come close to describing my temper. Still I'm not THAT bad... well maybe a little bad.. fine I'm bad but I deserve a bit of happiness too.

I started to care for someone. Stupid, stupid, stupid, STUPID! When am I gonna learn it's not in my cards? I am not built to have girly feelings. I am a thief, a leader and killer. Not always in that order. So that is what I have to focus on. Those three things. Nothing else matters. Love sucks. Sex is just something to do, to forget your problems for a moment. And men are evil. I wonder if I can become a nun?

[Scorpia]

I think I am becoming bitter, which is strange for someone my age. Yet here I am each night finding myself growing colder and colder. I want what I can't have. I know I am getting played. What else could it be? I should be smarter then this. I never let my emotions get the best of me. My mind is always sharp like a knife. But right now.. hell I think butter knives are sharper then me right now.

I know I'm going to get hurt. I just know it. All because I can't be like the others. I can't dress myself in pretty dresses. I can't paint my face with buckets of make up. My hair always has a few strands hanging down out of place and I seriously lack manners. But I'm honest. I don't hide behind a weak pathetic front. I can't be a damsel in distress. I'm not looking for prince charming. I just want.. him.

God someone please shoot me. Hell I think I am going to shoot myself. Who the ******* am I kidding? He wants that type of girl. Brainless, weak, needing someone to save her. I'm pretty sure when he looks at me he just sees some kid that is a misfit. A mouthy shadow that doesn't deserve a second glance. Just once I would like him to look into my eyes and see me. See that there is so much more then what everyone says about me or even thinks about me. But why should I put the effort? I'm not what he wants.