Ohana.

[Sai]

February 24, 2019

Ohana.

Ohana means family and family means no one gets left behind.

An ohana is special and to become a part of someone’s ohana is a great honor. By nature of the word, the people in it are bound together by more than blood, they’re bound by compassion, culture, support, loyalty, and love for each other. I learned this term from a very young age, a concept my mother wanted to make sure was instilled in me from birth, a concept close to her heart and both her Filipino and Hawaiian roots.

We were the ultimate ohana when I was younger; the three musketeers, unbreakable no matter what came our way. My mom, my brightest star as the name Tala would suggest, is and always has been the tenderest soul, someone I have and continue to lean on from my first day until my last. It was hard to watch her struggle, to break when my dad left. We were too...I don’t really know what to be honest but the long and short of it was we weren’t enough. Perhaps I wasn’t; it’s so hard to tell when you’re a teenager and have no grasp of what things you can own and what things are beyond anything you could have helped.

Career driven CEO of California Hospital Medical Center post honorable, medical discharge from the army meets free-spirited island girl on a whirlwind holiday. Sounds like a movie, right? It started out that way, it truly did, but the little differences became bigger differences which became gaping chasms no one could build a bridge across in the end.

My ohana has changed over the years as has my desire to offer such a treasured position in my life to those who have not earned it. It’s taken years to learn to be okay with that, to have a small circle of support to guide me, to lift me, to encourage me. To know that my dad might not ever be a part of that circle ever again by way of absenteeism rather than by personal preference. My desire to follow a path that did not lead to service of my country created a rift I wish I knew how to fully sew back together.

Willow, my sister from another mister because my parents did not bless me with a blood sibling, has been the best friend, albeit the flakiest one, a girl could ask for. She didn’t hesitate to follow my mom and I out of the hustle and bustle of California to Harper Rock, to help us start anew and to help me carry out this dream I’ve had swirling around in the back of my mind for as long as I can remember: to own a little cafe and bakery, one that became important to my patrons not only from a quality standpoint but I want to created a place with atmosphere, one that brings comfort and a little escape for those who walk through my door.

The shop seems to be doing well so far; a fair few special orders come in every week which are a delightful change of pace and it’s seemed that I’ve gotten some regulars to come through on a daily basis. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen a particular face I find myself, intentionally or not, looking for each time I hear the ding of the bell at the front door but I suppose that’s neither here nor there. I couldn’t possibly forget that sense of humor for that baby shower order or his willingness to help me on a day that Willow decided it was more important to go shopping for new shoes than it was to come to work. I'm not sure whether to curse or thank those shoes though for if not for that, perhaps I’d not still have passing ‘wonder where he’s been’ thoughts of Mr. Loch in the quiet, early morning hours before the shop opens when it’s just me and a mountain of recipes to bake.

Those hours bring me such solace, fulfill a purpose in me that I hadn’t found before moving here, before starting a life I had no idea I wanted as badly as I do. Some days I bake because I love it, some days I bake because punching people is frowned upon in most aspects of society. It’s been an outlet for me and a conceptual part of my ohana just as much as any of the people I’ve let in close enough to call them that. Perhaps this place will heal our hearts, bring us joy, and laughter, and love, and life. Perhaps this place will help us complete our ohana and neither she, nor I, nor Willow will be left behind.

[Sai]

February 28, 2019

Why today of all days, mother?

Why choose today to linger around the shop for hours on end?

Nah, I’m just kidding about that but seriously, could you talk a little quieter?! I swear the gods above could hear you. I love you to the moon and back but damn, how embarrassing.

Seemed like today was a good day for her though. It was nice to see her playful and smiling, genuinely so, even at my expense. She always carries herself well, always smiles and laughs and treats people well but I know she’s still hurting even if it’s been eight years.

You think you know someone, you know? You think you’ve set yourself on a trajectory that will make your hopes and dreams become reality. You think you’ve got time...For me, I lost him a long time ago. For her, it feels like a fresh wound, still gaping, and I can tell she tries every day not to let it fester. You know how they say time heals all wounds? Just how much time does that phrase refer to anyway?

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What an unexpected morning. Officer Loch, Aaron as I’ve been instructed to refer to him, came in. Pitiful sight he was, trying to do everything one handed. I’d have offered to help but that probably would have been intrusive and strange so I hung back and let him handle it himself as the menfolk often prefer to do. Makes ya wonder what else he struggles with…

The invitation to dinner was a turn of events I didn’t see coming, or rather, I wanted to see com--ok, not even going to finish that sentence.

Anyway, it was a pleasant surprise and I look forward to getting to know more about him. He’s got my attention which is more than I can say for anyone in the last seven or so years. Here’s to hoping I don’t screw it up and cost myself a friend.