18 February 2018
It has been a long time since I felt like writing in my journals. Since the day Francois died, if I'm being honest with myself. I have been afraid to write down my own thoughts and feelings, lest they get in the way of the work we are doing. I can no longer avoid my own feelings though, and so I have returned to my journals. Maybe I will even get around to writing down everything about the times with Francois or Gunter or Guy, but for now. For now the real reason I take up the pen is to tell myself. No to accept, that my father is dying.
I talked with the commander today, he has agreed to nullify the re-enlistment I signed last June. That way, that way I can go be with father come July. I hope he makes it until then, I know he has not been as strong since mother passed. He never got over losing her. I can't write any more. Maybe later.
Coming to Harper Rock - Journals of Odr Bolle
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Odr Bolle (DELETED 11594)
- Posts: 3
- Joined: 18 Nov 2018, 04:47
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Odr Bolle (DELETED 11594)
- Posts: 3
- Joined: 18 Nov 2018, 04:47
Re: Coming to Harper Rock - Journals of Odr Bolle
13 March 2018
The docs' say father's condition is deteriorating, but they simply don't have enough resources at the hospital to take care of him. They have referred us to a hospital in a city called Harper Rock. I had never heard of it until they told me about it. I researched it as much as I could on the net, seems shady in some aspects, but overall the hospital seems to be quality. So, father is going to be transferred there in a few days. Just a few more months and I will be free to go see him.
This is hitting me a lot harder than I thought it would. I mean I don't think of myself as heartless, but when mother died, when many of my friends died, it wasn't this hard. Maybe it is because I don't have much left. After that last tour, when Francois died, I bubbled up. I avoided making new friends. Father is the only person I have talked to outside of work in almost two years.
Huh, It's crazy to think about. Just writing it down makes me feel like an idiot. TWO years I have been going through life avoiding everyone. I think you have made me think about my feelings enough journal, until later then.
The docs' say father's condition is deteriorating, but they simply don't have enough resources at the hospital to take care of him. They have referred us to a hospital in a city called Harper Rock. I had never heard of it until they told me about it. I researched it as much as I could on the net, seems shady in some aspects, but overall the hospital seems to be quality. So, father is going to be transferred there in a few days. Just a few more months and I will be free to go see him.
This is hitting me a lot harder than I thought it would. I mean I don't think of myself as heartless, but when mother died, when many of my friends died, it wasn't this hard. Maybe it is because I don't have much left. After that last tour, when Francois died, I bubbled up. I avoided making new friends. Father is the only person I have talked to outside of work in almost two years.
Huh, It's crazy to think about. Just writing it down makes me feel like an idiot. TWO years I have been going through life avoiding everyone. I think you have made me think about my feelings enough journal, until later then.
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Odr Bolle (DELETED 11594)
- Posts: 3
- Joined: 18 Nov 2018, 04:47
Re: Coming to Harper Rock - Journals of Odr Bolle
12 July 2018
Two more weeks until I go see father. Not sure I am ready. The nurses say he is only lucid for about twenty minutes each day. I have always been proud to be a warrior, to fight for others freedom. What was the cost though? Most of my adult life was spent in other countries, I can't even remember the smell of Canadian air. My father's face is only a memory. Now I go home to him, sick, dying, a shell of the bear he used to be.
1 August 2018
I was thirteen steps into the hospital when I got the call. Thirteen steps, father is dead. He was likely dead before I landed on Canadian soil. No goodbye, no farewell. Just a slab of meat on a bed. I thought maybe he would seem different. I have seen a lot of dead bodies though, and father was no different from the rest. Perhaps, a bit less maimed then most I've seen, but no less a soulless hunk of flesh.
5 August 2018
I have arranged to take father to the coast. One nice thing about always being deployed, I have a large savings account. So, I have purchased a small sailboat, and a charter out to international waters. In three days time, I will place my father on that boat, along with some of his belongings and photograph of mother, onto that sailboat and set it aflame. Father may have died sick in a hospital bed, but he will always be a warrior in my hears. So, I will give him a warrior's burial. I hope, that in this new world, Odin or Freya understand the value of a warrior that died old. That way, when I die, I can see my father in Valhalla, or visit him in Folkvangr.
9 August 2018
The ceremony yesterday was peaceful, quiet. Only myself and the owner of the charter boat I used to get back to shore. The flames were tall and I know father went, wherever he went, content and ready. Now I just have to figure out what to do with myself, how do I go on, where do I find my contentment.
16 August 2018
Not knowing where else to go, I decided to stay in Harper Rock. It's a strange place, or I am just not used to being in my home country anymore. I am not really sure of which. There is an entire section of the city that is quarantined. I have no clue as to why, but I will do my best to stay away from there. I have spent much of my time here locked into an apartment I purchased. I know I told myself that I would go out, I would meet people. I would find a job, and I would be a part of society. But, I just haven't been able to yet. I heard of some place called the Metronome Club, maybe I will check that out.
Two more weeks until I go see father. Not sure I am ready. The nurses say he is only lucid for about twenty minutes each day. I have always been proud to be a warrior, to fight for others freedom. What was the cost though? Most of my adult life was spent in other countries, I can't even remember the smell of Canadian air. My father's face is only a memory. Now I go home to him, sick, dying, a shell of the bear he used to be.
1 August 2018
I was thirteen steps into the hospital when I got the call. Thirteen steps, father is dead. He was likely dead before I landed on Canadian soil. No goodbye, no farewell. Just a slab of meat on a bed. I thought maybe he would seem different. I have seen a lot of dead bodies though, and father was no different from the rest. Perhaps, a bit less maimed then most I've seen, but no less a soulless hunk of flesh.
5 August 2018
I have arranged to take father to the coast. One nice thing about always being deployed, I have a large savings account. So, I have purchased a small sailboat, and a charter out to international waters. In three days time, I will place my father on that boat, along with some of his belongings and photograph of mother, onto that sailboat and set it aflame. Father may have died sick in a hospital bed, but he will always be a warrior in my hears. So, I will give him a warrior's burial. I hope, that in this new world, Odin or Freya understand the value of a warrior that died old. That way, when I die, I can see my father in Valhalla, or visit him in Folkvangr.
9 August 2018
The ceremony yesterday was peaceful, quiet. Only myself and the owner of the charter boat I used to get back to shore. The flames were tall and I know father went, wherever he went, content and ready. Now I just have to figure out what to do with myself, how do I go on, where do I find my contentment.
16 August 2018
Not knowing where else to go, I decided to stay in Harper Rock. It's a strange place, or I am just not used to being in my home country anymore. I am not really sure of which. There is an entire section of the city that is quarantined. I have no clue as to why, but I will do my best to stay away from there. I have spent much of my time here locked into an apartment I purchased. I know I told myself that I would go out, I would meet people. I would find a job, and I would be a part of society. But, I just haven't been able to yet. I heard of some place called the Metronome Club, maybe I will check that out.