Backdated Sept 2017
Doc: Entered the flower shop in the Honeymead market. He meandered through looking at the different exotic plants to the floral bouquets. He wasn't a flower expert, but he did recognize the pairing of certain flowers. Today people put flowers together because of color of the flower or the look of the blooms. But this particular bouquet that he stood admiring was made with the significance on the meaning of the flowers.
Liz: Elizabeth had been preparing an assortment of floral baskets for a business banquet most the evening when she had heard from Diederik about the mysterious present at her door. Elizabeth had tomed home, opened it and had replied to the sender. As promised, she would be where she claimed to be, given the baskets for the two dozen tables had not been completed yet. She hadn't heard the front door open, due to her being in the cooler and taking a tally, so it had been a few minutes after Doc had entered that Elizabeth had realized it. When her blue eyes landed upon him, she offered him a small smile and dipped her head in his direction. "Charles. You are in one piece. I had wondered at some point..." Elizabeth knew he was not dead, but a vampire could be in half a dozen pieces at least before it became drastic.
Doc: Doc nodded, his smirk was lackluster, "My body is whole." He sucked it up. He hated apologizing. She might not think it was a big deal, a simple apology. But even in the best circumstances, it galled him to have to admit he was wrong. But right now? The way his emotions were fluctuating, he felt like throwing up. "I am sorry I have been unattainable." He swallowed. "My emotions are not right. I don't know what is going on. So I may look fine. But I am not fine." There he said it. He apologized. He laid his failing out there in the open. The hand that was in his pants pocket, was fisted tightly, as though he thought it would help help stay in control.
Liz: Elizabeth imagined that apologizing was not easy for Charles and it seemed to be something he had to do every so often with her. She nodded her head, blue eyes flicking over him quickly before returning to his face. "I understand your reasons for being unattainable. Some of us prefer our own company at times, while others prefer that of others. I understand that people react to things differently, Charles. I just do not know why you did not say such a thing. It would not have been that big of a deal...and perhaps, it is not that big a deal anyways." Elizabeth countered as she moved to grab some red and orange flowers for the next basket she would make tonight. "In truth, it was unfair of me to say what I had said in the email missive. In retrospect, you do not owe me any explanation." Elizabeth grabbed a shears and lopped off a good portion of the stems for the flowers, before glancing at him. "I do not have many friends for various reasons, I was a little worried..." She trailed off. "You think I have not noticed things have been 'off' with thee lately? or that others may not know? I am positive most do, Charles."
Doc: Doc looked at her horrified. "Not a big deal?! It is a huge ******* deal! It is an admission of weakness. A weakness that can be exploited. Used against me. Used against my spawn. Or anyone I care about." He sighed and lowered his voice, "That is the first thing I look for when I am going to go **** someone up.. find their weakness. Use it. Exploit. If I cannot find a weakness, I find their loved ones and I **** them up. I **** them to the point that the person I am really after submits to my will. That is what I do, and I do it well. And I just gave you my weakness." He counted, and while he counted, she shrugged it off like it was nothing she cared about after all. "What? Oh **** no." He have her hard angry look. "You do not make a demand like that.. and then backpedal. What are you saying Lizzie? I'm not worth your time? You've been slumming maybe?"
Liz: She had been snipping away at the stems for the next five baskets she would need to make, before there came a certain point where she stopped and listened to what he was saying more carefully. Specifically, at the point of any admission of being seen as 'weak.' She sighed softly, then almost rolled her eyes before her lips parted and then closed at his inquiries. The shears came to rest on the granite table surface, nestled between it and her open palms. 'Slumming' was not a term she was used to and so it took a few seconds for her to understand what he was suggesting, before her blue eyes narrowed into daggers. "I..." She didn't waste another second talking before she threw the shears at him, more specifically, at his chest. It wouldn't kill him, but if it stuck it might sting a little. Hopefully, a lot.
Doc: Thankfully Doc's reflexes were not impaired, so he was able to deflect them enough so they did not do major damage. His suit and his arm took a nasty slice. "Oh we can throw things now? Fine." He picked up the first thing that came to hand, which was terra cotta clay tray, and threw it at her. "How does that feel? Great huh? It's alright for you to blithely to admit you don’t care; but call you on it, and a guy gets skewered. First I am wrong for not ******* sharing, something that is.. Difficult.." He practically snarled at her, ".. then after I do.. bare my ******* soul.. I get brushed off when I do? And YOU throw **** at me?! I do not understand you!"
Liz: "Don't you-" Elizabeth warned as she saw the pot being lifted and then thrown at her. Did it bother her more that he threw it at her, or that he was throwing her things? Both. Perhaps the first. Things could be replaced, even though they were her things. She twirled to the right, but still managed to get hit in the side before it thunked against her frame and fell to the floor and shattered. "I do not understand you!" She snapped back, before grabbing a glass vase from the shelf behind her and threw it in his direction. "I am not a breakable trinket! So who is it you are worried about someone hurting? Amalea? Mortll? Ariadne?" She spat at him, before taking a deep breath in. "Do not dare assume my feelings on anything, for you could not be more wrong." She grabbed an ordering book and threw it at him for good measure too.
Doc: He successfully dodged the vase, but got hit by the order book. He grabbed it after it hit him fore square in the face, at which point he flung it right back at her. "You're not breakable?! ********! You are just as breakable as I am. Only I don't care if I get broken! I care if YOU do!" He grabbed the next thing within reach and hurled it at her, only to have it waft to the floor several feet short of its target. "******* bows. You can never ******* trust a ******* bow!" He snarled, uncaring that it make no sense. "Who am I ******* apologizing to? Mortll? No. Ariadne? No. Amalea? No. You! I am apologizing to you! And for your information.. not that you asked.. but by god, you want to know.. Ari and I .. Platonic. Period. Amalea.. also not sexual! Mortll.. is also ******* pissed at me. Only, I am not apologizing to her.. Now am I?" Both hands clenched, as he really wanted to hurt someone, but he was counting. "There I told you. Now .. please enlighten me.. why do you not want my apology anymore? Because I feel ******* used. Toyed with. Played with until.. the toy isn't so shiny anymore, then pushed aside."
Liz: The book came back in her direction, but Elizabeth remained where she was and took the hit. What was the worst that would happen? A paper cut? A bruise? It came fluttering at her, grazing the right side of her neck and shoulder. The fingers from both her hands came to rest simultaneously on the granite surface behind her as Elizabeth stood there and listened to what he had to say. Of course she was breakable, or..killable, if that was what he was worried about, but if a holocaust couldn't keep her tucked away in the void forever, neither would anything else unless Elizabeth decided it.
Her eyes moved to the ground, attempting to see what he had thrown at her this go around, trying to understand where bows came into play. When did she get bows in the shop? Elizabeth frowned trying to piece together what he was saying and what Doc was actually meaning, until he continued. Did she want to know, as Doc stated? That hadn't been her full intent, but Elizabeth was....relieved? “You feel used? I did not disappear without a word, Charles. That was all you! I have been here, waiting for you. You are your biggest enemy, not some other potential enemy that may or may not be out there.” Her blue hues remained on him, narrowing a little more.
“You vanished, quite literally, the night after our date. Left me wondering so very many things.” Elizabeth turned her head to the right to glance at the pot on the floor. “I want an apology, a genuine one, but how can I expect such a thing? It is wrong to force such a thing, given one of us has stronger feelings for the other, than the other does for them. And in case you are wondering, that person is me, Charles. Which makes me the biggest ******* idiot in the world.” Elizabeth glanced up at him, then shook her head. “Did you not think for even a moment how I would feel when you vanished? If not, then you are no better a man then he is.”
Doc: “First.. I did not vanish. I went home. By myself. Alone. Period. Why? Because there is something fucked in my head. And I wanted to try and sort it out. Except ..it’s still fucked and I do not know why.”
He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He still wanted to throw things; maybe even choke her, except he knew it wouldn't have the result he wanted, because she wasn't human and did quite well without breathing. He took a deep breath, and slowly released it several times. He was still angry, but he wasn’t at the point of doing bodily harm to anyone, .. hopefully.
“You’re not an idiot, Lizzie. I didn’t want you to see me.. Like ..” he gestured by throwing his arms open, “This. But that point, is moot now.. I am ******* mess. That was the last thing i wanted you to see.. **** me though.. You’re seeing it now! Hope you like what you are seeing!” He paced in a small circle before stopping across the table from her and said, “And you are right. I should have called. Emailed. Something. And I did not. I am sorry.”
Doc snarled to himself deep in his throat, “I am not making excuses.. However, at the time.. I thought.. In my fucked-upness, that it was the right course of action! But I was fucked up.. Still fucked up! I am not not happy about it.. I am trying to fix it.. Its not working!” He took another few calming breaths, and said, “Since we are being honest.. And open.. You can be ******* needy Lizzie. I compartmentalize. There is going to have to be some give and take, Lizzie, if we are going to make this work. I would like to make it work.”
Liz: He was being particular, and she suspected they both knew it. Her arms crossed at her waist, as Elizabeth listened to what he said. Something was ‘wrong' with Doc, and he couldn't figure it out. Even many nights later.
He was frustrated, it was evident in his tone and body language. She sighed, but remained where she was while her blue eyes watched him pace. “Like what, Charles? Needing help? Heaven forbid anyone sees you needing any help? You think that asking for help, what? Makes thee less attractive? Weak? You could not be more wrong. Allowing others to see you as vulnerable, makes one stronger. It shows others that you are strong enough to endure any potential hardships, or hurt that may come with exposing those vulnerabilities.”
Elizabeth moved back to the station she had been working at, and placed both palms on the counter. “I believe my definition of needy and yours are very different. It is concern and care, Charles. I could quite easily track you down, slip into your thoughts and memories, but I did none of those things for the respect of your privacy. Wanting to know you are fine, is not needy “ her blue eyes narrowed as Elizabeth thought of all the things she could say about him, but she suspected nothing she would have said would have surprised him. And so she left her next set of words vague. “and since you feel the need to be honest, it is not as if you have no unsavoury characteristics. Yet, for some reason, here I am, giving a **** about you.” Her eyes softened a little before she leaned back with a small shrug.
Doc: Doc nodded each time she asked her rhetorical questions. Needing help? He nodded adamantly. You think that asking for help, what? Makes thee less attractive? Again. Yes. He nodded. Weak? “Yes!” It had been beaten into him at an early age that the first sign of weakness, his father would seize it and beat him until he couldn’t stand. Yes. He learned that lesson well. And even as she said he was wrong, he could point out incident after incident in nature where predators always went after the young and weak. Sharks took out the young or weak seals. Lions took out the weak antelope. Dolphins, bullied their prey by stunning them, and then eating the weakened stunned fish. But he was aghast and muttered ‘the ****..’ when she said, letting others see you when vulnerable, makes you stronger.
He continued to stare at her, as she added that their definitions were not in agreement. He was about to let loose with another tirade when he forced himself to calm down. Normally.. Someone disagreeing with him, wouldn’t have phased him at all. He would have snorted, said ‘**** you’ and moved on. But he didn’t like Lizzie disagreeing with him. He didn’t like it all. ******* feelings were rearing their obscene heads again. He tried to focus on the words, not the emotions they were causing, until she said she gave a ****. It was like the floodgates of tension suddenly eased up.
Doc nodded. “Alright.“ He took a few minutes to let the thought settle in. “Thank you. I care about you as well. I don't want to see you get hurt. It isn't that I don’t think you can handle yourself. It isn’t that at all. I get a..” he frowned, then blurted out, “helpless feeling. And I don’t like it.”
Liz: He didn’t agree with her and that was fine. To each their own perception of things and Elizabeth was old enough to understand that what she thought or felt, wasn’t always what others, or the majority thought and felt. Either way, she didn’t care in those instances. Doc seemed to believe that showing any form of emotion was a weakness on his end, but she chose to believe differently.
Suddenly, he seemed calmer. Elizabeth moved to the side of the counter as he spoke, listening to what he said. “It is not a good feeling, is it?” Elizabeth countered, expecting it to be more rhetorical than anything. To impress upon that, she continued her thoughts. “One has to realize that everyone gets hurt in some respects, Charles. And the fault would not be yours if anyone were to get hurt and nothing could have been done by thee.” She waved a dismissive hand, focusing on him. Or more specifically, his problem. “When did you start noticing these differences in your personality? How did the changes first represent themselves?” She finally finished moving around the counter so she could stand next to him, but did not reach for him. “And I too would like to figure out things at some point. To make this work.”
Doc: He started intently at her as she spoke. Her seemingly simple question, uttered without anger or derision, had an affect on him. She continued and airily brushed it aside as though, it were something she had long come to terms with. And it did make sense that she should be more easily understanding, and forgiving, as she had centuries to see and recognized what does and does not matter.
Doc felt somewhat sheepishly ashamed and embarrassed. Yes, sure she said it wasn’t a weakness. But he could not help but feel utterly exposed. Having not felt that way since childhood, it was a devastatingly realization. But one he was going to attempt to soldier through. If he looked at this logically, it would not kill him. It was only debilitating, if he allowed it to be so.
His gaze had been locked on her until she asked him, ‘when did he start to notice to differences’. Focusing on her question, his gaze drifted off as he attempted to pin down the event in question. He had been fine in Italy. Fine at the townhall meeting. Fine, when he and his Kid, had the talk. He frowned suddenly and his eyes narrowed, as he seemed it pinpoint the timing. But.. that was illogical. His face now wore a perplexed look as he turned his regard back to her face. At that precise moment, Doc remembered quite vividly the suddenly burst of anger when he felt when he thought Lizzie had been belittling Amalea’s accomplishments. From that point on, it had been a rollercoaster of happy, sentimental, angry, irrationally morose, and despondent feelings. Had those feelings been there before? But to a lesser degree? However, it then dawned on him what she said about also wanting to making it work, and his emotions took another swing toward a more positive feeling, but this time he recognized it as a mood swing.
“I am not saying it means anything.. But .. I began to notice the issues around the time of the eclipse.”
Liz: As he stood there thinking, trying to work out the timeline, Elizabeth finally moved around the granite workspace and stood in front of it. She didn't move to touch Doc, she just stood there and offered him her presence.
“That was weeks ago.” Elizabeth pointed out, before sighing softly. “Charles, you are a man of trials and errors, but...And I say this kindly. Whatever you are doing, is not working. You need to take a different approach. Please, let me help you, as you have helped me so many times.” It was then that she moved forward and placed both her hands on his cheeks. “You need help, only if you take but a little help tonight, you may feel better.” Elizabeth stepped back while she dropped her hands from his face. “Please. Think about the future and the next meeting. You will need your wits about thee. Allow me to help thee with one of your small burdens. What has one got to lose?”
Doc: Nodding in agreement with her. “I know it was three weeks ago. It feels like a lot longer.” He was suddenly very tired, when minutes before he was full of energy gearing up for a fight. But as had happened for the last three weeks, he went through periods of being keyed up, to crushing listlessness; from being in a fairly decent mood, to wanting to kill the person he is talking to; all for not specific reason. The swing of emotions, and the rise and plummet of energy levels was brutal.
Doc rubbed the back of his neck. “Lizzie, if I knew what to do I would try it..it is all I can do to make it one night to the next, without killing someone. “ He gestured absently, “killing someone without covering my tracks.. “ he clarified.
Part of Doc wanted to grab her offer and hold it close; but the cautious, wary side of him, railed at him about weakness.. And being seen a pity case. He had already admitted his foibles, and she was still here, trying to help, that was a good thing right? He wanted it to be the good thing. But wariness still argued. Perhaps she wants to get his achilles heel.. And hold it over him? If this wasn’t his achilles, what was? She already knew this. How much worse could it get?
His voice was weary, resigned, and yet firm when he finally agreed. “Alright…” He looked like he wanted to add more, but what could he add that would be of substance? Nothing.
Liz: If a problem, or multiple problems remained unsolved, Elizabeth knew all too well that the duration of time seemed to be longer than it actually was. His admission of wanting to kill something, or rather someone didn't even get a raise of a brow from Elizabeth. She could hardly judge, yet the inability, or desire of not wanting to cover his tracks was problematic on many fronts.
The eclipse may very well be the problem, or potential solution….something Elizabeth kept to herself for now. When was the next eclipse? Finally, Doc agreed to her proposal, but offered nothing more. He was hesitant, and she could understand. Doc led a complicated life; his profession, his desired profession, apparently had a knack for killing and at times getting paid for it. Elizabeth imagined getting him to share anything, even something so small to most, would be complicated and require a fair bit of trust.
“Have I ever told thee the year in which I was born? I do not believe so...fifteen hundred and three. I have been alive, in a sense for half a millennia. Only a vampire for about four hundred and ninety...give or take a year or so.” She held up a finger, then moved to a table with three chairs. She usually met with a client, or clients here, when they placed their order. Elizabeth extended a hand to the chairs across from her. “The point is, that when one lives a long time...longer than twenty or thirty years, they have done many of things. Some good, some..bad, I suppose and some things because they had to. I, like anyone, even you, Charles, are no exception to this. I am here to help, not judge, for none of us have the right to at the end of the night, do we?”
Doc: Doc managed to smirk at her last comment, “Do we have the right? No. But do I? **** yes, I do.” He followed her to the table and chairs, not exactly reluctantly, but also not fully emphatically either.
Now seated across from her, Doc gave her a caged look. He gazed was locked on her. It was a look that was both wary and defiant at the same time. She had a point, a very valid point about time and experience. He could see things so much clearly than those barely two decades old could. How much more so could someone who had lived and experienced centuries of events and history?
This was not going to be easy for him. He had promised not to lie to her. And he hadn’t. ****. It just hit him, what he had admitted to her a moment ago. ****! That was not the type of slip he can let happen.. And yet he just did. ****. What would she do? Had he just ruined every positive move forward, with one giant step backwards? She said she wouldn't judge, not to his face. But once he left? What then?
He broke eye contact, he looked down. Either he was all in, now. Go for broke. Or he needed to leave. He looked at her once more. “What do you want to know?”
Liz: Everyone judged, even she did. Silently, but she suspected Doc was a bit more vocal than she was, or ever had been. She smirked right along with him, still smirking while he sat across from her. Elizabeth could still gather some hesitation from Doc, even though he sat and seemed willing to attempt to share his problems with her.
She caught his glance downwards, which caused her to frown and tilt her head. It was almost a glance of submission, almost like a sullen child...or something she could not quite place her fingers on. Whatever it was, it was again, uncharacteristic of him. Elizabeth leaned back in her chair and then attempted to provide Doc with some sense of openness, by sharing with him a bit of her history. “You know of James, but you do not know of Abigail. She was born about two years after James, but did not live to see her first birthday. In truth, she did not live past four months. As soon as she fell ill, I did everything that I could to reach out to her father to return. He did not. Yes, he was a man of the sea, but what you do not know is that even when he was not fishing, he was a very difficult man to find. I had not ever loved him, nor he, I, there was no kindness in our home and perhaps that was why he was seldom home. Still, she was his daughter. “ Elizabeth crossed her legs at her ankles and dropped her hands on the table in front of her.
“After the death of both our children and his inability to help me move past the loss of our children, I took what money and other valuables we had and fled. Isabella found me less than a year later. I had still not recovered completely from the loss of both our children and from so many other things. You may find this difficult to believe, but in my first year or so as a vampire, I had murdered many, many people. Men and women. I was, as what some would say, judge, jury and executioner. It provided me with a temporary happiness and closure to some extent, but...eventually I had to face my own demons, so to speak. It had not been an easy thing to do and still, at times…” She shrugged and did not finish that train of thought. “I had only ever told that story to one other person, and so...it is something I am entrusting you with.” She looked at him pointedly. “I want you to share with me what you want to. I am not asking for something so dire, if you are not ready or willing, but we all must face our demons at some point, Charles.”
Doc: He had stared at her so hard, while she spoke. Some ‘thing’ in what she had said struck a chord with him. Maybe it wasn’t the eclipse. It was the test results. The results that has staggered him. At the moment it had not meant that much. But now, as Lizzie spoke of a baby daughter, and her loss, some of it seemed to make sense.
“I have a daughter.” He blurted it right out. “Not Phoenix.. Another one.” He gazes seemed to dart this way and that as pieces were falling into the place. “I found out recently.” He paused as he was remembering dates and matching events up,.. “But I found out before the Eclipse.” He sounded disappointed. He had wanted the information about the daughter to the be the source. And now that he had found out the source, and thus it would be known, the emotional roller coaster would go away. But he knew that wasn’t the cause. Perhaps a precursor; but not the cause.
Doc looked at her again, “I never wanted to be a father until later in life. I was about 45, when I realized I wanted children. I wanted to leave a legacy. But I didn’t want a son. I wanted a daughter. I wanted her to grow up strong and secure, I was going to make sure she was strong.”
“My mother was weak.” He clenched his teeth. “Weak and abused. She refused to leave my father. Not out of fear. But because she loved him..” He sneered. “What is love if it keeps you tied to your abuser? It isn’t love. Its dependence on a psychotic scale.”
Doc went silent for a moment and changed the subject back to his daughter. “My daughter is strong and capable. But she did it on her own. I never knew about her. Had I known, I would have been in her life. But she is an adult now. There isn’t much I can do, that I would have wanted to do.” He shrugged. “I would love to pay her mother a visit..” There was an ominous threat in that last comment.
Liz: Elizabeth nodded her head. She knew of Phoenix, which was still something she blinked at whenever it was mentioned. She supposed she could see it in a sense, but this wasn’t the daughter he was referring to. The open confession of not wanting children didn’t phase her, in fact, it earned Doc points, unlike her mortal husband who didn’t want children, yet was all too happy to have them.
The mention of his mother had Elizabeth tilting her head and nodding. She knew there was no love loss between he and his parents. It was something Elizabeth could relate to, in the sense of her mother. She had no love for that woman, even centuries later. “I am assuming this daughter knows of thee. What was her response? Does she want you in her life? Has she rejected you, in some respects? While one cannot turn back time, one can be here for her now.” It was the only solace she could offer him. “And perhaps, one should visit the mother...however, one must also take into account her feelings on the matter. It is what a father would do.” Elizabeth shrugged her shoulders, then once again relaxed in the chair.
Doc: “She does. But I have warned her.. Being related to me, once it is known, she will be painted with a different brush.” He gave Lizzie the first genuine smile of the evening. “No she is very accepting of me. Supportive? Yes. She is why I am here. She is the one that made me see your side. While I am ******* wallowing in self pity,” He said the words about himself with such derision, “She kicked my ***.. Nicely.. But she kicked it. I told you.. That someone made me see it.. And then you got angry..”
“I do not say things well. The only time I am able to use words to my advantage is when I’m lying to someone. But we.. you and I .. we have a pact. And I am keeping it. But in return I **** myself over because I tell the truth.. because the truth can be brutal. And the truth can hurt.” He sighed.
“She has been good for me. She has been better for me.. Than I have for her.”
Doc looked at Lizzie, “I am sorry you lost your children. I don’t think I can ever come close to knowing what you felt. But I understand the anger.” He canted his head to the side, “Your children’s father did not care. The mother of my child hid her from me. Why do they deserve respect?” It was a genuine question. In his mind, they deserved a harsh penalty. As a father, he should reign retribution down on the mother, in the name of his daughter.
