Till it's gone- (Jesse Fforde)

[Balthazar]

Balthazar honestly never felt better than he did at that very moment. So much so that he swore that this was exactly how feeling alive should be every ******* day and night of the week. In his estimation he had been relieved of what could be summed up as a long, needless bout of half with it and barely there for thirty years with a few to spare. Judging from appearances he was feeling younger than the one catching the pillow.

A grin reached his beard framed lips and sent his cheeks higher up than they were usually placed. The overall effects were buzzing through his system like he finally had been wired right, the countless circuits within were connecting and all systems were go. This was it. As he heard his brother from another mother confirm the hellacious ride of physical torment he had been on was officially over he nearly jumped to his feet with a grunt of gratitude. Slide and lift was more like it but there he was standing firmly on his own and feeling like the moon and stars outside were reachable from where he was planted.Yes, it was that good.

“On fire, man.” Which for the most part he was, minus the visible flames. “This is unfuckingbelievable.”

Whatever his appearance was mattered little this time for all the right reasons. He was scattered when he tried to focus on one thing, his mind shooting from one system to another to check out what was new improved. From what he could ascertain in the short amount of time since he answered Jesse’s question all of it was upgraded. A brief glance down to his feet was fueled by the realization he could cover what he had hanging out and take a seat. Which he did in that order. The sheet went over his lap and tucked under his *** as he settled down on the mattress beneath him. Who said an old dog couldn’t learn new tricks from the younger one?

“So, tell me what I am in for and even more importantly need to do to keep this up.” Jesse would need to start with the most basic points because he was clueless on what to do. “I am a fish out of water like this but I can’t wait to dive in. Pretty sure this is where you tell me all about how I can to avoid sinking and get my backstroke on.” His inked up hands raked through the top of his head and smoothed everything back. “Does it always feel this good?” He was asking a lot of questions but he hoped like hell that this was just the start of it.

[Jesse Fforde]

That was a question that Jesse couldn’t really answer. Did it always feel this good? On and off, he supposed, but it never did feel as good as it did in the very beginning. The Necromancer couldn’t help the smile that curled the corners of his lips; his own siring hadn’t been at all glamorous, but the way he’d felt afterwards was never to be rivalled. He’d felt like he had the whole world at his feet. He was a King among mortals. A few smacks from his sire brought him down a peg or two, though it was an ego he’d never truly lost. It hid in the recesses of his heart and soul. Perhaps one day he could be that man again. But maybe he never would – and did it matter? He’d grown, and was more mature than he had been six years ago. Trauma had a way of doing that to a person.

”Depends on how you treat it,” he started, then shrugged. There was no point in getting all philosophical, not right now. The truth was, Jesse did still love what he was and how it made him feel. He had no regrets. If he could go back in time he’d make the same choices all over again. Though, he pondered, maybe he’d have treated his sire a little different. How different would his life be if he’d chosen to stick with her rather than Tytonidae? Would she have stayed? That was the ego talking, thinking that he as a single person could have convinced his sire to stay. He cleared his throat.

”You’ll get used to it. Eventually what you feel will just be normal, but your growth will never cease. Each new week brings a new ability, a new power, if you let it,” he said. Jesse hadn’t discovered any new and shiny abilities recently but that didn’t mean he couldn’t feel himself growing.

”Get dressed,” he said, nodding to a pile of clothes on top of a dresser. He’d brought them in one night in the past week. Just a single set. He’d asked Clover to help him. Balthazar ended up with jeans and a plaid shirt. Jesse was, in a way, making fun of him. He looked like a lumberjack and so should dress like one. ”We’ll walk and talk. If you think you feel good now, wait until you get outside,” he said. He stretched his legs as he stood, and exited the room so Balthazar could get dressed – not that Jesse thought the guy would request privacy, insomuch that he didn’t want to have to see his brother’s Johnson for the third time.

[Balthazar]

Balthazar stepped out dressed in what he wore in and glanced back over his shoulder at the room he was leaving behind. While he rolled up the length of his sleeves to hang just below his elbows he felt like he was somehow born again. This time everything was more than fine. It was fantastic. There were plenty of questions that went with him as he stepped out to find Jesse waiting. Absolutely no regrets were to be had. Not one.

Even if he gave it a couple weeks and found out pizza wasn’t going to be a choice on his eternal menu he would still be cool with it all. No deep dish could compete with the feel good firing through his body. Perhaps he was clueless as to what he just signed himself up for and was not thinking about the sun and the way he used to move through the daylight with ease. Or the ability to be warm as expected to the touch, vulnerable to what the rest of the sorry human bastards on the planet were. The complications and challenges that nighttime existence would eventually bring to him as it did for all wouldn’t be enough to shake that feeling that continued to rise within him. He was without a doubt in the best shape of his life.

Mentally he felt ready for anything that could and would eventually come at him. Emotionally, from what he could tell, he was pretty much the same. He was not the unhappy, hard to please sort to start with. So anything going on at that moment was all winning bonus. Some saw the glass half empty or half full. Balthazar was the rare exception that was feeling fortunate there was a glass let alone anything inside it whether it be air or liquid or the last of his luck. Perhaps he was initially feeling a little more confident since he finally stopped shitting his pants. From what he gathered and was left assuming he never would again. Nothing could make the man in him more relieved after the week of *** blistering hell.

“I am as ready as I will ever be.” He patted his pockets and found he was missing nothing since he came in with pretty much nothing. “You think I am?” He decided asking couldn’t hurt. “Just do me a last favor and try not to sprout wings or something and disappear on me. Kinda winging this with your help and rather not tossed to the wolves until you think I can handle it.”

The prospect of fresh air sounded really good. With each new step he took behind Jesse he noticed that he didn’t need the air that he took in as he typically would. It sort of went no where or did anything for him until he emptied his lungs and made space for more. The need for it, the desperation and panic that came from being without it was gone.

[Jesse Fforde]

Jesse’s first inclination was to snap at Balthazar; to ask him why the **** he would have cleaned up Balthazar’s puke and basically nursed him hand and foot for a week if his sole intention was then to toss him to the wolves. If Jesse had wanted nothing to do with the fledgling or the responsibility that came with siring, he wouldn’t have brought Balthazar here at all. He’d have let him suffer and die out in there in the city, on the streets, in whatever hovel he might have ended up in. Jesse’d never abandoned his accidents; even those he’d bitten who’d got away, he’d gone looking for them the next night. Just in case. Though to be fair, if they lived and showed no signs of turning they generally ended up dead anyway. The job was finished. Jesse didn’t like leaving witnesses.

The two had gained the elevator, and Jesse pushed the button that would take them to the top floor. There were plenty of portals they could take to get them into the city in the blink of an eye, but Jesse preferred to take his time. They would walk the road that led through the wilderness and past the Silverlight fairgrounds into the city. They’d have time to discuss, then, what Balthazar’s life would now be like.

As it was, he didn’t answer Balthazar’s comment about being thrown to the wolves. Jesse was trying the whole ‘if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all’ philosophy; it’d been an easy philosophy to follow when he’d had no voice to say anything with. Now, having it back was like wielding a gun he had no idea how to use. Though he mostly shot his own foot with the consequences of his attitude.

”It’s different, depending on the person,” he said instead. His silence had lasted the elevator ride, and now they stepped out into an arboretum, though it looked almost abandoned. The dome overhead was made with glass but was covered with moss. Vines and trees had crept into a space that had once been immaculate; they’d dealt with too many intruders for Jesse to want to use the top floor much anymore, though there was the remnants of a firepit where they’d all once gathered for some holiday or other. From memory, the gathering had been a disaster.

The elevator brought them to the front door and Jesse gestured to the overgrown arboretum in front of them.

”Don’t go wandering through there, by the way. There are traps. Everywhere,” he said. A few of the newer Ffordes had been caught by the traps even despite warnings – but at least Jesse could say he’d dealt the warning. Whether Balthazar forgot it was on his own shoulders. The door was yanked open, and Jesse waited for Balthazar to exit before he followed behind, leading the way into the city.

”As I was saying – it’s different for everyone, how long it takes to adjust and be ‘ready’. I suppose it depends on how eager you are to learn,” Jesse said. He ran his tongue over his teeth, glancing sideways at Balthazar before turning forward again. ”You remember how you got there? I had Laya give you a tome. You should still have that. If you left if behind, you should go get it back. It’s your key into the lair. If you’re in a sticky situation you just have to read the words on that bit of paper and *poof*! You’re in the lair. There are apartments underground. Beds. Places to stay,” he said. If that didn’t give Balthazar some indication of Jesse’s response in regards to the favour he’d asked then… well, Jesse wasn’t going to spell it out for him.

[Balthazar]

Balthazar found the details of reading something and suddenly ending up somewhere else rather intriguing. The specifications of of how far it would actually work would be something he would learn about at a later time. Not that he was going to be venturing any great distances. Not any time soon that is. He pat his pocket and he found what was called a tome still in his possession. It would stay with him just in case as was advised.

Given everything he had just been through it was reasonable to accept that LA Tomatina in Bunyol, Spain would not find him in the August crowds. Nor would he be attending Burning Man in Black Rock City. It was cool. As soon as he thought of it he was fine. He already had disappeared from the grid for the next year to adapt to what had taken over his life. Who could really blame him if they knew? Last place he should be showing up is for Songkran in Thailand. Japan he would miss more than anything else but even that would be minor compared to what he had been given and what was pretty much at his fingertips. Eventually he would be back to all those places getting lost in the crowds once again. For now he would take on the role of tourist to Jesse Fforde’s informative guide to the world he was borne into.

Ross came to mind as he glanced to Jesse who just offered him a place to stay, to adjust and be safe. The roomie was likely not going to take this as the good news he had. He nodded and would figure all that out later. Zar had time to tell the woman. He just had to figure out how. At the moment his biggest concern was how he would be maintaining his nearly insatiable thirst and mounting hunger. Being around Ross could be an issue if he didn't find out. As for hunger and thirst both did a fine job of picking up their pace effectively crawling through him at a faster rate as soon as he acknowledged it. He reached up and brought his hands to link in a loose weave with his fingers behind his neck. It seemed effortless to move any part of his body. He simply thought about it and no effort was needed, no discomfort. All of it happened leaving him to wonder what else would be so simplified for him.

“I guess this is good as time as any to ask you about things like will be important. Such as...” His hands pulled apart and his arms dropped back to his sides. Instead of leaving them to dangle he slid each into his back pocket. “Drinking blood.” He had been known to bite here and there but that was a whole lot different than taking a blood sample and swallowing it down.  “Can I be around humans? Am I at risk of flipping my **** and chomping down?” There he said it. It wasn’t to rub it in that Jess did that. It was an honest ******* question that had an answer he needed to know. It could very well save a few lives until he had his own **** together.

[Jesse Fforde]

Though Jesse had offered Balthazar a place to stay, it didn’t mean that his brother was obligated to stay there. It was merely an option; Jesse knew that Balthazar had just been visiting Harper Rock, and this gave him the opportunity to give up whatever hotel or motel room he’d been staying in. For all the space that The Third Circle provided, Jesse wasn’t sure there were many who claimed it as their home -- and that was okay. It was a fortress, ready for whenever they needed it.

They were outside by now, the fresh air kissing their skin. Around them, the breeze touched the leaves of the trees surrounding Third Circle. An overgrown path led through to the road, which they would follow West into the city. It would take a good fifteen minutes to get there. Enough time to talk, before practical demonstration. Jesse considered Balthazar, his tongue running over his teeth for a second time. He knew to what Balthazar referred. He was victim to what the thirst could do to a man. Jesse shrugged.

”Again, man… it depends,” he said. So far he wasn’t doing so well in the answers department, but there was so much that only time could tell.

”You feel the thirst so strongly now because you’re new, but there’s a chance it might not go away. For me? It’s a constant struggle. I’m always thirsty, always hungry. It’s never satisfied. To make matters worse, the sight of blood, the smell of it… it can send me into a… into a frenzy,” he said. It had taken years to figure out how to control it, and even now he didn’t have a full handle on it. In moments of high emotion, of anger, Jesse could lose control. Balthazar was testament to it. Many of Jesse’s childer were testament to it.

”But it’s not something everyone has to deal with. Some of Fforde have the thirst, some have the frenzy, some have both. Some have none. I don’t think it’s passed down, necessarily. Only time can tell as far as you’re concerned. We’ll get you fed, then see how you fare,” he said, boots crunching in the dirt. He had a mind to visit the fair, pluck a couple of unwary victims out of the fun house. Or the horror house. Either one could be fun.

Better to start tame, however. He had no idea, yet, what Balthazar’s proclivities were.

[Balthazar]

So he had some hope in that department to work with. Not a lot but enough that Balthazar was able to nod once in acceptance of what he was told. There was no denying the hunger or thirst at work within him. The results were yet to be determined. While stepping through the outdoors and the night air he could recall times in the past of being so much of both that he would steal to sate either one. And really, he had without shame.

Hugh was on those juvenile expeditions. Foraging through dumpsters and dime stores during weekends where running away seemed like the best damn idea they ever had. It resulted in hiding from every police car and uniform they passed, sleeping on the ground that started out better than any second hand mattress they had back at his Mom’s place. That changed hour to hour thanks to newspaper blanketing not being all it was cracked up to be. With the first full twenty four hours passing by they were haunted by the fridge and the roof they had left behind when they headed out the front door wearing cloaks of defiance.

“Any tips on how to go about this?” He was about to be a thief again and was pretty sure without some sort of heads up he was likely to run into the same odds as he did back then. Discovery in this case would be a tad more risque. He wouldn’t be caught with a Slim Jim in his hand that he didn’t pay for. He would be tapping out a pint or two of warm human blood. It can’t be as simple as approaching a stranger and asking for spare change. “Or are people known to be cool with helping out if you are honest?”

It was a shot in the dark but it was an honest question. Jesse mentioned being at this for years. Balthazar believed him. The younger Fforde appeared to be doing incredibly well so maybe he had something working out that Zar could make use of. In his mind he had yet to take in the full idea that things were no where as violent as they could possibly get. He still worked with the base philosophy favoring humanity, consideration, boundaries and all the feel good **** that kept him free to do as he pleased and not locked up behind some thick bars and calling a fellow cell mate ‘Big Daddy.’

[Jesse Fforde]

”Tips?” Jesse repeated with a slow shrug. The tips he had been taught had come in helpful but eventually he’d discovered his own habits, his own preferred way of doing things. Phoenix, for all he had thought she had failed him, had been a good sire. In the beginning, he had followed all that she had taught. And if he could go back in time, if he could go back to that moment where he’d had to choose between a rock and a hard place, he’d have chosen the rock instead of the hard place. Every now and again he wondered what it would be like had he chosen different; would it all have ended up the same? Would his sire still have left the city? Did it matter? If he texted her now, she would eventually answer. The bridge was still there, even if it was a flimsy one made of vine and branches rather than one of stone and asphalt.

”Sure. There are places where blood dolls work. They call them blood dolls, those that are willing…” he said. It was a romantic notion, and oddly Jesse had never thought to seek out anyone willing. He’d wanted to convince them himself, he’d wanted to seduce them. And once every human started to react badly to him, terrified, wanting to run for the hills, he instead delighted in taking what he needed by force. He liked the way their fear tasted. Glancing sideways at his newfound brother, he decided it was best to not yet reveal how sinister he could be.

”Maybe we should find one of those willing people…” he murmured out loud, hands shoved into his pockets. ”One thing that’s absolutely certain is that everyone who’s been turned using my blood, in any variation… they don’t seem to be able to feed without leaving a mark. Being remembered. So, I suppose the question is: are you a good man, Balthazar? How do you feel about murder? If it doesn’t tickle your fancy, there’s always blood bags…” he said.

Talking. He always seemed to do a lot of it when he turned someone—and not much of it otherwise. Balthazar should make the most of the sound of his brother’s voice, while it lasted.

[Balthazar]

The power Balthazar truly had at hand would take more time than had passed since he woke to fully understand. That did not lessen the way it filled him with a sense of invincibility. It was intoxicating in the ways everything else fell short of accomplishing. Sex, booze, money, excess and pure adrenaline failed to reach the heights his give-a-full-**** bar was currently perched at. Jesse hit all the bells and whistles with his gift. But there was a catch. Of course there was.

Balthazar’s eyes snapped back to Jesse as soon as the question of how he felt about murder was asked. If dying, or nearly dying, wasn’t a full reality check the fact no one gets out of a Fforde bite alive sure was. He braved a few fingertips to his beard and rubbed at it in thought. It probably was in the fine print of that waiver he never had a chance to fully read. At least there was an option if snapping a spinal cord wasn’t in the cards, sort of.

Sucking on baggies would have to be a thing if he wasn’t looking to raise the torches of the townsfolk. Understandably one was about appealing as his own hand. The other had him salivating with potential. The warm silky source seemed to appeal to him more and more as the seconds of deliberation ticked by. Willing would be ideal. Welcome even. But would he be willing to kill for it? There was only one way to find out.

“I didn’t get this far to die a martyr or a saint.” No, he didn’t. He was feeling too good, too ready to add to what was already going on to allow the plight of humanity cloud his state of mind. “Where is the nearest dollhouse?”

[Jesse Fforde]

Jesse nodded.

A change of course would be required; generally he’d lead those newly turned into the slums to find some horrible person for them to feed on, to kill. It killed two birds with one stone – show them how to feed, and then how to properly dispose of a body (though that hadn’t helped Jesse much, given how often he’d been tracked by hunters and scientists. They knew his name, and where he worked. Flying under the radar had become a new semi-philosophy).

He guessed that, should Balthazar run into some issue in future where he accidentally slaughters someone (as is sometimes unavoidable as a vampire developing certain curses involving bloodshed) that he would contact Jesse, if he needed help. Or he’d take care of it on his own (though Jesse would prefer the former). Once they reached the city proper, Jesse would instead lead Balthazar toward the nearest train station (which happened to be River Rock).

”There’s a place I know for sure hires blood dolls. Used to go there all the time. It’s called The Necropolis,” he said. He didn’t like how close their destination would bring them to Voodoo Café, where all the Dragofucks liked to linger. But that was another quarrel for another day. Jesse didn’t know where else hired Blood Dolls. He didn’t go looking for them, as he preferred people who were unwilling. He preferred the thrill of their fear – though given his peculiar aura, he assumed said fear would be present regardless of whether they were willing or not.

”We need to catch a train. I’d have suggested taking a vehicle but I only have my bike at the moment, and I’m not sure you’d enjoy riding on the back like a common *****,” he said with a devious smirk. Glancing sideways, it again struck him that Balthazar was his brother. A ******* brother. He still couldn’t grasp it, still couldn’t wrap his mind around it. Could a blood bond be trusted? It couldn’t as far as cousins were concerned. But a brother was different, wasn’t it? Was it enough? It would be nice…

But only time could tell.