I don't know what to write in here, but I decided the old journal had to go. It just didn't feel right keeping it since that life ended and this new one began. Whatever this new one is. So, I'll write a list of things to do for things that need to get done or have to get done to start this new life.
Pack up my stuff and move it out of the apartment.
Get a lawyer to draw up divorce papers.
Sign them, leave them for Dhara to sign as well.
Get a new apartement.
Have Sol over to Retrokade to work on the expansion.
These things should keep me busy the next few weeks. I'll add to my list when more ideas come up of finishing these first few things.
I took the night off from Retrokade and the other things I had planned to do. I felt it was better to just go ahead with the move sooner than later. No reason not to. I had to admit I was more than stunned to find out Dhara went to tell Jesse the same night things were decided. It wasn't something I wanted to 'tell' people until I at least had the paper work or things were settled and signed.
Yeah, it's true that we're done for, I just don't see why anything had to be said to anyone the same night. Especially to Jesse when he's been a source of contention before. He was my friend before I was a vampire. He's my sire, even if we don't talk like we used to. We never said we wouldn't tell anyone when we talked, but I didn't think it would be the same ******* night.
On the plus side of things, Sol came by the apartment and helped me not only pack, but load things in the truck too. I wouldn't have thought she could lift anything past ten pounds, but she surprised me. No, I'm not a sexist pig, but she's pretty tiny looking. Even a guy her height and weight, I would have been surprised to get a fraction of the help she gave me tonight.
In about a weeks time, I become single again and then 'disenthrall' from Jesse. I've never even heard of anything like that before. Never knew that was a thing. It is a thing, apparently. Supposedly Jesse knew this existed and apparently sold or gave whatever he knew to someone else. As a result some people called 'Tytonidae,' got mad and started attacking anyone close to Jesse. Unless they 'disenthralled.' The whole concept is idiotic. You can't disown your sire. There's no going back from that. They made you a vampire. You can't say, 'no, take it back.' or some crap like that.
So I did it. I talked to Dhara about it, and really, a 'name' doesn't make someone. Vampire or not. By now Jesse probably knows. It is what it is. If he's not going to talk to me anymore because I don't wave a Fforde flag anymore, then even though the decision was more or less forced, it was obviously the correct choice. I've never introduced myself as Rhett Fforde anyways. That's always been a strange concept to me. One I can't really get behind.
Things with RetroKade are progressing nicely. Sol's been helping me where she can with what she can. Dhara still wears the wedding band. I'm not sure why, but that's her thing. Which reminds me that I've got the paper work for her that I need to drop off. The sooner the better. I don't mean it how it sounds. I just mean so everything is behind us and we're moving on. She can figure out what she wants. Travel. See someone else. Reminds me that I need to talk to Sol and see if we're still okay. With the 'disenthralling.' I'll do that before dropping off the paper work to Dhara.
I finally got around to dropping off the paper work at the apartment Dhara and I used to live in. I told her to take her time, it takes time anyways. We both know we're working towards getting a divorce, and are single, so there's really no hurry. We're at an understanding and if Dhara started dating someone tomorrow, or already is dating someone, it wouldn't bother me. I think she was right about telling Jesse. It threw me off, but telling someone makes it real and is the first step to accepting how things are and moving on in a new direction. I should tell Dhara that she was right. I'll tell her when I see her at work next.
I'm thinking about asking Sol if she wants to be on staff at RetroKade. She's there a lot anyways and helping me out with the expansion. It makes sense. She should get paid for helping me out. I'll back pay her if she agrees. I doubt she'll want to work here forever, and that's okay. But for now, she should enjoy the fruits of her labor. On a completely unrelated topic; sort of. I need to figure out what we're doing for our date. I'm not really good at those sorts of things. Before Dhara, it had been years since I dated someone and I don't think two dates really counts as dating. I'm sure I'll figure something out before we have our date.
I still haven't talked to Sol about the disenthralling thing, but I doubt she minds. I believe she's the type of person that would tell me if something was on her mind. And since we've spent most of every night together, and it's not come up, I think I'll leave it alone.
Going to the bonfire last night was a mistake. I don't know what Sol was thinking when she invited me as her date, but not date as she couldn't be there. I think the night would have ended better, or at least lasted longer had she been there.
It seemed burning things were in order. I'm sure it's some sort of symbolism as Kellie? I think that was her name? Was burning Victor's shirt and pictures of them. I guess the guy off'd himself. But, he's a vampire, so he could come back, right? I don't know whose **** Clover was burning and I frankly don't give a ****. I don't think I could burn any of Dhara's stuff. We broke up. So what? I don't hate her or anything. I'm not angry about it. It's her stuff. I wonder if she would burn any of my stuff. Nah. Pretty sure she wouldn't.
Jesse was there too. He felt the need to keep to himself, until Kellie asked me if I was a Fforde too. Or one of Jesse's. I figured this was bound to come up, but in the middle of whatever was going on, in front of a few peole I don't know, or like? Nah. Then he had no problems giving me an eye. I should ask him if Phoenix is a Fforde. Never ever saw her post in that place while I was in it. I suspect I already know the answer, but I guess it's okay for one person to do whatever they want to do for whatever reason, but when other people, for their own reasons, do it-it's not okay. All I can say is: Typical.
I think I might actually take Dhara's advice. She told me to travel about a month back or so. Traveling doesn't interest me, but there's this thing in Arizona. It's closer than the thing in California. I think. Depends on the flight, I guess. Anyways, there's a huge population of homeless people and the shelters all look pretty damn cool. It's traveling, with work in mind. I'll think about it. I could use the contacts.
I was gutted in the sewers by some giant beast a few weeks ago. Jesse came to heal me after I gave a fair warning to everyone about staying clear of the sewers. That was cool and useful.
I feel stagnant. Which is part of the reason I want to go to Arizona. Or California. I've done all I can do on my own, which doesn't seem like enough.
I booked my ticket to Arizona and got a hotel room too. Hopefully I can learn something new there, find some contacts and get a few name or business drops during the conference.
Ran into Dhara, or rather, Dhara ran past me in the sewers. Told me not to stay there too long because she saw a thing that attacked her. I bet it's the same thing that got me a few weeks ago. I reassured her I wasn't staying long and asked if she would keep an eye on RetroKade while I was gone.
I've sired another person. It's purely coincidental that she and Dhara have a lot of similar traits...the hair color mostly. She's taller than Dhara. I gave her some weapons and maybe I should introduce them to the other, or at least let Dhara know. I just feel like that's something we shouldn't talk about at work, or over email. Kind of a face to face conversation.
I'm looking forward to spring and summer because of baseball season. Leagues will be starting up soon and it always brings a positive atmosphere and vibe to the kids in the neighborhood.
Next stop Tokyo.
Apparently, I 'need' a vacation, Dhara says. She talked about going to New Orleans, which was bad enough, but Tokyo? I can't let her go across the world by herself. That's insane. Especially since everyone's running around sporting their fangs like it's the hottest trend since those annoying digital pets you had to 'walk' and 'feed.'
It's not like that. At all.
I've got to tell Sol. I'm not hiding it from her, at least not intentionally.
How do you tell someone that you're really into, that you're going to another country with your ex-wife? It's not really a big deal to me, because I know we'll have our separate rooms, but it does sort of sound 'shady' as one of the teens told me at RetroKade.
But it's not shady.
I guess at some point I'll have to just believe that Dhara will be fine as she travels around the world. I know she's smart and careful, but if something happened to her while she was 'new' to the life we share as vampires-I'd feel guilty and bad as hell, for a long time. She didn't want this life, after all.
Dhara was happy being human.
Me too, but I'm finally getting over it. How many years did it take?
I've been honest about my old thoughts and feelings with Jesse about it, I'm glad he did it. I sure wasn't ready to die either.
Maybe Dhara is right. Or has the right idea about traveling. She always seemed happier when knowing she was going somewhere.
This place is ******* toxic.
I've sired. At least one, but I can't be sure.
I can't be sure of anything anymore.
I'm not real. I've these memories of things as Rhett, but he's not real.
Is it possible to connect two, ****, I don't know, souls?
Or should the rightful person be in control?
There is a guy. His name is Dhiraj Manohar. I can't even pronounce any of his name right, I'm sure. I've done a google search for people who can deal with, well, people like me. Like us. I guess. I'd like to say people like me, but that's wishful thinking.
There are some in Canada that come highly recommended, but I think it would be best if I go some place else. I can't keep living like this and expecting others to live like this either. It's hard on me, but it's also hard on them. Hudson is an asshole, sure. But could he be more than that?
What if he hurt someone?
Like Sol? I'm not worried about Jesse, he can take care of himself, but he's probably the exception of the rule in Fforde.
So, I'm reaching out to the guy through email before I make any real decisions, pack up and head to India for a while. He seems legit and does come highly recommended from his medical professionals and people that have 'worked' with him for lack of a better word.
