Aftermath

[Adley Reed]

* Kaspar stood out the front of The Hive, staring at the doorway like it was the mouth of hell. It wasn't that he didn't want to go inside, didn't want to inhale the familiar smells, be welcomed by the open arms of his friends, his family, the Hive themselves but he feared he wouldn't be. He feared he was walking into the end. The tensions had been high, they'd put it aside to help Indigo get through the first day of her turning and then Kaspar had slunk off to hide with his Wife. Actually, Grey had dragged him there because he knew that's what he needed, that she was his safe place to land. It was a good plan, but it had meant he'd put off coming back here for almost a week. It meant that he hadn't seen Grey for most of that time, either. They'd found each other, and they'd spoken, now he owed Adley and Indigo the same courtesy. His key felt heavy in his hand as he turned the lock, pushing the door open to enter the house. "Honey's? I'm home..."


<Adley Reed> The last week had been a challenge - in good ways and bad ways. Adley had spent every night with Indigo. Feeding had proved to be a bit of a difficulty; as Adley couldn't feed from humans, he couldn't really teach by showing Indigo where to go and what to do. He could only try to instruct as best he could, knowing that Indigo wouldn't want to kill anyone. Except, they'd learned early on that she was saddled with the same curse as Adley. A frenzy, whenever a single drop of blood was seen, or scented. It was an emotional rollercoaster. An exhausting one. When Adley heard the lock in the door he slipped neatly from the bed, where he left Indigo. Dressed only in track pants, he padded to the bedroom door and closed it behind him. It was a solid door. He wandered down the hall and reached for shirt he'd left flung over the back of the couch. He didn't know what to say to Kaspar. There'd only been text messages. "Figured we'd eventually have to do this," he said, arms crossed over his now-clothed chest as he leaned against the back of the couch.


<Kaspar> So that was how it was gonna be. His posture was withdrawn, tensed as he closed the door behind him and let his gaze settle on Adley. "Ja, Adley, we do have to. Unless you want me to go?" His brow went up, it wouldn't surprise him if the man said yes and today he wasn't in the mood to argue. He'd go.


<Adley Reed> Adley laughed mirthlessly, shaking his head. "I don't want you to go," he said. Adley would prefer if it was all just water under the bridge already. If it was all just forgiven and forgotten, except that would mean that he forgave and forgot. He hadn't, yet. "It's been a week, Kas. I thought we were going to do this together," he said. May as well just get started - rip the band-aid off, as it were.


<Kaspar> A deep breath filled his lungs, the exhalation a deep, mournful sigh. "Mm, and I thought we were going to discuss it like adults, prepare for it. I thought there would be someone else to help me... I don't know man, SHI-IT." He exclaimed, hand coming up to rub at his hair, striding further into the house, letting his tall frame slump onto the chaise lounge he tended to favour.


<Adley Reed> "We did discuss it. We discussed it a lot. It didn't happen the way we discussed. I made a mistake. I slipped. I ruin everything I touch - I get it, I understand. But what you never told us, in all of those discussions, was that you weren't willing. Was Jameson supposed to do it?" he asked, his body now tense and his eyes sharp, though his voice remained low, not yet raised. He didn't want to wake up Indigo - he wanted to protect her from the argument. He didn't want her here, when they were discussing whether or not Kaspar had wanted to be there for her turning.


<Kaspar> His groan spoke of the frustration he felt, Adley once again retreating into his self-pitying complaints, him deciding that Kaspar was here to blame him or rub his face in it all. "Arschloch, that is not what i'm here for. No, I didn't expect him to, but I thought we would at least do it TOGETHER. That the burden wasn't solely on me. Instead of a second of pause, a second to let me breathe and think you just... I know we had to do it then, but god damn. You didn't have to kill your girlfriend."


<Adley Reed> Adley's tongue unstuck from the roof of his mouth, a sharp 'tsk' breaking the atmosphere. He was starting to think this was something they were going to have to take outside. His arms dropped from his chest as he pushed himself away from the couch. "Why are you so ******* negative? That's not what you're here for, but you say **** like that? I didn't do it on purpose. I didn't know she was going to bite me. It was a ******* accident," he said, frustrated. "We didn't kill her. We gave her eternal life. It's not a BURDEN. It's a gift - she's not going to wither and die. She's going to be with us forever. It's supposed to be a gift, but you wouldn't know whether it has been or not. You have no ******* clue what she's been through, because you haven't been here."


<Kaspar> He recoiled like a slap, wanting to hiss like some horror movie vampire, some creature of the darkness that coiled and lunged at an enemy. "How many times do I have to tell you that I know it was an accident, that I know we had to do it then. Does not mean I had to like it, and I would be less conflicted over it if had been to our initial planning, yes. You got to give the gift, Adley, I got to take. We are going to go around and around on this argument, you know that? You will never step outside of yourself to see from my point of view, nor will you accept that i'm not trying to guilt you, or blame you. I'm trying to explain why it's caused me difficulty. She's going to be with you forever, you should be happy and I thought you two wanted time together to bond, that is why i've stayed away. That was always the plan, just in the original version I was going to throw Jameson over my shoulder and take him away for a gross weekend of dirty, demanding sex... Instead I curled up and tried to piece myself back together in the arms of my Wife, while my boyfriend disappeared into his own personal hell and you two get to think i'm the bad guy, the abandoner. Well done, Adley, you are always right. I am wrong. I am the selfish ****. GOOD JOB." His voice stayed somewhat even in volume, if not in steadiness, only rising fully on the last two words, punctuated by the taller man rising to his feet, eyes boring into Adley's as in challenge. "Go on, tell me again how I let you down. Please."


<Adley Reed> They were two stubborn cats with their fur bristled, hisses coming in the form of words thrown, accusations and regrets. Adley's eyes narrowed, but he tried. He really did try to put himself in Kaspar's shoes. But it was difficult. He couldn't see what the problem was, if it was something that Indigo wanted. Kaspar wasn't taking anything, he was assisting in giving. And yet, he didn't see it that way. It insulted Adley, that he should think it was a bad thing - that what they had done was bad. Kaspar offered a challenge, and Adley accepted. "Together. You know how I imagined it? We'd be together. The three of us. While you took from her, I would take from you. And she would take from me. We wanted Jameson, but we could have done it without him. You could have stayed. We're not kicking you out. Just because we're in love with each other doesn't mean you're suddenly excluded from some private club. Instead, you couldn't wait to get back to him. To Grey. You have her to him," he wasn't shouting yet, but he was getting there. Kaspar wanted to know how he'd let them down, and Adley woudn't hold his tongue.


<Kaspar> Kaspar paused in his step, not bringing himself any closer to Adley, listening instead to his words. "You were a mess, Adley, and we were on a time limit. I'm sorry for not thinking to invite you, but you should know you are always invited. You should have damn well said, should have asked. I was going to ask you, I just... It was too much, and I felt strange it was messed up. It all happened very fast, I should have probably stopped him but Grey was TRYING to help me, Adley, it was an effort to take some of the weight. I did offer, and you turned me down, which I understand but you cannot throw this in my face now. You think she wants THIS!?"


<Adley Reed> "Yeah, Kas. I was a ******* mess. Your boyfriend came on in and shoved a knife right where he knew it'd hit an artery. It's such a hardship for you, man. SO ******* hard, because you had to take her blood. That's it. That's all. If she'd died, Kas, it's on me. Not you. And you just LEFT me there. You didn't tell him he was wrong. Is that why I haven't met Will, Kas? Or your wife? I ruin everything I touch and I'm not arguing. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. It's a fact. It's what I have to deal with. You've got everything. You've got everyone. I would have ******* helped you but you didn't give me the chance. You just walked out," he said, gesturing to the couch where Kaspar had sat with Grey. Where it had happened.


<Kaspar> Sighed again, the sound as natural as breathing lately, fingertips coming up to pinch at the bridge of his nose. "Ja, if she had died it would have shattered you, well, I mean if she hadn't come back. She is dead." He spoke this as fact, shrugging it off as if it were now irrelevant, pretending like the value of life to him meant little. It was the closest thing to a lie he'd ever shared with Adley. "I have tried, you know? You never seemed overly interested in meeting them until now. You were invited out, to meet my family, and you didn't come. So... **** you? Ja, I guess, ok. That is part of it. I would not be able to settle with all of you, with them here in this house or any other. It is not safe. My family are my priority, do not act like you know a single thing about my responsibilities." He snarled the words, fighting for calm. "You didn't seem to want to help me, you wanted me to do what you wanted and like it." He threw his hands up, scoffing loudly, "You selfish arschloch, you want to tell me what i've got and don't pause to think of what it costs me."


<Adley Reed> When it came to Indigo, Adley couldn't control himself. It was the same with Kaspar - it would have been the same as Kaspar, except that he was feeling himself slipping down the totem pole. Them. He was feeling them slipping down the totem pole. "Hah! And you're not doing the same exact thing? Have you at all stopped to think what the **** I'm going through?" He was closer to Kaspar now, his curled fingers fisted, shoving at Kaspar's chest. "She is NOT dead. She is more alive than ever, and how ******* DARE you make this less for her. If you even attempt to make her feel bad about this, if you start to make her regret? I'll knock all your pretty teeth out of your pretty ******* head."


<Kaspar> He was not one for violence generally, in fact his way of dealing with violence when confronted it by it was to generally talk his way around it, soothe or for those he cared for overpower with love instead. In this case neither would work, and cracking a joke would only get his head slammed into a wall in a horribly reminiscent way. He wasn't having it. "I am NOT, I have not said a bad word to her. When she came to I gave her love, I gave her advice. She knows she can call me, you know you could call me. Did you? No. This goes BOTH ways. If you'd needed me i'd have come. So... Basically, **** YOU." His palms came up to press against the man's firm chest, giving an abrupt shove.


<Adley Reed> Adley generally wasn't one for violence, either. This was the last thing Indigo would want - she would not want to come out to see them fighting, but she was dead asleep and that door was thick. Maybe she wouldn't hear. Regardless, Adley couldn't control himself. He didn't like showing weakness, and he'd shown plenty. "We shouldn't have to ask," he said, his teeth clenched and his hand already swinging - he swung at Kaspar the same way Grey had swung at Adley. That blow that Adley hadn't been able to echo, or pay back. The one that had loosed a tooth. He didn't exactly seek to knock out one of Kaspar's teeth, but who knew what might happen? If the two men had been fighting over Kaspar, to Adley it seemed Kaspar had made his choice. Rather than show his vulnerability, rather than tell Kaspar that he was hurt, he lashed out. It was the only thing he knew how to do.


<Kaspar> The words were warning enough, Kaspar distracted by his own anger and hurt was reluctant to react, reluctant to step away and acknowledge that the man might actually try to make him hurt. It was a mistake. He saw it coming, and all he had time to do was to let his body relax, to rock with the punch that hit him square on the jaw. It lessened the impact, reducing the resistance so that his body had time to sway. He let himself stumbled, to feel the way his jaw felt both simultaneously loose and a searing, heated tightness. Dislocated, probably. His own fist was ready, lifting to knock his own jaw back into correct placement with a hideous crack and a vicious growl in his throat as his loose hand scrabbled to grip Adley by the shirt. Hel hauled him closer as the fist pulled back only to be shot forward to return the pain in kind like an arrow from a bow.


<Adley Reed> The violence shouldn't have felt so good. Not here, not now. But it felt better than vulnerability. It felt better to hurt someone else than to let someone else hurt him. Deep down, there was guilt. There was immediate regret. They were two adults, and they should have been able to talk it out. They should have been able to share, they should have been able to love each other properly. And yet Adley felt that they had been jilted. Adley felt that they were just a phase, and now Kaspar was moving on. He shouldn't have cared. Kaspar was free to do what he liked. But they were dropping like flies, the people Adley cared about. Kaspar was slipping through their fingers. Adley hissed, Kaspar delivering the hurt as intended. It cracked into Adley's temple. his cheek. He felt something fracture. A resonant growl rippled, his shoulders hunching as he charged, arms wrapped around Kaspar's middle, his whole body used like a battering ram to try to tackle Kaspar to the ground.



<Kaspar> His hand ached from the force of the impact, the skin at his knuckles straining, cracking painfully as the blow landed. It was the release they needed, that much was clear and he wasn’t ready to be the one to stop the violence, to reign it in. No, he wanted them to hurt, hurt as much outside as they clearly did inside, to where the marks of what they’d all done to each other with sharp words that cut their way to the tips of tongues. The growl alarmed him enough to make him pause before taking another dig at the man, and so he was on the backfoot when the shoulder came charging into him. Arms around his waist and the full force of Adley’s strength had Kaspar flying to the ground, spine grateful for the carpet softening the blow as his spine struck the floor and his breath came whooshing out of his chest. It took him a moment to recover, to get his bearings before he began to grapple back with reckless abandon. The blonde used his longer limbs to tangle around Adley, a knee shoving up fiercely, an effort to distract the man so he could turn his hips and shove to try and switch their positions. He wanted to be on top, he wanted to grind his fist down into Adley’s beautiful face, or let his long musician’s fingers wind about his throat and bite him, bite him the way Adley quite happily did him. Take, take, take… It was his turn to take.

It wasn’t ever going to end another way. Two men whose egos could outshine the sun were never going to sit down and talk about things reasonably. It was inevitable that fists would be involved, like two cats trying to assert their dominance in the one household. Every now and again they could be nice. One could lick the other in camaraderie, but when push came to shove the claws would come out, the hackles would spike.

Adley barely managed to get his balance before Kaspar was already trying to claim dominance. Not that Adley expected the musician to lay still and take it, but he didn’t want to go down without a fight, and nor was he entirely willing to give up his position. Fingers curled like claws into Kaspar’s shoulder, attempting to hold him down, the opposite fist flying for a cheek. Only one attempted blow was achieved before Kaspar’s longer legs had managed to knock Adley’s balance out from beneath him. Momentum and gravity did not work in his favour as he was rolled over onto his back, the back of his head cracking against the carpeted floor.

And already, he was trying to regain his superiority. Already, he was shoving at the male on top of him, all fists and elbows - willing to break a rib or two if it meant getting Kaspar to relent.

The punch rocked him, feeling skin split from the force, his cheek bone a sharp contrast beneath the beading darkness of leaking vampire blood. His tactics were successful, managing to confuse and disorientate Adley long enough to get him on his back. Kaspar sat astride the man, defending against the fists and elbows, knocking aside the blows and trying to grab a wrist. “STOP IT.” He roared, the feeling behind it intended to intimidate, to buy him time to tug the wrist down, using his knee to pin it against the man’s side with a painful dig of the bony patella, grinding it down on the trapped limb. One problem occupied gave him a moment to swing a fist, his left pummelling down brutally against the man’s face, aiming for that straight nose, wanting to knock out of position on his perfect face, punctuating it with a snarled. “Arschloch!”

His fist ached, his split knuckle darkened with blood as he shifted the hand, fingertips finding a throat, lacing around it and pressing in his weight, wanting to shove heels of palms against windpipe, feeling the bulge of an adam’s apple bob desperately beneath the pressure. “**** you.” He gripped, fingertips sliding to get a good hold on his neck, able to shake the man, forcing the head to knock against the ground. It was the most brutal he’d been in years on a being with half a brain, when it wasn’t life or death at least, Kaspar holding a genuine interest in making him hurt. The wrist was his to break, neck to snap if he wanted to and unless Adley really fought back.

His abilities were stirring, already he was fighting for control back over them. It would be so easy to pacify the man, to convince him not to attack, to make him weakened prey at his mercy. Where was the sport in it? It wasn’t the point, no, the point of this ******** was a dirty physical fight, claw and tooth, tear at each other until it stopped feeling good. “**** you…” His voice had softened notably, the fierceness of his grip easing up slightly on the man’s windpipe.

<Adley Reed> If Adley was intimidated, he had good reason to be. It was possible that in the future he might have dreams. Bad dreams. And those bad dreams would look exactly like this; Kaspar, who’d only ever been a gentle kind of acquaintance, was now hell-bent on murder. The dread trickled down Adley’s spine even as the musician’s fingers dug into the sinewy muscles of his neck, the muscle walls bruised and breaking, even as his own blood spurted from a crooked nose, over his lips, staining his gleaming teeth.

The ultimate revenge would be to let Kaspar have his way. To just give up, to become limp, to let him kill his friend. But there was that lingering doubt, that question: would he really care?

It was not a common doubt. And the mere question was what fuelled Adley’s rage. How dare he? How dare he bury himself so deep that Adley would have any cause to doubt himself? How dare he turn around and stab Adley in the back, not friend but foe? It wasn’t quite so drastic as all that, but the whirling rage was only secondary to the frenzy. Blood had been spilled. The scent of it was thick between them, the sight of it so vibrant against Kaspar’s pale skin. It was a siren call; hidden within that sent was the subliminal key to Adley’s curse.

Whether or not he wanted to stop, he couldn’t. Not at the sight of blood. Lips curled back to reveal the sharpened canines, eyes bereft of their former hurt and rage and replaced with a cold need, a vicious desire. Had Kaspar ever seen Adley this way? Was he aware of what he was getting into? Adley’s complacency, his limp incredulity, his fear last only half a minute; he lay there barely able to breathe, struggling to regain strength. It was only when he managed the shortest inhale that his whole body jolted; his strength was on par with Kaspar’s, and thus should have been able to fight back with some degree of success. The one free arm snaked behind Kaspar’s, twisting up and over the shoulders, nails digging into the Kaspar’s neck as his elbow thrust outward, seeking to loosen Kaspar’s hold. Seeking instead to simultaneously rise up, and pull Kaspar down. Not to push him away, but to pull him closer.

Adley didn’t want to use his fingers to tear the vein from Kaspar’s neck, and thus to bathe in his blood. He wanted to use his teeth.

<Kaspar> The ring of power in his own voice had snapped some sense into him, his tone already softening, his posture shifting to something less aggressive and more defensive, utterly mercurial under the confusion of violence and emotions too strong for him to grasp and hold. Fleeting, they were, scattering to the wind the second he thought he’d caught onto one and could commit to it. In abject horror he watched his hands around a throat, a face he found a comfort now distorted by the work of his fists and splashed in crimson. His doing. It was a quixotic project, an exercise in gormless hopefulness that this could have ended any other way than the pair coming to blows after everything that had occurred in the past few weeks.

He was not blameless, he knew that but it certainly wasn’t all on him.

Adley could be remarkably blind and selfish, he could be beyond stubborn to the point where it was near impossible to shift him from his course once he was set upon it. Perhaps it was why he now stared at Kaspar with a deadly hunger in his eyes, a cold and distant desire that was no more part of him the clothes on his back. It was foreign, a seeking and desperate creature that hid inside his friend, that consumed him for brief, frenzied fits of mad bloodlust.

It forced Kaspar’s hand.

The tall blonde slowly unwound his fingers from the man’s throat, careful and cautious, watching the predator beneath him as he increasingly felt like prey. The options were clear, he had to knock the man out and hope that would cause the frenzy to pass, or he had to pacify him. Violence or his voice, it often came down to it and Kaspar knew which he chose.

“Adley Reed.” That tone of authority rang forth, his body shifting, rising above the man so that he stood tall and proud, a foot shifting to rest against the man’s sternum with enough force to pin but not to pressure and pain. “You will stop. You will not attack me. I am friend, not foe. I am not just blood. You will NOT attack me again tonight. You will stop.” An edge of pleading, a touch of irrepressible hope hitched his words, catching them in his throat. “Please, Ads, stop. Just stop.” He extracted his foot, letting it come once more on the ground so he stood, wide eyed and tensed to defend himself, astride a man he should be kissing rather than trying to crush.

<Adley Reed> The teeth didn’t find their mark.

One second, Adley was lunging for a vein and the next he was laying there gasping at air he didn’t need, breathing past the stabbing ache in his throat, unable even to swallow his own blood which had trickled over his lip and onto his tongue. Kaspar stood over him like some sentinel on guard, oozing with authority that Adley was reluctant to give him. Not now. Not when he spoke in that tone of voice, as if Kaspar hadn’t participated -- as if this was all Adley’s doing, and Adley was the only one attacking. All Adley had done was give a shove. Kaspar had been the one intent on murder.

It didn’t matter whether Adley wanted to or not, there was nothing he could do anymore. He couldn’t hurt Kaspar. He couldn’t even try. He rolled over, hands finding purchase on the floor, fingers digging into the carpet even as he crawled out from under Kaspar’s glare. The carpet was already spattered with blood, but it was Indigo’s carpet. Rather than mess it up any further, Adley pushed himself to his feet and instead stumbled to the kitchen sink. He spat into the metal basin, blood mixed with spit, as he turned the tap on full blast.

“... it’s…” he stopped and rubbed at his neck, flinching. His voice was barely there, his windpipe severely damaged. It would heal, though. Eventually. He would have to just deal with it, fight it, forge on.

“... the blood, Kas. Wash it off, please?” he said, doing his best to raise his voice above the blast of the water, the sound of the water rushing through the pipes. He wasn’t going to be able to focus on anything until all the blood was gone. Including his own. He failed to even glance in Kaspar’s direction as he proceeded to wash the blood from his own face, hissing when he realised his nose was most definitely broken.


<Kaspar> The scent of copper was thick in the air between them, his jaw ached and his mouth had blood on it from a cut caused by soft cheek jamming into teeth. The only external cut he wore was on his upper cheekbone, but he was convinced the orbital bone had been broken, skin showing signs of damage that would quickly heal. He probably had scratches on his arms and face from the subsequent scuffle but the worst was that blood that filled his mouth and made him want to gag, a remind bathing his tongue of the violence he’d wrought. Did he start it? Who cared, they both did it.

There was no attempt to stop Adley as he crawled away, in fact his hands reached out as if he might help the man to his feet, hesitating and eventually thinking better of it, letting his limbs drop uselessly to his sides.

Kaspar followed at a safe distance, watching with curiosity as he turned on the faucet, flinching visibly at the way Adley struggled to force the words from his damaged throat. “The… OH, ****, **** I’m sorry.” He winced loudly, backing off to find his way to the bathroom. Alone he could breathe, doing his best to wash the blood from his face, to rinse it out of his mouth, watching the colour wash down the drain. Roughly he tugged off his shirt, blood having dribbled onto the collar, staining the white with deep crimson and he wasn’t entirely sure whether it was all his or some of Adley’s. His knuckles ached and stung, but he did his best to wrap them in bandages, for the purpose of trying to mask the wounds, slapping a band-aid haphazardly over the cut on his face. It was a miracle they hadn’t woken Indigo, perhaps it bought them time to recover somewhat, to clean up the evidence rather than subject her to the reality of what the last few weeks had birthed.

Tension, frustration and finally violence.

Kaspar was quiet when he emerged once more, making his way with cautious steps in the lounge, finding the chaise over which he draped his tall frame, eyes closing with a heavy sigh. “I think we are clear?” He hazarded, unsure whether Adley would even be in any state to hear him, let alone respond.


<Adley Reed> After he’d washed his own face and tried his best to rinse his own mouth out, Adley went to the liquor cabinet and instead picked the strongest spirit he could find. He didn’t even find a glass, instead taking swigs from the bottle, using the alcohol like some kind of powerful mouthwash. He couldn’t swallow, didn’t dare, but at least the liquid and the fumes were enough to eradicate every last skerrick of the taste of blood - the smell of it. He had to wash his hands; even had to remove his shirt, where blood had spattered the shoulder.

Sometimes, he wondered whether it had something to do with taste. Ever since he’d become a Necurat, the scent and sight of human blood caused less of an issue. Over time, he wondered whether it would do nothing to him - whether it would be just like water, or oil. It was vampiric blood that undid him. It was a vampire’s blood that sent him off the rails. It took all his willpower to stay put, when all he wanted to do was descend into the sewers and find some poor lost souls to slaughter.

[Kaspar]

<Adley Reed> Reason and sensibility overcame the violent, basic instincts. He couldn’t leave now. Why had he fought to begin with? If he didn’t give a **** about Kaspar, he wouldn’t have started anything. He wouldn’t have cared. It was because he cared that he stayed. Whether or not this could be fixed, he didn’t know. But they had to endeavour to try. As much as he didn’t really want to sit down and talk about his feelings, it was probably for the best. May as well get it over and done with.

Adley was still leaning over the sink when Kaspar came back; he lifted his head enough to let his blue eyes follow the frame of the taller musician, watching as he made himself comfortable. He nodded, straightening so that he could move around the kitchen bench; so that he could stand nearby, his arms over his chest. They weren’t crossed, but acted more like a subconscious barrier, fingers splayed and tucked under his own arms. He leaned on one of the bar stools, his ankles crossed in front of him.

“Not entirely,” he said. Kaspar might have been referring to the blood. The blood was gone. Everything else was still completely fucked.


<Kaspar> “Ja, it…” He didn’t make it further, no idea what he could possibly follow it up with and so he didn’t try, barely glancing at the man perching nearby, uncomfortable with the idea seeing hate or fury still lingering in his gaze. “Want to keep hitting me? Round two? Or are we done with that for now.” It was a smart arse question but his tone was flat, no real passion behind the idea as he let his head drop back to the arm of the chaise, drawing his knees up like a shield between them. Kaspar rarely give a **** about nudity on any level, he was comfortable with his body, often flashing the artwork that adorned his skin via a loose t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up over his shoulders or ditching clothes altogether within his own domain, but right now he felt oddly exposed.

It felt stupid, but the thought of getting up to grab a fresh shirt, one of his no doubt still within the bedroom somewhere but that would risk waking Indie and he wasn’t really interested in having her see them like this, it wouldn’t help.

“I’m sorry I had to do that, but you had that look on your face. You were going to tear my throat out, weren’t you?” Not really a question, more of a statement as he finally peered up to meet Adley’s gaze. “I don’t like having to do that, and it isn’t very fair to do to you.”


<Adley Reed> There was no fury lingering in Adley’s expression; instead, he looked more exhausted, resigned. The blue eyes were bereft of their usual mischievous gleam, replaced by a dull hurt. Hurt, mixed with a lingering confusion. He nodded, having to try to swallow a few times before he could speak again.

“I was,” he said, his tongue running over teeth that were still sharp, still hungry. These he tried not to show Kaspar, as if that hunger was a weakness that he preferred to keep hidden. His normally straight nose was still crooked, the ache radiating through Adley’s skull. It’d been awhile since the vampire had suffered from something so simple as a headache, but he had one now. He didn’t think he had to explain that he wasn’t in his right mind - that it was the blood. Surely, Kaspar realised that by now. He could only shake his head in response to Kaspar’s apology; it wasn’t needed.

“We shouldn’t fight. We should talk. And I wouldn’t have stopped,” he admitted. If they were going to talk, if it was going to be on equal footing, then Adley had to start admitting things. He had to start opening up, no matter how hard it was for him to do.

“I’m angry because I’m hurt, Kas. You get that, right?” he said, his head bowed even if his eyes remained upon Kaspar, unmoving.


<Kaspar> His position adjusted, sitting up a little straighter, feeling the conversation at hand deserved more respect than he was showing it by slumping in such a laid back position. The confirmation that he had indeed felt driven to tear out Kaspar’s throat made him shudder, he tried to hide it by leaning over the chaise to search for a jacket, sometimes he would toss one idly over the back of it, or onto the arm and it would fall to the floor. He was rather grateful to see a flannel shirt, somewhat crumpled, on the floor half under the chaise. Kas snatched it, shove his arms into it, busying himself with the buttons as he tried to ignore the implications of what he had been forced to do.

To stop his friend from trying to literally kill him.

Adley’s use of the word hurt stilled his hands, forgetting the buttons as he was halfway to the top, looking up watch his head bow those clear blue eyes still steady on him. “Yes. I get that, because I am hurt too. And furious…” He laughed, a short, sharp sound that hurt to release. “Or should I say that I WAS furious. Now? I am just tired, Adley, so ******* tired. I’m sick of this…” He gestured between them, the distance, the uncertain postures and guarded words. It was exhausting.


<Adley Reed> Tentatively, Adley pushed himself from his position and meandered closer to where Kas sat. Bare feet carried Adley into the lounge room where he dropped onto one of the couches; not too close to Kaspar, but not too far away either. They could keep their voices low -- though if they hadn’t managed to wake Indigo up yet, nothing would wake her.

He leaned his elbows on his knees, his hands tangled in front of him. He didn’t have the luxury of finding another shirt. He’d already used the one he’d left laying around. His torso remained naked. Adley shook his head. He wanted to tell Kaspar that he was still angry; that every time he thought about it, he wanted to shout at Kaspar. But this wasn’t a game of take and take. It was a game of give and take, so he said nothing. He forced himself to stop thinking about his own problems, and instead tried focusing on Kaspar.

“How did we hurt you? I know you’re angry because it didn’t happen quite like planned, which is fair. Whatever. We made a mistake when we should have been more careful. I can admit to that. But how did we hurt you?” he asked. It was a pertinent question, and the answers and discussions it inspired would help them to mend the broken bridge.


<Kaspar> Adley joining him was slightly unexpected, though he figured it would happen eventually, they’d have to be adults, to sit together and talk. It worried him, because so far he didn’t feel at all like he had been heard, any time he tried to speak about the issues between them it all came back to the same place. Here they were again, about to rehash that night, to go over it again when really it was much more then that

“I was angry that night about it, Adley, then I was worried that we were going to **** it up. I was unprepared, and yes frustrated that it had happened. That is not why i’m still angry, still hurt. It is your attitude after that has lead me to this place.” He paused, readying himself to be shouted down.

“That night you were remarkably selfish, you pushed me and instead of understanding my reluctance, my alarm at what I had to do, you expected me to just do it and like it. You wanted me to be happy, you wanted things to go your way but Adley, they couldn’t. I was harsh with you, and I am sorry for that, but none of this is the issue, it is more.”

Another pause, his blonde head shaking, feeling the urge to just scream rising in his throat. How could he ever understand? “You two wanted it to be beautiful and glorious, but it was death. It was murder. Yes, she wanted it and that is fine, but not like that. I wanted to give her what I did not have, and perhaps get some final feelings from my heart I…” He struggled to make the sentences sound right, he hated how the words felt heavy as they tried to roll from his tongue. “This is difficult to explain, please be patient with me. The issue is not what happened that night, but how you dismissed my feelings on the matter, how you expected me to fall in line and meet your expectations.”

He stared at his hands, toying with the white gold ring on his left ring finger. “I did not choose this, she got to choose. You got to choose. You two speak of freedom and yet you give me restraints, you DO expect things of me, that is no surprise. You two have this vision in your head of how we should be, how we will be but I cannot fit into it anymore. Adley, I care for you both deeply, but you are so very blind sometimes. Grey isn’t stealing me away, he isn’t making me stay away. This is on me, this is my doing. You know what the plan was? We turn her, we make sure she is ok, then Jay and I go away for a while to give you two time together. THAT was always the plan, it was always the plan that you two were alone for a while, even more imperative since you are a couple and your bond might need reevaluating.”

There was a restlessness to him, like he wanted to move, like sitting still was unbearable. “You made me feel like I came last. Again, and again, like I was required but that you wished you could have done it without me. I know, ok, I know that you didn’t mean to and I forgive that, tempers were high and we both made mistakes but you kept trying to act like I was blaming you for it happening and acting as if I was wrong for being distressed. You had no right, you HAVE no right to dictate my feelings. I don’t really want this, Adley, i’m still trying to come to terms with my own mortality being taken from me. She knew that, I told her that, you knew that it caused me grief. How are you surprised that I find it confronting? How are you surprised that your telling me to deal with it, expecting me to be super happy about it was hurtful? Or acting like I wasn’t able to make my own choices, that I was somehow being influenced?”

He scoffed, the sound dying in his throat, muffled by hands that lifted to hide his face, “You two love each other, you should be focusing on that, not pushing me to join you in the afterglow. I’m not there.” Kaspar rubbed his hands up through his hair, gathering the strands that moved between his fingers, capturing them. “I don’t know how to explain this, I can’t make my words match my thoughts fully and it is driving me crazy. You won’t understand, and I don’t know how to make you. You will see how you want to, mm? My words won’t influence you…” He blinked, a sheepish sort of look making him glance at Adley. “Uh, you know what I mean, again bad choice of words. Sorry again, for that whole thing…”


<Adley Reed> Adley listened; with his own hands clasped in front of him, and even though his jaw twitched with grinding teeth, he didn’t interrupt. He listened, until Kaspar was done, and even after Kaspar was done he was silent for a good while, processing. They had just beat the **** out of each other, and Adley was done. He didn’t like confrontation, and he didn’t like being tense. Selfish, yes -- he wanted things to go back to the way they had been, even though deep down he knew that things had irrevocably changed. Still, he wanted to believe that it didn’t have to.

“Kas -- do you realise what you just said?” he asked first, his voice softer and lacking accusation.

“You just said that we have no right to dictate your feelings, but you about just did the same thing. We’re not pushing you to join in the afterglow. You are part of the afterglow. We love each other, but you can’t dictate how we feel about you or your presence,” he said.

“As for that night -- I’m sorry if we made you feel like you came last. That’s ludicrous. We wanted you first. We wanted you right there with us. If I made you feel like I could do it without you, it was because YOU made it seem like you’d prefer to be anywhere but there. If I rushed you, it was because she was dying. I didn’t feel like there was time to step back and take a breath. That was my fault. I know that. I should have had stronger willpower. We should have planned it better. We could have. I knew -- I know about your struggles with your humanity, and it should have occurred to me,” he said. He took a deep breath in. He wasn’t known for talking so much -- but Kaspar had laid it all out, and now it was Adley’s turn to return the favour.

“I did think you blamed me for it. I definitely thought that Grey did. The things that he said, I--” he stopped, sucking a breath of air through his nostrils.

“I wasn’t doing it to be obtuse. I wasn’t trying to guilt you, or feel sorry for myself, Kas. Have you ever known me to feel sorry for myself?” he asked, seriously. It was the first time in a very long time that he’d had a crisis of ego. And it had shattered him. He hadn’t yet fully recovered.

“You made me feel like scum. You told me to go -- to make hot chocolate, or whatever, but I felt like I should just leave completely. I was tempted. I was going to just walk out the front door, and not look back,” he said.

“I ruin everything I touch. He’s not wrong. This isn’t me feeling sorry for myself, either -- it’s a fact. I kill living things with a touch. The sight of blood turns me into a monster. I was oblivious to it before. I ignored it. But I’m not good for anyone. My sire left and I’m still so naive about things. There’s still so much I don’t know. We need you. Indigo needs you. I’m sorry if that makes us selfish -- but really it’s practicality. Without you, we’ll get ourselves killed,” he said. These were his weaknesses. These were the things he was laying out on the table, spread out for Kaspar to see.


<Kaspar> Listened in silence, even though at times he wanted to argue, to protest or correct he knew that his wasn’t his turn to do so, he just had to take it. Although he still remained tense, carrying it in his jaw and upper back he’d began to slump, to lean subconsciously towards the other male as he spoke. As much as he wanted to argue and rebel, to fight him on points he also wanted to comfort and take the pain, it was a frustrating juxtaposition that he didn’t know quite how to make fit perfectly into the same picture. There was no frame that would fit, that would bring out the best and make things better, no filter to cast over the image of them wearing physical wounds that represented the internal that could make it less pathetic.

It was hard to disagree on certain points, but others he wanted to. “Grey i’m sure did blame you, both, and thought it was foolish. He wouldn’t be entirely wrong, it was foolish, but I understand you got carried away and didn’t mean for that to happen. SHE did, she knew what she was doing when she kissed you and bit you like that, she admitted later that she’d gotten caught up in the moment and decided to take it for herself. I am angry at her, Adley, I may not show it in the same way because confronting Indigo with anger is a pointless exercise. She can’t seem to process it, she’ll just talk about love and hope and I can’t take that right now. I would snap.”

It was truth, as much as he mostly adored Indigo’s optimism, and open approach to affection it wasn’t what was needed, practicality and self-awareness, time to sort through things and handle emotions in their own ways. “We all process differently, I cannot share in your hopes and dreams, I don’t have the same belief that she does that Jameson will just wander back through that door unharmed one day and say “missed me?”. I can’t shrug it off and say oh well, you did it, i’m so glad you are now a vampire. I’ve tried to, but it is not me, it is not practical. Blame it on my being German, if you want.” He teased, though there was little humour in it, wasn’t that the running joke though? German’s did not have humour?

“You do kill things you touch, you do have issues with blood. It does not mean you are a bad person, you have unfortunate curses but you do your best to avoid using them to harm others. That is good, that is kindness or self-preservation but either way it is an attempt at being considerate of LIFE. And, while I don’t know everything, I have had help from a Sire who loves me and other more experienced people in my lineage to lead me and show me how to survive, that I don’t have to be some Bram Stoker’s Dracula figure, I can be more. I am better than that, Adley, and I want us all to be… No matter what, I will help you both and ensure you find a way to exist safely. I’ll spend time with her, i’ll teach her how to use her abilities and how better to feed safely on humans, or try to encourage her to get blood bags or seek the healing touch of a necromancer.”

His hand shifted, crossing the distance between them to rest atop Adley’s thigh as he spoke of the healing touch, fingertips sliding with deliberate pressure to the man’s knee where it stayed. “I can teach you what I know, i’ve offered previously to introduce you to those who might know more, and I would like for you to consider taking me up on that or at least letting ME try and aid you.” His eyes followed his hands movement, fingers shifting to drags nails gently, tracing at the material that clung to the man. “My own needs are changing, the needs of my family but there is always a place for you both, I have to figure out how and where we fit into each other’s live now. I want us to fit, Adley, just the way we do in the dark when we give and take, but it isn’t as simple as that.”

<Adley Reed> He wouldn’t say it out loud, but Adley had noticed. That night, the way that Kaspar had cooed over Indigo -- fair, because she might have been dying -- but had thrown glares at Adley that would have struck him fatally if they were daggers. At this point, it was petty to bring it up. It wasn’t worth it. And nor was it about the simple fact that Grey blamed Adley, that he thought it was foolish, it was because Kaspar hadn’t defended, that he’d sought to comfort Grey when Adley was having an emotional crisis. In an attempt to mend one bridge he’d set fire to another one.

Adley had to forgive and forget though, didn’t he? The night had been chaotic, and Kaspar hadn’t disappeared into the night at the first chance. He’d only done so once everything had settled. It could be forgiven if the man, in his emotional state, hadn’t had the wherewithal to navigate the fine lines of the relationships he shared with the people around him.

Adley tugged his lower lip between his teeth, gaze dropping to the hand on his thigh.

“Indigo and I choose to be optimistic. Even if deep down we -- I -- might know that there’s a good chance he hasn’t just skipped town, that he’s never coming back, isn’t it better to try to be hopeful?” he asked. It was a flimsy kind of hope, and a flimsy argument, but he offered it anyway. “It’s something that’s rubbed off on me, from her. And there’s something that should rub off on us both. Kas, you’re not happy about her becoming a vampire, I know that. She knows that. You think that she shouldn’t have thrown away her humanity so quickly,” he said, and faltered. He hadn’t known that she’d done it on purpose -- that she’d decided to take it, without planning it. On a whim. He didn’t know whether to laugh or be angry. He’d decide later.

“But you know all that love she preaches? Part of that is just wanting other people to be happy. Indigo is happy. This is what she wanted, and you don’t have to be happy that it’s what she wanted, but you can be happy that she’s happy, right?” he said, lifting his eyes to Kaspar’s. Adley wasn’t innocent. He, too, could be selfish and oblivious to what others wanted, wanting to dismiss the things that made them happy if they didn’t align with what Adley wanted to be happy. But he was slowly learning -- or trying to.

“I don’t want to throw myself at anyone else’s mercy. You have aided me and I only need you to aid me, but you know that I suck at asking. I needed your help that night and you didn’t give as much as I needed you to, but that was my due punishment. I have to learn that my own needs don’t supersede the needs of others,” he said, his voice quiet. It was hard to admit to his flaws -- harder to still to admit that he needed help.

<Kaspar> His hand stilled briefly, only to start up an impatient picking at the the fabric over the man’s knee, “Why do you think i’m unhappy for it or for her? That’s an assumption and it is incorrect. Just because I feel that she was rash in her decisions, that she didn’t take enough time and neither did you to figure out the how’s, what’s and where’s of vampirism, doesn’t mean i’m not happy that she is happy. You are correct, I do not have to like or agree with your decisions to care about you and your happiness.” He was frowning again, a slight edge of frustration to his tone. “You think i’m so oblivious, don’t you? The truth is I see, I pay attention. I spoke to her at length about it, I made sure she knew of some things she was choosing to give up and tried to offer her an opportunity to ask questions about things.”

He tsk’ed quietly, pulling his hand from Adley and folding his arms protectively around his own frame. “She just talked about love until I snapped her out of it with harsh reality, and she eventually thanked me for it. Whatever good came of it, it came from death and it means sacrifice even though there can be great reward. Hope is fine, but there is such a thing as blind hope. You two NEED the “bad parent” telling you when you’re too happily running off into a sunset and straight over a cliff’s edge. If you’re always looking up, you might miss what’s right in front of you. Sometimes it pays to look down, Adley.” His words sounded more weary than sharp, more genuinely tired of having to explain.

“I am happy that you two are happy, if you are. You can be happy even if there are things to overcome, and I will help you to learn. Perhaps you do need more than me, but I understand how difficult it can be seek it, especially for guys like us.” Kaspar lifted his shoulders in a shrug, letting them fall heavily so that his posture slumped slightly in defeat. “I am happy for your love, I am happy that she is pleased with her decision but I am the one who gets to worry because you two won’t. Let me do it, and let me plan, let me organise because it’s how I deal with things.” He glanced at Adley pleadingly, “Just let me be myself, for goodness sakes, don’t ask more of me.”

<Adley Reed> “I don’t know, Kas. It’s just the impression I got,” he said. Adley could have argued -- he had been giving Indigo time. Plenty of time. Given all the times he wanted to touch her but couldn’t, he’d have turned her the first moment she showed an interest. But he had given her time. The way it had eventually happened was rash, but if it was something that Indigo had planned, then what could Adley have done to stop her? Kaspar said it himself; he had talked to her, and she had heard. She had understood, and she had thanked him, and she had made her decision anyway.

“I’m sorry I assumed. But you can’t assume that I don’t worry either. I do -- maybe more now than I did before, but there’s plenty that I worry about. I worry because she’s got the same reaction to blood that I do. I worry that every other ******* thing that’s wrong with me is going to manifest in her, too, and she’s going to regret her decision, and I’ll regret not leaving this house and letting you do the job, even if it burned every bridge between us. I worry that she’d have been better off with your blood than with mine,” he said, shuffling forward on the couch so that he could lean over and slap a hand to Kaspar’s neck -- a reassuring grasp, as if to drive a point home. Long fingers disappeared into the lengths of Kaspar’s hair, thumb sliding over the high, sharp cheekbone.

“I just don’t show it. I wear a mask. Surely you know this by now? What I show to the world and what I actually feel are two completely different things. But I’m never going to ask you to be something else, and I have never asked you to be something else. All I wanted that night was some support and reassurance regardless of what I’d done wrong, because when we’re angry we still care, right? I knew I’d done something wrong, and I was punished for it. Instead you left me in that room alone with her and she didn’t wake up. When she didn’t wake up I thought I’d killed her. It wasn’t your fault, it was mine. Those minutes felt like hours and I couldn’t touch her, because I thought I was making it worse -- when she should have clung to the last bit of life left, I thought I’d taken it from her with a touch. It stripped away a part of me I never knew I had and I -- I…” he stopped, head bowed. Thinking about it, remembering those minutes felt like being flayed all over again. His head bowed to hide the sheen of water over the deep blue hues. Even now, even with Kaspar, even after sharing so much -- he didn’t want to show the softness and vulnerability of his belly.

<Kaspar> Kaspar flinched slightly under the grip of Adley’s hand, but the cheekbone his thumb found was unharmed by fists and the man found himself reluctantly leaning into it. He forgot for a minute to be angry, to be hurt and just let himself be open to comfort. “I know, Adley. I know that you worry, I don’t mean to… Oh, **** it, you know what I mean and i’m tired of trying to explain.” His body slumped sideways until his weight was fully Adley’s responsibility, up to the man to hold him up or let him fall.

“I wasn’t trying to make you be alone, to abandon you, things just went so fast and I felt ill, I felt wrong and heavy and… I just couldn’t look at her. It wasn’t just that, it was fear I guess, what if she DIDN’T come back? It would be on me for agreeing to it, doing it rather than helping her through the fever and letting her keep her mortality…” As a blood thief, is what he didn’t say, frowning at the implications, “No, look it happened the way it did, we cannot change it we can just move forward. We can try and grow, and look at what might be better next time if… If you ever want to sire again, of if I ever decided to.” It seemed a strange thought to him, really, and he wasn’t entirely sure what could bring him to do it.


“Adley?” His voice was gentler as he spoke again, glancing up beseechingly from his slumped position. “Can we just… I don’t want to talk anymore tonight. We do other things so much better, like maybe we could just watch a movie, or we could… I don’t know man, i’m just not interested in another circular fight and I sure as hell can’t go see Sig or Grey looking like this. They’d probably kick my *** worse.” He half laughed, trying to keep it light. In reality, Grey would get fired up and want to hit the person who’d done it too and Sig would force him to stay in a few nights and rest even if he healed in one.

<Adley Reed> At the flinch, Adley’s hand comes away, holding the fingers parted from the skin that he had broken only minutes before. Not on the same side, of course, but he couldn’t remember where his knuckles had crushed bone, nor whether Kaspar’s face was bruised all over, underneath the skin. Adley flinched, too -- they’d both done each other harm. Guilt curdled in his gut.

He sighed and shook his head; Kaspar wanted to stop talking about it, but Adley had to add. “It wouldn’t just be on you, Kaspar. If you’re determined to take the blame, you could at least share it,” he said. If Indigo had died, there’d be no way that Adley would allow Kaspar to take any of the blame. Who was to say she’d have been any better if they hadn’t turned her? Who’s to say that Adley’s blood was different, and would only have poisoned her rather than turned her into a Blood Thief?

He knew, too, that neither Sig nor Grey would want to kick Kaspar’s *** worse. Grey, especially. Adley couldn’t say that he knew Sig at all to assume what she may or may not do. Grey, on the other hand, Adley assumed would want to come around and break all Adley’s bones, one by one.

“A movie,” he said, and reached for the remote to turn the TV on. He didn’t know what was on. He didn’t even know if it was a movie. It could have been a show, or music videos, or a string of advertisements for all the attention he paid to it. The remote was tossed onto the couch behind him before he pushed Kaspar back. Not to push him away, but instead to follow, to join him on the other couch. Long fingers brushed lightly over the broken skin of Kaspar’s cheek, over the bandage that covered it. That healing touch Kaspar had mentioned was employed, whether or not Kaspar needed it. A touch that was employed not just to the bandaged skin, but to other, more distracting areas of Kaspar’s body.

Adley could take a lot. Adley could be a selfish **** when he wanted to be. But for the next few hours he did nothing but give.