— Files, feelings, felonies.

[Charlie]

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— Users / Charlotte / Documents / Diary.doc

I have been suffering from unexplained blackouts these past two months, leading me to assume there’s something gravely wrong with me. I got some blood work done last week, but the results show no sign of illness.

I asked the doctor for further tests, but he said it was unnecessary. I called him out on this and he got hot under the collar. He told me to get a healthier lifestyle, but I told him I’m fit as a fiddle. He then implied that I should put the bottle down! I’m Scottish, but I’m no jackey. ******* dobber. Just because I work at a pub doesn’t mean I’ve got whisky flowing through my veins. I spend too much time behind a bar to even feel the need to be on the other side on my days off.

Anyway, it would’ve shown on the tests if my liver was drowning. Just to check, I looked up my blood results online. There is nothing wrong with me from what I can tell, except for low iron, but I’ve been anaemic since that vegetarian phase in secondary. I guess the arsehole wasn’t lying, though why wouldn’t he send for more tests? And to suggest I’m a stoater? ******* dolly.

I’m heavy raging about this shite. I’m angry aye, but I’m afraid too. I don’t know what’s happening with me. I don’t like not feeling safe in my own body. I’ve scheduled an appointment at a privately funded clinic in Cherrydale to get a second opinion, and hope there’ll be answers. I wouldn’t know where to start if I had to figure this out on my own.

Last saved: Tue 24 May 15:34

[Charlie]

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— Users / Charlotte / Documents / Diary.doc

I’ve got a scan scheduled a fortnight from today.

The Dr Kevorkian wasn’t bad, though for that much out of pocket for a regular appointment I was somewhat expecting the diagnosis to be delivered via musical act. There was no music. There’s also no pattern to my blackouts, I’ve learned. Dr K asked about many things the other doctor didn’t. It was far more thorough an interview than the last, though I had no remarkable answers; we hit the same wall. He made sure I was scheduled for a scan as well as another appointment next month. I’m not thrilled it’ll take another fortnight to get the scan, but it’s better than nothing.

I left feeling a wee bit better knowing I’m a step closer to finding the cause of these blackouts. The clinic might be more expensive than the hospital, and out of the way, but it’s clearly worth it. I’m lucky Jesse pays me well enough that I can afford any of this.

I’ll be gutted if I have to quit, but I haven’t had any incidents at work yet. I’m not sure I want to tell them about any of this. I can’t afford to lose the job, especially not now that I’ve finally found a flat. It might be something at the hostel that’s making me sick. It might be in the air or water. It’d be a relief if these episodes were caused by something external, like those outbreak rumours.

Dr Kevorkian told me to take note of what I last remember leading up to the blackouts. I didn’t have the guts to tell him I rarely remember what precedes them. All I know is I wake up disorientated, lightheaded, and with a really sore neck.

I wonder if this is what it’s like to become crazy.

Last saved: Fri 27 May 12:01

[Charlie]

THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF C. TAYLOR

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+ You are currently in node 8_7_files
+ System alert is at: RED.
+
+ Security program "tracer" is present in this node. Your location is being triangulated. Silence "tracer" to end triangulation.
+
+ Silence command failed on tracer. Triangulation continues.
+ LOCKED OUT OF SYSTEM

“That went well”

There’s luckily no target to her cutting sarcasm. Unalleviated frustration bubbles under her skin. Charlie scratches at her shoulders as she crosses both arms across her chest, slotting her chin into the crook of her joint forearms. It’s not the most comfortable of positions to be in, but it’s an attempt to soothe herself.

It’s not a successful way to contain her rage. With a disgruntled grunt, she is out of the chair in one fell swoop, the brutishness of her action threatening to topple her over. She’s so wound up that shutting down the laptop with care is almost excruciating. All she wants to do is slam the lid down with a satisfactory snap.

“Useless piece of shite.”

Aye, but Jesse’s useless piece of shite, her mind supplies, beckoning her to take care when handling her boss’ property. Truth be told, she shouldn’t even be doing this from work. It’s too close, especially if she’s incapable of silencing triangulation. Who knows what she’s playing with? It could be nothing, but it doesn’t feel like nothing. Not that breaking into corporate systems should be any easier because said corporations have nothing to hide.

The new roster’s been printed and pinned to the cork board in the staff room downstairs since 4AM. The sun’s already crested across the city’s skyline, suggesting Charlie’s wasted nearly two hours on this fruitless quest. The cleaners will be in within a few hours, and she should’ve gone home ages ago. It’s time for her to call it a day, though she’s too wound up to return to the flat, let alone get any shut eye.

The security cameras reveal the establishment to be completely empty.
The basement, tinted green from the camera’s night vision, beckons.

[Charlie]

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— Users / Charlotte / Documents / Diary.doc

Dead raging right now and can’t sleep because of it. I thought a turn about the shops would lighten my mood but that bloody div’s gotten under my skin. The nerve of that man, honestly. I can’t even be arsed to put any of it into words. I was hoping for a good shag, but what a tosser.

“Brick wall” — Aye, I’ll hit him with a half brick if he comes round Serpentine again.

It’d wouldn’t be so bad if that lunatic was the only thing I had to deal with. Work’s been heaving, and being short-staffed has been mental. It’s my first day off for yonks and I’ve got to admit I’m tempted to never return. Jesse’s holed up in his parlour while I’m stuck training Tianna, and Tom tries to bed anything with huge chebs that walks.

I got my money saved up. I got my new passport in the mail last week.
I really don’t know what’s keeping me.

I’m fed up.

And I’m tired. Too tired to get any ******* sleep.

I’d like to make it to Banff before the end of the summer.
I don’t know it I’ll last that long here. I’m shattered.

I’ll give it another fortnight, maybe another month.

Last saved: Fri 17 June 13:01

[Charlie]

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— Users / Charlotte / Documents / Diary.doc

I eventually fell asleep. I don’t remember when’s the last time I slept this long. I felt absolutely knackered when I woke up — cotton mouthed and all. Went for a jog and took a shower, so I feel better now. I’ll have to go out and buy some tampons later. If I’d known my bloody period would start today I’d have gotten them at the grocer’s yesterday.

Anyway. Sheets are in the wash, clothes in the dry, and I’m making a stew for lunch. No idea where Austin’s disappeared to; haven’t seen him in days. I know he’s been around though. I’ll leave him a note, see if he wants to drop by for a drink. Don’t know much about the lad - I wish I did.

Jedi here I know all about. Foul beast came into my bed this morning and farted under the covers. Took him on my jog — which was more of a walk, really. Lazy ********. He’s sat by the stove eyeing the pot now. Fat, lazy ********.

I’ve put the pelt on his bed and he seems to like it. I don’t even know what animal its from.

I don’t know why Verin thought it acceptable to give such a thing to me. I’m not going to think about it. He’s a game hunter and he is dangerous. He carries a weapon with him that is definitely not for hunting, and he doesn’t look like a cop undercover. He keeps mentioning family business, and I think he might be connected to the gangs. I hope he stays away from Serpentine. I don’t need any trouble.

Last saved: Sat 18 June 11:12

[Charlie]

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— Users / Charlotte / Documents / Diary.doc

They say a lot can change in a month.

If you ever forget why this ended here — follow the yellow brick road.

Last saved: Sun 10 July 3:06