One Good Thing (Micah)

[Bree (DELETED 8331)]

It wasn’t cold out, she knew this deep down, but that didn’t change the fact that she felt cold. At least the rain had stopped, that was something she could hold onto for now until she found the next thing worth holding onto. She feared the day when she’d lose her grip on her one good thing before she could find another, the day when the fight was no longer worth it and she gave it up. Every once in a while, like tonight, she’d find herself standing on the bridge - the one that was high up and had had the jumper a few years back. It had been all over the news and she’d not understood back then. Oh what she would do to go back to not understanding. She gripped onto the railing, wondering why they hadn’t put in some type of protection against people like her, and looked down into the dark abyss below her. She thought about it, how it would feel to climb over and let go, and she closed her eyes. She didn’t climb over, but thought about how it had stopped raining and how the weather was warming up. It would be stifling hot soon and it would feel so good to chase away that deep down cold in her bones. She didn’t dwell on the fact that the deep down cold would come back, that wasn’t her one good thing. Her one good thing was that the rain had stopped, that she would be warming up soon.

She took a step back, away from the temptation, and opened her eyes to look around. She didn’t see anyone around and she breathed out. She didn’t want anyone to see that. Things got complicated when someone saw. The places she could get sent to were warm and had food, but they made her feel even more hollow than her usual life. Made her feel even more broken to be poked and prodded until she could get out. The thought made her shiver in revulsion more than anything she’d done to survive, which was a strange thing. She’d done some revolting things.

Pulling the tattered and torn spring jacket that had gotten her through the winter tighter around herself she continued on off of the bridge, wanting to get further away from the temptation. She’d be back, without meaning to and without realizing it until she felt those railings in her hands again. One day, one day she wouldn’t have a one good thing. It wasn’t tonight though. Even as she thought about the way her stomach felt and realized it had been far too long since she ate. Even as she thought about how her rain soaked clothes would need someplace nice to dry before the night temperature dropped too much. Even as she thought that tonight she might have to do one of those things that she didn’t like to think about, especially on those nights when she had to do the revolting thing. The rain had stopped; she was holding onto that.