Discomfort {Skylar}

[River]

Why is everything so confusing?

It seemed the moment she began to find her footing in this new world, someone came and ripped the rug out from under her. She had thought that the she had learned all she needed to know when it came to feeding, and yet, the blonde continued to fill her mind with new information. She was still stuck on the thought of feeding from another vampire, and she began to wonder how it would taste. Would it be as sweet as when it came from the veins of a human, or would it be bitter due to their death? Was it an ability that everyone had, or was it something that was trained or frowned upon? The thoughts twisted around in her mind until they became knotted together, and she found herself wondering why she even cared. She would never be able to share the intimacy that came with it. Shaking her head, she forced her thoughts aside as her company continued to speak, and she found herself trying to piece together as much of the missed conversation that she could.

Fangless?

The admittance had her head snapping up, and she narrowed her eyes on the blonde’s youthful features as she tried to discern if she was speaking the truth. The desire to reach forward and pry her lips apart surprised her, and she quickly curled her free hand into a fist at her side. She would think you utterly insane, she thought bitterly, though she couldn’t help but laugh at herself soon after. She was more than certain that her sire’s wife already deemed her unfit mentally, and yet, she still continued to pull her through the streets as a parent would a child that refused to keep up. Instead of breaking the boundaries between the two, she tilted her head and trailed her tongue over her lower lip before speaking. “H-H-How d-d-d-do yo-you f-f-fe-feed?” As soon as the question was finally spoken, she dropped her gaze back to the ground in shame and braced herself for the rebuff that she was certain to come. She could already hear the other in her head, and see the sneer that twisted her beautiful features as she demanded that she spit it out.

She hated that she had been reduced to nothing more than a stuttering fool, and yet, she knew that it was all her fault. She hadn’t always been this way, and she wanted to tell that to her new friend. She wanted to assure her that she wasn’t as insane and broken as she seemed, but the words wouldn’t form. They stuck in the back of her throat, and she carefully brushed her hair forward to hide her face from the others ever watchful gaze. Would she ever be normal again? Shaking her head, she studied the cracks in the sidewalk as they blurred with their movement, before she suddenly heard herself speak. “I-I-I w-w-would n-n-never f-f-feel so-sorry f-for y-you. Y-Y-you se-seem ve-v-very c-c-capable.” The words, though spoken softer than usual, shocked her. She hadn’t meant to speak them, nor had she intended to reveal what she thought of the woman.

She would surely mock her now.

[Skylar]

"Capable ain't a word most people apply to me but yeah, I guess I am."
I shrug at the compliment. I'm not the damsel in distress type, but I'm not exactly your alpha female type either. Though... hmm... maybe I am. I mean I am usually the only female in my group of friends. The guys girl's tend to come and go and they view me as a threat when they first meet me. I dunno. I'm a bit of a pack animal I guess. Most of us are, really. I dunno. I like being around people and people generally like being around me. Point being though, that as capable as I am, I have a support system. I never have to go anything alone unless I want to.
"And feeding's easier than you'd think"
I tell her this as the train approaches the station. I double check the info on the board to make sure we're on the right platform and stuff and nod to myself.
"I can still bite if I wanna. It's just... messy, not to mention it's painful for the person I'm gnawing on. I've only done it once. Which reminds me, I have another quirk too... The guy I bit. He remembered everything the next day. Remembered that I'd bitten him and drunk his blood and stuff. Thankfully for me, he was my friend and so he didn't like report me or something. My sire and I fed him some ******** excuse and he believed that for like a week. Then I kinda put him under my spell and well, after that I kinda had to tell him the truth. But... to go back to the question... I drink blood bags and stuff."
And by stuff I mean, the stuff Ric gets me. I never asked him before where it came from. I have a better idea now and honestly I can't say I'm overly surprised. There's a reason I never asked where he sourced the blood. I figured it was best not to know. And sure, sometimes the blood he brings me is animal blood, but it's more obvious where and why he sourced that. I kinda like Ric's style of hunting truth be told. He doesn't waste anything. I can drink the blood. I can eat the meat. Ric can turn the skin and bones into art. It's like what hunting should be if you ask me. Well animal hunting that is. Not so sure about the sewer dwelling pricks. Sure their blood's useful but the rest of them? Not so much. Though I'm not sure Ric would agree with me on that last part.
"I just warm the stuff in the microwave every morning. It's no biggie. I can drink it cold even, if I have to. It's better warm though. More satisfying somehow."
I'm not sure I can explain it. You'd think drinking blood - especially when you can still eat and drink normal food - would be pretty disgusting, but it so isn't. The smell of blood makes my mouth water. And once I've smelt it, it usually makes me hungry. Thankfully though I'm in control of my impulses. I don't go around chasing down anyone with a wound, or anything like that. I'm just aware of it. If that makes sense.

[River]

Shaking her head, she tried to keep up with the woman as she began to explain her habits. None of it made sense to her, and yet she didn’t dare to ask a single question. Instead, she twisted her hand that was held by the other and flexed her fingers, though she didn’t try to free herself. The contact was becoming a comfort, and she found herself stepping closer to her as more people began to step into her personal space. Tension pulsed from the small woman, and she dropped her gaze to focus back on her shoes, studying the way the laces intertwined as she shook her head.

“I-I-It i-isn’t n-no-normal t-to re-re-r-remember?” Drawing her brows down as she thought, she tried to recall her last feeding. The blonde had been delectable, her skin soft, her lips tasting like cherries. She had been so caught up in the scent of cotton candy and the sweet taste of her blood, that she didn’t remember how she left her. The moment she had taken her fill, she had kissed her and pushed her back into her seat. The only sign that she had been disturbed as her pink lipstick as it smeared across her lips, and her eyes, so blue and clear, had been clouded. Had she remembered her the next day? The thought of her looking for her, of speaking to someone about her, caused her to shudder.

It’s unlikely. They barely remember you when they’ve known you their whole lives. You’re faceless. Nobody.

Biting into her lower lip, she frowned as her subconscious spoke what she already knew. She was being foolish in thinking that anyone would care to think of her. She was just another shadow in their lives, another vague memory. The blonde wouldn’t even remember what she had to drink that night, nevertheless a strange woman in the back of the bar. Tightening her hold on Skylar’s hand, she closed her eyes as she waited for the next stop on their travels, her free hand twisting the cloth of her hoodie pocket in her fist.

[Skylar]

She's uncomfortable and I feel it. I'm not sure getting on a train is the best idea but if we stand in the carriage she might be okay. I'm sure we can find a little space away from everyone else and it's not for too long. I'll just do my best to prattle at the poor thing, keep her distracted.
I squeeze her hand and lead her onto the train as the conversation continues.
"Nope. Not normal at all. I'm pretty much the poster child for how we shouldn't be."
And by 'we' I mean vampires, but since we're a hell of a lot closer to people now, there ain't no way I'm saying it out loud. Carriages don't really allow for conversations to be private. Pretty much whatever you say is gonna be heard by someone, if not all the occupants of the thing.
"We can talk more about that later if you like."
I smile at her, hoping that she'll last this journey without freaking out. She's not like Ric. Ric don't like crowds much himself but it's more socialising that bugs him, than the people. At least that's my theory anyways. He has no issues on trains.
I grin as I think about something we did on a train a year back. Damn. Was it a year already. That was a fun night. Alley cat wasn't overly impressed with our behaviour but we had a blast. Damn near got ourselves kicked off the train but it would have been worth it.
I decide to recall that memory later, when alone... or maybe with Ric, see if I can get a repeat. Hey, a girl can dream. And man do I dream.
"So... erm..."
I lick my lips and try really hard not to think about Ric towering over me while I'm on my knees. It's not an easy task I tell ya.
"You got a boyfriend or something?"
That's a safe topic. Right? I mean she's young and pretty and should totally be seeing someone, or several someones. They say it's the quiet ones you have to watch, right? I'm sure there are a lot of guys out there that would go for her, stutter and all. I mean what guy doesn't love a girl that doesn't talk. It's like every guy's wet dream. Which is weird, cos I know the effect I have on guys and yet I rarely shut up. I'm pretty sure guys will get with anything with a pulse. Oh wait...
I laugh at my thoughts and shake my head.
"Sorry. Weird thought."
I shrug it off. Guys just aren't picky. Well most aren't. Ric's like the exception to the rule. Dillon was still more than happy to do me even after I stopped having a pulse.
And that's where I decide to put my full focus on the shy little thing before me. I hate thinking about Dillon and thinking more about Ric is gonna get me all hot and bothered. Damn it. This allurist pms thing's still ******* with me. Stupid ******* emotions. I swear I wasn't like this before I was turned.

[River]

This was how she was going to die.

The second her foot touched the inside of the carriage, she nearly keeled over. There were too many voices, too many sounds - not to mention the stench. Sweat, stale cigarettes and bad breath. She couldn't fathom how Skylar hadn't gagged the moment she pulled them in, and yet, it didn't seem to bother her. In fact, her expression was thoughtful - almost serene - as she stared blankly ahead for a moment. What goes on in your head, girl? Figuring it was best that she never found out, she tightened her hold on her hand and stepped closer to her, their bodies nearly touching. If she could, she would have embraced her and hid her face in her shoulder, but the thought of being too close in her personal space sent a fresh wave of panic crashing into her chest.

Concentrate, Danika!

Turning her head to the side, she stared at the shoes of the person next to them, her mis-matched hues following the design of the neon orange and green laces. The desperate urge to see who would possess such odd colored sneakers overwhelmed her, and yet, she refused to lift her gaze any higher than the skin tight jeans. She could tell by the bulge of muscle that they belonged to a man, and a laugh bubbled in her throat. She had never understood the fad, and she knew that the poor soul was almost as uncomfortable as she was. Finally, she found it in her to tear her gaze from his, to the next pair of shoes - six inch, bright red stilettos. The feet they were wrapped around were slender, beautiful - and she trailed her gaze up her legs, only to come to a stop at her knee when Skylar's voice broke through her reverie.

What did I do to make you think I liked men?

"N-n-n-no." Her voice trembled as the carriage shook, sending her swaying into the blonde before she cleared her throat. "I-I-I w-wou-would r-r-rather d-d-date you." It took her a solid second to realize what she had said, and she quickly clapped her hand over her mouth as her eyes widened. "N-Not l-like th-that. I m-mean I--...I--..." She struggled on the words, then, and despite her best effort, she couldn't force them past her throat. Oh, ****. What have I done? Ric is going to kill me...

[Skylar]

**** me if this girl isn't totally adorable. I laugh at her awkwardness. I'm not being mean or nothing. I find her cute. Apparently she's a bit like me, in that she speaks before she filters her thoughts. Not that she said anything wrong. I'm pretty sure she was only trying to tell me she's into women and therefore doesn't have a boyfriend. I don't for a second thing she's trying to hit on me or anything. So what do I do? Besides laugh that is. I grab her by the shoulders, pull her against me and wrap my arms around her, hugging her tight.
"S'ok babe. I know what you meant."
I briefly considered toying with and telling her that I know I'm hot and that there's a line or something but I don't. I'm not sure if she'd pick up on the fact that I'm joking. I mean do I attract attention. Yeah. Of course I do. But I think that's more due to who I am and how loud I am and such, it has **** all to do with the way I look. You can't really be a musician and not attract attention. I'm pretty sure I have a fair few admirers out there but they're not attracted to me. Not really. They're attracted to my confidence and my voice.
So yeah. I stand there with my arms wrapped around the girl. I got one arm across her back, the hand holding her shoulder. The other hand is currently rubbing her back as if to sooth her. Embarrassment can be a *****. Not that I suffer from that affliction much myself. I own who I am, warts and all. My flaws are a part of what make me who I am. I'm a klutz. I don't think before I speak. But damn it if both those things aren't adorable, at least when I do 'em. Though maybe that's confidence speaking again.
I chuckle to myself.
"Never been into women myself but ain't no thing babe, each to their own. Jules swings the same way you know. So it's not like you're the only gay in the village."
Damn Steve. I've spent way too much time with him over the years. I'm not sure the girl will get the reference, though the point is pretty self-explanatory I'm sure.
"Just try not to fall in love with me if I get handsy and ****."
Okay, so the no teasing thing didn't last long. And just to make sure she gets the point of what I'm saying, or just to wind her up a bit more I let the hand stroking her back slip down over her butt before giving it a quick squeeze.
Yeah I know. She seems the shy sort and I probably shouldn't be teasing her but I just can't help myself. Besides, it’s not like I don't do the same to family and friends alike. All too often I swat people on the arse as I past them, give them a wink, that kinda thing. There's nothing behind it, it's just who I am and what I do. I'm playful and flirty and I'm not gonna apologise for that. Don't need to. If it bothered Ric maybe I'd try and curb the urge to flirt a bit - at least when he's around - but well, he don't seem to care, so why should I change what's not broken? Ric loves me for who I am and he trusts me. It's not like I've ever done anything to make him not trust me. okay. So maybe I slept with Dillon after we got married but well, we weren't really married, at least I didn't think we were since he said he wanted to get an annulment. So yeah. I thought I was single. I totally didn't do anything wrong. Nope. Nu-uh. Nothing. ****. Still makes me feel guilty though. ******* Ric. ******* Dillon. ******* JD. Damn near drowned in the stuff I tell ya. It was all a waste of time anyways. I didn't feel a damn thing from the moment I left Ric to the moment he came and got me. Thank **** he did too. I hate to think where I'd be now if he didn't - though Dillon would still be alive…
I push those thoughts from my mind. I let them go too far. Thankfully my hand wasn't on River's arse this entire time, as that might be a bit difficult to explain. Still, she knows. I've told her. She knows I'm not into chicks and she knows not to take my flirting seriously. I've still got my arms wrapped around her though. Not that I care. Women are allowed to hug each other, hold hands and ****, it's only men that freak out about that sort of stuff, right?

[River]

You are such an idiot.
Can you not do anything right?
You need to say something - anything.
Open your mouth and form words, Danika.
You can’t possibly make this worse.

The entire time she mentally abused herself, she stood so still, she could have been carved from stone. Her skin, she was certain, would be a deep shade of crimson had she had the ability to blush any longer. As it was, she felt tears of shame burn the back of her eyes, and she focused her gaze on her shoes. It was the only way she could remain where she was, and not fight tooth and nail to pry from her grasp and jump out of the moving transit. I wonder if I would survive that, she thought, before shaking her head. Even if she didn’t, would it matter? Anything would have been better than suffering through this.

I shouldn’t have asked for this.

When her arms came around her, she remained as stoic as before. Why in the world was she embracing her? She had made a fool of herself, and yet, this woman seemed to not care. She hated that she was no longer able to hide from her, and now, she was subjected to her pity. If she had kept to herself, none of this would have happened. She would have been able to linger in the shadows, on the outskirts of her attention. She would not have found herself in her presence, struggling to find a way to explain herself. To her, there was no way out of this situation - anything she said could be twisted. If she claimed that she wasn’t attracted to her, she risked insulting her. If she said that she was, she risked upsetting her sire. As the thoughts twisted in her mind like vines, she felt her throat close up as the panic began to run rampant through her very bones.

Tilting her head back, she listened as the other began her futile attempt to soothe her. She wanted to scream at her, to push her away and tell her that nothing would fix her situation, but she was silenced as her hand suddenly dropped to her ***. She felt her fingers flex, her nails gently biting into her skin through her jeans as she squeezed her. What in the hell is happening? The assault had happened so quickly, she was more than certain that she had imagined it - and yet, she could still feel the weight of her palm, as if she hadn’t removed it. “I-I-... n--no…” The words felt heavy on her tongue, and even as she struggled to push them free, they just wouldn’t form. Instead of speaking, she simply stared at her and shook her head, before a laugh escaped.

It freed itself in a sharp, quick burst of air, and she quickly hid her face in her hands as she shook her head. Out of everything that she had endured in the past few months, that one singular moment with the strange rocker in front of her topped the list. She kept to the shadows to avoid attention, to hide from the prying, judgmental eyes. She was used to being invisible, unnoticed and uncared for - and yet, this one woman broke through every single barrier that she had built around herself and didn’t so much as break a nail.