January 28th, 2016
12:04 AM
The past few days have been such a blur, I’ve had a hard time reminding myself that this isn’t a dream. Or perhaps it is. I seem to have lost my sense of what’s real and what isn’t. I suppose it doesn’t much matter, regardless.
I think know I’m crazy. If I hadn’t completely lost my mind as a human, I certainly have in death. Or, transformation, should I say? I’m not quite sure what to call it. Though they do say that the true sign of lunacy is lack of recognition of it, so perhaps I'm not quite as far gone as I believe. I will research this more later.
Succumbing to the darkness was a peaceful affair. I feel strangely myself. More so than I ever have when trying to resist the temptation to delve into my darkest desires. It feels similar to the way it did after taking the life of Samantha. I feel alive, and free, and unbound by any moral constraints.
It’s difficult to fathom how far I’ve crossed the line from sanity into pure madness. Then again, I suppose I’ve never been fully sane. Always on the edge, tipping one way or another from time to time, waiting to finally fall over into one, once and for all.
I’m relieved to have finally lost balance.
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Myk has been very kind to me. I don’t know why.
I’ve never had anyone that’s given a single **** about me. It's strange. I don’t know if his intentions are sincere but they seem to be. Regardless we seem to be very alike, which could be beneficial in one way or another. I trust him, I think. I suppose I need to spend a bit more time observing and analyzing him before I come to that conclusion. I’m not used to putting my trust in anyone. It feels dangerous. But I’m not a fool, I understand that I will not be able to survive in this world without allies. So I am trying to be a bit more open.
I must flee now, as the clouds have cleared a bit. Luna is highly visible and I can't resist some time alone underneath her. She is always able to calm my dark thoughts.
