The conversation was moving far too fast for her to process, and she found herself wishing that the wall would simply swallow her whole. There was no way that she was going to be able to handle anything at this rate. She could barely control the trembling of her hands, let alone find her way into an enemy campground and sort out information. You have no choice. You have to do something - anything. They’re looking at you, for crying out loud. Digging her nails into her palms, she took a deep, unsteady breath and shook her head. She could still hear them speaking, each word sounding further away than the last, leaving her with the sensation that she was floating. She didn’t belong here - hell, she didn’t belong anywhere.
From the moment that her life had been shattered and laid at her feet in decay, she had found herself in the dark. It had been a bittersweet curse, one that she often found herself wishing she could trade in for just a minute of noticeability. How many nights had she laid awake wondering what would happen if she were to die? How many days had she spent tossing black paint across a blank canvas while wondering what color would look like? No matter how often she dreamt of shedding the despair, she had woken to a morning as bleak as all the rest. After a while, she had no choice but to embrace the shadows. She had wrapped it around herself like a long lost lover. The quiet, the inevitable invisibility - she had welcomed it.
It had been fine - until him.
Chancing a brief look in her sire’s direction, she shook her head and bit into her lower lip. She could see the gears work behind his eyes as he mulled over something another had said, and she couldn’t help but wonder what it would have been like to be him. Fearless. She remembered the first night she had seen him, the way his presence had taken over the room. He had been reborn in the same way that she had, and yet, he didn’t suffer as she did. He wasn’t cowering in the corner waiting for the storm to pass. No, he was standing in the eye of the hurricane with his back straight and head high, commanding their small army with ease. She could barely spit out her name, nevertheless send a group into enemy territory.
You’re useless.
With a resigned sigh, she realized that she had been caught up in her own thoughts for far too long. The scene had shifted, and she felt the weight of the stranger’s arm drop from her shoulders. However, it hadn’t been without consequence. As she was propelled forward, she found her unclaimed hand pressing to Skylar’s back and she curled her slender fingers into her top for support. What in the hell just happened? Closing her eyes, she quickly tried to process what she could have possibly missed in the span of a few seconds - only to have it all summed up in the midst of the blonde’s rant. She was so accustomed to being overlooked, that she hadn’t even bothered to defend herself past that one small outburst. She had expected her statement to be ignored - but this was far worse. They had heard it - they just hadn’t cared. They had spoken over her and spoken for her.
And what would you have done about it?
Nothing.
You don’t fight for yourself.
You never fight.
Clenching her teeth, she tugged her hand free of Skylar’s grasp to press her fingers to her temples. This was not the time for her ex-fiance’s voice to enter her thoughts. She would become comatose within seconds if she didn’t lock it away. Even if she was right. You’re a doormat, she thought, the acid in her own thoughts familiar to her. With another twist of her fingers, she held onto Skylar as she tried to will her feet to move. One step would put her in the line of sight - another would force her in front of the blonde. It would be easy - two steps, and she could defend herself. Two steps, and she could set everything straight. It shouldn’t be this hard, it shouldn’t be this painful. She should be able to speak up, to have her voice heard - even if she hadn’t a damned clue as to what they were discussing.
As her hand began to tremble again, she forced her gaze from the floor - and stared straight into a pair of the brightest blue eyes she had ever seen. Quickly averting her gaze, she attempted to steady her hand as she finally lifted her converse from the floor and moved to the left. One step down. With her hand still wrapped in her friend’s top, she managed to move to her side before she finally relinquished her hold. In her mind, it had seemed as if it had taken a lifetime for her to find herself in the center, when in reality it had only been a second. A second, and she found her life changing. To them, it would be nothing - but to her, it would be a milestone. Shaking her head, she lifted her hands to her hood and slid it back to reveal her dark curls, her gaze focused once again on the floor.
“T-T-Thank you, S-S-Sky.”
The words tumbled in that frustrating stutter of hers, and she once again clenched her hands at her side. She had made that move forward - and she hadn’t a clue what she had planned to do after. She couldn’t possibly argue, could she? Wetting her lower lip, she brought the tie of her hoodie to her lips and chewed on it before beginning to speak once again. “I-I-I c-can d-do m-my be-best, bu-but I-i-I d-d-don’t want t-t- talk. I-I can g-g-gather w-what I c-can.” Reaching down, she gave Skylar’s hand a squeeze, a silent thank you in the gesture, before forcing her gaze to her sires as a thought entered her mind. For a second, she debated on speaking it, knowing that she could possibly be humiliated, but she knew that there was a possibility it could work. Bracing herself for the hundredth time that night, she tilted her head towards the leather clad blonde bombshell at the edge of the group.
“W-Why do-don’t w-w-we se-separate th-them? Skylar a-and … her. S-Sky c-could s-stay w-with y-you and she c-comes with D-Doc and I? Di-distraction. D-Doc c-c-could c-command us.” By the time she was finished speaking, an embarrassed type of frustration had bled into her eyes, causing the mismatched orbs to shine brighter than usual.