Sean was drifting in a crashing low of darkness, one created of his own fears, pressed perhaps by an excess of too much happiness. He had even distanced himself from that lately, he could not even recall the last time he had spoken with Luc. It made him sick, to think of what a horrible person he was, to push away, retreat and hide from something that was so unfamiliar to him. Was there something so wrong with opening up to someone so perfect? His paranoid thoughts and delusions pressed heavily upon him. Beliefs of how undeserving he was of such affections, such possibilities of being loved. Not that he knew if Luz loved him. Sean did know, without a shadow of a doubt, that he loved her and in a way it scared him. He was going to mess things up, hell he already was messing things up. He had told her though, about his condition and she had been so understanding. But what did that mean? To share words was one thing, to experience and witness his moments of madness was a whole other issue. What would she think then, to see him in such a state of mind?
The man sat contemplating all of this and none of it all at the same time. He sat on a bench, in a dog park, with his newly acquired pet. The dog, Sean felt, was like himself, an outcast. None had wanted Charlie, he had been at the shelter and none so much as spared him a second glance. The dog was old, and Sean could not even tell what breed he was, as he seemed an unknown mix. His owner had passed away, and none had wanted to keep him. That was how he had ended up at the shelter, and now with Sean. He brought the dog to the park often, since he had gotten him, though Charlie never did much. At the very moment he just wondered around at a slow pace, sniffing things. While Sean just sat parked on his bench, his knees moving, shaking, with a set rhythm from nerves. Lately he seemed unable to keep still, and he put this to the cause from several factors.
He was also on his third pack of cigarettes for the day, it must have been some sort of record for him. Sean had always been a chain smoker, though tonight he was taking it to a whole new level. Lighting up one after the other, as currently a cig nearly out hung between his lips. His eyes lingered out at nothing specific, just looked out lost as if he were deep in thought. He tried mostly not to think, though occasionally he would catch sight of Charlie. He couldn’t help but wonder what Charlie could be smelling, what was so enticing that the dog would stay in the same spot for minutes on end? Sean would take a last drag from his smoke, before then snubbing in out in the empty disposable coffee cup beside him. It was half full of cigarette butts already. A collection he had full intentions of adding to. Such as then, when another cigarette was pulled from the dwindling pack. The filter held between his lips as he would light up yet again.
A light flurry of snow began to fall. The small flakes adding to the already white blanket that covered the ground. The jury was still out on his opinion of snow. Sean had lived all his life in the south, and had not once seen slow before coming to this city. He imagined it would have been different, had he been human still. The cold was not the part that bothered him now. Sean was still bundled up, if only to appear to be sheltering himself from the elements. Though the wetness was not something he enjoyed. To be caught wearing the wrong sort of shoes, where the snow would somehow work its way in. Even worse was the ice. The man had never been the most graceful, so that added to a slick surface, usually didn’t turn out well. Sean watched Charlie though, the dog seemed undisturbed by the cold, likely due to his long shaggy fur. He would lean back where he sat, pressing against the chain link fence behind him.
The man sat contemplating all of this and none of it all at the same time. He sat on a bench, in a dog park, with his newly acquired pet. The dog, Sean felt, was like himself, an outcast. None had wanted Charlie, he had been at the shelter and none so much as spared him a second glance. The dog was old, and Sean could not even tell what breed he was, as he seemed an unknown mix. His owner had passed away, and none had wanted to keep him. That was how he had ended up at the shelter, and now with Sean. He brought the dog to the park often, since he had gotten him, though Charlie never did much. At the very moment he just wondered around at a slow pace, sniffing things. While Sean just sat parked on his bench, his knees moving, shaking, with a set rhythm from nerves. Lately he seemed unable to keep still, and he put this to the cause from several factors.
He was also on his third pack of cigarettes for the day, it must have been some sort of record for him. Sean had always been a chain smoker, though tonight he was taking it to a whole new level. Lighting up one after the other, as currently a cig nearly out hung between his lips. His eyes lingered out at nothing specific, just looked out lost as if he were deep in thought. He tried mostly not to think, though occasionally he would catch sight of Charlie. He couldn’t help but wonder what Charlie could be smelling, what was so enticing that the dog would stay in the same spot for minutes on end? Sean would take a last drag from his smoke, before then snubbing in out in the empty disposable coffee cup beside him. It was half full of cigarette butts already. A collection he had full intentions of adding to. Such as then, when another cigarette was pulled from the dwindling pack. The filter held between his lips as he would light up yet again.
A light flurry of snow began to fall. The small flakes adding to the already white blanket that covered the ground. The jury was still out on his opinion of snow. Sean had lived all his life in the south, and had not once seen slow before coming to this city. He imagined it would have been different, had he been human still. The cold was not the part that bothered him now. Sean was still bundled up, if only to appear to be sheltering himself from the elements. Though the wetness was not something he enjoyed. To be caught wearing the wrong sort of shoes, where the snow would somehow work its way in. Even worse was the ice. The man had never been the most graceful, so that added to a slick surface, usually didn’t turn out well. Sean watched Charlie though, the dog seemed undisturbed by the cold, likely due to his long shaggy fur. He would lean back where he sat, pressing against the chain link fence behind him.
