Fitter Happier

[Thorne (DELETED 7278)]

It's important to keep a record one's thoughts. Clear self-reflection enables us to create a personal inventory, making the most of our assets, and at the same time, assessing any areas of weakness that could use improving. Therefore, I have resumed my habit of keeping a personal journal. This will be the first entry I will be entering on my new MacBook Air, which I believe is the same laptop that Kanye West uses. This one was purchased with assets provided to me by my sire, Nishaa. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm no free-loader. I believe in an honest wage for an honest day's labor. But the money was a gift, commensurate with the responsibilities Nishaa has as my sire. And someday, I will repay her ten-fold, just as the investment you make in your children's future can pay dividends when your own future young doctor or lawyer becomes your last bastion against the loneliness of old age, or rotting away in a home. Of course, if your own lack of personal investments have lead you to such a state where you can't even fend for yourself, you honestly deserve to be fed to the pigs on your seventieth birthday, so that at least your useless carcass will do the rest of society some good.

I was saddened to have lost most if not all of my personal files, including a record of my previous journal entries, in the fiery crash of my Piper Malibu Mirage. (That was a great little plane). I believe knowing where you came from is an important foundation to forging a new and bright future. All of those successes and failures (though not many of the latter in my case, I assure you) make us who we are, mold us into tempered steel, able to slice through any obstacle in our path to success, whether it be financial troubles or the neck of a rival drug dealer.

But despite my regret over the loss of those previous records of my continued sanity, I will persevere. A positive outlook is important in life. Keep your sunny side up I say. No one likes a Debbie Downer. Seriously, I've killed people for far less than having a bad attitude, so cheer the **** up. I believe that the fire that I walked out of that night in the woods was a crucible, meant to forge me into something greater. And of course, Nishaa was the hammer. She pounded the **** out of me, but in the end, as I said, it made me tempered steel. As the Joker would say "Wait'll they get a load of me!" (I refer of course to the character of the Joker played by Jack Nicholson, the definitive version. I just can't understand the insistence in throwing accolades at Heath Ledger's embarrassing take on the role. What is the appeal in playing such a masterful, nuanced character as a muttering crazy person? The Joker isn't crazy. He's driven, with clear goals and, god bless him, a lot of panache in attaining those goals. But I digress).

They say behind every great man is a woman. I always thought that was a crock of ****, pardon my French. A self-made man is the ideal that America holds up for the world to see. An Andrew Carnegie or Henry Ford or Donald Trump. Captains of Industry! But a true survivor is malleable and adaptable, not just of body, but of mind. It is better to bend like the reed than be broken in half like the mighty oak. And so I have come to change my previous views on this matter. There now stands behind me a great woman, one who makes me even greater. Her name is Nishaa, of the vampire clan Andras, and she has welcomed me into her family, with love and support, and also a K117X assault rifle. Of course, the initiation process to become a vampire was a little taxing. I did have to die. But nothing worth doing ever came without a cost. And now, I am fitter, happier, and healthier than I have ever been in my life. Not withstanding of course the fact that I am dead.

I owe it all to my sire. She has assured me that there is a place in my new family for someone of my proclivities. What a blessed relief, to find such acceptance! When I was in New York, I never felt truly appreciated. Oh sure, Vice President of the company by 27 has a nice ring to it. But a man must have hobbies to stay sane. And when those hobbies are frowned upon by society, what then is a man to do? Give them up? Of course not! I just said a man has to have hobbies to stay sane! Weren't you ******* listening?!? It's ironic that I had to come to Harper Rock, Canada, to find a place where my true talents were valued. Did you know that I can now skin a man in under a minute? It took years of hard work and training to get that time down. As I said, I had to come to Canada before people started acknowledging skills like these. Canada! Oh, ain't life a trip!

Well, I fear if I drop too many pearls of wisdom, I shall leave you nothing for next time. I'm kidding of course! There's more where that came from. So in the meantime, stay safe out there, and watch out for the thing that goes bump in the night.


Because it's me.