Grant Stonehouse loved to socialize. A Drink and a laugh at the bar with his friends would never be a disappointment, and opportunities to network were always appealing. Since arriving in Harper Rock, things had changed - dramatically changed. Crowds were now like a curse, with a dozen voices of chatting women merging into one, almost frying Stonehouse’s brain, and the odours of a group of working men, complete with their sweat masking antiperspirant spays, scrambling his sense of smell to the point that he would almost sneeze, uncontrollably. He would try to avoid a gathering, but the whispers that echoed around the cold, lonely sewer tunnels had drawn Stonehouse out of hiding. The word on the street was that an auction was going to take place at Lancaster’s, but no ordinary sale: this one would have people as the lots.
The premise reminded Stonehouse of his time at university in Liverpool. The Student Union had organized a “student slave market” to raise money for Alder Hey, the local children’s hospital, and for the student welfare fund which helped out pupils who had fallen on hard times. The word “charity” somehow allowed people to do crazy things, such as put themselves up for auction to the highest bidder. The event itself, held in the town hall, was both hilarious and in some ways cringeworthy. Middle-aged women fought for ownership of the hunky young rugby players in the hope that they may possibly remove their tight-fitting t-shirts when they fulfilled their auction obligations of mowing their lawns. Men on the verge of a midlife crisis ogled at the attractive sociology students, hoping that by winning the bid to have them babysit their kids, it would somehow lead to something else. Thankfully, a large sum of money was raised, so everyone went home happy, including Stonehouse, whose lot was won by a lovely elderly couple in need of a garage clearance.
Stonehouse had already met Pi, a proprietor at Lancaster’s, following a rather unsavoury incident involving a gun and an unfortunate gangster’s head. Slipping into a dark corner of the pub, Stonehouse eagerly scoured the establishment, but failed to recognize many other faces, if any. To be fair, he hardly knew anyone in Harper Rock, but the auction could potentially prove to be a valuable way to make acquaintances. Stonehouse waited patiently in the shadows for the opening ceremony to begin, keeping himself to himself, and wasn’t disappointed at the sight of the first offering to be introduced on stage. A giant of a man, a behemoth that would surely be an invaluable ally, stood centre stage, awaiting bids. First a woman piped up offering one thousand dollars, followed by a call of five thousand from a man hidden away in another corner of the bar. Stonehouse knew how useful this man-mountain could be, and was poised to raise both hands, fingers and thumbs outstretched, to indicate a bid of ten thousand dollars, when a huge bid of fifty thousand dollars came crashing in. Stonehouse frowned as his plans were instantly scuppered. He didn’t have that much cash spare, in fact he barely had that much cash full stop.
Suddenly the idea hit him like a diamond bullet between the eyes. Stonehouse needed to put himself up for auction in an attempt to raise some money. The auction was clearly already underway, and lot numbers had been assigned for each participant prior to the event commencing, but Stonehouse hoped that he could squeeze in at the end. An arrogant smirk broke out across cocksure businessman’s chiselled face. Oh yes, why not save the best until last? Stonehouse turned his attention back to the stage, in the knowledge that for now, this man was sadly out of his financial league.
