I N S A N I T Y

[Nyx (DELETED 6871)]

August 10, 2015

I haven't seen Godric in a few days.
It worries me.
I don't know why.
I don't want to know why.
I just want him to come home.

Something happened on the internet.
I only just noticed it.
I haven't been paying a lot of attention these days.
I have taken to killing - and being shot.
It doesn't leave a lot of time for socializing.

Someone called us embarrassing.
I don't even know who she was.
I don't care.
She seemed like an outright ****.

We weren't doing anything.
Well, I wasn't.
Godric wasn't.
His girlfriend - no 'friend' - was.

She reminded me of a jealous cat.
Claws out and yet not very threatening.
I haven't seen or heard from her, either.
I'm okay with that.

I'm adjusting to this life.
This vampiric life.
I still miss him.
I still cry.
I still see him when I close my eyes.
It's like a knife through my chest when I hear his name.

How could he leave me this way?

But Godric makes it easier.
He's an *** and he's a charmer.
But he feels like home.

Where are you?

[Nyx (DELETED 6871)]

August 11, 2015

I forget the feed.
I know it's not good for me.
I just forget.
Even as a human, I forgot to eat.
Especially when I found a new code to tinker with.
Or a new game to play.
Or a new spell to learn.

Really, just anything.

It wasn't until I woke up that I realized my mistake.
I was livid, I was hurting.
I was alone.
I vaguely remember calling for Godric.
I remember calling him, too.
His number - as usual - is the last I dialed.

I think he might have answered.
I can't remember.
But I remember hearing his voice.
He told me to go eat, and eat now.
Such a control freak.
I did, though.

I found a nice, cute all american boy.
He was so easy to lure into the shadows.
His hands were all over my body.
I tried to ignore the feeling of them.
He made it next to impossible, really.

Who the hell still gropes an *** like that?
I fed from him - I might have taken too much.
They usually walk away, but he kind of just... dropped.
I hope he's still alive.

I'm not a murderer, at least... I don't try to be.
I only kill what is already dead - or what is trying to kill me.

I guess the lines blur when you're already dead.

I'm losing clarity.

[Nyx (DELETED 6871)]

August 12, 2015

To Do List:

Eat
Get a computer
Find Godric
Get a pet - Dog, maybe?
Erase your memory

It all sounds simple enough.
Just a few things to do, right?
So, why am I having such a hard time?
I don't want to move.
I don't want to think.
I just want to curl up and wait for the end.

Except...
There will be no end, will there?
There will be no escape from this hell.
No, he's damned me for eternity.
He should have just let me die.
It would have been easier, right?

I don't know what I'm saying anymore.

I spend all my time in Honeymead.
The library has become my home.
I have myself a nice little corner.
No one bothers me here.
I just wish I had a computer.
It would make typing easier.

It doesn't help I cracked the screen.
My High Priestess called.
They're worried about me.
They said they can feel my despair.
They said I'm shrouded in darkness.
If only they knew.

They want to come here.
To Harper Rock.
They want to find me and bring me home.
I... I don't know how Godric will react.
I tried to tell them I wasn't coming home.
That I could never come home - but it only worried them more.

I can't let them meet him.
I can't let him know.
I don't want him to hurt them.
Or worse...
For them to hurt him...

I should probably add that to the list.
'Find a way to keep them away.'

I wish I was a better liar...