When Anger Shows [Every]

[Jesse Fforde]

--The following transcript was a live chat roleplay--

<Jesse Fforde> Jesse had been at Gresse's, finishing up some work. The night was getting late - late for the humans, anyway - and the place went quiet. There was not much else he could do there, so he went home, using the tome. Home could be so many places, these days, but mostly he spent his time at the new lair. It was out of the way and underground, and somehow it seemed to suit his mood. Which was what? It certainly wasn't sociable, that was for sure. It was always Clover's voice he heard in his head. All these progeny, and now he had free time he should seek one or two of them out. Spend some time with them. He scrolled through the names in his list. Plenty that he could contact. But he didn't select any of them. He could feel bad, but why? He knew he wouldn't be good company. It wasn't that he was in a bad mood, particularly, but he knew that bad mood could be summoned with the click of a finger. He was restless, and he knew why. Clover would know why, too, if she was around. She'd hit the nail on the head already, in the past. But he refused to indulge in the chaos he wished to inflict on the world. But the energy was still there, screaming to be released. He changed into a pair of track suit pants and a tank top, pulling joggers onto his feet. One portal to Larch Court, and then another to Bullwood station. He appeared out of thin air, but no one noticed. He didn't catch a train. Instead, he took to the street and turned to the West. He began to jog--and then sprint--along the river, the buildings blurring past him. He focused, so as not to run too fast. But he considered his options; he should head for the wilderness. Maybe he would, once he reached the city limits. Maybe he'd circle the entire city before he tired himself out.


<Every> Before coming to Harper Rock, running had been more of a lifestyle for Every instead of a hobby and way to distress but time had changed significantly over three years. And when she got frustrated, it was something she did frequently. With her long hair pulled into a ponytail after she left Pandemonium, toming back to The Eyrie long enough to return to her hut so that she could change. Choosing a simple long sleeved tee, her old high school running shorts and a pair of running shoes, she left again only to return to a familiar part of the field not too far from the large tree. The blood soaked grounds east of her home was always her starting point, it was where she pulled out her phone, swiped down to the specific playlist and pressed play, allowing the bass to flow through her headphones as they were pressed into her ears.

There were multiple playlists to fit her mood, but that evening, it was her hunting playlist as she suppressed random emotions that plagued and confused her. Taking steady paces as a regular human jog, Every took her usual path, heading south first towards West Towers with easy strides. There were a lot of things that she was angry at, that she was upset with. Herself, mostly. The fact she couldn’t understand certain things, the way she felt towards others and the disappointment that she felt in several, but with each step taken, Every felt some of it slip away while she focused on something in the distance and ran for it.


<Jesse Fforde> Somewhere along the way, Mandy had appeared. The Salamander did not adhere to the laws of human beings. He did not even seem to adhere to the laws of vampires. The creature, Jesse assumed, was capable of far more than he had already exhibited. But at least he had come back. Somehow, Jesse felt comforted by the presence of the amphibian, the slimy skin hot against Jesse's shoulder and neck. The constant jostled movement of Jesse's body in movement didn't dislodge the creature, as it probably should have. Jesse felt the slight sting of the little claws lodging into his skin. The river was flowing, for once; Jesse wondered what it would be like to dive in and sink below the dark surface. But it wasn't something that he did. The urge wasn't so strong just yet. Up ahead, he could see another jogger approaching. A woman. It wasn't until she got closer that he felt a hint of familiarity. Closer still, he recognised the features. Every. He hadn't spoken to her in... months? They'd texted, the once. But not since. He slowed his pace.

<Every> While she was by the water, Every felt a little bit better. She had noticed it the other night while she had been writing in her journal, sitting on a ledge that she found overlooking it, far out of reach of the fae as she relaxed at the hotel and listened to her family within. In the past several months, things had gotten somewhat back to normal with only a few key things missing. She and Micah were back on their usual terms, their relationship better than what it had been and for that, Every was grateful. And, she knew had it not been for Vel, things could have been worse. But, as she had been reading one of her other journals, she’d found the draft of an unsent email to Grey in response to what she had wanted to say the day **** hit the fan between Andras and Fforde. It was tempting to send it, even now, as she thought she felt a light breeze blow past her, carrying a familiar scent with it and for a moment, she considered it was just a coincidence until she caught sight of Jesse and stopped. She had half the mind to turn her back and go in the opposite direction, but she didn’t. Instead, she frowned and folded her arms in front of her chest, digging her nails into her shirt so that she wouldn’t be tempted to throw a punch. “Look what crawled out of his hole.”

<Jesse Fforde> Jesse had come for a run because he hadn't wanted to see anyone. Which was odd, given his peculiar tendencies to want always to be around his family; those that he could claim as his family because they were a direct result of his shared blood. It was a comfort to him. A soothing balm. It was tempting to keep running. Why had he slowed down? He should have pretended not to see. Kept going. But Every stopped, and Jesse, for decorum's sake, stopped too. He was not puffed. He didn't have to breathe. His body felt loose, but not tired or sore. What was this running good for, anyway? "It's quite a nice hole," he answered, his voice a broken husk. He coughed to clear it, as was his habit. "Has furniture and everything."

<Every> She stared at the male that she had considered to be her brother in hidden disbelief as he drew closer and after a few more moments, she pulled out her headphones before pocketing the device without turning off the music. Every had seen him only rarely during raids and she felt a bit of anger rise through her system. Disappoint and... hurt? The last emotion crept into her voice as she tried to control it and failed. “Why am I not surprised? Your fiancée is a snake dragging you into the dirt, its’ almost fitting, even more so with your fondness of them.” She thought of her email from Clover and considered on saying something about it. But, instead, “I can’t ******* believe you, Jesse.”

<Jesse Fforde> A spark of fury passed through Jesse's eyes, but he kept his cool, for the time being. Silence stretched as he considered a response; as he tried to think about what he might have done recently to piss Every off. Except maybe not contacting her. Was that a thing? Was she pissed off because he hadn't caught up? Hadn't checked in? The last time he had talked to Every had been via text. He could have misunderstood. Maybe she'd never been okay with him to begin with. But he'd left that conversation thinking they were okay. At least a little bit, anyway. He crossed his arms over his chest. "I was teasing. You get that, right?" he asked, calmly. He shrugged his shoulders. "It probably is fitting. She is still my fiance, though. I'd appreciate it if you kept your opinions to yourself," he said. Still calm. He didn't particularly feel like arguing, even though the Salamander's claws seemed to dig in deeper. As if encouraging Jesse to explode. This was like the past rushing back up to greet him when he'd done so much to try to put it behind him. He was never going to outrun this, was he?

<Every> She frowned at him again, “I do. Despite the fact I haven’t seen you in months, I haven’t forgotten how you were.” There was a huff of air that would have been exhaled in a pouting manner had it been any other time stuck in her throat and she gave a shake of her head. “Unfortunate because we both know that has never been my style.” And she inclined her head, considering to continue on. She had never been afraid of Jesse and his temper, and after dealing with her recent issues, she didn’t have many issues pissing others off as she drew up to her full height and looked at the salamander. She didn’t remember the last time she’d seen Mandy and after a moment, her hazel eyes returned back to Jesse. “I can’t believe after everything, you ******* walked away.”

[Every]

--The following transcript was a live chat roleplay--

<Jesse Fforde> Here we go again, Jesse thought. It took all his mental strength not to roll his eyes. Instead they narrowed, and he considered. Hadn't they had this conversation? Kind of? He hadn't got back to Micah yet. It had been too long, hadn't it? Any tenuous offering of peace that his cousin might have offered has probably crumbled to dust by now. Jesse had said he would approach when he was ready. He still didn't feel ready. He wasn't prepared to be crushed again, not when he didn't think he'd fully regained his strength yet. "I did. And I was given no opportunity to regret it before being shoved into the gutter and cornered by ridicule. It's hard to regret anything now," he said. His teeth clamped. Muscles jumped in his jaw. This was not a conversation he was prepared to have.

<Every> Her weight shifted lightly. She saw the muscles jump and she knew that she had hit a nerve, but it bothered her. And as she stood there, facing him, Every realized that it bothered her a lot more than she particularly cared to admit. “Do you have any idea how it feels to watch someone you love and care for let himself get backed into a corner? One that he was backed into by the person that he wants to spend the rest of his eternity with? To watch people you love start **** that shouldn’t be started because she started a fight between family members despite the fact that she has absolutely no ******* clue how they are?” A flood of words came out and she had to resist taking a step forward. “Grey didn’t even show you any ounce of ******* respect when she made you look like you were not only incapable of defending yourself on a subject that was over, but afterwards when she went against your instructions to contact and egg on others. And I had been waiting for you to come to talk to me, to contact me, so don’t even start on about how this took a long time to come out. It’s overdue.”

<Jesse Fforde> Jesse rubbed his nose with the back of his hand, eyes squeezed shut for just a moment. This was what it was always like, wasn't it? Things were argued in circles and on repeat and it was exactly the reason why he hadn't approached anyone. "Grey apologised, Every. She apologised after she realised she'd fucked up and wasn't listened to. She apologised later to Micah, who apologised in return. We already talked about her doing **** against my wishes. I thought we had already talked. So no, I didn't want to come and rehash," he said. His voice was still calm, ish, if a little rushed. His arms uncrossed, and he made that 'bring it on' gesture. "Just keep going. Keep telling me **** I've already heard, if it'll make you feel better. Repeat everything all over again. It'll be ******* fantastic."

<Every> Her eyes narrowed at Jesse, hazel glittering in clear annoyance as she removed her hands from her arms and clenched her right hand into a fist. “It’s been four ******* months since I’ve heard from you, Jesse. I thought we were fine. I thought we were friends still. That’s ******* fantastic that they settled ****. I’m glad.” She stepped forward and poked him firmly in the chest, “But that still doesn’t change the fact that walked away. That you left Tytonidae.” Afterwards, she stepped back. A deep breath was taken and let out. She could feel herself beginning to overload and held up a finger as she closed her eyes and counted back from ten. “After telling me to stop running from everything.” She finished in a quieter voice, still trying to calm down.

<Jesse Fforde> Four months ago, Jesse would have unleashed. He would have told Every all the reasons why he hadn't contacted her. Yes, he thought they were fine. But he had a massive hole ripped through the core of his being. The two people he trusted most in the world, the two people he told everything to, who knew him best.... the two who had taught him to open up to begin with, had managed to teach him never to open up again. It was weak. He was weak. He was pathetic, amongst other things. He tried to tell them he was broken but they continued to ridicule. It had been happening for a while, even before the incident with Grey. No, he wouldn't open up and tell Every how much they had ruined him. His arms crossed back over his chest. "I'm still in the city. I haven't run very far," he said, evenly. "My priorities aren't the same as they once were. I left Tytonidae because I can't put the faction above my family anymore. I can't adhere to the tenets like I should. It's got nothing to do with running away," he said with a shrug.

<Every> When she calmed down enough to speak, Every glanced at her fist. She wanted to punch him and felt it before she opened the extremity. “You still ran, Jesse. After telling me not to, you told me to deal with it and I did. And balancing your priorities isn’t difficult; you’re just not allowing yourself to try because you don’t want to. We both know that you’re a stubborn jackass and you could if you put your mind to it.” Every gave a shake of her head lightly as she looked at him again, “**** happens. You know as well as I do how others can react and you can tell yourself what you want, that you can’t. If that helps you go on with your life, then I’m disappointed in you because that doesn’t sound like you. You seemed to always be someone that enjoyed showing everyone that you can and will.”

<Jesse Fforde> Jesse shrugged. When Every glanced at her fist, Jesse did too. But he didn't flinch. Didn't back away. He was no stranger to pissing people off, and for it to lead to violence. Every didn't have the full story, and he took that threatened disappointment and he locked it away with the rest. "I did once enjoy showing people that I could and would. But my 'could and would' was never good enough. I always failed at something else. Maybe I was always a disappointment. And I will always be a disappointment. Even the Little Engine that Could has to run out of fuel, sooner or later," he said. He was still calm, mostly. Which was shocking, even to Jesse. This was what he was aiming for, wasn't it? Maybe he was prepared. He even managed a small smile. There it was. It was caring about what others thought that had got him to such a low point in his life, wasn't it? There were too many people to please, and he couldn't please them all.

<Every> “Then maybe the only person that you’re really disappointing is yourself, Jesse, because giving up isn’t the option. Who cares if it’s good enough, it’s the effort that matters.” She gave a shake of her head, a small sad smile crossing her lips as she chuckled. “And there will always be people that disagree. Anyway. I have **** I have to do and... honestly I don’t know what to say to you other than later. If you’re not going to keep tending to your own kindling, the only thing you’ll end up doing is burning out. If you’ve given up on showing that you can and will, that you could and would, then there’s nothing else to say.” Every frowned, her mind made up on something. “I’m not sorry that I went off at you. But, I am sorry to see that you can’t see what I’ve seen in you in the past.”

<Jesse Fforde> The conversation would not be lost on Jesse. He'd take it to heart like he always did. He would lock it away so that it could eat at him later, when it could really do some damage. "I don't see it that way. I didn't give up. I just focused my energy elsewhere. My kindling doesn't need any more fuel," he said. What kind of a comparison was that? He licked his lips, deliberated, and then offered just a little something more. A hint. "I've burned too much **** down in my life so far to do any more damage with it," he said. He stopped. He had his anger. He had a temper, just like so many others. But his wasn't forgiven. But he and Every had already had that discussion. He was always wrong and never right. He was always the one grovelling and apologising and if he tried to explain that he himself felt wrongly done by, then he was called weak and emo and pathetic. He didn't see how that could have changed. "Have a good run, Every."

<Every> She chuckled a bit, saying nothing more as she closed her eyes and simply listened to him. She didn't agree and it was clear as she reopened her eyes, looking at the male quietly. "Sometimes the only thing you can do is rebuild from the ashes, it's easier to repair ****, but not piece will always fit." She gave a shrug of her shoulder, "Damages are just that. Other times, you just need to make something new regardless of what is it." She reached up and tightened her ponytail, "Later, Jesse." Bouncing once, Every began to jog towards him, reaching out to punch him in the shoulder before she continued east where she could just head to her dwelling. The conversation went over in her head and she frowned, thinking of everything that went on and what she thought of it. Her opinion hadn't changed and she was still disappointed, but she felt better. Sort of.

<Jesse Fforde> As Every disappeared, Mandy shifted on Jesse's shoulder. He crawled around behind Jesse's neck and nestled on the opposite shoulder, the slimy skin scalding Jesse's skin. It wasn't hard to know what the Salamander wanted. Jesse's fingers curled into fists, only to unclench again. "**** off, Mandy. No," he murmured beneath his breath. Control. He needed to learn control. Clover wanted him to lose it, but he couldn't. Shouldn't. Wouldn't. Yes, he did miss Every's company. He missed the Andras and Tytonidae gatherings, and the light easy banter. So many always showed up, and there weren't any strange silences that no one knew how to fill. But he had walked away, and that bridge was burned. Jesse took a deep breath, and changed course. Again he started at a jog, that turned into a swift sprint, headed for the outskirts. There would be no fire. But he would run. Oh, he would run.