Scattered Thoughts

[Trahir Trahison]

-OOC knowledge only-

Propriety among my kind dictates I leave out the facts vs. myth examples. Just in case I ever lose this and someone else finds it. If this is the case, Dear Reader, the following is fiction.

On a cold night in April on a park bench that could have been Any St., Anywhere, Canada, a man who had lost everything contemplated throwing it all away. That's what they call it when a man gives up on life and ends it of his own volition. Throwing it away. Sometimes there comes a point in a person's life when it just isn't worth taking any more hard-earned steps forward from where they are. People argue this saying that life is a gift, life is precious. I can see the point they are since humans are famous (among themselves at least) for adaptation and an unending desire to succeed. Of course this isn't always the case. The aforementioned night is a testament to that.

They say that freezing to death is one of the most peaceful ways to go. You simply go to sleep cold and never wake up. That was the plan. Problem is when you plan things much of the time a variable changes and gets in the way. Case in point was the man from the bench waking up in the basement of a nearby building the following evening. Definitely a hitch in the plan occurred between step one and two. The falling asleep part seems to have worked fine.

I'm the man from the bench, this is my journal. I'm also a vampire.

Research tells us all sorts of remarkable and terrifying things about vampirism. Much of it is fallacy. Likely a facade propagated by vampires and spread by word of mouth to the gullible and superstitious peasants of a bygone era which sparked interest among those educated enough to write stories and articles about them for profit. Dracula, Varney the Vampire; or, the Feast of Blood and other such gems of literature.

I woke up ravenous. I suppose that's a given. I woke up ravenous and luckily for me it was a stray dog that ended up slaking the thirst burning through me. I've read a book before with an ensemble cast in which a vampire was created and discarded, left for dead. He had a series of misadventures which garnered a lot of human attention and cause not just him but the rest of the vampires of the city a lot of problems. In his case he attacked his family nearly killing them, stole his wife's car, was arrested but escaped into a storm drain in a fashion only the supernatural could manage (smoking from the light of dawn's break no less) and still managed to get away and survive.

I suppose the thought of being a vampire should have been disconcerting, frightening, shocking, something. Instead I found it simply... fitting. Another link in a series of horrible circumstances which had been piling up recently. They were the cause of me being out on that park bench to begin with. At least I didn't have to worrying about hurting my family.

I've read about vampires being political powerhouses, mayors and governors being Manchurian candidates for their undead masters. It's entirely possible. I plan on exploring my new nature. My new condition. Delving into all aspects of it simply because it is a new beginning. Maybe, just maybe everything that put me on that park bench will fade away from my mind. Maybe memories can be erased.

It has been a week or so and I have sired my first childe. In fact they too have sired. I'll keep an eye on them but I don't really want to get involved, especially not to have to try and teach what I have not yet learned. I know why I did it. I know it was futile. I walked away because I knew that. Still, it was a revelation. I went back to watch telling myself it was for logical reasons. In truth, it was because I am missing a fundamental part of my being that can not be replaced... and like the human will to keep trying I mentioned before... well. I have to try.

One week and I've yet to speak with another of my kind. I've seen several feeding, I've seen other horrors. Maybe the time draws near. I can't walk alone forever...

I'll keep this journal with me until I can find a suitable place to store it.

[Trahir Trahison]

It is a damnable thing that there aren't more realtors and car salesmen willing to earn a night-time differential stipend. It took several calls and some rather intricate finagling to convince them to open shop so I could do business after hours. Still, I'm satisfied with the apartment in Veil Tower and for now the vehicle I purchased will do the trick. Though sorely tempted to go with a sports car due to my love of speed and power, I decided on something less conspicuous. I suppose the GPS was a bonus. Not that almost every device on the market doesn't already have GPS...

I haven't checked back on my childe and grand-childe since their requiems began but as luck would have it I have seen both. I've taken to hunting extensively in the gang-ridden area of the Stag Heath district. Hopefully some of the items I have run across will prove profitable. Despite not making any contacts yet I am managing to do fairly well for myself thus far. My job is very dull and allows my a good front on paper though I believe soon I will have to upgrade to something that pays a little better. It would be easier to explain the apartment and car if my wages matched my expenditures.

I left some bait for my progeny at their flat. Hopefully they will bite. I believe that the bar mentioned in the pamphlet may be sympathetic to the living impaired. Still I would rather let them find out first-hand and if it is safe, perhaps I will myself attend the revelries within.

For the moment I will continue increasing my revenue and perhaps garner some upgrades for the apartment. Maybe a computer will be the next upgrade. Thus far there is no furniture. I suppose that is something to work on too though I don't need it myself.

So far hunting in the slums has been lucrative though stray bullets have proven a problem a time or two. Surprisingly it's not the gangsters who opened fire on me, it was one of Harper City's finest. I briefly considered attacking him, but thought better of it after having seen bounties listed on people for the same. It's a sign of the times that the police may commit indiscriminate violence against citizens with impunity and without fear of retaliation. This is Harper City not New York City! I fear for the evolution of our society if this is any sign of the behavior of those in whom the citizenry put their faith in to serve and protect them.

It does beg the question though... is there an entity that polices our actions aside from the entries on crownet?

Crownet... another curiosity. I haven't had the time to think much on the matter these early night but I am interested in knowing more. Perhaps soon I will look into it.

[Trahir Trahison]

I had my first run in with a hunter in the sewers today. A foot soldier. Though my adversary managed to get a few shots off at my I came out relatively unscathed. My strength has definitely increased as has my speed from my mortal days. To think all the time spent in the gym to achieve what was given by a simple exchange of blood. I ended up throwing the man into the sewer wall repeatedly before finishing him off with my blade. I almost feel bad for the man. Still, I knew he was a hunter and to allow him to live would be to allow a danger to grow.

Where do they come from and how do they learn of us I wonder. There seem to be a good amount of them around. He wasn't destitute as I pinched a hundred dollar bill from his wallet after the fight. I suppose I could have sneaked by him and left him to his task but with my luck he would have ended up being the one who finds and kills me. Though searching high and low I have not yet managed to acquire anything for use in forging. I've found myself envying some of the blades I have seen on the auction on crownet and have determined that I should enjoy attempting to craft my own.

I saw my grand-childe in the slums again. It seems to be a popular rack from the younger of our kind. I have also begun to notice others of my ilk prowling the streets of Harper's Rock though I have not as yet grown emboldened enough to make contact. Perhaps if my progeny act upon the potential job offers and it turns out well for them I will attempt to socialize more.

Why risk eternity so quickly?

I purchased a computer for my haven and set it up. I must take measures against falling into an antisocial recluse lifestyle. It's remarkable what one can find on the internet. My auctioning has proven fruitful, I pray that it continues to be so. I would like to break into the melee weapons market though in addition to the firearms and drug trade. Marijuana and methamphetamine easy cover my basic expenses and the gun parts have allowed me to make a few more substantial purchases, but I want more. Greed is alas one of my most palpable vices. Sometimes I wonder that I don't bleed green.

I have also been trying to create a thrall, thus far I have failed. I'm not sure of the process and my blood does not seem to contain whatever is needed to do so. It is as frustrating as this damnable GPS I purchased for the car. One would imagine that it would be easy to figure out. Thus far it has sat there unused.

I wish it had come with an instruction manual.

[Trahir Trahison]

I've reached out to my grand-childe. A single black rose and simple invitation to meet at Veil Tower. We'll see if it does the trick. I already have a feel for the basics of her personality from her home and from watching her with her sire. She seems to be interesting, strong willed and intelligent. We shall see how true this is perhaps.

Last evening I fed in one of the park areas, everything went to plan but as I was leaving I saw some people breaking into a building nearby. I waited for them to come out and confiscated their ill-gotten goods. Pity, they decided those goods were worth their lives. A mere 500 dollars. Life truly is cheap. After that I make an excursion into the slums and restocked my supply of goods. The castle at the north of town was my next stop. I had been wondering where to find parts for swords and other archaic weaponry and it seems that the castle is the place. Slipping around in the shadows to attain what I seek might not be my style but it was lucrative. I found several useful odds and ends within. I believe I shall have to return this evening and look for more. If Miss Corentine decides to swing by the staff at the tower will call me.

Sometimes I watch the herd move below from my barely furnished apartment (it really could use a woman's touch) and wonder how I went through life so blindly, so lackadaisically with so little focus and so little time. Purposeless they drift through life, bumping into each other randomly and meaninglessly interacting in the most mundane ways before rushing home and calling their girlfriends and buddies to whine of celebrate their grand losses or conquests on the daily. I think I've lost my appreciation for the small moments I once shared with them. I think I've lost my connection to this machine called humanity. Now the blood is what matters. The blood and the building of an infrastructure to assure survival and success for years, decades and centuries to come.

I've discovered that by focusing the blood in my veins in certain ways I can do things I never could have before. I can move with impossible speed, leap farther than any human could, I can lift and fling a man as if he were no more than a bag of groceries with no effort at all. The blood allows it. More though, it is some kind of supernatural connection to... something. In life my fam I went to church. What I feel now is more spiritual than anything brought by prayer... tangible.

I wonder if there is a vampire church. I wonder if there is a religion followed by the others.

Yet another thing to put on the growing list of things to learn.

[Trahir Trahison]

I met with Corentine, she showed up much later than I had anticipated. An inquisitive creature is my grand-childe. I'm sure she will do fine. She slept the day away in the apartment as our meeting ran too late for her to make it back home before sunrise.

Awakening before her I left her torpid and took my leave of her. I left this journal at the apartment to see if she would poke around. I don't believe she did however. The single piece of hair i had left on top of the volume was here when I returned. She was not.

I slowed a bit on my auction sales, instead focusing on gathering some ingredients for rituals. Alas, the wilds are not the best place for my kind and I fled back to civilization before I could be found and dismantled by one of the fae. Alien beings the fae. I'd love to be able to comprehend what goes on in their minds.

Twice today that I am aware of one of those... fractures opened up. Are they becoming more commonplace or is the short time between these last two a totally random occurrence? I ask myself if I were to find one of them would I draw in it's power or attempt to seal it away? Power comes at a cost, it is never free. I like to think I would seal it but the truth is likely the opposite.

I believe tonight I will go out on the town. I believe that will how everything is progressing I've earned an evening out.

[Trahir Trahison]

Well, I did go out for a bite but things became more interesting upon returning home. Corentine showed up again. I'm going to take her hunting tomorrow evening. I have invited her to stay at the haven in Veil Tower should she choose. She is unique. As I stated before, she is inquisitive and I enjoy her company. I'll make sure she survives the early nights of her requiem. I think she may be a suitable companion. She very much reminds me of... *scribbled out letters*

I've been emailing Music@Midnight back and forth on crownet. If she is a vampire then perhaps I'll be able to learn more about the QZ since she claims to live there. Perhaps I'll set up a meeting sometime. If she winds up being human then I'll at least have a meal waiting for me when I pass through their.

I'm putting forth the facade on there of being a "alien conspiracy theorist", that the QZ is akin to Area 51 in the U.S. and that I believe that is what is going on there. We shall see what happens if I decide to try and set up a meeting.

[Trahir Trahison]

I've met others. I attended a costume party with an Arabian Nights theme at Scheherazade's Tales' Grand Opening. There were others there like myself. Some trivia was played, gossip spoken. I'm not the only vampire not to know their sire and I'm not referring to my own likely ill-fated get. Apparently sires who abandon their childer to their own fate are not regarded very highly by at least some of the denizens of Harper Rock. It's really no surprise. I made some contacts, a Turkish couple who have broken the mold their Islamic society imparts on them so as to live in equality, Zakar and Aysel. They were the host and hostess of said party. I brought a housewarming gift, the blood of a genius from their native region. Hopefully they enjoy it.

Another couple I met last evening was Micah and Velveteen. The discourse during the soiree suggests Micah is extremely protective of his mate. There was a some incident in which I spoke something in french and apparently she had believed I sneezed (or she has something against the french and was mocking my dialogue). She said "Bless you". It wasn't until then I had given any thought to the implication of religion and the power that it may have over our kind. None. I didn't burst into flames, I wasn't forcibly flung from the establishment by an angry diety. Nothing happened. It caused a moment of panic though and that was when it came out that my own sire was absentee.

Zakar and Velveteen offered their advice and I exchanged numbers with them. I'm considering introducing Corentine to them. I have been neglectful on that front. In regards to both Corentine and myself. Meetings others of our ilk can be a huge benefit but I would imagine it comes with a variety of dangers. Another couple that was there for instance had a gentleman and I would guess his childe. He continuously tried to cover her Arabian themed dress (a la belly dancer) with his jacket which she seemed to take amusement in. The childe, she continuously spoke of nothing but guns.

The rest of the time at the party was spent discussing Islam, same sex marriage and how the two do not mix. The feminist attitude was extremely prevalent with the occasional smattering of female superiority. I'm not yet sure if our conditin, vampirism enhances the females of our kind more than the males. It is something to look into. Perhaps I will pick up a couple training weapons so Corentine and I can spar without causing grievous injury to one another.

Corentine. In so many ways the potential is there for her to do anything she wants, yet she is ruled by emotion. I believe that will hold her back from attaining the true potential locked within her. From my own experience I am slowly being swayed toward the belief that emotions are but another burden. Perhaps there is a way to utilize the blood to purge that weakness from oneself.

On the business front, my sales on the auction are sporadic at best. I am looking for other means to accrue temporal gains, perhaps dabbling in real estate.

I've not heard back from the mortal I spoke with the other night. No word of a meeting as I requested. Perhaps I misjudged her. Perhaps she tried to schedule such a venture at failed in her task.

If you want something done right... I will go to Lancaster's Pub sometime within the next few nights myself. I've yet to enquire from Corentine if she has found employment there. I'll do that next we speak. Perhaps she will return to the haven later on. She has been resting with me each day. It's comfortable, brings a sense of normalcy to have someone there, maybe even a friend. The potential is there I believe. We shall see.

[Trahir Trahison]

I have purchased two more properties in the city, two more apartments in two different locations, two more districts. I feel as I am taking it upon myself to teach Corentine what she needs to know it is imperative to teach her that there are times when a back-up plan in not enough. Sometimes you need several. I also like to think that this will give us the chance to hunt various areas of the city without having to worry overmuch about traveling too far from a safe spot.

I believe the locations of the properties are far enough away as to be varied and also that the amenities of each are different enough as to allow for an easier exploration of the city.

I met with Velveteen, discussed my future and the possibility of joining a faction she is the leader of. Tytonidae. Masquerade enforcers, though she admitted that sometimes others believe that isn't always the driving force behind their actions. So far I have been asked very little of myself which suits me fine as I don't believe I have much of a story to tell. I enjoyed the meeting with Velveteen, she was very well-spoken and direct as near I can ascertain. If the rest of the parliament acts in the same way then I think I will fit in very well. She did warn me that some of the members were less than friendly but that remains to be same.

Revelation. What do do about Revelation? I had initially left Corentine with him because I knew she would be able to guide him through his Requiem and then stole her away from him without so much as a word. I've yet to ask Corentine if he has settled in at his new job. I haven't checked on him in days. I have been a neglectful sire in the utmost.. Corentine completely lacks respect for the young man, he has no discernible talents or allies. I believe I may have to have him eliminated before he becomes a threat to anything I'm trying to accomplish. I don't wish to risk even a minor scandal befalling my name.

Perhaps I can channel Corentine's anger at his actions and feed the rage there, turn it into a blaze and use it to burn my mistake away. First I will have to make sure she is equipped for the task. It wouldn't do to have her injured or for my childe to survive. If only it had been her that night, emerging from that little dive club. I could have had progeny worth having without the somewhat embarrassing stepping stone between us. Nonetheless I feel slightly better knowing he is the primary source of her bitterness and not myself.

One of the apartments I closed on is in the same building I met the human, Dhara. It seemed a good idea to have a spot close by so I can watch and make sure for myself the girl is not a threat. Her knowledge could prove invaluable by thus far has produced no fruit. I have yet to hear back and I lack the patience to wait calmly. I am considering a move on that front but first I'll need to figure out how to enthrall a mortal, to bend them to my will. Though I lack any hesitation to do my own dirty work, being removed from implication in any wrongdoing is certainly the best way to go about things.

I'll decide what to do shortly. In the meantime I believe I shall take Corentine hunting tonight, perhaps show her the new properties afterward.

[Trahir Trahison]

The last time I was at Scheherazade's Tales led to a meeting that led to an invitation to a faction. Since then I have secluded myself away answering questions from my phone in between destroying ancient zombies. Eventually killing the walking dead becomes somewhat anti-climactic and one needs to unwind. I made my way back to the apartment at Veil Tower and got ready for an evening out. Tonight my hair was pulled back into a ponytail to keep the hair from my face and a simple grey knit pullover sweater, a pair of jeans and a pair of black boots completes the ensemble.

I made my way through the streets, trying to decide where to go. I was considering Lancaster's but I haven't seen Corentine. She may be there working and I didn't wish to distract her from her job by suddenly showing up there. She hadn't been in the haven when I got back. I remember thinking that in and of itself is an oddity. Perhaps she spent the day with her sire. Perhaps she has taken a lover. I don't know why that thought bothers me as much as it does. I'm teaching her not trying to be with her. I wandered the streets giving this some thought while trying to decide where I was going when me feet led me to the answer. I pushed open the door and stepped into Scheherazade's Tales once more. It was empty all but for a huge cat. It was larger than a great dane. I suppose had I been human I would have balked and feld into the night away from the creature, only later to recall how superb a specimen it was. I am not alive though, I don't have the same fear for animals I did before. I was mesmerized, it's golden eyes drew me in and I felt not fear, but respect for another predator.

It was as the cat left that Mrs. El-Sayed emerged from another room. She bid me sit after pleasantries were exchanges and we held palaver for some time, touching on many topics such as memories, her ability to consume food and drink, the inability of being bound to another soul to create an emotional tie. I had hoped that would be the case. I wished that was possible so badly. To bond with someone in the way her and Zakar have done with each other. To be a part of a family once more... I digress. A fault of mine, rambling.

Eventually I bid her good evening wishing we could exchange places. She could have my memories and the pain they bring and I could lose mine as she has hers. I hadn't felt better after the meeting. I went back to the haven where I met up with Corentine. After showing her the quick, safe way to attain blood we went hunting the undead things I had began killing the evening before. She matches me fairly well. The first of the creatures she took down nearly as quickly as I myself did. I was impressed and... I don't know. Enchanted I suppose. Watching the way she fought, it wasn't practiced in the same way as I fight. It was brutal, animalistic, passionate.

She uses guns more often that I and dare I say to greater effect. I am stronger in the blood but she matches well with me physically from what I have seen. I am very pleased to have decided against killing her sire that nice, pleased with not having intervened when he took her life. Though I have caught her glancing at me with a look that holds no trace of fondness, exactly the opposite in fact, I am actually proud of her. This life is like nothing she has been prepared for and though I'm sure she is capable, likely a power-player in her old life, her adaptation to being a newly turned vampire has been nothing short of inspiring.

Pity I may have to kill her. She has a willful streak. If I can not break it, bring her in line I may have to break her instead. For now I will continue to mentor her, to share what I learn with her, to house her. It's not a marriage in the traditional sense but I believe were she to leave I would be quite forlorn for a time.

I finally heard back from my errant human. A simple text that she has not yet met with her friends. Good. That means she has not yet failed in her task to schedule a meeting. I shall have to check on Corentine to assure the trip to Lancaster's comes when she is now present. Afterward I will decide what to do with the mortal Dhara.

Veveteen has been nothing but helpful throughout this transition, aiding me by answering any and all (tedious to her I am sure) questions that I can find to ask her. There is an ingrained hostility toward writings about vampires, fictional or otherwise, within Tytonidae. I've been told a multitude of times to disregard my texts, to burn them, not to mention them. In truth they have steered me well up until now, but as I've been told, I have a better resource at my disposal now. Burn them I shall not, but set them aside? Yes. I believe that it is time to do that. I shall consign them to the bookshelf and let them rest there for they have been nothing but a help and perhaps I will one day hand them down to another newly turned vampire. I think they make a good study.

I am learning that there are certain customs that vampires hold to which would make mortals laugh and mock us. Perhaps once one experiences the life of the unliving they can understand but when one is new certain things seem petty and pathetic. I don't understand how exactly humans haven't managed to find out about us on a mass level yet. Many of us are completely deranged, some in the most childish of fashions. It worries me. Will this madness spread to me? If one drank from someone infected by something like say... rabies... would they in turn be affected by it? If so there may be some explanation for the aggression exhibited by some of our ilk. I know that some feed from animals during their early nights or to avoid being seen... I believe I will ask Velveteen about this. I may need to figure a way to get my victims tested for transmittable illnesses prior to feeding.

Hopefully I will meet with others shortly. I left my number for the Owls.

[Trahir Trahison]

I found an interesting text last night. Apparently it is a religious text for my kind. I have read it through and decided that it must have been written for a lark. There is no way in these modern times that anyone would buy into this garbage. No references to any other text, just the prattling of a pseudo-religion likely designed to give one a prominent position as clergy allowing him or her (for indeed the text lends a matriarchal bent to this religion) a spiritual lever with which to gain advantage among our kind.

The next best thing to being a god after all is to be the mouthpiece of that god. It is then that you can foist your views on the uneducated and the only argument needed to stave off the more thoughtful and questioning minds is a simple "Have faith". Ah faith, I tried that approach as a human but my mind could not wrap around the concept when so many arguments can be made against such. Too easily is complete trust betrayed by those we give it to. Too easy can we be persuaded to forsake a path to higher understanding and rationality by a simple decree from the heavens spoken through the chosen flesh of supposed gods. I have faith in my own logic and my own reason Let the sheep follow their gibberish spewing shepherd. I will stand aside and walk to path of the wolf.

Each of the human religions has a take on our kind, derived from their beliefs and steeped in fiction. The Christians feared us for damned monsters returned from the grave, demons send to inhabit our earthly shells and steal the blood of mortals, some say only the pure, some say only the sinners. Their symbols of faith could repel us. Wood, the same substance as the cross on which their savior hung could destroy us. Everything about us was tied into their religion except the truth.

The Aztecs had their vampires, the Europeans, the Native Americans had their blood drinking spirits, the Persians had theirs. All of them stemming from human religious beliefs. From Dybbuks to Succubi, there have been hundreds or even thousands of renditions of the tale of blood drinking monsters yet unlike the dinosaurs and evolution... proof eludes the religious. When proof positive contradicts their findings it is the work of the evil side of their pantheon.

Always the same story, good and evil. Always the same.

I don't believe in either. It is considered evil for man to feast on the flesh of man. There are very few cultures where this practice, cannibalism, is not frowned upon. There are very few religions. This practice though has not always been so disdained. In modern survival stories the practice saves lives. Does that mean they are damned to some punishment in the afterlife now? To not partake when that was the only option for food would be tantamount to suicide which in many cultures is also a sin.

People put too much stock in the voice of their imaginary friends and allow that voice to become their own. This is an accepted practice the world over unless it goes against social conventions. Son of Sam listened to Satan speaking through a dog and no one worships before him. Jesus though...

I would rather throw myself at the tender mercy of the laws of physics than the ten commandments. At least those laws can be proven, results can be foreseen, it's not a blind and fumbling attempt to find favor with a deity that in our own imaginations we have deemed ourselves worthy of being based off of. It's not such an act of hubris to assume that we could comprehend the thoughts of a being capable of creating a universe in 6 days. God gave commandments to Moses? An omnipotent being speaking to a human would have to revert to speaking in baby talk to communicate with us. We would have no more understanding of what is being said by that being that a zygote does while in the presence of a world renowned biologist discussing the merits of using mitochondrial DNA to ascertain the identity of a serial killer from a hundred and fifty years ago.

So many flaws in religion and now I find that my kind, beings with the potential to live longer than the bible claims the earth has existed, puts stock in such folly.

It is slightly disheartening. I will ask Velveteen about this Illuminated Text and see what she has to offer. Truly I hope it is a mockery... written in jest.

Alas history is not on my side and it will likely come to "light" that someone was all too serious when they published this... ****.