2 May, 2015
Nishaa brushed me off today, and honestly, it hurt. I know it shouldn't, but I didn't see her come in and I'd been distracted part of the evening anyway, so her to do that was somewhat uncalled for. I got why she did it though. It's just... blah. I'll get over it. It's strange how time seems to just fly by. Next month she and I will be at two years on the 6th. Micah and I will be at three on the 30th. Hadrian... I'm not going to even bother thinking about him. I can't let myself do that. Relationships come and go, but I've learned that those that stay through it all matter. I might have fallen sometimes, but I'm very thankful for all of those that have helped pick me up off the ground - although, Micah and Velveteen could be considered to be two that knocked me flat on my *** to make sure I could get back up.
There's quite a bit going on right now. Whereas Jesse, Vel and Micah have calmed down, Victor has seemed to land on their **** list. I don't know what he's said or done, but Vel's been toying with him a lot. Yesterday, **** hit the fan on his end as it seems his wife and Dominique have taken responsibility for whatever he did. I don't know about what went down entirely, but I don't think any real man would have stood there and done nothing when his wife was dying. Hell, I can barely restrain myself when it comes to my family being hurt when I'm in my right mind. And laughing about it in any sense, even if it's just the aftermath of the situation unless you're hysterical? That's just disgusting and disrespectful to your partner.
I'd probably kill any guy I was with if they even remotely did it.
Speaking of killing a guy, Scott grabbed my *** the other night (mind you, I wouldn't kill Vel's thrall, plus I know Buns will likely knock him senseless for touching other girls). I think I was actually just in too much shock to react, but I'm starting to wonder if I need to start carrying my stungun again when I'm in the castle. I normally just carry it around when I'm wandering around the city or have it on me when I'm lazing about the apartment - and depending if I'm wearing sweatpants, a knife, but still. And that's because when I'm in the castle, I have a gun and sword on me.
That aside, is it weird that I'm actually kind of content with my life?
I'd actually use the word happy, too.
I like that I don't have to deal with the sneaky manipulate bitches any more, or that I have to constantly check myself and try to adjust for others. I think a lot of that was what brought on the depression. I rarely acknowledge Aysel, and Szabina's as good as dead - although I do wonder occasionally why she would shield me after the disenthrallment. It doesn't make any sense that she'd want to protect me in a sense when she'd want absolutely nothing to do with me.
Also, it's strange that I find myself missing people these days, actually missing them and not saying it to make them feel better as bitchy as that sounds. And it’s not just Michael that I do miss. When I don't hear from Micah or Vel for a while, I miss them a bit. I enjoy the hangouts, the events, and even if people just drive me nuts sometimes. I miss my childer even though I see them regularly and the fact occasionally they make me want to pull out all of my hair. I even find myself missing Spade, too, and when it comes to those that I date, when I date them, I've never really been the one to miss someone.
It’s not even that I’m heartless, I’ve just never felt very close enough to anyone other than Lia or my brother to really care. To feel like I’m able to trust them.
And I trust these guys.
