Reprieve [Lorelai]

[Robin Little]

This was not a story, Robin thought, that should be told in the coldness of the street. This was a sad story. A personal story. And he might have laughed at Lorelai’s supposition that he would judge her for getting pregnant out of wedlock. Robin was not the sort to judge anyone for bad behaviour; he committed enough of it himself. How was one supposed to fully experience what life has to offer if they don’t get themselves into trouble every now and again? Not that he himself went looking for it, if course. Not really. But he did enjoy some of the more easily attainable addictions.

This was a story that should be told in a nice café somewhere, maybe, with hot chocolates in their hands and sitting near a fire. Not even a café. At home. A nice home with four walls and no prying ears. No one to see Lorelai’s tears and wonder what was wrong. No one to interfere. Not that there was anyone out here to interfere, either, but somehow the setting just did not seem right to Robin.

When Lorelai turned Robin to face her—when she asked him to understand what it was like to be bitten—he could only manage a lopsided kind of grimace. He knew all too well what it felt like to be bitten, though he himself seemed to have garnered a kind of… immunity to the forgetfulness. He’d wake up and he’d know where he was and who he was with and who it was that had just bitten him. Most of the time it was Jamieson.

His hand would feel clammy in hers. While hers were cold. Robin knew, now, why Lorelai’s skin was cold, and it had nothing to do with the weather. Maybe the weather did cling to the skin, as it should, but her skin was cold underneath, not just on top. Robin’s had a struggling warmth trying to reach to the tips of his fingers but failing; his hands almost felt feverish, despite the weather.

The words didn’t have to be spoken. Robin knew what she was going to say. He knew how this story ended. He realised, very slowly, that he knew what she was all along, and it just didn’t click. But now it all made perfect sense. He might have asked her what it was like. He might have asked her a thousand questions. But her eyes were gleaming with fresh tears and she was shaking, there beside him. So rather than ask any questions, he instead pulled Lorelai into a hug. A big, warm, embracing hug.

”I understand,” he said.

”I’m a….” he cleared his throat. ”I’m a blood doll. That’s what they call them. Vampires pay me to feed on me. And I like it. I like it a lot,” Robin said. He nodded. ”So yeah. I understand,” he said. Maybe a calmer reaction than Lorelai was expecting. And it wasn’t that Robin was unsurprised. It wasn’t that he wasn’t shocked; but he was still absorbing the information. Not so much the fact that his friend was a vampire, but all that she had been through… he had no idea where to start to try to comfort her. So he settled, for now, just for the hug.

[Lorelai]

She embraced him with ease and accepted the comfort he offered her. She all but nuzzled at his neck as she settled against him. She was so pleased that he hadn’t run away, that he was there with her, that she didn’t realise that her behaviour was perhaps a little inappropriate in such a public forum.

“Please stop,” she whispered into the crook of his neck. “Please. Before you end up like me. Before you are brought into a world of darkness from which there is no escape.”

He may have had questions for her and she may have had answers for him, but before anything more could be said she had to urge him to give up his profession. She knew the path he was on and while he enjoyed it, possibly more than she had as he was not seeking to escape from anything, she had to try and make him aware of the danger he was in.

“I know how it feels to be bitten Robin but believe me when I tell you that you cannot trust them all. They may not wish to pay for that which they can take. Some don’t even need to feed. There are powers. Powers to boost the blood. Powers to restore the blood of others. We can survive on animals. On blood packs. You do not need to do this.”

Around half way through her impassioned plea she had pulled from his arms and placed both of her hands on his face. She wanted him to listen to her. To focus on her. If she could have commanded him to stop what he was doing and take away his will, she might very well have done it. She loved and cared for her long lost friend as if they had always been in each other’s lives. Her eyes told the story of her sincerity as much as her words, but she couldn’t be sure that he would listen to her.

“Please Robin. I can help you. I want to help you. You just have to let me.”

Even as she said the words her heart lurched in her chest. The chances of him listening to her were slim. He’d admitted that he liked to bitten. That he liked it a lot even and she knew all too well that feeling of euphoria that overtook the senses as the fangs split the flesh and began to coax the precious crimson tide from the veins. It was strange to think of blood in this fashion though and she had to push that aside. She tried never to drink the stuff herself and found it incredibly difficult to swallow. She much preferred to be fed on than to feed. Not that she had ever fed from the vein herself. Or had been fed on since her turning. She just couldn’t abide the thought of swallowing the substance that was vital to her existence. Even feeding from blood packs was somewhat of a chore and she often vomited up most of what she managed to get down, only to have to try again. Thankfully, with Levi in her life, this was no longer something she had to do most days as he possessed one of the powers she’d spoken of and was regularly taking away her hunger so that she did not need to imbibe the life source of another. Without Levi to help her however, this dark world in which she found herself would be infinitely worse and she knew it.

[Robin Little]

There was a thrill than thrummed through Robin’s limbs as he felt the touch of Lorelai’s breath against his neck. Knowing now what she was, and what she was capable of, and she was right there. Robin might have looked ill due to the accumulated loss of blood that he had endured, but he failed to see it in himself. So what if he was tired? He’d always been tired. He’d always been the kind of person to not get enough sleep, or to get too much and to live the rest of the day in a foggy state of grogginess. He lived on coffee and wine. Lots and lots of wine. Feeling a little under the weather was never anything new to the writer.

Stopping was out of the question. She asked him to stop even as the scenario ran through his head; the imagined scene: the street, devoid of any other passengers but himself and his friend. Mist curling from the sewer ducts, the city’s breath steamed in the frigid air. Shadows, half bathing the pair. Lorelai’s blonde hair, a curtain over Robin’s shoulder, shielding his neck and her teeth from view. He imagined the touch of her lips against his skin—his chin tilted upward, head twisting just slightly to the side to reveal more of his neck to Lorelai, to showcase the bulging vein beneath. Despite how many times that neck had been bitten, it was still smooth and unmarred.

He didn’t get so far as imagining her teeth slicing through that skin, marring it in all the best ways. She had pulled away and his heart had flipped before sinking in his chest. His pupils had dilated, and now he had to blink and narrow his eyes to focus properly on Lorelai, whose cold hands held his face in their firm grip. She had a point. She did. But Robin missed it completely. Rather than nod seriously, he laughed.

”Help, Lorelai? I don’t need help,” he said. He wasn’t being stubborn, and nor did he move. He very happily held his friend’s gaze and his sincerity equalled hers. He steadfastly believed that he did not need help—not in regards to his particular addiction, anyway. The nightmares could go jump off a cliff, but he believed otherwise, he was doing just fine. Denial.

”I think I’ve got more money in my pockets than I ever had before,” he said. ”Did you see my laptop? Brand new. I could afford a brand new laptop. I have a roof over my head and enough money to buy all the food and cigarettes that I need. I’m doing just fine,” he said, seeking to reassure her. After the story she’d just told, and she was concerned about him?

He should have turned that concern around onto her. But he didn’t. Because he was far too busy trying to think of ways to suggest that she should feed on him.

[Lorelai]

An unfamiliar feeling washed over Lorelai as she was filled with the urge to grab the man before her by the shoulders and shake him; violently. Of course she didn’t do that. She couldn’t do that. But she could counter his statements with one very important and obvious drawback of his current lifestyle. Besides the fact that he might actually kill himself.

“Oh Robin. You are not fine. You are anything but fine. You are walking the thin line between life and death.”

She had pulled back from him and now held his hands in hers. She squeezed them gently, her eyes searching his as she hoped that he would be able to recognise her words as the truth.

“You are expendable Robin. Not to me. But to them. To most of them. A human life means nothing. Less than nothing. You cannot continue upon this path and make it out alive. You need to look in the mirror Robin. Look in the mirror and recognise your worth. You need to see what this is doing to you. You look ill Robin.”

She paused to let her words sink in. At least she hoped they’d sink in. She needed him to understand what she was saying. The guy looked worse than her. Of the two of them, if they were to stop and ask a stranger on the street just which of them was a vampire, she was sure they would all point to him. Yes. She had the advantage of mortal aura and natural glow but still. Even without those aspects of her immortality she was sure she would not or perhaps could not look as bad as Robin did in that moment. He may have money and roof over his head but it was clear to Lorelai that he had no-one looking after him.

“Please don’t be annoyed with me for saying that. I had to say it. It’s the truth. You look so unwell.”

She pulled one hand free from his and gently cupped his cheek as she looked at him. She hoped that maybe if she could get him to connect with her that he might just listen. If he only went away from this all being more careful and taking better care of himself she’d of been happy. She couldn’t stand to see her friend look like and imagined that she probably looked equally as tragic in the last few weeks of her own mortal life. She couldn’t help but wonder as she looked at his sunken features if this was the reason Prudence had turned her. If she’d felt sympathy for the woman the blonde had become and shame for her own kind for the way in which they had abused her. She wouldn’t wish her life on anyone. She would have to give any she turned the choice but if it was Robin…

Lorelai looked as if she might begin to cry at any moment. She could empathise with people all too easily and she saw so much of her own sorrow and pain in Robin. Not in his actions or his words, but in his sallow appearance. In the way in which he’d allowed himself to be used and, in her mind, abused.

“You have to take better care of yourself Robin. You simply have to.”

[Robin Little]

The sudden attention made Robin uncomfortable. This focus on him when his life, though changed, hadn’t changed quite as much as Lorelai’s had. All this attention on him after the story that she had told him? It was ludicrous? Robin cleared his throat and nodded. He nodded because it was all he could do. Right now, in this moment, he could agree to take care of himself, if only to comfort Lorelai. Her concern was so genuine, it penetrated him to the core and his nod was vehement. He even believed it himself. Not that it would make much difference in the future. Robin always had a habit of slipping back into his bad habits. Call it a bad habit in and of itself. One he couldn’t wriggle free of.

”Sure, okay Lorelai. I get it, I look unwell. I’ll be fine, though, I promise,” he said. He even laughed, because that was what Robin did best. He brushed his problems under the rug with a nice hearty chuckle, though even as he did so all his hopes deflated. At least he wasn’t so far gone that he would beg. He reminded himself that he was in that café to begin with because he had told himself he was going to take a night off. Right? Wasn’t he already trying to do what Lorelai was telling him to?

That’s what he would keep telling himself.

”Same old Lorelai, though. So bloody concerned about me when what I’ve been through pales in comparison…” he shook his head. By mentioning it, he was only bringing back the memory. Maybe he shouldn’t. Maybe Lorelai didn’t want to talk about it. But maybe she did. Did she have anyone to talk to?

”How are you, Lorelai? You say I’m expendable so is that… do you have somewhere to stay? Someone to… to talk to?” he asked, glancing over his shoulder as if he were about to suggest that they go back to the café, into the warmth. Somewhere they can sit and catch up properly. Even if it wasn’t the most happy of reunions. Hoshkosh seemed a million miles away, now, and a million years ago. Lorelai’s face was familiar and yet so much had changed. It was uncanny. It was surreal. Like they’d both been plucked out of reality and dumped into a dream—connected, somehow, and have finally found each other amongst the dangers of the landscape.

[Lorelai]

Lorelai looped her arm through Robin's and began to walk them down the street once more as the conversation continued. She was satisfied, at least for now, that he would take care of himself and now that she knew where he was (as she wouldn't let him leave without giving her his more recent contact details) she knew she'd be able to check in with him. Robin seemed the sort that needed looking after and that was possibly half the appeal of him. He wasn't incapable. Far from it. He was just the sort that would allow you to support him if you wanted to. She'd noticed that when he'd stayed with her family back in Hoshkosh.

"I'm allowed to be concerned about you Robin. I care for you. And it's natural to be concerned for those you care about."

Though he was correct in what he'd said. She was pretty much the same and despite her words, she was the sort to care for a complete stranger. She couldn't pass anyone in need without trying to help them to the best of her ability. It made her an easy target for scammers but she was yet to be taken advantage of by anyone that was only out for what they could get. This was perhaps karma in the works. She was too sweet and too caring.

"And I do have a place of my own. We are heading there now. If I show you where I live, you will always know where to find me. There will always be a place for you in my home Robin. Should you require it. And I'm more than happy to help you in any way that I can. So if you need anything. Anything at all. Come to me. Please? I can think of no greater feeling than that of helping my friend." She lightly rubbed at the arm she had tangled herself around. "I'm so happy that you aren't afraid of me. It would have broken my heart to have you run from me. Not to mention that I would have had to tell my sire and I'm not entirely sure what she'd say on the matter. I don't think she'd wish you harm. I hope she wouldn't. And of course I would try to protect you."

Yeah right.
I would!
I know. Right up until Pru demanded the answer and then you'd be spilling your guts whether you wanted to or not.
Oh. That's true.
Probably would be best not to tell Pru things she might react badly to.

She nodded to herself. It was sound advice. Withholding information to protect someone she loved, was something she could do. A lie of omission was still a lie but it was better that, than allowing for the possibility that someone she cared for could be harmed. Thankfully she already knew that Pru wouldn't object to her having a human friend, even if they did know her secret, because she had dated CC while human. Pru had been nice to her and she wondered if Robin might be of some use in the skyscrapers.

“And now I have you to talk to too. And you have me. Of course. Should you need me.”

She hugged his arm a little tighter to emphasise her point and stopped herself from chattering away and repeating herself, as she could only tell him she was there for him in any way that needed.

[Robin Little]

Robin would give Lorelai his most recent contact details, and maybe sooner or later she would realise that he was living in an apartment with a vampire who might be as addicted to feeding from Robin as Robin was to giving up his blood. Going home was probably completely contradictory to Lorelai’s request that Robin take care of himself. But she didn’t have to know that, and it certainly wasn’t something that Robin was going to tell her. Not something she needed to know, in any case.

Fear. Fear was the last thing on Robin’s mind. Here Lorelai was being sweet and telling him he should come to her if he needs anything, anything at all. Of course she would mean things like money or food or, you know, the basic crap people need to survive. On another level, she probably meant that, should Robin get himself into any trouble regarding the nocturnal blood-suckers and a fear for his own life, maybe she could help him then, too. He couldn’t ponder then and there any such scenario, because he was really still only thinking about the one thing that Lorelai could give him. If he asked, would she?

His thoughts snagged on that mention of her sire, though; a slight frown furrowing his brow as he wondered about the relationship and what it could possibly mean. If Robin had run away, Lorelai would have to tell her sire as if it were a bad thing. And why would she have to, anyway? Although Robin has a few vague ideas about how vampires regard humans, he wasn’t at all up to date on why it would be such a bad thing for a human and a vampire to intermingle. The snagged snippet was stored away for later questioning; Robin had fallen silent. Although a few brief seconds had been spared to consider Lorelai’s relationship with her sire, his mind still rounded back to that former query. How could it not, when Lorelai again reiterated that she was there for him, whatever he needed?

He cleared his throat, slightly awkward, his blue eyes steadfast on the pavement in front of them.

”What if I… you know. If you said you needed to… well… if you needed blood, and I said I… felt like I needed give mine. As a need,” he asked, slowly. He was even quite proud of himself for linking Lorelai into it. As if her need for blood would forgive his need to have it taken away.

[Lorelai]

Lorelai froze, her feet seemingly locked mid step astride apart. Her weight was on her left foot which was flat to the ground, the heel of her right foot free from the pavement and about to step up and swing forward. Her whole body felt tense. The question itself was probably perfectly reasonable but the idea of it, well, it disturbed her. She'd never fed from a human. Never. And hoped that she wouldn't ever have to. She could barely stomach drinking blood from the blood packs. They weren't unpalatable and yet she still struggled to keep them down. It seemed to be a moral objection to the stuff rather than anything else; a mental barrier she couldn't seem to get past. Even now, unless instructed to feed by Prudence, she often threw up the first blood pack she drank. Luckily for her, the days of imbibing the vital liquid were few and far between due to Levi. He would cast some spell upon her on a daily basis, taking her hunger and leaving her feel full. It was something he did as payment for the protection she gifted him when she cast her shield upon him. It wasn't a necessary exchange of power but it was one that he had pretty much insisted on. Lorelai would have happily shielded him daily without any return but Levi seemed to think that, that was unbalanced.

"I... Robin... No...."

The blonde shook her head, unable to find the right words to describe just what it was that she was feeling. What he was asking.

Does he...?
Yes.
Why?
Because he's a sadist? I don't know. You tell me.
But I...
I know. Just tell him. Explain.
But...
He'll understand Lorelai. He's our friend. He knows about your upbringing. He understands you better than anyone else here in the city. Or he would. If you gave him a chance.

Lorelai coughed, clearing her throat but she didn't need to. She needed time. Her feet fell in line with one another and she tried to straighten her back, but the shivering of her body seemed to make her want to shrink down smaller and pull away from him. She now held to his arm more for her own need for support than anything else. Unable to look at him, she once more tried to find her words.

"I... Well... I don't feed from people Robin. Do you... Do you remember how we were at Hoshkosh? How we ate? What we ate? I was vegan. Remember?"

Her voice trembled with emotion as she spoke. It was clear that the topic of conversation made her uncomfortable. Though it was more than that really. It scared her. She hated that she had to drink blood to survive and just the thought of feeding from a living human being was unthinkable. Feeding from Robin even more so. He was her friend and more than anything she feared that she might become lost in her need for his vitae and drain him dry. Hurting or killing her friend was not something that she would be able to live through and she knew it.

"I..." she continued, feeling the need to try and explain her weakness to him. "I struggle even to keep the contents of a blood bag down."

Embarrassment coloured her cheeks, her eyes still upon the floor in front of her. As much as she wondered if she could feed on a living being and remain in control of herself, she also feared that she might simply take what she needed and then become violently ill. Could she really take what he had to offer, only to allow his gift to be wasted when her stomach rejected it? Wouldn't he be insulted if she threw up the blood he so generously donated?

[Robin Little]

Robin immediately knew that he had done or said something wrong. Lorelai paused beside him and her demeanour immediately screamed awkward. People could be easy to read, sometimes. But Lorelai wasn’t making it hard. Robin immediately wished he hadn’t said anything. He cleared his throat and glanced across the street, where he could see a similar couple. Not that he and Lorelai were a couple, of course, but they might look like one, with their arms hooked as they were. It was the same as the couple across the road; the man slightly taller than the woman but both so wrapped up in Winter outerwear that their features could not be distinguished. Their faces were turned to each other, their breath fogging in the frigid air to leave a dispersing cloud behind them. Touches of sound greeted Robin’s ears; of their feet scuffing on the pavement and their lowered voices. Lowered, just as his and Lorelai’s were as they spoke of things that weren’t for the ears of others.

Robin might have attempted to change the subject in order to disperse the awkwardness, just as the clouds of frosted air dispersed in the wake of that other couple, but Lorelai had continued. She must have felt the need to explain herself and the shake of Robin’s head was halted. Regardless of his want to move on, his curiosity overwhelmed, and he wanted to hear what Lorelai had to say.

And once she had said it, he couldn’t help but want to argue with it.

”Why were you vegan? Because you didn’t agree with the slaughter of animals? I can understand that,” he said, even if he himself had only adhered to veganism off and on—small bursts of greater morality that never lasted. He liked his red meat too much, in the end. But that had no part in their current conversation.

”I get that you might not want to hurt other humans, or God forbid, kill them. But that’s… that’s what I do, in a way. I act as a buffer, as a human sworn to secrecy from which vampires can feed without any kind of anxiety or guilt, see? You won’t kill me,” he said. He swallowed. No one had lost control thus far anyway. And why was he even arguing this? He should just let Lorelai say no and be done with it.

”Blood bags are stolen, right, so you probably feel guilty consuming them, too. But I’ve… I mean, others have told me that they prefer the blood straight from the vein because it’s fresh and it tastes better. You don’t even want to try? Just a little… from somewhere I can’t bleed out from, or something…” he said. He flinched. He shrugged his shoulders.

”Or not. I mean. It’s up to you,” he mumbled. He couldn’t see Lorelai’s embarrassment because he was too busy dealing with his own.

[Lorelai]

"You... you are the worst sort of temptation."

Lorelai sounded exasperated as she spoke though the pitch of her voice never raised about it's normal level. The more he'd spoken, the more she was certain that she didn't want to hear what he had to say. How could he be so free with his blood?

Oh. Come on. Don't act like you don't remember.
I... Well...
Yeah. So you know.
But he's feeding strangers.
You mean like you did.

This was an internal battle the blonde was not going to be able to win. She knew she was right. She'd walked this road and she could understand the reason behind her friend's insistence. He was right. It was better for all concerned if they could feed from those that were willing. For those that understood. And yet the idea of actually sinking her teeth into his flesh made her shiver. Teeth. She didn't want to think of the fact that she had fangs. They were ugly, wicked things that she wished she didn't possess. To have to drink blood was one thing. To have to drink it from the source was quite another.

"I appreciate what you are offering me Robin. I honestly do. And I am sure that your reasons for walking this path are far more noble than mine ever were. But... I don't believe I'm capable of even attempting to do as you ask. You may trust me, but I do not trust myself. If, and this does not mean to say that I desire to as much, but if I were to ever feed from you, from anyone, I would have to have someone else with me. Someone capable of stopping me if the instincts I try so hard to repress overwhelm me. Your life Robin." She reached out and stroked his jawline with the backs of her fingers. "Your life is far too precious a gift to risk in such a way."

She sighed as it struck her that her friend would likely continue to risk his life on a nightly basis if left to his devises. She considered offering to pay him what he would earn every night from here on out for the rest of his life if he could promise that his blood would be no-one but hers. And of course, she would never consume so much as a single drop of it. He'd be safe. But instinctively she knew that he would never agree to this.

"I have someone. A friend. Family even. He... You have to understand that this is all so difficult for me. I've not taken to this life as I should. Though I am trying to adjust. And my friend. You see... We... We exchange powers. I help him to better protect himself and he..."

The blonde falls silent; shame stealing her voice. She was one of the vampires that did not need to feed. Though that technically wasn't true. She did need to feed. Blood called to her daily and yet she rarely had to swallow the sickly, sweet substance she craved. The ability to alleviate her own hunger wasn't one she had acquired but it was one that Levi was willing to share. The shame she felt stemmed from the fact that she could not look after herself. Here she stood as an immortal and yet she was still weak. Pathetic when compared to others of her kind. When compared to Prudence. Not that for the most part she wanted to be anything like them. Vampires seemed violent by nature, and yet even now she found herself incapable of intentionally harming another.

After a long pause she found her voice again and continued where she had left off; "He takes away my hunger. And I am ever so grateful for him." Her words began to pick up speed as a rush of emotion flowed through and from her. "For so long as I have him in my life. And for so long as he has the time to do so. I shall never have need of your services. I shall never have to force myself to swallow... I can... I can, in some small way, pretend that I am not the monster that I have become."

The conversation seemed to backpedal a little, as before she'd told him her secret she'd all but begged him to remember that she was still her and that she had not changed. Now however the truth was out. She was a monster. This was how she felt despite the fact that she knew she had retained herself. It just wasn't her true self. She had lost who she was supposed to be.