A vixens musings

[Renee]

March 19

I've been gone for some time now and I can't seem to find a lot of things. Many things have changed around her. I'm not even really sure where to begin. My sire has returned from God knows where as have two of my sisters are back so it seems we are all being called back at the same time for some reason.

Maybe called back isn't the right saying because no one really called anyone that I know of. I need to check in on some people once I can find them. This won't be too hard just need to get my head on strength.

This is all for now my muse, I will be back and hopefully with some sort of new.

[Renee]

April 8

Marriage. It seems to be in the air at moment. I know of three couples that have gotten married recently and then there are all the engagements. I doing know if it's in the water or the air or hell maybe it's in the blood. I know I can't wait for Ursa`s wedding to happen.

Speaking of my sister, she has agreed to teach me rituals...hopefuly nothing blows up in my face while I'm trying to do this. If nothing else it will be fun to hang out with her again. I think the last time we did anything together was before the holidays.

I gave all my workers a raise because they stayed with my company while I disappeared for a few months. Clover messaged me the other day and I said something about her raise and she hadn't even noticed the change....maybe I'm paying them too much....

She also said something that kind of has me worried. I think I should bring it up to Jesse but I also don't want to make a big a deal out of nothing. Simon said I should wait and see what happens before I do anything too crazy. Maybe he's right, I worry to much. Maybe I don't worry enough. I guess will tell which way it is and which way it isn't.

I'm thinking of buying a new place. A better place. It won't be for a few more weeks between making my decision and paper work. It will be fun to decorate a new place. Just need to decide what way to go with this place but it's nice knowing I won't I have to do something alone.

[Renee]

April 20

I don't ******* know what's going on anymore! I blink and I had 20k on my head and then it's gone like it never ******* happened. Oh and the reason it was there in the first place "I have a big mouth" **** you, you stupid ******* **** bag. I was away for over amonth and then when I got back I haven't even left the family home! How the **** does that mean I have a big mouth!

Then Simon leaves me some letter asking to read and then give to his mother. The ****?! I can't even get in touch with the woman to ask how she's doing much less get face to face to give her something! I'd try but there was no way I could promise him anything. Oh and the reason for this letter? He had a ridiculous amount on his head too. Apparently Klara`s new boyfriend or what ever he is attacked him and that's how he found out.

Speaking of Klara, she apparently went through with there divorce. I haven't really been able to talk to Simon about it just yet but I need to. I want to make sure he in fine with how things are.

In other news Fforde got the boot from Vel and Micahs family. I'm not sure what happened so to be honest I'm not sure how I feel about it. If I ever get the full story then I'll know how I feel but till that time I'm Just here I guess. Well now Jesse has set up a hierarchy in the family. He's head which I get. Gray is one of his seconds. I understand. I've not interacted much with her in the pass but I know she can tend to get to Jesse easier than most of us so again I understand her having her position. Then there is Axel. Yep he is apparently back. Imagine that I'm his ******* Childers and I didn't ******* know he was back. For months!!!! What kind of bull **** is this?!

Oh and to make things even better I found him today with kae and Paige (who is also back) and he ******* ignored me the whole ******* time! Kae said hi, Paige got up and hugged me,but him...nope not a damn thing.

I'm sorry but in my opinion (not that it ******* matters any ******* way) if you are going to be in charge in any form of the word you should at least give thoughts under you the time of ******* day to say hello at least! I could understand if we had a **** ton of people in this family but we don't and plus you add in THE ******* FACT THAT I AM YOUR CHILDER!

I don't know maybe I'm just being sensitive"

[Renee]

April 28

I'm done

[Renee]

May 4

I've done it, I've gotten a better and bigger place. It's odd to be honest with you. I'm use to living with other people so that's not the odd part, but I've never lived with someone like this. Every other time it's been family that I loved with but now, we aren't family. We are...something else. Maybe I should talk to Ursa about this. I need to talk with her anyway, about a lot of things.

I talked with Clover a few weeks ago. It was about some of things going on within the family. It seemed to come down to two of the family members in particular. I care about all of the family but if one of them keeps going down the road they seem to be headed, I will lose a lot of respect for them and I'm not sure if they will be able to get it back.

I spoke to Simon about all of this and he suggested that I go to someone who will be impartial about all this. He said he can't be the one to go to because he is close to me on this. I understand where he is coming from and all but I don't really know anyone that isn't part of the family or doesn't know any of us. And hell with all the marriages going on lately it won't be long before the family is part of everyone else's family in one way or another.

I know I said I was done but I'm not. Fact is I care to damn much to be done. I'm sure I have a braking point but it has not been reached yet.

[Renee]

May 27th

So....kind of late but I'm engaged. It was a big surprise to both Simon and myself. Still not sure how to take it really. I've talked him into taking me back to his home. Where ever he's from that is. I can tell he is not the biggest fan of this idea but he's seen where on came from and now I wish to do the same.

Crissy had been a major help with everything so far. I will have to find a way to repay her some how. I'm sure I'll find a way.

We have less than a year till we are bound...there is a lot to do and most of which I have no clue about. Most little girls grow up dreaming of their wedding day...I just hoped to make it to thread age. I guess in a way I did but also didn't. Depends on how you look at it I guess...

I feel like so much is going on but I can't get out of my own head long enough to understand it...so I just go with it. Hope it doesn't come back to hurt me...

Hurt me...something I've heard a lot of lately. I'm just hurting myself, I don't want to see you get hurt, he always hurts those around him...there are more. I'm not hurt now and if I do get hurt in the future then it is on me. I'm not some kind of China doll that will break if you drop me. Pain is something I'm use to and something I've learned to either live with or avoid. The other nightSimon said he felt like I was opening up more to him...im not sure I am though...maybe just a new mask has been placed onthe face....maybe Abaddon and Arela aren't the only forces at work now...

Only time will tell if the mask will fall and behind it is either me or simply another...

Only time will tell...

[Renee]

June 8th

Only 11 months and 9 days till the wedding...I feel odd counting it down but it also feels right.

I have already asked Paige to be one of my bridesmaids. I still have three more and the "flower girl" to ask. I have no clue if Simon is planning as much as I am. I know he's had a lot on his mind lately so I'm hoping once things get back to normal everything will start to fall into place. Worst comes to worst I make him get to work.

I already know what I want the bridesmaids to wear and I have an idea for the flower girl but I still have no clue what to wear myself...do I keep things simple or do I go big? I guess once I have asked everyone I can get their opinion on what to do.