Keara:This RP takes place on Monday 23rd March 2015.
Keara tomes home and immediately searches out her husband. "Best think it I do if we somewhere private do go," she growled with frustration.
Enver:
He was sitting at the crafting bench, phone out, feet kicked up when she appeared. After she talked, he shook his head. "No." He snapped back, putting the phone in his pocket as he looked at her.
Keara:
"Enver. Want I do not for this discussion in public to have. Make me summon you not. Argue further I wish not to." Her tone was more menacing than Enver had heard in a while, her recent outbursts more being ones of sorrow and pain.
Enver:
"We aren't in public. We're in our family home!" He said with a growl as he stood. He stayed near the bench, his arms crossing at his chest. "And since this has to do with family, I feel we can talk about it like civilized adults around the people we call family."
Keara:
“Wish I do not for to argue in front of those that love we do. Selfish it is for them into our problems to bring.” She pressed the button to the elevator and hoped that he’d see sense and join her.
Enver:
"Selfish it is for you to keep them shrouded in darkness." He scowled as he followed after her. "You might not like her, fair enough, but that doesn't mean they won't. Or shouldn't be allowed to." He seethed between clenched teeth as he stood next to her.
Keara:
“Reply to you I shall when alone we are,” she said stepping into the elevator that would take them down to her cell. She was getting angrier by the minute and if she wasn’t careful she was going to have one of, what Enver would call, her Carrie moments. This was something she hoped to avoid as one of the ways of controlling herself would be denied to her and the other would only serve to make her husband all the angrier.
Enver:
The elevator door pinged open and he muttered, "Fine. Whatever." Before entering inside the elevator. Once there, he leaned his back to the wall, kept his arms crossed and stared at the door's inside, simply stewing about his wife's behavior lately.
Keara:
Keara tried to ignore his behaviour. She had to. She couldn’t afford to lose control. Just when their relationship switched into her being the calmer of the pair she didn’t know; it was a change she definitely didn’t like, as being on this side of the fence was rather lonely. When the elevator stopped, she walked out in silence and made her way into their cell, waiting for him to follow before closing the door behind them.
Enver:
With the door closed, Enver tugged his tie off and threw it to the floor. he hated ties anyways and with his temper flaring, he felt like the thing was suffocating. "What you did and said to Lorde in front of me and everyone else, was out of line." He snarled. "She is a part of me. I know you don't like it, but that's how it is. Peter is a part of you, Kallista, Jersey and all of them are a part of you and if I snubbed any of them for any reason, you'd call me on it. That's what I'm doing right now." His suit coat followed suit, before he moved to the closet to find a t-shirt to change in to now that he was done with any real work for the night.
Keara:
Keara perched herself on the edge of the bed, they had a dress code in their cell but it would do neither of them any good in this moment to obey it, so she folded her hands into her lap and tried not to think about stabbing him as her dagger appeared in her right fist.
“What said I? Make no sense you do. Know I do that things right between us are not. Not really and yet trying I am for to understand your rage.”
Enver:
The male scoffed and shook his head. "You know damn well what you said. Lorde knows she is yours. It didn't need to be said. You said it to slight me about Shya. I know she'll never be looked at by you like you look at Lorde, but it didn't need to be said. It's just assumed and known. Everyone damn well knows it!" He unbuttoned his shirt, pulled it off and then replaced it with some random cafe t-shirt he got in Cali the last time they were there.
Keara:
“Annoyed you are with me that I affectionate with Lorde was? Think perhaps you do that desires me now also she does. And what said I did, true was. Told Lorde that I never before have and said it long ago I should have. Love her I do. Help that I cannot.”
Keara avoided saying anything about Shya, she couldn’t. She’d seen enough of the female to last her a life time and now that she had her image, she was all the more difficult to erase from her mind.
Enver:
He narrowed his eyes and shook his head. "The timing is a bit suss, don't you think?" He turned to face her, his arms crossed at his chest. "It could be true, but you decided to say it in front of me. Something you could have told her privately. I already know how you feel about her, Keara." He moved away from the closet to his dresser, looking for a pair of jeans. Eventually, this conversation would end and he would go back to tinkering. Or doing something else.
Keara:
“Suspect it may be. And perhaps wanted I did for you my words to hear but so angry with me you need not be. Not unless hoping you are that gut myself for your amusement I shall. For that a real possibility becoming is.”
Keara’s dark eyes followed her husband as he moved about the room. She adored that man, even now and holding onto those feelings was all that was stopping her from letting the darkness in.
Enver:
"Oh, come off it." He waved a dismissive hand in the air. "You know damn well I don't like when you do garbage like that. So It'd be far from amusing." He pulled out a pair of jeans, turned to look at her and cleared his throat. "If you keep on with this behavior, you're not going to like the man I'm going to become." He said quietly, his eyes darkening as he stared right at her. "I don't do petty. I did that garbage in my twenties. You don't like her? Fine. But don't make it your point to sit here and let me know that every damn time you get the opportunity to."
Keara:
“Think you do that that something I can control is?”
His anger at her was now beginning to sting, his words ripping into her deeper than any weapon he could wield. She couldn’t hold herself back anymore but rather than direct her anger at her husband she began to draw her weapon across her arm, making a series of short, shallow lines that ran parallel to her wrist.
Enver:
"Knock it off!" He growled before appearing before his wife and moved to knock the blade out of her hand. "This is insane." A hand went to his head before it smacked against the side of it with the palm of his hand. "How did we get this way? Lately it's 'I'm going to kill myself, or hurt myself, or hurt someone else.' I can't take it anymore. It's not who I am. Hurting someone intentionally. If I don't do something, you think the absolute worst of me and of her. Like I'm screwing her or something. And you go hurting yourself. If I ignore her to make you happy, then I hurt myself and probably her. If she ends up dead again, it's because of me. Again! I'm at a ******* crossroad and no matter what way I turn I'm hurting someone." His hand went to his hair and ran through it before he stepped away from her and took a seat on the sofa, his eyes glued to the floor near his feet.
Keara:
“Always been that way we have?”
Both her tone and her eyes betrayed her confusion. None of this was new. She had to hurt herself to regain control, he knew that; she’d always been that way and now he was saying what? That he didn’t love her? That he couldn’t love her for who she was? She hadn’t accused him of loving Shya or sleeping her, not in this conversation and yet he was throwing it back at her like she had. Was he? Is that why he seemed to be pulling away from her? Why he no longer loved her for who she was?
She’d changed, a little, couldn’t he see that? She used to hurt him all the time and even now she was struggling to hold herself back from burying the knife in his chest. Hurting herself all the more, when all she wanted to do was hurt him, was that not progress in its own twisted way?
The dagger reappeared in her hand and she made another, much deeper cut.
“Do this for Control I do. Know that you do. Knew that you did when bound yourself to me you did. If love me you no longer do, then say it plainly Enver, stay I shall not with one that wants me not.”
Her eyes glossed with tears but she refused to shed a single one of them. The physical pain was all that she had to keep herself from falling apart, and she hoped he recognised that.
Enver:
"It's not the same." He told her flatly with a shake of his head. "This is different and you damn well know it. You won't even say her name. Like she's some dark, secret. I sired her. That's it. I didn't do anything with her. I don't know much, if anything about her, but I feel like I can't say her name, can't help her, can't even think about helping her, or this is where we'll be. Or worse. Like on the boat." He cleared his throat. "You want me to choose, don't you?" He accused her, because that was what it was beginning to feel like for him. Like everything he did for Shya, was wrong because his wife couldn't even say her damn name.
Keara:
He didn’t say what she needed to hear. He didn’t even begin to try and ease her mind as to his feelings and so the more he spoke of Shya, the more she began to lose what little grip she had on her control.
She pressed the tip of her blade into her wrist and then let the dagger sink so that it was almost in line with her skin before pressing it deeper. Her eyes closed and she took a sharp, unnecessary breath of air.
“Asked you I have not for to choose, but choosing you are. Though perhaps know that you do not. Choosing her now you are. Over me. For say you cannot that love me you do. Speaking only of her you are.”
Enver:
"Love you?" He growled out at her. "Why do I need to state the obvious? Of course I love you!" He looked away from her. "I love you so damn much that it's making me insane lately." It was absolutely true. Enver felt like he had to be extra cautious of anything he had to say in case it sent his wife in to a whirlwind. Much like what they were in now. When he was mad at her for being so petty. How did she get to be mad at him when he was mad at her? He sighed again. "I love you. Okay?" This wasn't their problem. And he was sure she knew that. That she was doing this to take him away from the real topic at hand. Her behavior. "Can you say the same about me?" He asked her quietly.
Keara:
“Prove it. Please?”
Keara opened her watery eyes to look at her husband.
“Need I do for you to kiss me. For your love to feel. Need this I do so that need I do not for myself any longer to flay.”
She pulled the blade from her arm, the blood upon it being swallowed up by the atmosphere. The wounds bubbled black, and much like the blood on the knife, eventually succumbed to the same fate.
Enver:
The male sighed and shook his head. "This is insane, Keara. You know I love you." He stepped forwards anyways, wrapped an arm around her waist and tugged her over to him. His lips pressed against hers as he grabbed the blade and wrapped his hand around it. He does this to keep her from hurting herself anymore.
Keara:
At first she thought the shake of his head was a refusal but then he pulled her into his arms and kissed her. She deepened the kiss, and attempted to drop the blade so that she could wrap herself around her husband. It might have been insane but she didn’t know it; though she wasn’t about to vocalise that, not until his kiss proved otherwise.
Enver:
When Enver felt her strong hold on the knife lessen, he followed suit and let his grip off the blade, fine with letting it fall, if she allowed it to. His other hand went to her face and cupped it before he pulled away to look her in the face. Enver sighed, then looked away from his wife. "I love you. Not Shya. I don't even know her. I don't know anything about her other than maybe, ten facts at best. And that's being generous." His hand went to the back of her neck so that their eyes would be locked on the other. "I sired Lorde, before you were around. I got to know her and nothing, I repeat nothing ever happened with her. With me. Think on that for a while before you discard Shya as a person."
Keara:
He was talking about Shya before she even had a moment to enjoy him. The blade had been discarded but if he wasn’t careful it would soon be in her hand once again. Freeing herself from his grasp, she turned her back to him and sighed, her shoulders dropping in defeat.
“If say I do how feel I do, then angry with me become you may. Want I do not for you angry to make but… in pain I am.”
His words should have consoled her but they didn’t. Just hearing her name on his lips made her want to cut herself again; an urge she would have to fight if they were to have this conversation.
Enver:
She turned from him and he frowned harder. A hand went to her shoulder as he moved up behind her. "Because she is sired now? To me." He asked before clearing his throat. "Because we don't see eye to eye on this. Because you feel betrayed. What would you have me do? Ignore her? What will that get her? She could die and then what? We come back. You know this." He moved around her to look her in the face. "I don't know how to fix this, unless you help me." He admitted with a quick hand through his hair. "But taking cheap shots at her, through me isn't fixing anything."
Keara:
He was doing it again; talking about it before she was ready.
“Enver. Need I do for this conversation slowly to take. Need I do for you first my concerns to hear. Allow me this you must. Please. Difficult this all is for me. More difficult than seeming you are for to understand.”
Keara’s eyes stayed down and she began to pick at the hem of the red sash around the dress she was wearing.
“Know now with certainty I do not that love me you do. Not since learned I did that you your promise to me did break. Know I do what said you have. Know that believe it you do, for an accident to be. But… difficult it is for to believe that so easily broken your word can be. The only reason that sense to me does make, is that in love with her you are. That in love with her fell you did in the moment when met her you did."
Enver:
His jaw just stood agape when his wife claimed that he loved Shya. At first glance, basically. Enver’s brows furrowed together as he took a step back, still staring at his wife in disbelief. "You think I love someone I know almost nothing about? Because why? She might be, what? Pretty? She didn't look like much of anything the night I sired her. Nothing more than some asshole's punching bag." He took another step back. "I might think a lot of things that don't ever make sense, but I don't believe I've accused you of loving someone else. Ever." His mouth was starting to feel dry as he stood there. He closed his mouth so he wouldn't look like an idiot.
Keara:
She didn’t need to look at him to know how he might look as he absorbed what she said. She could barely believe she was vocalising this fear herself but they had promised not to keep secrets and while her own stupid thoughts, may not have fallen into that category, she knew he had to know if they stood any chance of working through this.
“No,” she said shaking her head slightly but still unwilling and unable to raise it so that she might look him in the eye. “But reason otherwise I cannot. For such an important promise to break, special she must be. For my heart to break, love her more you must. See you not the path my thoughts do take?”
She allowed herself to peek up at him for the briefest of moments while she tried to gauge his reaction and then cast all her concentration back upon the hem of her sash.
Enver:
"You talk like I wanted to break your heart. That I was intentionally devious. That I just woke up that night and decided, 'oh, how can I upset my wife tonight? I think I'll sire a woman.'" He glared at her, before he looked away. "And no, I don't see how you could think that. Unless you think so low of me."
Keara:
She was ashamed of herself and yet she still couldn’t let it go. She knew she should. She knew she stop talking and let the subject move on, but she just couldn’t. Instead she sank to her knees, whereupon her dagger once more found its home in her hand.
“For to say that done it was without thought. Without a reason. Enver. No sense to me does that make. That you so thoughtless could be. That think of me you did not. That forget me you could.”
She looked up at him and while her words may have been just as painful for him to hear as they were for her to say, she was quite clearly trying to come to terms with the situation. Her voice was soft, almost apologetic as she spoke. Fear and pain were present in almost every word. He had broken her heart and they both knew it. She wasn’t looking to punish him for that either,, she was looking for a way to forgive him so that they could move on.
Enver:
He clenched his jaw and looked at the ground, his fists balling together as he stood there. "What do you want me to say? I've said I'm sorry, I don't know how many times. I've assured you that I don't love her. I can't love her. I don't even know who she is and still don't really because I haven't been the sire I should be for the obvious reasons." His fists unclenched as he sighed and began to walk. Or pace, really. Only it was a slow pace and he stopped against a wall to 'rest' from pacing before starting up again the other way. "You know who I am. The things I say and do since before we were married. I am thoughtless. I react without thinking. It's who I am. It's what makes me, me. That's not going to change. I've died over being thoughtless and careless. You've seen that first hand too." He reminded her as he came to a standstill, eyes on her. "So take your disappointment out on me. Not her."
Keara:
“Do that I cannot. She the reason is why trust you now I cannot. Why doubt there is, when doubt ought not be. Broken we are… because of her.”
She was being honest. Perhaps too honest. She knew how Enver was and she loved him despite of it all, because of it all, even. She adored her husband and that had not changed. She loved him now as much as she always had but then a lack of love hadn’t ever been there problem.
Enver:
He looked at the wall that was opposite of her as Enver started pacing again. What she said was a difficult pill to swallow. And problematic. Broken was an understatement. By a hundred fold. No, maybe even a thousand. Enver stopped pacing, turned to face his wife and focused on the wall past her. "You can't be married to someone you don't trust. Or love them." His jaw clenched together and made a small 'popping,' noise as he finally looked at her. "We're not broken. We're destroyed." The male cleared his throat to look away. "You don't believe that I love you. You don't trust me. We're back to square one. Worse than that. At least you neither trusted or distrusted me back then."
Keara:
He was right. Without trust, without love they were destroyed. One broken promise was all it had taken to shake them to the core. But then it had been the only thing she’d ever asked of him. She sighed softly as she digested his words.
“Want you do for me to leave?”
Keara began to turn the blade in her hand; the point of hit was set against the opposite hand and she worked the hilt with her fingertips. The tip of the blade burrowed into her skin. She wasn’t trying to punish herself this time, this was something she wasn’t even aware she was doing, even though she was staring at the metal as it turned before her eyes.
