time & memory

[xavier moriarty (DELETED 5077)]

Since I'm going to be around for a while, I might as well keep one of these, even if it makes me feel like some schoolgirl. I need to bug Conall to keep one too, but only because I want to read what he wrote. I just want to be sure that I'm doing a good job as his sire. The last thing I want is to be like mine.

I understand why it happened, but it still hurt, and I would have felt abandoned if it wasn't for Conall. He's been so indescribably helpful. Turning him is one of two things I've done right so far in this life, the second is taking Scorpia's offer.

Sometimes I miss my human family so much that it makes me ache. And I guess this is the part where I turn into a snivelling schoolgirl. I'm going to have to hide this damn thing in a good spot and hope Conall never finds it. I don't think he'd make fun of me for it, or at least I hope he wouldn't, but I don't want him to think less of me somehow.

I know trying to contact them wouldn't end well. I'm sure they think I'm missing, if not dead. Still... I'm tempted. I just want to let them know I'm all right, for the most part. Is that really so bad? Besides, I don't think anyone would find out, and I don't think they would ask too many questions. Coming to this city would also be out of the question; they wouldn't be able to afford it, and it's too far off. ****. The more I think about it, the more I want to do it.

But I've got family here. There's no reason for me to think about the one I used to have.

Goddamn. Vampires aren't supposed to scar, are they? Conall doesn't. I've seen a few who have a lot of scars, though. Why's that? I'd like to meet whoever decided I should scar so I can rip out their jugular and stuff it down their throat. I wasn't too fond of the ones I had when I was human, and now that I'm a vampire, I can't ******* heal fully. What kind of ******** is that? The scars from bullets look all puckered and disgusting, and the same goes for the scars from blades. Conall said he doesn't mind them, and that's all that should matter, but I still think they make me revolting. It doesn't help that I see this decayed corpse every time I look in a mirror. It makes me feel horrific, even though I know I don't actually look bad. I shouldn't let it bother me. I won't let it bother me. I should just be happy I was turned at a good age.

I really hope my outlook on this vampire thing changes soon. So far, it's been one hell of a ride that I'd like to get off of.

Maybe I should disguise this thing inside a Playboy magazine. I'm pretty sure Conall wouldn't bother looking through it.

[Conall Callahan (DELETED 5142)]

Guess you never found that Playboy huh?

I'm glad you think of me as family, though, because you're the same for me. And I'd never think less of you, Xav, I just hope I can help take care of that ache.

And quit worrying about your damn scars. I love them, means you're a tough ********.

I'm gonna get a lot of **** for this, aren't I?