He had not visited the temple in...months, his internal conflict having kept him away some nights, other nights simply not having the time. As he failed to go more and more to any place, it became easier to continue to not, especially when he was so caught up in doing the Goddess' work, defending their kind.
There were things to work out though and this was as good a place as any other to do so. Better, in fact. While he knew that he could pray to his deity at any time and any place, the abandoned feel of the temple made it easier to focus on what he was here to do.
Slipping in to one of the rear aisles, he sat and thought of when he had met Mircea here but shook his head, attempting to clear his mind. Clasping his hands together, the nails grazed the backs of both hands, bringing his attention fully on to what he was doing.
Praying was not something that came easily to the man. He offered silent thanks to Nox regularly, asked for strength on occasion, but for the most part, he believed that he had been instilled with an ability to endure. As such, he relied primarily on the gifts that She had already given him rather than attempting to receive more.
He curled his head and shut his eyes, thinking silently to himself. Nox...I don't think I do this enough. It shouldn't feel this difficult I don't believe. Maybe that's part of the problem. Have I drifted too far from you? From the purpose you had intended for me?
His nails dug in to the back of his hands, bringing his wandering thoughts back to the track they were meant to be on. I do not understand what has happened to me. What has happened to me. I konw that I have made mistakes but...I have tried. I have done my best to do what you have called me to do. I am strong. I protect all of those that I can. I have...done nothing wrong...
The voice in his head trailed off. He had done nothing wrong. He had done what he thought was for the best. His mistakes were simply that and his actions since had more than made up for them. With this realization, he could feel his form shifting. Though his body was and always would be large, the nails and ears shortened and he took on an appearance that was recognizable as human. He couldn't see it but he knew that this was true.
He had punished himself...more effectively than Nox or any other would have, warping and mutating his body in to the monster he believed himself to be. He thought of Charlotte, and the fear in her eyes and how she thought of him as trapped in this form. And yet...thoughts also turned to AJ, who accepted him like this. Believed that this was what he was meant to be.
His body seemed to shift back, hovering between man and monster for many moments. He wished that Cassandra was here to help guide him. She had been a friend and had helped him learn and understand so much of this life, and had told him of his purpose.
But...perhaps she could help him. The words she had spoken to him had called for him to be both weapon and tool. There was an inherent dichotomy in his role. Perhaps that was necessary down to his very core. Maybe he needed to be, both man and monster.
Gritting his teeth, he silently thanked his Goddess for her guidance this night and stood, looking as he always had. For now, he needed to be a weapon, a monster, to best combat the ever present threats to his kind.
OOC Explanation: Jonah has been constantly casting Feral Mutation on himself, causing his appearance.