Comings and Goings [Tytonidae]

[Jonah]

--The following transcript was a live chat roleplay--

Jonah: Jonah had seen his name pop up on a few of the Bridges but not his yet so tapped out a quick message on his phone. *This is Jonah. Wanted to see if you'd like to meet and if you had any questions for me.* He looked it over a few times, trying to decide if there was more that he should add but ultimately hit send and waited for a response.

Doc: Doc recieved the text, read it, and even though he didn't have any questions for him, he wasn't opposed to getting to know him more. *text* Of course, where would be convenient for you.

Jonah: *I'm in the sewers at the moment. Can meet anywhere.*

Doc: *text* Yes, I prefer not to meet in the sewers. How about.. the morgue?

Jonah: *Will see you there.* The killer pulled the tome out of his bag and returned to the Asylum to take a quick shower and change clothes from the ruined ones he currently wore. Concentrating on the morgue, he was there soon after, looking for the other man.

Doc: Doc was in the cold storage room. He reading the logs of the bodies currently in storage. He did this routinely. It allowed him to get an idea of who was being messy with their kills and leaving a trail of tell tale clues that humans could key in on. He had hopefully corrected Mako's behavior, when he found the last body that she had mangled. Tonight's bodies were typical non-vampire kills. A good thing. They were mostly car accident and gang related violence. Hearing someone enter the front door, he put away the logs and went out to meet Jonah. He gave Jonah a cursory look, "Jonah."

Jonah: He returned the appraising look and offered a hand. "Doc?" He knew no other moniker for the name so went with the only term he had for the man.

Doc: "Yes." Doc took the proffered hand and gave it a firm shake before releasing it. "So .. what's on your mind?"

Jonah: The man's grip was firmer than he expected and he returned it in kind. "Not a lot. Just...trying to get in contact with those that haven't asked anything on my bridge. Mine's been pretty quiet compared to others."

Doc: Doc smirked a crooked closed mouth grin. "That's because you have a pretty straight forward history in this city. You are make no apologies about your beliefs and standings. You tend to be forthright, if a bit too impartial when dealing with someone that disagrees with you, in my opinion." He pauses, "Basically.. you are 'what you see is what you get'. Other's are not so forthright. Some are down right liars. Some are conniving theives. Some are purposely trying to just cause ****. Some have pissed us off. Some just aren't cut out to be in Tytonidae. Those are the types that typically have more .. active threads."

Jonah: The big man shrugged. "Fair enough. You understand how I could be a bit...worried though." Something stuck out in the statement though. "Too impartial?"

Doc: "Yes... You give the impression that you are switzerland in some areas. You are neither for or against. In some regards you are 'this is my opinon.' and you stand by it. In others, don't mistake me, You don't waffle.. but don't commit either."

Jonah: He thought for a moment before nodding. "I can see that. I would say I just don't have enough information to commit one way or the other yet."

Doc: Doc nods, "I am much the same. Can't lie.. however, difference between the two of us.. I am not usually vocal when I dont have enough information. You can be, again, don't mistake me.. not condemning you or your actions, but it does give the impression that you have an opinion.. that you just prefer not to share."

Jonah: "For instance?"

Doc: Doc gives him a very direct look, "If I considered you a threat, I would have made note of it. I do not. It is merely my impression. And impressions can be faulty. I would like to think I do not judge based on possibly faulty impressions."

Jonah: Jonah returned the look, his hands splaying in a show of peace. "I'm sure you do. I was asking more so I could improve myself."

Doc: "It's easy man.. jsut ******* say, 'i havent decided.. tell me why I should take your side..

Jonah: "I guess I meant more, what issues I wasn't doing that on. But with that, I tend to do most of the asking questions in private."

Doc: "Improving oneself.. we all want to do that.. at least.. the mature of us do." He paused to gather his thoughts, "But I am not necessarily your best option. I still **** up routinely."

[Doc]

--The following transcript was a live chat roleplay--

Jonah: Jonah gestured to the scars and the strange appearance, "I think we all do."

Doc: "My understanding it that is an old mistake.. haven't heard any **** ups from you recently"

Jonah: "It is, but we all hopefully have a long future. And forever is a long time to try and keep from screwing up ever."

Doc: "Very true.. If there was one thing I would change.. I would wish more of the vampire community would think this way. But they are all concerned with 'oh.. is he looking at me..' 'what should i wear...' or 'lets party...' There are bigger things at issue than the ******* present moment. They need to be thinking ahead and setting up a foundation for the future."

Jonah: "Have you seen Wendigo's discussion on the Collective?"

Doc: "The Collective? What is that? I will be honest I rarely read the forums as its usually ******* trolls on there."

Jonah: "It's a private forum with more rules. Not a whole lot on it, but it's secure since Crow's not protecting CrowNet anymore. Anyway, there's a discussion about what we should be doing moving forward."

Doc: "Hmmm. Interesting. Led by Wendell? Or he is just a member?"

Jonah: "He's just a member but this idea is his."

Doc: He frowns, most because he is thinking, running iterations, "Who are the other members?"

Jonah: "Of the forum or his discussion?"

Doc: "The forum.."

Jonah: He pulled his phone out and directed the browser to the forum and read off names that had started or posted on recent threads. "Lia, Wafa, Wendell, Serenity, Alexandrea..." he trailed off, clicking in to one of the recent threads to see who had commented and waited for it to load.

Doc: His lip curls in contempt "Serenity.. ******* waste of skin.."

Jonah: "Maybe, I don't really know her. But we can't do a lot to change it now." He looked up from his phone. "I'll be honest and say there's a lot that represent...one type of thinking. It would be nice to have all sides represented."

Doc: "I would end up ******* shooting them.."

Jonah: "The benefit of it being on the internet is it makes that a little more difficult."

Doc: "True.. but the desire to kill them when I see them would still be there..:"

Jonah: He laughed mildly. "There haven't been any meetings yet, only talking on the forum so it shouldn't be a problem."

Doc: "think I will let just keep me updated.."

Jonah: "That's fine too. I may ask for some of your opinions as it builds though. I know of a few that think well of you."

Doc: "that's a shocker..."

Jonah: His eye cocked up, "Oh?"

Doc: "I'm a ******* asshole.. everyone knows that."

Jonah: "I just know Aysel has commented on you and it hasn't seemed negative."

Doc: "ah.. AJ.. she's wants to believe the best in people." He shakes his head, "She thinks I am this knight .. who is noble or some ****. She doesn't see the real me."

Jonah: "And what is the real you?"

Doc: "Told ya.. I'm a ******* asshole.. "

Jonah: "Hmm. Why are you in Tytonidae?"

Doc: "To protect the masquerade. To protect us. To make sure we have a ******* future.."

Jonah: "So you care about more than just yourself."

Doc: "And.. your point?" His brow furrows slightly in confusion.

Jonah: "Most consider assholes to care only about themselves."

Doc: *smirks crookedly* "That's an egotist.. or narcissist. I am just an asshole."

Jonah: "Long as it works I guess."

Doc: "Well.. its a hell of a lot easier than trying to make people happy."

Jonah: "I can't argue with that." He looked around the room they were in, it having been a while since he'd been in the morgue. "You going to the Realm tonight?"

Doc: "Probably.. wont be fighting though..."

Jonah: "I look forward to seeing you there then. Unless there was anything else you wanted to ask me?"

Doc: "Like said before.. apart from being Switzerland.. you are pretty much.. what you see is what you get.. " He nodded to himself, "Time will tell if I my impressions are wrong.."

Jonah: "I hope they aren't." He offered his hand once again.

Doc: "As do I..."

Jonah: "Stay safe in the darkness."

Doc: "Same to you Jonah." He nods "Until later"

[Doc]

--The following transcript was a live chat roleplay--

Doc: Doc parked the Mustang outside the dance studio. He sat in the car for a few minutes going through the iterations of how this ‘meeting’ would go. One, he was showing up without an appointment, so she may not even be there and he would have to leave. Two, she’s there.. but she’s busy and has no time for his impromptu visit and he would have to leave. Three, she is there, she has time, and it goes badly probably due to him ******* it up, and he has to leave. Four, she has time, she overlooks his asshole ways, and they actually talk. The odds were not in his favor. Sighing, he resigned himself to his fate and exited the car. Pausing only briefly to ensure the car was locked, he headed to the entrance of the dance studio. As he entered he was met by several lithe, limber and well toned females, clad in leotards, stretching and warming up. Alright.. he could wait here and watch for a few minutes..

Karina Docere: Karina had been working overtime at the dance studio and the warehouse since things at Tytonidae seemed to be slowing down. There were less hit runs and that made for all kinds of time. She had already gotten bored and because of that, misused a tome that got her into trouble...a visit to Micah was on her list of things to do. She already talked to her sire and apologized...it was time to talk to her sires mate about it. She sighed quietly to herself as she watched the girls run through the routine that she had just shown them. Working with the girls kept her distracted from her mistakes, kept her away from her ritual table, and most of all...kept her from thinking about the money she had been losing since she legally listed her business. All of the money that she had to pay for upkeep

Karina Docere: and to the city for various bills...made her wish that she left the studio and the warehouse unlisted and off the radar but it was too late for that. As the door opened, there a small bell and her cameras instantly alerted the newcomer, setting off her phone in the office. She looked up and smiled at Doc. Walking over to her assistant, she whispered to her to continue and what she wanted the girls to work on before they left. Grabbing her sweater from the piano, she slipped it on and made her way to the front door. The faction was her family and she would always make time for them. "Doc! It's a pleasure to see you. What brings you by?"

Doc: Doc tore his gaze away from the scantily clad females and turned to look at Karina. She was smiling, his odds of success creeped up slightly. What brought him here? It dawned on him he should have spent more time going over what to say, in the eventuality that he did succeed. He raked a hand through his hair, “Well.. I came to see you.” As soon as the words left his mouth, the implication the words made, could be taken the wrong way. “What I mean, is that we,.. you and I, need to get to know one another better.” The smile he was going to make became a grimace as those words also came out wrong. “Look.. Vel wants everyone to know everyone.. and I dont ******* know you that well.. so this is me trying to get to know you.” The pause was interrupted as he quickly qualified, “As a faction mate.. friend.. co-worker… person.” Inwardly, he cursed at himself. He had no social skills. He found this type of situation unsettling and uncomfortable. But he had made a promise to get to know everyone, and he was going to try even if it killed him. And right he was kinda hoping it would.

Karina Docere: Rina perked her brow as she listened to him. She had spent time watching each member of Tytonidae when they had their gatherings and he was definitely a man of 'not so many words' but he always got his point across. With the recent initiates, they found the had something in common and that was their dislike for Blake, even though they never spoke about it. It was how he responded on the faction website. A light chuckle slipped from her as he corrected himself only to possibly make his intention worse. She wasn't worried, she had seen him with Ari and the faction knew she was happy with Lions so there was no possibility of a romantic interest, especially in a first official get together. She smiled and nodded her head. "I understood what you meant so no worries. Add family to your list.

Karina Docere: That's what I think of the faction...we are family even if we don't always get along. We can talk back in my office. It's not very big but it's cozy." She turned to hear to the back of the dance all and looked at the assistant. "Oliva, can you please finish with the girls and you can leave for the day. Turn the answering service on so that we aren't interrupted." The woman nodded her head and began to clap while shouting out instructions. Rina looked back at Doc and nodded her head. "If you would follow me."

Doc: Doc gave her a grateful and relieved look as he followed her to her office. Once he knew someone, he didn’t have a problem speaking with them. But females.. no.. ladies were different. Doc had a fondness for ladies. And to him, a lady was a female that held herself to a higher standard. She could kick *** like any man, but she always maintained that lady like attitude. She was always perfectly coiffed and even if she wasn’t she acted like she was. She knew how to put people at their ease, and she wasn’t one to start **** she would not be prepared to finish, with grace and aplomb. Karina in his mind fit his definition of a lady. And he didn’t want to insult her, which is he stumbled so badly just moments before. He looked over his shoulder at the girls one last time, “Are they always so.. um.. limber looking?” It was an innocent question, with overtones of creeper-old-man, but he did not realize this.

Karina Docere: Walking into her office, she held the door open for him. As his question reached her ears, she smiled and nodded her head respectfully. "Yes, they are. Being limber is apart of dance, lets your body express emotion when moving to the music. Many times our bodies speak better for us than the words that we use." Closing the door behind him, she moved to the pair of chairs against the wall, they were equals so she wouldn't make it seem like she had more power than him by sitting behind a desk. "Please have a seat."

Doc: Doc unbuttoned his jacket as he sat, “Thanks..” How did people get to know one another in normal situations? How did they start conversations? Most of the time when he met someone, it was in the way of him shooting them.. or them shooting him. He looked at her, “Look Karina,.. I am going to be honest, I have no ******* idea how normal people do this ****.” He paused and sighed, “Normally for me.. its a bit of gun play.. then the conversation starts.. but this..” he glances at the small office, “Isn’t conducive to gun play.. and I doubt Lions would appreciate it., or you for that matter.”

[Karina]

-The following transcript was a live chat roleplay--

Karina Docere: "Well...I am not that great at meeting people either. Normally, I keep quite unless it's meeting students and that is just to get their name before they pick a class and pay tuition costs." She shrugged lightly. "You're right, this isn't conducive to gun play but Lions or I wouldn't mind. Hell with as much as I get blown up on hunts...a gunshot might actually feel like a splinter, depending on where I'm shot at of course." She scrunched her nose. "****...I'm rambling, sorry."

Doc: Doc grinned crookedly, she had not struck him as being one that also had trouble meeting people, she was probably just trying to put him as his ease. The actions of a lady, and he did feel more at ease. “You aren’t very vocal, but you are always watching. You don’t feel the need to speak to just hear your voice in the room. You only speak up when you have something to say.” he paused, “You had said something a while back, about trust, and how, once it was earned, but then broken.. it would be hard to give it agian.” He looked at her pointedly, “I agree with that sentiment. Once someone fucks me or my family over, I can’t just roll over and forgive and forget. And I wanted you to know that.”

She crossed her legs as he spoke, listening to every word. She wanted to be polite and listen. Doc always had good things to say and had earned respect purely on his words and how he carried himself at functions. Nodding her head as he described her and brought up things she had said. "It's better to watch and listen, not just ramble on when people probably don't care but on the other hand...speaking only when you feel you have something good to say doesn't always weigh in your favor either depending on who wants to respond negatively to what you have to say. I have experienced that in the past...and with Tytonidae members." She smiled at him. "Thank you, it's good to know that there are others out there that are like me."

Doc: Nodding, “It’s true. And since we haven’t really interacted with each other, I wanted you to know, that if you or Lions need me, I am there for you. I don’t like to ask for help. I get the feeling that you may be the same. With the recent changes in the city and with the crow.. we are all struggling. Hell I sent ******* Valentines cards to people hate.. tell me that’s not fucked up, but the point I am trying and most likely failing to make, is that you aren’t alone. You have been heard. Don’t hesitate to call me if you need me.”

Karina Docere: She chuckled lightly and nodded. "I am the same way. If it wasn't for the fact that Thrall Barrier was for the faction...I wouldn't ask for items to make sure it gets done. I would just wait until I found them. I hate gloating about my achievements too but I occasionally do just to show that I am trying to be an active member of the faction." Shakes her head. "It don't think it's fucked up. You're trying. Some of us have to try more than others to get out there, meet people and be assertive." She paused and listened his last statements and pondered them before slowly smiling. "I really appreciate that though I feel that I am alone with how I feel about some things. Out of respect to Vel and Micah, I am trying to consider the possibilities of some...people."

Doc: “I will tell you like I told Cat.. I trust Vel. She knows what she’s doing. I may not see the sense in where she is going with something at the time. But as things come to fruition, it starts to make sense. But yes, there are some that well.. hung themselves in my eyes. And though I won’t say ‘it will never happen’, that I ever ******* think of them in a positive light, it is highly doubtful I ever will.” Doc then refers back to one of her earlier comments. “What you said about gloating and boasting.. I have started taking some psychology classes, and in a rather blanket way, you can judge a person by their actions and boasting.”

He sits forward, “People that are constantly boasting, have a very high opinion of themselves. They think themselves better than the average person. They think they deserve respect, without having to earn it. They expect other to forget any errors they have made in the past, because they are better than you, and you are insignificant. They also tend to be bullies. They have to have to the last word, and if you disagree with them, they cannot accept that there are differing opinions, they immediately dismiss you as being ‘wrong’.” He grins, “I know one or two like that.”

Karina Docere: "Oh I trust her completely, I have for the last two years. She has never lead us wrong or Tytonidae wouldn't be where it is today or even still exist." She listened to him and tilted her head. "Some have a good way of hanging themselves to some while making themselves look good to others." She smiled." Psychology, fascinating." She thought over his words as she shifted in her seat to face him a little more. Rina was comfortable and relaxed with him which made it easier to talk with him. It was rare to find people that related to her so she wanted to revel in the conversation. "We have seen a few of those come and go in Ty. It's those same people that make you feel like **** when you make a mistake and sometimes will do it in front of everyone." she chuckled lightly and nodded.

Karina Docere: "I think we all know someone like that but wow...we think alike. It's nice to not be alone in this. I always thought I was in a little box and come out when needed but remain silent unless it was necessary."

Doc: “You’re still in a box.. you just have to share that box with me now..” Doc smirked crookedly, then added, “Those that try to make you feel like ****.. it’s because the only way they can feel good about themselves is by putting others down.” He cants his head to the side. “I learned that at an early age. That was my father modus operandi. He would belittle those that didn’t agree with him. And really attack those that had really good arguments why he was wrong. Making women cry was his speciality. He would be an emotional high for days, after doing that. Then he would gloat with all his friends about it. But deep down, he was a pathetic asshole that had to belittle others to be able make himself bigger. So when someone starts that **** with you..” he tapped the side of his head, “You think about that. How their actions are because of their low self esteem. And how pathetic their existence really is. Those types of people don’t ‘friends’, they have ‘hanger ons’. People that stay by their side, because they don’t want to be their next victim.”

Karina Docere: "Well, I would be happy to share my box. It won't be so lonely in there." She smirked and sat up straighter. Nodding as he told his story, putting it all to memory, shaking her head as he spoke. "That is awful. Makes women feel like they are just useless objects. I'm sorry you had to grow up with that." She nodded her head. "I will remember this. Thank you, you have been wonderful, helpful and incredibly pleasant."

Doc: The compliment threw him off. "Uh.. Thank you." He really didn't know how what else to say. He would be sure to tell Cat however, that Karina said he was 'pleasant' when Cat goes on a rant about him being mean. He grinned a bit. "Well I have kept you long enough.. I appreciate you taking the time out of your schedule." He stood up. "Like I said before. If you need anything don’t hesitate to call."

Karina Docere: Rina smiled and nodded. "You're very welcome, Doc." She could tell that he was caught off-guard but he deserved the compliment. As he spoke about keeping her long enough, her eyes darted up to the clock. "Oh wow...I didn't realize the time. Of course." She stood up with him. "Thank you so much, Doc and I would like to extend the same offer to you even if you want to chat or vent. Have a good night."

[Phoenix]

--The following transcript was a live chat roleplay--

‹Jesse Fforde› Raids are good for the psyche. At least, I think so. This kind, specifically – here in the catacombs, with the hidden doors and the monsters that could only come from some Guillermo Del Toro film. Wolves, dead and half rotting and yet with teeth that could render the unsuspecting in two, should they wish to. And these hulking beasts that look like Frankenstein’s monster – but some lesser known, uglier cousin. They prove to be a challenge to me, and I prefer a challenge. Challenges are distracting, and I need the distraction. I try often to focus only on the good things in my life, but somehow that yawning darkness still manages to clutch at my heart and threaten to tear me down.

Not here, though. Here, I’m far too focused on the sword in my hand, and the way my feet dance upon the old, broken cobbles. I’m too focused on making sure I behead that gruesome beast, rather than on emotions that I don’t want, and thus have no clue what to do with. Of course, every now and again, I remember the woman who may or may not be waiting for me at home. Of course, then, I have the urge to leave, to go ravage her. Thinking of her gets my blood pumping – well, as much as it is able to in this dead body of mine. I try to ignore that, however. She is just a woman. She can’t command my attention.

I lunge at the next Mooncalf, silent and stealthy. These bitches like to kick my ***. I need to pay attention.


‹Phoenix› Normally this whole area deep within the dark recesses of the catacombs would have comforted me. Normally, it would have given me something to think on, something with which to occupy my morbid little thoughts, but not tonight. I knew what was going on down here, and after staring at a blank page in my journal for half an hour or so - I wasn't keeping track of time - there wasn't much point in staying around the apartment. I didn't have the words to write down how I felt, then. I don't know how I feel now, either, but at least I had something to focus on, if only intermittently.

Watching everyone else fight the beasts that roamed up here is far less effort than actually trying to fight them myself. It's not that I'm tired - I'm actually well rested, physically. Emotionally it's a whole other story; after reading Juliet's email, my heart just feels cold and empty. If I had to open the journal and write it out, I think I'd describe it how I imagine someone tying a cinder block to your heart would feel - hard and heavy. Finally, after wandering listlessly for what seemed like hours, I just stopped, found myself a corner, sat down and tried to keep the stinging tears hidden behind my eyes.

‹Jesse Fforde› The beast goes down, a mess of flesh and shadows and death. I heave, the breath unnecessary but a habit leftover from humanity. My body is exhausted, and so it tries to compensate with the air that it does not need. Foeless, for the moment, I stand still, eyes closed, to regain composure. Once composure is regained, I stalk off in search of the next foe, the next rambling beast to challenge myself against. What I find, instead, is a challenge completely unexpected - and perhaps further out of my league than a Greater. The red-head could have been anyone, but it doesn't take long for me to recognise the particular curves, the sharpness, the specifics of my sire. Phoenix. Just sitting there. I stand awkwardly. I clear my throat.


‹Phoenix› There's something about the wall the keeps me mesmerized. Maybe if I stare just a little longer, just a little harder, it can absorb the weight lodged in my chest. But that's ridiculous; no matter how long I stare, nothing happens other than miserable seconds ticking by. There's fighting off in the distance and footsteps passing me by. Neither of those things matter right now. Not even the person hovering there, clearing his throat - or at least not at first. I finally yank my eyes from the wall to inspect the person disrupting my misery. Jesse. I think I said it aloud, but I'm not sure, so I just keep staring at him. He's probably the last person on earth I want to see right now, but he's there. Figures. At least I'm not crying, though I know I look like hell.

‹Jesse Fforde› My grip shifts on the hilt of the sword, the blade lazily twisting in the dim light. I glance over my shoulder, almost hoping for a lumbering Mooncalf to come and distract us, to give me a reason to walk away. The look that she levels against me isn't even veiled; there's something wrong. There was something wrong last time, too, and I never asked. It led to an abyss between us that can never be repaired. I remember the way she came to me, not long ago. We were open with each other then. The question is - do I let history repeat itself, or do I try to make it better? There are no foes but the one inside of me. I brace myself, before sliding down the wall to sit beside Phoenix. "What's wrong?" No point in beating around the bush.


‹Phoenix› Proximity had never been something I'd been comfortable with when I felt vulnerable, and this time was no different. As soon as Jesse's back hit the wall, my hand went to Lazarus' hilt with none of its typical speed or grace. I know the long blade would effectively be useless this close, but the familiar grip comforts me and I squeeze it as hard as I can before looking away. How am I supposed to explain everything that's wrong? I don't think I even want to, but I can start with the most obvious thing. "Juliet. She's gone."


‹Jesse Fforde› I narrow my eyes, just a little; I'm looking sideways at Phoenix, but otherwise still keeping an eye on our surroundings. I could ask her to clarify, to elucidate, but there's no need. 'Gone' could mean that she left town. By the way Phoenix looks, however, it's obvious that 'gone' means a whole lot more than just travelling. Dead, then. Death isn't the be all and end all, however. We come back from the dead. Surely, Phoenix can't be so upset, if that's the case. Unless there's something else. But I do ask the obvious questions, after half a minute of preferred silence. "How? Why?"


‹Phoenix› Staring off in the other direction after the prolonged silence, I almost forget Jesse's sitting there right beside me until he speaks up. How and why are both very good questions, but I don't feel like it's my place to speak on Juliet's motives. Like me, she'd done what she thought was best when she came to her breaking point. "She opted out because of Athena." I can't be angry with her because I understand, but that doesn't mean I'm happy about it. I wish I were angry. I wish I felt something other than this depressing listlessness, but it's what I'm stuck with. "Why do you care?" I ask it before I can really stop myself, though at least the tone didn't come out confrontational; it was just sad and benignly curious.


‹Jesse Fforde› I laugh. A month ago my metaphorical hackles might have raised, regardless of whether the tone was benign or not. I shouldn't be laughing; I didn't spend much time with Juliet, but she is still a person I knew, and she decided she didn't want to be alive anymore. Someone's got to be in a really bad place to realise they don't want to be alive anymore. A place Phoenix must have been in, once upon a time. A place I find myself in now, off and on, for no ******* goddamn reason that I can pinpoint. Another glance sideways and I wonder whether it's something Phoenix has passed on to us. I give a shrug. I lick my lips and when I sigh, it comes out as a thoughtful purr. "When I left Altaire, I did let them all know I was still around if they needed me. No one ever came to me, but the fact remained; I DO actually care about things. And people. I'm just not so good at showing it," I say. Rather than explaining the reasons why, lately, I'd tried not to care, I instead ask: "Athena?"


‹Phoenix› Sometimes, I wish I had the power edit life. If everyone has a story, I wish I could open mine up in Word and work out how and where things fit in best. In this case, I really just want to erase everything Jesse had just said about him leaving and what he felt, and leave only the name. Athena. I shake my head very slowly, lips pursed into a line, and focus on the topic at hand. Maybe I'll come back to him leaving, but much later. "She did what Legion did," I whisper - it should be answer enough without getting into the details, "and then she came back. Somehow, that's worse." And that's another reason why this upsets me so much - I'd moved on from Legion, sure, but what if he comes back? How will I react to that? I'm tired of self-destructive spirals.


‹Jesse Fforde› I nod. I lean back as I think about. As I try to imagine what it might be like to be so ******* in love that my life depends on the person I'm with. I try to imagine that person leaving. My mouth falls open - Felicity left. As far as my heart is concerned, it made no difference. I'm not sure I have any experience to actually compare this to. When I think about Felicity leaving, it's something else. Something ... it's the same as Ishaq. And Angelique. And Abigail. It's a collective hurt that .... I try not to think about it. I try to focus. I assume, without knowing any of the details, that Athena had no excuse for leaving, and no intention to make things right. I clear my throat. "I'm sorry," I manage. I'm not sure what else to say.


‹Phoenix› Of all the things to try breaking through the smothering maelstrom of my own torment, an apology was last thing I expected to actually do it. I can feel my eyes squinting, the skin taught from the dried tears I'd shed earlier, as I turn to look at him - really look at him. "You're sorry, but you don't understand. I don't think you have any idea what it feels like to have the person you love more than life itself decide to leave without saying goodbye. Legion never came back, but Athena did... and some things just can't be fixed." It's the most I've since I read that email, and it only just scratched the surface of what's wrong.


‹Jesse Fforde› The attack isn't something that I expect, either. No, I don't know how that feels, though I'm sure there's still eternity for some ***** to come along and do me over. I'm sure it's more than I deserve. "I didn't say I understood," I say with an obvious sigh. I'm not sure I'm in the mood to argue with Phoenix. "Not having to do it much before, I'm not very practiced at this talking thing. 'Sorry' is a sentiment. Meaning: I can't empathise, but I can at least say sorry. Because it's better than nothing," I say. I narrow my eyes at some indistinct space in the distance. I know I'm making no sense. But I'll leave, if she tried to argue with me. I'm trying to be nice. I'll stop trying, if it gets me nowhere.


‹Phoenix› I really don't want to argue either. I've had enough arguing for an eternity and now I just want peace. "I know. I didn't mean to snap... I'm just frustrated and I hurt everywhere." It feels like whatever is eating at my heart has spread up to my shoulders and neck. No matter which way I squirm, I'm not comfortable - I'm stiff. Maybe it's because I feel so wedged into a corner I can't get out of.

‹Jesse Fforde› This is harder than any kind of mooncalf. This is harder than any kind of physical foe. Phoenix has admitted to a hurt that I don't know how to fix. I can't fix it. Maybe only she can fix it. This is not familiar territory, especially with Phoenix. Awkwardly, I put an arm around her shoulders. I remember the way she had cleaned my face with spittle. Surely this is on par, perhaps, in things that neither of us expect. I clear my throat, again. I could make light of the situation, but I don't. I do what I'm good at. I do what I'm used to. I sit in silence, with my arms around her shoulder in a half-hug that she can either pull out of, or accept.


‹Phoenix› For a few long moments, I'm speechless. I don't think I've ever touched Jesse since his turning, which is strange because I really am one of those touchy-feely people. Just not with him - never with him. I'm tense and I know I'm frowning, but I don't pull away. I give myself time enough to relax beneath the weigh of his arm before inching over and dropping my head to his shoulder. Sure, it's weird as ****, but then so is this entire situation. And we are trying to work things out.


‹Jesse Fforde› I'm pretty sure I expected her to pull away, but she doesn't. Instead, she sidles that tiny bit closer and puts her head on my shoulder. I can smell her hair. There's something familiar in it; a tiny bit of a scent that is a part of my own make-up. Maybe. I could be imagining it. I'm not a stranger to sitting still and being silent and I'm happy to stay there, for a while. Finally, I have to add in a whisper: "Juliet might be gone, but there are others who care," I say.


‹Phoenix› Even though he'd managed to break through my little fortress of despair, I'm not yet ready to give in and see the light at the end of the tunnel. I've never been prone to silence, but just now it seemed soothing compared to what's going on in my head. At least I can understand silence. "Some do. Most don't, but I'm okay with that - I don't want to be everyone's friend. I just want to be left alone to be me without being picked at." I shrug. The longer my head stays pillowed on Jesse's shoulder, the weirder it feels, but I ignore that strangeness. Moving is effort I'm not willing to put in.


‹Jesse Fforde› She probably can't see it, but the corner of my lips twists up into half a smile. She sounds like me, in a way. I want to just be me, assholery and all, and not give a ****. But turns out, there are people who do give a ****, and they've persuaded me to try to change my ways. I am trying. I do want to just be me. I'm just trying to figure out who that is, these days. Never thought that I'd be sitting here with Phoenix, trying to comfort her. But here I am. It feels weird, but it doesn't feel wrong. I sink into silence again. There are other people in the raid. I ignore them. "Maybe she's happier where she's gone," I say, turning the conversation back around to Juliet. I'm pondering it, the deepness of the despair that she would have had to have felt. I hope she's happier where she is now.


‹Phoenix› My lips twitch into a bitter grimace at the mention of happiness and I shake my head. Despite the expression, when I speak, my words are surprisingly soft, even to my ears. "She's not happier. She's probably less tormented, but no happier. It's the difference between having your leg hacked off one inch at a time and having your nails ripped from their beds. Having your nails ripped out is probably the least painful of the two, but I wouldn't call it any more pleasant." I realize I'm rambling, but I think I have a point with that. After a moment, I lift my head just a enough to roll my eyes up - I want to watch him, no matter how creepy that sounds, even in my own head.

[Jesse Fforde]

--The following transcript was a live chat roleplay--

‹Jesse Fforde› I'm aware of the shift in her position, but I keep staring into the distance. It's all shadows and grey walls, and the occasional dance of a shadow. The conversation is severely depressing, the hope strangled out of every sentence. "It's not pain though, is it, like that. Down there, I suppose the main draw would be a numbness. Maybe it won't be immediate, but it would be the ultimate goal," I say. I don't really ramble. The words come slow and precise, enunciated properly, carefully - just like when I used to write, the letters would look as if they were typed. I don't like to be misunderstood, even if I never know quite what to say.


‹Phoenix› I just keep watching him as he speaks, curious about the way the ink moves over his skin. I did the same to Malachai, I still do it to Axel and when he deigns grace me with his presence, I occasionally creep on Micah. Tattoos always kind of fascinated me, but I've always been too big of a pussy to ever actually get more than one. I laugh a bit at that, though there's really nothing funny about the conversation - just that the reason Jesse had been turned is still stamped on my skin. If I hadn't gotten that tattoo, things would be very different. "Hm." I refocus on what he'd said. "The numbness is one thing. I went because of the nameless terror and the torment. Everything about the place keeps you focused on the present, not on your silly little problems. And you come back feeling like you've been dragged through a sea of sandpaper, emotionally. It's painful as ****, but I came out of it pretty... smooth."


‹Jesse Fforde› I know that she's watching me and I fight to keep my expression blank, if not just a little bit thoughtful. I recall the previous fight night. I put myself through a shitload of pain and in the end, wanted Micah to finish me off. I wanted it so badly because somewhere, deep down, I thought it would be the cure. That it would fill that ever-widening hole. It's a black hole, swallowing me up one silver lining at a time. I swallow, reminding myself of the physical rather than the emotional. Focus on the present; the ever-present thirst, and the weight of the woman beside me. I blink, forcing myself to quit imagining what it would be like to actually die. "I cant really comment. I--" I was about to say I'd never been, but that would be a lie. Every time I happen to fall asleep, it's right there, within reach. "--I don't really know."


‹Phoenix› "Keep it that way," I whisper, dropping my head back to his shoulder. Not long ago, I'd have wanted to finish him off - rip everything I could from him and watch him drown in the darkness. That bitter hate seems like so long ago. Now? Like I already said, I really just want to exist on my own as part of a well oiled machine and enjoy myself. My lips twitch into a faint smile. Something about that thought made me happy and I don't know why, but I don't question it.


‹Jesse Fforde› I cant my head to the side, just a little. I think about what I just said, and the way that she has responded. Keep it what way? "You'd prefer I don't comment? Or you'd prefer I didn't know? Or some combination of both?" I ask. I lean back just a little bit so that I can look down at her, but all I can see, now, is the top of her head. Her hair is red again, I've just realised. Sure, that's how I recognised her, but I'd forgotten that for a while there, it had been blonde. I do recall, vaguely, some plan Phoenix and Every had made in my presence, about the dying of hair. I hadn't really paid that much attention, I suppose. I suppose I was rather preoccupied at the time.


‹Phoenix› I frown, surprised that he'd think I'd suggest he keep his comments to himself. I'm being nice enough, aren't I? I lift my head enough to shoot him a glare, though I end up leaning back when his face turns out to be far closer than I expected. "I'd rather you didn't know, because that would entail dying. You kind of know from fadewalking, but dying is different."

‹Jesse Fforde› "Fadewalking...." I hum. I am surprised, of course, that she should demand that I don't die. It suggests that she'd care if I did. Up until now, I had an assumption that she wouldn't care. But then, I suppose that I assumed no one would care if Micah had ripped my head off at the end of that fight night. I was soon persuaded otherwise, of course. But Phoenix was the last person who I'd think would utter that sentiment. Not one to get too caught up in emotional familiarity, however. I cling to the notion of fadewalking. I'd heard of it. But the word acts like a metaphorical lightbulb. "...I suppose that's what I'm doing when I fall asleep," I say. It's not really a question, just an observation. "Hungh," I grunt. Well, then. If that's the case, I'm still not really sleeping, am I? Ever.


‹Phoenix› "You might just have a dreadful imagination," I mutter, amused by the thought. What a horrible thing it would be to be stuck with dreams of only that darkness. "Maybe you're like Axel with his dreams, except... your dreams just kind of suck. I've never heard of anyone subconsciously fadewalking, but you never know." I shrug, finally shifting more upright, though I don't bother shrugging off his arm. The weight is comforting. "Fadewalking is tiring for me."


‹Jesse Fforde› "I subconsciously took a nosedive off the third tier of the Eyrie," I tell her. "I have a feeling my subconscious has it in for me," I smirk. I'm not lying, either. There's a genuine bitterness hidden beneath my words. "But there you go. There's my excuse. I'm an asshole because I'm perpetually exhausted," I say with a rise of a brow.


‹Phoenix› The look I give him is a mix between bemusement and disbelief. "You're an asshole because you're an asshole. You being exhausted is just the icing on the cake." Despite the scathing words, my tone is light and I smile. Hopefully he realizes that I'm teasing instead of actually being a *****. "You should ask Axel to... mitigate your sleep? He's good at that." I almost said help, but that was a dirty word to people like Jesse and I. Nobody wants help.


‹Jesse Fforde› She laughs, and I do, too. Yeah, I'm an asshole because I'm an asshole. She hit the nail on the head, there. Again, mentioning Axel and sleep. I have to admit that I have no idea what she's talking about. People might have their assumptions about why I might be pissed about Axel and Phoenix being together, and even now there is a tightness to my jaw. But it's not what anyone things. I think, now, as I put the pieces together, it really has got more to do with something more profound. Something.... I shake it out of my head. "What do you mean? Why do you keep mentioning Axel and sleep? There's something he can do that I'm not aware of, isn't there?"


‹Phoenix› ****. Jesse doesn't know about Axel's ability. Vaguely, I wonder if he's kept it to himself on purpose, but then I shrug that off. It just doesn't seem like a power you'd deliberately keep from someone. More something that just doesn't comes up in conversation all that often. I considered brushing the question off since it's not really my place to divulge Axel's secrets, but then, what harm could it do? "He can do a lot of weird ****," I deadpan for a moment before continuing. "I'm talking about what he calls dreamwalking - he can manipulate people's dreams like some kind of dream mind speak. It's really interesting, but I could see it being... useful for you if you're having trouble sleeping." There's something I've wanted to ask for a while now, and the tension in his jaw seemed to remind me. "Why do you seem to hate me being with someone?" I regret asking the second the words leave my lips.


‹Jesse Fforde› The question catches me off guard. I frown. As always, I am silent while I consider my reply. I'm not in the habit of having to respond straight away. I'm used to being able to take my time. I consider why she should ask such a question. I remember the way I reacted around her and Legion, and now with Axel - completely different story. I suppose I can see why she should think that. "I don't hate the idea of you being with someone," I tell her. "With Legion...." I shrug, I think again, wondering how to word it. "I felt left out. Simple as that. It was childish," I say. Okay, this is weird. My voice hitches before I continue. This is unlike me, but maybe it's a new policy. Honesty, openness. Even with Phoenix. A bit of give and a bit of take. "I don't care that you're with Axel. Maybe I care that you know more about him than I do. My ... progeny of all disappeared. He's the only one still around. He prefers your company. Wouldn't matter if it were someone else, and not you, it would be the same. It stings a little," I tell her.


‹Phoenix› Jesse's candor surprises me and I can't keep that emotion off my face. There's so much I could do with that information and yet he was trusting me with it. I look around the stone room, weighing every thought and potential word before realizing everything I had fell remarkably short. The walls wouldn't give me an answer. I just nod, taking my time to process the information and knowing he wouldn't mind the extended silence. Finally, I turn to him with a smile, genuine and appreciative. "Thank you." And I mean it. I don't feel any need to comment on Legion - that's been covered well enough for the night. Axel though... I shrug. I don't want to cheapen the moment, even though I am tempted to remind Jesse that for a lot of things we do together, they're probably both grateful that Axel prefers my company. "I understand. He'll come around in his own time - from what I gathered, you two had a bit of a disagreement and..." I frown, since that's about all I knew. There was no 'and' bit. "And I don't think he prefers my company. We just do different things together." I hedge.


‹Jesse Fforde› I don't really know how Axel is. Not anymore. I don't mention that, however. It's starting to feel like a huge failing on my part, and I'd rather not dwell on it. I figure I am a failure in one regard or another; if I weren't, they'd stick around. But they're all gone. I prefer, right now, to stick to the teasing, quite happy to keep the ball rolling. "You do that, and you let me know, I tell her with a firm nod, the only indication of my amusement a twitch at the corner of my lips.


‹Phoenix› I choose to let slide how he didn't respond to the serious portion of the conversation. Pushing him right now doesn't seem like the best idea. I couldn't really read what he was thinking, but based on what he'd said only a few minutes before, I could guess. I'd probably be wrong, but I could guess. "I'm sure I could talk him into it if you really want him that bad." All things considered, it was strange that this seemed like the safe conversation to be having.


‹Jesse Fforde› "You have no idea," I say, still rolling. "I need him so bad. It's killing me," I tell her. And then I laugh, a snort in the mix. We are joking, I know that much. At least, I know I'm joking at the sexual level. But even as I say the words, I know that something is killing me. I assume that this is not a conversation that Phoenix and Axel will actually be having, but I do have to wonder as I glance down at Phoenix. I narrow my eyes at her, questioning, perhaps, how far she'll actually take this.


‹Phoenix› "Oh trust me, I know. I know exactly how you feel and I can definitely empathize." I sigh dramatically, as if being attracted to my partner is some horrible burden. "I can't keep my hands off him." This time, I join in the laughter and it feels nice. Liberating, almost. I let the amusement trail off into surprisingly comfortable silence, but my smile remained. While staring off across the room, I managed to catch Jesse's look out of the corner of my eye. "What?"


‹Jesse Fforde› I shrug my shoulders. Always the expert shrugger. "Nothing," I tell her, turning away from her to glance around. We haven't been interrupted thus far. It's probably a good thing. Her voiced need for Axel might be over dramatized, but in a roundabout way it has me thinking of Grease Monkey. My Grease Monkey. I like to call her mine. It's a possessiveness that's foreign to me. It's just a tiny bit disconcerting. It's good to hear her laughing, though. Makes me think I haven't failed in this, at least. This challenge I didn't think I'd be able to meet. "Feeling a little better?"


‹Phoenix› "Nothing." The word is repeated skeptically, lips pressed into a thin line, "Riiiight." I hadn't the foggiest idea what he may have been thinking, but I go along with it. Probably more silliness about his serious infatuation with his childe - I guess it runs in the family. That thought brings a grin to my lips and a whole new meaning to family affairs. By the time I start snickering under my breath, we're back to a serious conversation. After smoothing the amusement from my face, I take a moment to assess exactly how I feel. Understandably, I'm still upset, but I am feeling better. "Yeah... I am. Thanks Jesse."


‹Jesse Fforde› I give a bowing kind of nod. My pleasure, I might have said, but didn't. I feel like I've inadvertently turned over a new leaf. Velveteen and Micah both said that I had to start acting differently. I have done so, and I thought that I was pretending, just putting it on for show. Something has changed recently, though. Something that I can't quite put my finger on. I'm confused, like I'm walking on a cloud by still have an anchor tied around my ankles, threatening to pull me under. "Good," I say, before descending again into silence.


‹Phoenix› Good is... well, good. I nod as well, and then sigh. The whole time, my hand has remained clenched around the hilt of my sword like some kind of safety line. Now, my fingers are cramped as I let it go. "I appreciate you stopping by..." There's a little chuckle at that. He could have just walked on, but he'd actually stopped by me. After the laugh, I realize just how unfunny I am - I really must be exhausted. "I should go, though... Maybe work the rest of the funk off by killing things. Or just go sleep." It seems like a good plan. "Don't be a stranger?" It's a statement and a question all in one as I carefully slip out from under Jesse's arm and push myself to my feet. Once I'm up, it doesn't seem nearly as hard as it did before to stay vertical. With a small smile, I extend my hand, just in case he needed the help up.


‹Jesse Fforde› So formal. As if this were her home and I had decided to come for a visit. It's kind of morbid, really, when you think about it, that we should have had such a deep and meaningful in the middle of a ******* raid. But here we are. I have a bit of a laugh, too, as I wave away her offer of help and stand on my own. It's a blessing being able to stand on my own. My back has finally regained its full strength after the fight night, and I don't want to take it for granted. "I won't," I tell her, and I figure I'm not lying. "I'll see you around," I say, with a nod, my own sword still securely in my grasp. I'm not sure how much longer I'll last against the mooncalves.


‹Phoenix› I'm not offended he didn't take my hand. I just shrug and turn to walk through the empty room, heels clicking against the cracked stone. After a few steps, I pause and look over my shoulder, a soft smile on my lips. "Good luck." And I make my way out.

[Jesse Fforde]

--The following transcript was a live chat roleplay--

* Jesse Fforde || No one much asks me to help them with rituals, and though it rankles to some extent, I’m also somewhat relieved. The last time I tried to help someone, I didn’t help at all. I made a fool of myself, almost being slaughtered by the fae because I was stubborn, and I didn’t want to give up. Truth is, no matter how much I have been practicing, I don’t seem to be getting any better. Sure, I can do the small things. I can find a fadebeast or two. But when working with vampires, to help them in their daily struggles? Forget about it.

I’ve taken to using the ritual table in the Eyrie, now, rather than the one in the sewers. I look like a fae chew-toy, several gouges out of gun and arms – too many to count, really. For the umpteenth time I fail in the ritual I had set for myself. Once again, the demi-fae escapes and adds yet another bleeding wound to the growing list. An inhuman growl rips from my throat as I reach, subconsciously, for the nearest cabinet, throwing it and all its contents to the floor. There’s a crash and a smash and the sound of a bowl rolling across the wood—I don’t feel at all satisfied. I’m already searching for something else to maim.


<Micah> The bad thing about owning so many places in city was the list of people who needed their invitation revoked. It was a daunting task and one that Micah knew he could probably do on his own but help would be nice. There were a few ritualists he could ask for assistance but the one that kept coming to mind was Jesse. Micah knew the kid didn't get asked very often for help and it made him feel a little bad. While it might not be faction business, this task, it was still something he could offer that might make Jesse feel useful when it came to rituals.

He checked the tome drop first and when he didn't find the other Micah rode the elevator the the second floor. The crash he heard when the doors opened took him off guard and he stepped out just in time to see a bowl slide across the floor in front of him and his head turned in the direction from which it came. Jesse. Why wasn't he surprised? Stepping off the elevator he ignored the sound of the doors closing behind him and approached the angry kid. “What's got you all pissed off?


* Jesse Fforde || I don't get the opportunity to find something else to maim; a voice calls out across the space and I turn to see Micah approaching. Instead of finding some sharp implement to embed into a wall, I instead clench my fists, fingers slick with the blood that's dripping down my arms. I don't take the deep breaths that might calm me; to do so only stretched and contorted the wounds that peppered my torso, though I suppose the pain, sometimes, is welcome. "Isn't it obvious?" I ask. "I can't seem to do a ******* thing right," I say; there's a husk of a severed head at my feet; my foot rears back to kick the thing like a soccer ball, and it goes hurtling across the room.


<Micah> He raised an eyebrow. “I never said that.” Normally a comment like the one that Jesse had made would have pissed him off but Micah was learning to control his temper as of late. Or trying to. Sometimes he was successful and others he wasn't. Right now though wasn't the time to get pissed off as he noticed the blood that dripped off of Jesse's hands. Micah narrowed his eyes and wondered if maybe he'd been attacked but he looked over and saw that the ritual altar had been recently used. “You having some trouble with the little red bastards?” He ducked just as something else came flying his way and that had him shooting a glare in Jesse's direction.


* Jesse Fforde || It hadn't been a go at Micah, or at anyone else. In my own opinion, in my own esteem, I get the increasing knowledge that I am a failure. I know that Micah has not said so; that no one has said so. And nor would they, I suppose, if they're trying to be polite. I know I should apologise for nearly causing a severed head to collide with Micah, but I can't bring the words to my lips. I'm spitting fury at nothing and no one but myself. "When have I not had trouble with them?" I ask, seething. "Doesn't seem to matter how ******* much I practice, I fail. Every single ******* time," I say, clenching my fists again and finally taking that deep breath. It feels as if ten daggers are simultaneously stabbed into my torso. It helps to keep me still.


<Micah> He calmly crossed the room and joined Jesse at the altar. “Alright calm your *** down.” Micah was pleased he was managing to keep a level head. Rituals were frustrating at times and seeing Jesse struggle the way he did didn't make much sense to the killer. “Maybe I can help you, see where you're going wrong?” So long as the other was getting his *** kicked constantly by the fae Micah wasn't going to ask for his help. It wasn't worth all the injuries Jesse would get from trying to do the ritual.


* Jesse Fforde || The muscles in my jaw tighten as Micah approaches, and as he offers his help. I feel like telling him I don't want anyone's help, but I know that's unreasonable. The only reason I wouldn't want Micah's help is because he will see just how much of a failure I am; as willing as I am now to admit it to myself, I'm still stubborn enough, with ego enough to not want others to see. I don't say anything. I simply turn to the rituals table; I gather together the ingredients that I need, collecting a few from the floor from where they have fallen. I figure I can start, and Micah can watch. I call the dem-fae into the circle. I begin the ritual that I failed so hard trying to succeed in for Eve - I try a Will Shift, on Micah. I first call out the words that I know the demi-fae likes the sound of. It's only after they've been uttered that I begin to have trouble. I call out random words, one after the other. I cringe each time the circle is damaged, but there's nothing I can do about it. I can only hope the ****** moves to a different section. I continue to mutter the random words expecting, very soon, that the creature will escape and add another wound to my coterie.


<Micah> At first he didn't think his help would be accepted because Jesse didn't say anything. Micah would tell that he didn't really want to take it but it was obvious that he needed something. There was just no real reason why Jesse had so much difficulty. Sure the more practice the easier it got but he figured Jesse did a lot of practicing. By now some of those rituals should be a cakewalk and judging by the condition the kid was in, they weren't getting easier. Micah watched silently as word by word the ritual fell into place, but once that happened the fae started attacking the circle and as the circel grew weaker and weaker, he had to ask. “Jesse...your circle is getting pretty fucked up. Aren't you gonna throw some chems in there to fix it?”


* Jesse Fforde || Used to be that when I did rituals, I'd fall into a trance. I'd have not heard Micah, not until I was finished and I'd either succeeded or failed. I've practiced so much these days, though, and am comfortable with my own voice enough to be able to share my attention between the ritual and the real world; still, Micah's voice is like that of a ghost, bleeding through my concentration. I pause; I frown. I blink. I turn wary attention away from the angry demi-fae to face Micah. "Throw...what?" I ask.


<Micah> Micah stared at him. Hard. “Repair....the circle,” he said slowly. Did Jesse not know that it was possible to do that? That got Micah thinking that maybe Jesse's struggles had nothing to do with the actual rituals at all. If he didn't know that the circle needed to be kept in good condition then that would explain everything. He reached into the bag of supplies he kept on the floor by the altar and extracted a few vials of industrial chemicals. Placing them on the corner of the altar Micah pointed out the weakest spots. “Drop them there. It will fix the weak spots in your circle and the fae won't break free and wound you.”


* Jesse Fforde || Feeling numb, and slightly weak, I stare at the vials of chemicals that Micah places on the table as if they are a completely foreign concept. I pick them up with all the focus of a man possessed; I approach the circle and tip the chemicals on the parts of the circle that appear to be the weakest. Right before my eyes, the circle repairs itself. Just like that. I go entirely rigid, completely forgetting the actual ritual that I'm attempting, and the demi-fae, now completely secure, inside the circle. I laugh, then, the sound completely bereft of any actual mirth. Instead, I feel like the laughter itself is acid - a poor replacement for the livid fury now doubled inside of me. "You've got to be ******* kidding me!" I finally shout, voice breaking due to its lack of practice in shouting.


<Micah> So he really didn't know. “I don't get it Jesse...you've been doing rituals for a good while now and you didn't know that you could repair the circle?” Maybe he had taught himself how to do them and if that was the case it was understandable but there were several ritualists within the faction. Any one of them would have been happy to help Jesse had he only asked for the help. But he was curious now. “Who taught you how to ritual Jesse? If you had a teacher then that should have been one of the first things that they taught you.”

[Micah]

--The following transcript was a live chat roleplay--




* Jesse Fforde || I turn to Micah, pretty sure that the smile on my lips is a broken thing, more sinister and livid than any smile that has graced my lips beforehand. I wonder if my eyes might change, like Kleo's had; I wonder if they reflect the fire that I feel brewing within. "Take a wild guess," I say, voice low. "Who is - was - my sire? And what is it she supposedly says she isawesome at?"


<Micah> There was no need for him to guess and if he thought about it he should have known the answer. It was probably a question that he didn't need to have answered but it was just one of those things he needed to ask. The look on Jesse's face would stay with him for a good while. All those times Jesse stood at the altar and struggled with ritual after ritual for himself and Eve too...all those times he got the **** kicked out of him be an escaping demi fae could have been avoided had the teacher actually taught the student everything. “Phoenix.”


* Jesse Fforde || "******* Phoenix," I say. Maybe I should have asked to be taught by someone else. At the time, however, I had no reason to distrust that a woman so capable should simply forget to teach me the important details. I do remember now, however, the way in which Phoenix had taught me. She'd done so begrudgingly, as if she were doing me a favour that she didn't particularly want to give. Again, I flex my fists. Thinking back on it now, yes - maybe I should have sought a second teacher.


<Micah> He shook his head, irritated now. “If I had known sooner....” Micah trailed off and sighed. The majority of Jesse's wounds when it came to rituals could have been prevented if he'd only know that one simple detail. Simple but important. Crucial even. But no, he hadn't been taught that and it kind of pissed him off. “Im sorry Jesse. I should have offered you help ages ago.” An apology really didn't mean much now as the damage had already been done but it was out there and it was sincere.


* Jesse Fforde || "No," I shake my head. "Don't even.." I growl, wanting summon a hundred ******* demi-fae and demand they go gouge Phoenix to death. It's not a possibility, however. I have to let that satisfying image slide. "No reason you'd have thought someone just failed to tell me something so ******* important," I say. I close my eyes and try to force myself to calm down. There's nothing that can be done about it now. "Thank you," I finally say, able to wrangle reason enough to realise Micah has helped me now more than my 'sire' ever had. "I'd have continued to get the **** beaten out of me if you hadn't come along."


<Micah> “Maybe.” He shrugged a bit and leaned against the altar crossing his arms over his chest. “I knew you've been struggling with this **** for a good while so I should have asked you sooner and I didn't. While I know it isn't my fault, it is my fault that I didn't try to figure this out sooner.” He looked at the circle of and eyed the furious demi fae. Nasty little ******. “No thanks needed Jesse. I'm always available to help with whatever I can.” He gestured towards the partially finished ritual. “Keep going.”


* Jesse Fforde || Sentiment isn't exactly a strong point of mine. I have given my thanks, and I am truly grateful; I do not blame Micah. I do blame Phoenix, however. Maybe I am not as much of a failure as I had previously decided. I turn my attention back to the circle. I roll my shoulders and focus. This time, I throw chemicals at the circle when it looks about to break; I continue uttering random words, until finally.... finally, I succeed. I turn back to Micah, just to be sure - what does it feel like, anyway, when someone uses such a ritual upon you?


<Micah> As Jesse turned back to the ritual the change in him was obvious. He looked more confident as he continued on with his task repairing the circle just as Micah had instructed him to do when it was necessary. One at a time the words fell into place. Amazing what one small thing could do and when the demi fae ran off, pleased, items in hand Micah felt energized even if it was only a tiny bit. He grinned then and pushed off the altar. “Well done Jesse. I knew you could do it. And I bet the next ones you do will go smoothly.”


* Jesse Fforde || I am no kid seeking the approval of those older and more talented than I am. I grunt in respond, though I cannot help the small twitch of an actual smile as the relief spreads, a soothing balm over the burning fury and frustration that I have been home to for the past few hours. To think that any future attempt I might make, might actually work... I shake my head. "What's the best ritual to inconvenience someone?" I ask. It's so very tempting to try something on Phoenix.


<Micah> “Depends on what you mean by inconvenience.” He looked at Jesse knowingly, having a pretty good idea of where this was going. “If you don't care about being found out there is Projected Depression but it really doesn't do much damage. You could Turn someone, causing them to loose some blood but that's easily replaced. Or if they have a wraith, you could banish it. Some people are rather attached to their wraiths and losing it to a ritual would probably really piss someone off.” He wasn't really encouraging such behavior but Jesse did ask. “I can do two of those rituals but I am not skilled enough to banish a wraith. That's a really difficult ritual to do.”


* Jesse Fforde || I wonder if I care. Do I care if Phoenix knows? In the end, do I really care about revenge? I am not a petty person, and I think in the end it'll only cause more problems than it will solve. I ought to be the adult, and let it go, knowing that I have help and support now. Look toward the future, rather than dwell on the past. I glance sideways at Micah, and with a sigh glance down at myself. I'm riddled with wounds and now realise just how tired I am. "Probably not worth it..."


<Micah> He nodded his head. Letting it go and moving on was the best thing to do especially when it came to the woman in question. If Jesse chose to use a ritual to get back at her it would just cause a **** storm that no one wanted or had the patience to deal with. So when he said that it wasn't worth it Micah let out a relieved breath that he hadn't even realized that he was holding. “Being the bigger person is always the best thing to do no matter how appealing a shred of revenge may seem.”


* Jesse Fforde || "I know," I say, probably a little sharper than I intended to. Micah only wants to help, offering advice that he thinks is needed. And besides which, lately Phoenix does seem to have changed. It perhaps would not be fair to punish her now for something she had done in the past. I realise that I have made a rather large mess in my fury. I grimace. "I'll clean up the mess," I say in a low mumble, nudging at a broken jar with a toe.


<Micah> He let the tone roll off his back having learned long ago not to let **** like that get to him. And it was helping with the whole getting the temper under control thing. “Of course you do, just making a general observation.” Micah shrugged and kicked the bag of ritual supplies closed but not before taking a quick inventory. Industrial chems were low, he'd have to start collecting them once more. “Ain't too worried about the mess, I'm sure you'll leave the area just as clean as you found it.”


* Jesse Fforde || I am also bleeding all over the place. I glance over my shoulder and toward the shop; I need to go buy a box of blood bags. Maybe a few bandages. I'll do that first, before trying to clean up and getting my blood all over everything. I'm sure that Micah does know just how clean I can be; I do work for the guy, and I keep the tattoo studio as spotless as they day it was constructed. I try to offer at least a little bit of a good mood, even if I don't feel it so much. "At least I know I don't just suck at rituals, now," I say with a wry smile.


<Micah> “Knew there was something going on there. Just glad that we managed to figure out where the problem was.” His phone vibrated and he pulled it out of his pocket to read the text that he had received. His fingers tapped out a quick reply before he stuck the device back into his pocket. “I gotta run out and do a favor for someone. I'll leave you to it.” He gave Jesse a nod and started towards the elevator. “If ya need any more help don't hesitate to ask me. Im always lurking about this place somewhere.”


* Jesse Fforde || I give a nod, watching as Micah retrieved his phone and responded to a text. Of course, Micah has a whole family under him that might request favours of him. He has people who need him. I blink away the descent of the familiar, darker thoughts. I give Micah a salute, and wait for him to leave before slowly making me way to the shop.


<Micah> He stepped into the elevator and chanced a glance at Jesse as he made his way over to the shop that sat in the corner of the treehouse. Micah considered saying something further, wishing him luck or telling him to have a good evening but the doors closed before he got the chance to. No matter. Now that they had figured out where Jesse had been going wrong Micah didn't think he'd need much luck and his thoughts turned elsewhere as he left the treehouse to do what he needed to do.

[Jonah]

--The following transcript was a live chat roleplay--
Jonah: Jonah rode the elevator to the 3rd floor, heading towards his recently acquired hut. Standing there was an unexpected figure that he saw rarely in the Eyrie in the few times he had stayed there. "Hey."

Doc: Doc was propped against one of the railings, staring down to at nothing in particular when he heard the elevator. He had heard a couple of times now.. and never bothered to look, but this time a voice spoke. He turned his head just enough to see it was Jonah. "Hello Jonah." His voice was mostly flat and emotionless.

Jonah: He had never thought of the other man as necessarily full of emotion or upbeatness, but his tone was more...restrained than usual. "You ok?"

Doc: "Yes." Doc lied with perfect ease, however, it was the tone of his voice that put a lie to a words. "You?"

Jonah: "I'm...alright." His brow was perked up as he said the words, not sure if he should press the other man for details.

Doc: "Don't remember seeing you up here before.. which one is yours?" Doc returned his gaze to staring at nothing in depths of the tree below.

Jonah: He gestured roughly southwest. "13. Got it...yesterday I guess. Still setting up. Yours?"

Doc: Doc jerked his head to the northeast, "One.. guess we will be seeing each other more often..."

Jonah: Jonah nodded. "You sure you're ok?" Doc was acting...odd and Jonah was concerned enough for the wellbeing of his faction mates that he felt the need to press.

Doc: Doc sighed. "I'm alright.. I just ... " he stopped. "I made a mistake. It was my own fault.." He continued to stare down, "I have this thing.. this.. urge.. I can't ******* back down.. when I should.. I am getting better at it.. but when I was first.. 'turned'" He said it with contempt, "I didn't have it under control. And I got bound..."

Jonah: Jonah listened and nodded. "What happened from there?"

Doc: Doc slid a look at him, "Not just married.. bound.. eternally and forever.." he looked back down, "She's crazy.. she's not stupid. She just needs focus.. I didn't love her.. I did care for her.." He paused, "still do.." his voice softer, before returning to the flat bland voice. "We had fun.. but I'm an asshole.. so she would get mad.. I would apologize.. she'd get over.. it.. except.. she just started.. avoiding me. few days here.. few days there.. then it became a few weeks.. then it was.. months.. then it was a quick 'pacification' and she would be gone…” Doc smirked ruefully, "I thought it was something I did.. I am not a saint.. so I specifically learned how to summon.. but I couldn’t summon her.. I blew it off.. No big deal. The other day she swans in .. pacifies me.. swans out again. Only this time.. Vel tells me.." he had to stop for a moment.. he didn’t want to get angry.

Jonah: He was listening quietly until Doc trailed off. "Vel told you what?"

Doc: Doc did some calming exercises, "This time .. Vel tells me.. my wife.. has been inspiring Robert Pratt." He looks at Jonah, "He is one of the biggest ******* threats to the masquerade.. and MY WIFE.. is inspiring him?" He counted, "And then she told me.. Pratt Summoned her." That last few words were bitter. "My wife.. inspiring my ******* enemy.. and is summoned by him. *I* can’t ******* summon her.. but Pratt can?" He rubbed his eyes, then looked at Jonah.. "And she doesn’t ******* get why I am ******* ANGRY!"

[Doc]

--The following transcript was a live chat roleplay--

Jonah: The big killer almost flinched as Doc finished speaking. He wanted to reach out to him, to offer some consolation, but he had nothing. "Have you talked to her?"

Doc: "No.. wouldn't do any good. She would justify why she helped him.. I would get angry.. I would hurt her." He his voice resumed the flat devoid voice from earlier. "Better for her, if I just stay away until I don’t ******* care anymore.. " He smirked ruefully as he added, "I might not have 'loved' her.. the way she wanted.. But I did trust her.. Can’t say that now though."

Jonah: "Know how that goes. It...gets easier though." The platitude came out flat but Jonah meant it regardless.

Doc: "Really.. ? Do enlighten me.."

Jonah: "I..." He frowned again. "We've got eternity. Lot of things can happen."

Doc: "Yea.. you're not ******* bound to a Psychopath who helps your enemy..."

Jonah: "No...but..." He trailed off, leaving certain things unspoken.

Doc: "But what..? Humor me.. please.. I am feeling inordinately thickheaded today.. " He said dryly. "I have fucked up every relationship I ever had... " he almost elaborated.. but he stopped.

Jonah: "You're not the only one in this room that has."

Doc: Doc finally turned to face him fully, "I doubt that.. I know about the AJ thing.."

Jonah: Jonah shrugged. "It's getting easier. I know it's not the same though."

Doc: Doc looked at him. "Ever been married?"

Jonah: Jonah shook his head. "AJ was only my second...relationship."

Doc: "Yea.. well this was my 'first' in this .. existence." He turned in order to lean his back on the railing and pinch the bridge of his nose. "What happened in your first one?"

Jonah: "I...lost her. While I was a necurat..."

Doc: Doc nodded. "Yea.. " he wanted to sympathize, but honestly.. he would have done the same..

Jonah: Jonah shrugged. "Started acting differently, forgot her. When I...came back to myself, I attacked what I thought was her new boyfriend. We're...on better terms now though."

Doc: "She forgive you?"

Jonah: Jonah nodded

Doc: "She forgave you.. but won’t.. rekindle what was from before?"

Jonah: "I...haven't tried. I doubt it though."

Doc: "Do you still care.. ? Or.. what?" Trying to 'fix' Jonah's problem, took his mind off his own. It was actually a relief.

Jonah: "I'm...content with being friends with her. I don't want to hurt her again."

Doc: Doc wanted to tell him.. 'you have to try again.. you can’t give up' an attempt at fixing Jonah.. helped him clear his head.

Jonah: As Doc continued to look at him, he tried to break the silence. "I...am trying to meet new people."

Doc: Doc frowned, "I don’t envy you.. that’s ******* hard.. I usually only meet them after I have helped kill them.. they aren’t typically receptive to me much.."

Jonah: "Maybe you should try meeting some before?"

Doc: "Why the **** would I want to do that?"

Jonah: "Eternity is a long time to be alone."

Doc: "and I am ******* bound to a psychopath..."

Jonah: "Is there no way to end it?"

Doc: Doc sighed, "Eternal bond.. why would it be called that .. if you could end it?"

Jonah: Jonah frowned, nodding his assent. "Don't know much about rituals honestly."

Doc: "Me either.. " He was tired, the anger had dissipated, "******* ego.." muttered.

Jonah: "What're you going to do from here?"

Doc: "Study. You?"

Jonah: "Hunt."

Doc: Doc nodded slowly. "Yea that too..."

Jonah: "Perhaps I'll see you around. then."

Doc: "Probably quite a bit.. " He nodded slowly...

Jonah: Unsure of what else to do, Jonah nodded. "Stay safe in the Darkness, Doc."

Doc: "You as well Jonah.."