Wednesday January 8 2013 2014 HOLY ****
Hi I am Cat and you are my journal. First let me say I don't like you. Diaries are for ten year old girls. Oh hi diary I had a tea party with my imaginary friends today and nobody likes me and I'm going to go take my ball and play somewhere else waaaah. My dad said that this is a journal and that journals are different from diaries. But he is lying. He just wants me to spell better. Spelling is not hard. But I keep making mistakes. Spelling mistakes are for ten year olds too. So I am going to write stuff. But not stupid stuff. Do you know why? He gets to read this and check my spelling. **** my life.
You will notice journal that I wrote a big HOLY **** next to 2014 on the date there at the top of the page. That is because a lot happened in 2013 and I was distracted and I didn't know so much time had gone by. Let's see this time last year I was still human. It was freezing and mom didn't pay the electricity bill again so we were **** out of luck. She bailed to sleep on her boyfriend's couch. I didn't have a boyfriend so I was sleeping at a friend's. Her dad let their chihuahua poop in a poop room. Who the **** has a poop room journal. But they did and it was gross. Let's see I moved back home when it got warmer. Leo got some new recruits to train and there was some drama about one of the girls that he wanted me to end. I told him I handled the girls' stealing and some of their personal **** but not relationship ****. Now that I really think about it the guy was out of his mind putting me in charge of even that. But we were successful and he was busy getting and selling drugs.
Was it really June when I became a vampire? That's uh
seven months ago. It feels like a lot more. I didn't like being a vampire at first because it felt like a bad trip. I was really scared. I didn't want to be alone so bad that I even listened to this suit telling me what to do. I started learning stuff and controlling the voices. I told them I wouldn't let them ever win and I've done a good job. I had some scares but I'll tell you about them after I'm done writing about 2013.
In 2013 I met a lot of nice vampires. A lot of them had problems like mine. Not that I want them to have problems or anything but it did make me feel better. I stopped being scared and started really listening to people. Even people who weren't telling me what to do. Just some random people like on crownet forums. Seeing hopes and dreams and mistakes and people dying and coming back and some of them making the same mistakes again and again. Hey the same thing keeps happening to me over and over again but it's not my fault I don't have any control over it blah blah blah. Most of the vampires were nice to me in fact only one has been hostile but I'll get to that. First I have to tell you more about the voices and the suit but the suit is spellchecking so I promise not to put anything embarrassing.
Something you should know about me journal is that I have a mental health problem. My sire says I'm not stupid just uneducated so it's not a retard problem or anything. In my head are these voices that aren't mine and I can't control them. They used to be really annoying but they have toned down some because I keep putting them in their place. That's called schizophrenia and it flared up when I was nine. Normally it shows up when you're twenty but I guess life just hated me. I lost my dad and mom got depressed and started doing drugs and my mom's boyfriend Stephen Kramer molested me and then later some other guys brought home would molest me so I stopped wanting to stay home. Dropped out of high school, there was no ******* point.
Anyway I tried to hide the voices from the old suit but he's smarter than me and I guess I was kind of a wreck about the whole vampire thing. The suit took me to my friend Zodiac but she wasn't my friend back then since I didn't know her. She is scary good at brains and she promised if I went along with stuff and answered questions and tried hard to get better that she would go ahead and do a seance for my dad. She asked a lot of hard questions I was scared to answer. People would laugh at me when I was a little kid at school so I learned not to talk about the voices. But I really wanted to talk to my dad and if vampires were real then I guess my dad could have been out there too so I told her everything.
There was this visual hallucination that would come out and scare me all the time. I told her about it and she said it seemed like a real fae creature. It had seen that I was sick and wanted to follow me and mess with me even more. I don't know why. The suit let me stay at his place and after a few sessions with Zodiac I don't know what happened but he said my name was Catherine now. I got scared and went to see my mom. She yelled at me. She was with a guy who hit her too. I realized I was Catherine. I didn't want to be Beatrice anymore. Stupid ******* lady. I needed her help so much but it was always about her.
Sorry I didn't realize I'm still so mad about that. Sometimes emotions sneak up on me like I'll feel normal one second and the next second I'll be angry or whatever.
Anyway I decided to be Catherine and the suit got some papers and we signed them and now he's my dad. So I'll call him dad from now on journal. I was still working on keeping it together with the voices when Zodiac banished the fae demon thing. It was a rough time. I felt really sick and I wanted to just end it so I shot myself in the head but dad grabbed the gun and vampires don't go down that easy. I just got a headache and had to clean up Zodiac's place after that. But she got rid of the scary monster. I still have hallucinations sometimes but feeding helps and some other private stuff helps.
Later on I joined Canidae and made a lot of friends. I helped make traps in the Canidae fort and things were pretty sweet. In 2013 I got stronger after that and learned a lot about being a vampire. I learned you can't be stupid. What I mean by can't be stupid, is everybody's watching you and judging you. There are not a lot of vampires left and it's easy for us to get wiped out. So if you mess up then everybody sees it and if you keep messing up they start to think you might not be worth keeping around. Some vampires are like Kanye West just stay out of my damn business and give my family some privacy blah blah blah. Well you are in the public eye now my friend and you're gonna get watched. And if you keep your head down and don't show evidence of vampires to any humans then you can go on your way it's not like vampires think if you have blond hair or whatever you should die. Just don't be stupid that's all they ask. And that's good.
One of the friends I met was Axel, he's 26 years old or 27 I forget but he has this magical curse where there are bugs all inside his body. The bugs aren't mean or anything. We dated and I learned a whole lot about sex and people stuff from him. What I mean by people stuff is I guess relationships where you have to talk to people about your feelings even if you really don't want to because it helps in the long run. He dumped me but that's not 2013 stuff so I'll tell you about that later if I feel like it which I probably won't. Another friend I made was Lyana. She is energetic and we like to hang out. She likes girls as in she dates girls which I think is fine. When I was human I would have made fun of her but now it would be stupid to make fun of her because it's just a girl and a girl what's wrong with that. Another friend I made was Nolan. Nolan doesn't have a vampire family so he is on his own. He also has a hu Sometimes I help him out I tell him where raids are. He and I both like stealing. Another friend I made was Wendell, he doesn't have emotions. He is a good listener. Dad thinks that Wendell is my sugar daddy but one Wendell doesn't put out and two Wendell doesn't give me money so how could he be my sugar daddy if there's no sugar and no age difference based dependency. The sugar is a euphemism. I learned that word just for this. I googled hey google what is it where you use one word that doesn't mean sex but everybody knows it means sex. And google said that's a euphemism like spanking the monkey or clambake or hey let's hang out and talk about our feelings. One of my new friends is Zoey. She is my age and we have a lot in common. She's a better fighter than me and she won a stealth raid once. She promised to help me practice with guns.
Okay so the point is I made lots of vampire friends. In 2013 I also got a little sister vampire named Jacquiline who was a police officer. She is away a lot and I don't know if she's ever coming back or for how long. But she is nice to me.
Last thing that happened in 2013 I signed up to join Tytonidae. I will talk about why later but right now I am getting exhausted trying to spell right so I'm going to close you journal. Goodnight journal. I hate you.
Catherine, Green, Yellow and Red versus The Lizard Men
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Catherine Nilson
- Registered User
- Posts: 157
- Joined: 26 Jun 2013, 01:33
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Catherine Nilson
- Registered User
- Posts: 157
- Joined: 26 Jun 2013, 01:33
Re: Catherine, Green, Yellow and Red versus The Lizard Men
Wednesday January 17th
Well journal I was just getting more powerful tonight when I remembered that even though I'm better with guns now and I'm a little faster, I still can't spell. And it gets worse because there is more to spelling I found out than just being able to spell right. It's called syntax and it's how ideas get put into words on a page looking all pretty. So guess what we get to do, is have another talk about my life which by the way is exciting and cool. And I'm going to try to punctuate correctly. So here we go. Most of the things that have been happening involve Tytonidae. Remember that's the group I signed up to join. I was helping them anyway going on dates with Axel who is a member too, and hitting people with him sometimes. Hitting is what we mean by killing. I don't know why but I guess that's why hitmen are called hitmen too. Journal why do you think people say hit when they mean kill. Anyway I decided to join Ty for a bunch of reasons.
Reason one, is the vampire apocalypse. My friend Wendell says that the vampire apocalypse is a real thing and I believe him. Not long ago, all vampires got wiped out except for a few. I don't know what was special about them. I think you can talk to them sometimes. You can also talk to wraiths but I haven't really because to be honest journal they kind of freak me out. It's hard to tell what's real and what's a wraith and what's a hallucination. All my life I've seen weird **** like walls seeping jelly and things in my vents and well I just try to tell myself they're all my skizophrenia and move on. But where was I. The vampire apocalypse is real and Wendell thinks it's going to happen again one day. We have to try very hard not to get noticed. If we slip up even a little it puts everybody in danger. So what does Tytonidae do, they kill vampires who get seen by humans. This doesn't really help. It kind of helps because it makes people not want to offend. But it makes other people really mad because they feel like their basic vampire rights are being walked all over. Some vampires think that if they get seen just a little bit, the problem will go away on its own. Other vampires want humans and vampires to find out about eachother. Now I actually think, journal, that this would be nice if they knew about eachother so we could have blood slaves forever and I could travel all around instead of being stuck in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of zombies and mooncalfs. It really would be awesome if vampires ruled the world and stuff. But it's not realistic right now. There aren't enough of us to keep them in line. Not all of us agree on how humans should be treated.
The second reason I signed up for Tytonidae is that Axel and my dad are in there. But now that Axel and I broke up, it's just me and dad. Seeing Axel killing and having fun is pretty cool though. But he's not the only boy out there I guess. Some of the ones in Tytonidae have been nice to me but not in a let's be girlfriend and boyfriend way. If somebody hit on me all of the sudden I would think it was weird anyway. There is somebody else in Tytonidae who has a dad in Tytonidae. And she is nineteen years old like me. Her name is Zoey. Velveteen calls her Zoey Jane which is cute. I kind of forgot my middle name. Dad when you read this what's my middle name again? It had better not be anything dumb. Anyway so not only is dad there, but Zoey too, and everybody has been nice. Ariadne, Wendell's sire, is there too. She says that he doesn't talk to her much. I wonder if Wendell doesn't like her. I know that some vampires are scared of their sires or don't like their sires for taking them away from a life they liked and putting them into a confusing new life where they have to listen to rules and hurt humans.
A third reason I signed up is because I can't think of another solution for the masquerade problem. And it's not just me, nobody else has said hey Tytonidae you can stop killing people now because I have a great idea, and Tytonidae would be like sure other vampire, that sounds good, we can all do that and be friends. Instead, some vampires just complain. They say we're not really in danger at all because we only get seen just a little bit and it's not a big deal. So they say, don't do anything at all. Well what is Tytonidae supposed to do? Let them prove themselves wrong? As satisfying as that **** would be, we would go down with everybody else. So it's not like we can just stop protecting the masquerade, then watch the other vampires die, then be okay after that. We are all in this together and that's why we have to have rules. But some people see rules and they just automatically want to rebel against the rules because maybe nobody has ever told them what to do for their own good before. And it's not like the vampires Tytonidae kills stay dead. But if the humans find out about us then they can find a way to make sure that we stay dead. And I've made so many friends that I don't want them to die.
So in Tytonidae even though I'm just an initiate I still get to go hit people. Being part of that is fun. I know that this is mean because if it was my *** being ganged up on I would be terrified but there is something extra fun about waiting for the hunters to hunt the person down and then helping shoot or stab them. It's weird but every time one of the leaders says to attack, and everybody springs into action, my heart feels really good again like before Axel broke up with me. It's just a feeling like when you eat or when you needed to fart when you were a human and you finally farted and it was so good but it's not really something you talk about. But other people know. I think that everybody in Tytonidae feels that way when they all work together. They are really good at what they do and really quick about it. One second you're hanging out at home and the next minute you're in the shadow realm.
Speaking of the shadow realm Journal I went there, but not because I died. I didn't know that could happen but I will tell you about it later because concentrating on spelling right is boring and my head hurts. This has been kind of fun but I still hate you and everything you stand for. Except I guess learning how to spell but couldn't dad have gotten me a computer game or something I mean if he wanted to keep tabs on me he could just ask it's not like I lie just maybe don't answer questions he doesn't ask. Goodbye for now journal I am putting you away.
Well journal I was just getting more powerful tonight when I remembered that even though I'm better with guns now and I'm a little faster, I still can't spell. And it gets worse because there is more to spelling I found out than just being able to spell right. It's called syntax and it's how ideas get put into words on a page looking all pretty. So guess what we get to do, is have another talk about my life which by the way is exciting and cool. And I'm going to try to punctuate correctly. So here we go. Most of the things that have been happening involve Tytonidae. Remember that's the group I signed up to join. I was helping them anyway going on dates with Axel who is a member too, and hitting people with him sometimes. Hitting is what we mean by killing. I don't know why but I guess that's why hitmen are called hitmen too. Journal why do you think people say hit when they mean kill. Anyway I decided to join Ty for a bunch of reasons.
Reason one, is the vampire apocalypse. My friend Wendell says that the vampire apocalypse is a real thing and I believe him. Not long ago, all vampires got wiped out except for a few. I don't know what was special about them. I think you can talk to them sometimes. You can also talk to wraiths but I haven't really because to be honest journal they kind of freak me out. It's hard to tell what's real and what's a wraith and what's a hallucination. All my life I've seen weird **** like walls seeping jelly and things in my vents and well I just try to tell myself they're all my skizophrenia and move on. But where was I. The vampire apocalypse is real and Wendell thinks it's going to happen again one day. We have to try very hard not to get noticed. If we slip up even a little it puts everybody in danger. So what does Tytonidae do, they kill vampires who get seen by humans. This doesn't really help. It kind of helps because it makes people not want to offend. But it makes other people really mad because they feel like their basic vampire rights are being walked all over. Some vampires think that if they get seen just a little bit, the problem will go away on its own. Other vampires want humans and vampires to find out about eachother. Now I actually think, journal, that this would be nice if they knew about eachother so we could have blood slaves forever and I could travel all around instead of being stuck in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of zombies and mooncalfs. It really would be awesome if vampires ruled the world and stuff. But it's not realistic right now. There aren't enough of us to keep them in line. Not all of us agree on how humans should be treated.
The second reason I signed up for Tytonidae is that Axel and my dad are in there. But now that Axel and I broke up, it's just me and dad. Seeing Axel killing and having fun is pretty cool though. But he's not the only boy out there I guess. Some of the ones in Tytonidae have been nice to me but not in a let's be girlfriend and boyfriend way. If somebody hit on me all of the sudden I would think it was weird anyway. There is somebody else in Tytonidae who has a dad in Tytonidae. And she is nineteen years old like me. Her name is Zoey. Velveteen calls her Zoey Jane which is cute. I kind of forgot my middle name. Dad when you read this what's my middle name again? It had better not be anything dumb. Anyway so not only is dad there, but Zoey too, and everybody has been nice. Ariadne, Wendell's sire, is there too. She says that he doesn't talk to her much. I wonder if Wendell doesn't like her. I know that some vampires are scared of their sires or don't like their sires for taking them away from a life they liked and putting them into a confusing new life where they have to listen to rules and hurt humans.
A third reason I signed up is because I can't think of another solution for the masquerade problem. And it's not just me, nobody else has said hey Tytonidae you can stop killing people now because I have a great idea, and Tytonidae would be like sure other vampire, that sounds good, we can all do that and be friends. Instead, some vampires just complain. They say we're not really in danger at all because we only get seen just a little bit and it's not a big deal. So they say, don't do anything at all. Well what is Tytonidae supposed to do? Let them prove themselves wrong? As satisfying as that **** would be, we would go down with everybody else. So it's not like we can just stop protecting the masquerade, then watch the other vampires die, then be okay after that. We are all in this together and that's why we have to have rules. But some people see rules and they just automatically want to rebel against the rules because maybe nobody has ever told them what to do for their own good before. And it's not like the vampires Tytonidae kills stay dead. But if the humans find out about us then they can find a way to make sure that we stay dead. And I've made so many friends that I don't want them to die.
So in Tytonidae even though I'm just an initiate I still get to go hit people. Being part of that is fun. I know that this is mean because if it was my *** being ganged up on I would be terrified but there is something extra fun about waiting for the hunters to hunt the person down and then helping shoot or stab them. It's weird but every time one of the leaders says to attack, and everybody springs into action, my heart feels really good again like before Axel broke up with me. It's just a feeling like when you eat or when you needed to fart when you were a human and you finally farted and it was so good but it's not really something you talk about. But other people know. I think that everybody in Tytonidae feels that way when they all work together. They are really good at what they do and really quick about it. One second you're hanging out at home and the next minute you're in the shadow realm.
Speaking of the shadow realm Journal I went there, but not because I died. I didn't know that could happen but I will tell you about it later because concentrating on spelling right is boring and my head hurts. This has been kind of fun but I still hate you and everything you stand for. Except I guess learning how to spell but couldn't dad have gotten me a computer game or something I mean if he wanted to keep tabs on me he could just ask it's not like I lie just maybe don't answer questions he doesn't ask. Goodbye for now journal I am putting you away.
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Catherine Nilson
- Registered User
- Posts: 157
- Joined: 26 Jun 2013, 01:33
Re: Catherine, Green, Yellow and Red versus The Lizard Men
Friday January 24th 2014
Well journal it’s going to be an exciting and fun write today because I get to talk all about death. You probably can’t tell because one you are a journal and not sentient and two there is no way of writing this out to show it, but I was being sarcastic when I said that it was going to be an exciting and fun write. I do not actually like death. It’s not like in the movies and okay this is hard to write about.
Remember journal when I said I lost my dad, not my vampire dad the other one, well I was six. I thought he was invincible because every month mom and me would go watch him at the cage fights and he had a great winning streak. Seeing him fight and never give up was so much fun and I wanted to be like him when I grew up. I didn’t really think about death a whole lot I mean I might have but not that I really remember. Kids aren’t supposed to think about death, because they are just starting out and they’re supposed to be learning spelling and reading and writing in their dumb diaries about their personal feelings I mean come on Journal why couldn’t dad have made me learn to spell some other way. This is getting real personal and only an idiot writes about their feelings in a book I mean what good does it even do. This isn’t making me feel better but I need to explain about the shadow realm and how death really is and I can’t properly do that journal unless you understand what happened and where I’m coming from so here it goes. We were just eating dinner when it happened. They took me out to an all you can eat pizza place and my dad was chowing down because he had to meet his weight but not go one pound over it for his next match. One second he was eating and the next second he was bleeding really bad. He fell over and there was nothing me or my mom or anybody could do, he just kept shaking. That journal is called a seizure and he was having one because his brain wasn’t getting enough oxygen, it had an aneurysm and he was dead before he got to the hospital.
We rode in the ambulance with him and sat outside in a waiting room and a consultant came in after an hour. Everything was quiet, and when I asked mom what was going on she just cried. I thought dad was sick and it took me a while to understand that he wasn’t coming back ever. I didn’t know where he went. Later on people at the churches we got food from would say that he’d gone to heaven but I never really believed them because how do you know? I didn’t know anything back then and it was impossible to know when you’re just a puny human that could die any moment just like that. I mean maybe dad would have lived longer if he hadn’t been taking so many knocks to his grape but that’s what they all tell themselves. That if they didn’t smoke or drink and if they ate right they would be okay. Well no human is safe from death and that’s what I learned when I was six, and not to really trust reality. Maybe that’s why I got skizophrenia? Wow journal we are really making progress here you are almost as easy to talk to as my friends. Except I wouldn’t tell them any of this so if you’re not quiet about it I’ll tear you up and flush you down the toilet and you won’t know what hit you.
Death happens to vampires too. When we die, we go to the Shadow Realm. I helped Tytonidae kill somebody at the beginning of the month and he used some magic to pull me into the shadow realm with him. It was really scary at first because it was just this weird landscape of darkness and some weird blocks that didn’t make any sense. Then I saw a bright light and ended up in the morgue in my body. So that was trippy. It also made me think about where humans might go after they die. What happens to them and all that. Zodiac might be able to tell me because she did a séance and helped me talk to my real dad one last time. I guess I should tell you about that journal.
The seance was more awkward than anything. I thought he'd be really happy to see me again, but he was just confused. And I didn't think to ask him hey dad where did you just come from, is there a heaven like they said, and are they treating you well up there? Is it really boring? I wanted to, but he didn't have much time and instead he was the one asking all the questions. He wanted to know what happened, so I told him, then he wanted to know where mom was, so I told him that, but what I didn't know is that she wasn't actually at home, that my new vampire dad killed her. When he spoke up and told, my dad said he'd go find her and talk to her about what happened when he was gone. He didn't like how she acted after he died and I guess he wanted her to answer for it. But where, I don't know. And when I got pulled into the shadow realm I didn't take the time to look for him. Maybe next time I should. I think Velveteen would understand maybe if I made a kill shot, then got dragged to the shadow realm, if maybe I could explore a little. Or I could talk to people who have been in the shadow realm before. The main problem with that, journal, is a lot of people have been in the shadow realm "because of us". I put that in quotes because it's not true. It's their own stupid fault they got caught, but some of them whine. I know Jonah has been in the shadow realm, so I'll ask him. I'm kind of scared of his face but he can't help it and he's never been mean to me. I don't think I know anybody else who went to the shadow realm recently. Maybe Ripper but he hit me in the face last time he saw me so I don't really know what that was about.
So anyway, the seance wasn't at all how I imagined. My dad didn't like my new dad. And he wasn't happy about mom either. I hope wherever he is he's either happy now or too not-existing to care. I don't know what I was expecting to be honest. Now I just wish I'd asked more questions. But journal sometimes that happens and the most we can do is just try not to die.
That's all for tonight journal and maybe next time I'll tell you about my childe Julius and my other childe Vasik/Logan.
Well journal it’s going to be an exciting and fun write today because I get to talk all about death. You probably can’t tell because one you are a journal and not sentient and two there is no way of writing this out to show it, but I was being sarcastic when I said that it was going to be an exciting and fun write. I do not actually like death. It’s not like in the movies and okay this is hard to write about.
Remember journal when I said I lost my dad, not my vampire dad the other one, well I was six. I thought he was invincible because every month mom and me would go watch him at the cage fights and he had a great winning streak. Seeing him fight and never give up was so much fun and I wanted to be like him when I grew up. I didn’t really think about death a whole lot I mean I might have but not that I really remember. Kids aren’t supposed to think about death, because they are just starting out and they’re supposed to be learning spelling and reading and writing in their dumb diaries about their personal feelings I mean come on Journal why couldn’t dad have made me learn to spell some other way. This is getting real personal and only an idiot writes about their feelings in a book I mean what good does it even do. This isn’t making me feel better but I need to explain about the shadow realm and how death really is and I can’t properly do that journal unless you understand what happened and where I’m coming from so here it goes. We were just eating dinner when it happened. They took me out to an all you can eat pizza place and my dad was chowing down because he had to meet his weight but not go one pound over it for his next match. One second he was eating and the next second he was bleeding really bad. He fell over and there was nothing me or my mom or anybody could do, he just kept shaking. That journal is called a seizure and he was having one because his brain wasn’t getting enough oxygen, it had an aneurysm and he was dead before he got to the hospital.
We rode in the ambulance with him and sat outside in a waiting room and a consultant came in after an hour. Everything was quiet, and when I asked mom what was going on she just cried. I thought dad was sick and it took me a while to understand that he wasn’t coming back ever. I didn’t know where he went. Later on people at the churches we got food from would say that he’d gone to heaven but I never really believed them because how do you know? I didn’t know anything back then and it was impossible to know when you’re just a puny human that could die any moment just like that. I mean maybe dad would have lived longer if he hadn’t been taking so many knocks to his grape but that’s what they all tell themselves. That if they didn’t smoke or drink and if they ate right they would be okay. Well no human is safe from death and that’s what I learned when I was six, and not to really trust reality. Maybe that’s why I got skizophrenia? Wow journal we are really making progress here you are almost as easy to talk to as my friends. Except I wouldn’t tell them any of this so if you’re not quiet about it I’ll tear you up and flush you down the toilet and you won’t know what hit you.
Death happens to vampires too. When we die, we go to the Shadow Realm. I helped Tytonidae kill somebody at the beginning of the month and he used some magic to pull me into the shadow realm with him. It was really scary at first because it was just this weird landscape of darkness and some weird blocks that didn’t make any sense. Then I saw a bright light and ended up in the morgue in my body. So that was trippy. It also made me think about where humans might go after they die. What happens to them and all that. Zodiac might be able to tell me because she did a séance and helped me talk to my real dad one last time. I guess I should tell you about that journal.
The seance was more awkward than anything. I thought he'd be really happy to see me again, but he was just confused. And I didn't think to ask him hey dad where did you just come from, is there a heaven like they said, and are they treating you well up there? Is it really boring? I wanted to, but he didn't have much time and instead he was the one asking all the questions. He wanted to know what happened, so I told him, then he wanted to know where mom was, so I told him that, but what I didn't know is that she wasn't actually at home, that my new vampire dad killed her. When he spoke up and told, my dad said he'd go find her and talk to her about what happened when he was gone. He didn't like how she acted after he died and I guess he wanted her to answer for it. But where, I don't know. And when I got pulled into the shadow realm I didn't take the time to look for him. Maybe next time I should. I think Velveteen would understand maybe if I made a kill shot, then got dragged to the shadow realm, if maybe I could explore a little. Or I could talk to people who have been in the shadow realm before. The main problem with that, journal, is a lot of people have been in the shadow realm "because of us". I put that in quotes because it's not true. It's their own stupid fault they got caught, but some of them whine. I know Jonah has been in the shadow realm, so I'll ask him. I'm kind of scared of his face but he can't help it and he's never been mean to me. I don't think I know anybody else who went to the shadow realm recently. Maybe Ripper but he hit me in the face last time he saw me so I don't really know what that was about.
So anyway, the seance wasn't at all how I imagined. My dad didn't like my new dad. And he wasn't happy about mom either. I hope wherever he is he's either happy now or too not-existing to care. I don't know what I was expecting to be honest. Now I just wish I'd asked more questions. But journal sometimes that happens and the most we can do is just try not to die.
That's all for tonight journal and maybe next time I'll tell you about my childe Julius and my other childe Vasik/Logan.
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Catherine Nilson
- Registered User
- Posts: 157
- Joined: 26 Jun 2013, 01:33
Re: Catherine, Green, Yellow and Red versus The Lizard Men
February 7th 2014
Happy February, Journal.
This is going to be a good month. I have a very good feeling about this month. 2013 was a little rough toward the end and I didn't think it would ever get better sometimes. Usually when I thought about the breakup I felt lost. My life had become sort of tangled up in Axel's. I lived with him, which was a huge deal because I would notice stuff that was missing later, like his boy soap in the shower, and his clothes when I folded the laundry were gone. So I would do things every night to just keep busy and not think about how weird everything felt so one day I would come out of it like a bad trip and things would be normal. And now things are pretty much back to normal again.
Everything is a lot more clear and my brain feels more present. At least it did journal remind me to tell you about the mudrun later. Which I will this session because I'm stuck in bed. More on that later too. So December and January were ultra rough like I said. But February is totally my month. I'm not saying no bad things are going to happen. But a lot of good things have already happened and I want to believe that it means more good things are going to keep happening, instead of maybe all the good things just getting out of the way at the first of the month so bad things can have room later.
I just made myself paranoid, journal.
Okay so the good stuff that happened. First there was dad giving me Axel's arm back. It was really nice of him but it was just an arm after all. It's weird thinking back on stuff, that I used to want that arm because it was all mine. Maybe that was why I got jealous when Axel slept with Phoenix even though we were in an open relationship. Yeah maybe that arm thing was a sign that I was too jealous for open relationships. I guess I learned a lesson which is good. Anyway I got the arm after Axel's mudrun. Doc was in a bad mood because Cyth was gone, so he was extra cranky when I tried to get the arm back from him. He ended up stabbing me and everything. Not fun. But he gave me the arm one night and bam. No attachment anymore. When I saw the arm it wasn't mine or anybody's it was just some arm with frozen dead bugs in it.
I hope Scuttles is okay.
Anyway I felt even more like I was starting to feel. It's hard to explain but after that I started feeling more here than stuck in the past. I'd hang out with Zoey and laugh at jokes and stuff. Play cards with people and best of all I can talk to Phoenix without feeling like one of those guy deers fighting over a girl deer with her. I did get in trouble for saying something at the masquerade party but I think Every just didn't want me to get in trouble right before I was supposed to get into Tytonidae and leave the bridge which was nice of her to have my back like that.
I didn't even mean what I said like an insult because I was just telling the truth. Besides Phoenix already knows my dad doesn't hit on her or like her that way. It's not like I was insulting her. And Every and Phoenix are kind of blunt with eachother that way when they talk to eachother too, only they seem to take it as being friendly to eachother. So at the party, Every got onto me once, but that was it, and it didn't ruin anything. I still had a lot of fun. That dance I practiced? Nailed it. And I didn't even have to really stress about it because my dance partner didn't know how to dance.
The funniest thing about the party was that even though it was a masquerade, Zoey knew who I was right away. Nobody else really did, they all guessed Ariadne. Probably because I'd only ever twerked in front of them so they didn't really expect someone who knew how to waltz. The truth is I practiced the waltz a lot alone in my room when dad wasn't home and that's the only reason I nailed it. I even got to teach Jonah. That was my dance partner. I was really worried that it was Axel in disguise, but it was Jonah in disguise the whole time! I guess even though he looks really scary I still want to be his friend since he was so nice about the dance and patient about learning too.
The masquerade was fun and I'm looking forward to the next Tytonidae party. I hope it's not valentine themed. I really don't want to go with anybody and valentines makes me feel like I should grab a partner really quick. There are only a few my age and I haven't even really talked to them. Don't get me wrong journal some of them are pretty cool and handsome but I just got dumped, it would be really weird if I started holding hands with somebody right after that.
One my public image would be hurt. And I worked hard on it because I don't want anybody to see my Skizophrenia or my awkwardness with talking to boys. If I suddenly started dating again they would think I must not be all that hurt about what happened or that I want to have sex or something.
Not that having sex is bad I guess. I really need somebody to talk to about that. I feel like sex is scary because you have to trust somebody else and be naked with them and let them get really close. That just makes me feel gross. If I wanted to be close to somebody I would hug my dad's cat or something. Is there something I'm missing? I guess that sex feels good? And you're supposed to like it but if you're a girl and you like it too much then it's bad. I don't know. I wish my mom had talked to me about this kind of stuff.
But I can talk to Velveteen about it now because now that I'm in Tytonidae I don't have to worry about looking like I'm kissing up to her just to get in. I like her a lot but if I wanted to be bff's with her it would be kind of creepy and weird. Like just trying to flatter your way into a guild is going to do any good anyway. So journal that's another thing I can do this month is hang out with Velveteen more. And I guess talk about girl stuff.
Okay so valentine's day is coming up. I guess hearts and stuff are cute but it's kind of hamfisted in everybody's face. It's just so stores can sell chocolates and cards and teddy bears and stuff anyway. Looking back I thought maybe valentine's day was really about making an effort to show your SO that you care. But there is no real effort in just going out and buying roses. Money I guess is effort because you get it making an effort at work. So that effort goes into the roses? I don't think so.
I did some research since I'm stuck in bed, which I promise I will get to that part later, and valentine's day started off when this pagan Roman festival was turned into a Catholic festival for Saint Valentine because the Catholics were trying to say that paganism was bad but still let the people have a party. It was always a love holiday though. The Romans would go out and kill a bunch of wild animals, then the Roman girls would line up and the Roman boys would flog and flog them with the pelts of the animals they got. Then they would hang out and pick a date for the rest of the night. It was really wild apparently. The Saint Valentinesing of it by the Catholics kind of made it more about love than sex.
Then later on it became more and more about love and people would hand make chocolates and hand make cards. But they stopped hand making stuff when the industrial revolution started and factories made that stuff instead. So it became kind of dumb anyway.
What's that Journal, you think just because I'm single now I'm trying to make valentines day sound like a not big deal, so I won't be depressed? No that's really not it. You're just a dumb book anyway. You don't know anything.
So about things that have happened in February. Right after that masquerade party, well I mean really about a week after it, Velveteen asked me if I had any plans, and she summoned me to the Eerie. I went through this maze and everybody was waiting for me at the end. They all attacked me, but then they healed me and said that since I gave my blood for the faction, they would give their blood for me. I guess that was neat. It kind of hurt, though. I ended up getting my brains chopped up into mush. Now I can't remember things as good as I used to and some words I can't think of either. But it was worth it I hope. I like my new friends and everything feels like it has a purpose now.
After I got chopped up and shot at, dad took me home and fixed me up. But more than that, he gave me a key to Genesis Labs and I get to actually practice there! I am so excited journal. I have never been this excited that I can remember. Also I am nervous again because he signed me up for college classes. Remember how I dropped out of high school? Well that doesn't matter because dad forged paperwork and managed to get me into college Anatomy. It's not a lab course which means I won't get to practice on dissecting corpses but it's a start and I am going to try to do a good job.
I'm also going to get my own practice corpse except he won't be a corpse. I have a plan, Journal. I told Axel about it and we were going to do it together but it's okay. It only changes the plan just slightly. I'm going to get my mom's ex boyfriend who molested me when I was nine and then we'll see who's helpless. I can't wait. I'm so excited I'm drooling! Or is that the head injury.
Every is a crazy good ninja with that blade. Psyche said that Every got his whole leg during his mudrun. I'm really glad that she didn't get my whole head. Then I'd be in the shadow realm and I really don't like that place. I guess nobody does. You'd think some people do with how they keep going back again and again and again. I guess they just don't like the system and want to change it but instead of changing it they whine.
Okay journal I guess I'm done for now I'm hanging out at Zoey's shack in the Eerie and I wanted to try and see if she wants to hang out but I haven't seen her in a whole day and it's starting to get kind of weird. I hope I didn't offend her somehow. Am I a bad roommate journal? Don't answer that because your opinion does not matter.
Happy February, Journal.
This is going to be a good month. I have a very good feeling about this month. 2013 was a little rough toward the end and I didn't think it would ever get better sometimes. Usually when I thought about the breakup I felt lost. My life had become sort of tangled up in Axel's. I lived with him, which was a huge deal because I would notice stuff that was missing later, like his boy soap in the shower, and his clothes when I folded the laundry were gone. So I would do things every night to just keep busy and not think about how weird everything felt so one day I would come out of it like a bad trip and things would be normal. And now things are pretty much back to normal again.
Everything is a lot more clear and my brain feels more present. At least it did journal remind me to tell you about the mudrun later. Which I will this session because I'm stuck in bed. More on that later too. So December and January were ultra rough like I said. But February is totally my month. I'm not saying no bad things are going to happen. But a lot of good things have already happened and I want to believe that it means more good things are going to keep happening, instead of maybe all the good things just getting out of the way at the first of the month so bad things can have room later.
I just made myself paranoid, journal.
Okay so the good stuff that happened. First there was dad giving me Axel's arm back. It was really nice of him but it was just an arm after all. It's weird thinking back on stuff, that I used to want that arm because it was all mine. Maybe that was why I got jealous when Axel slept with Phoenix even though we were in an open relationship. Yeah maybe that arm thing was a sign that I was too jealous for open relationships. I guess I learned a lesson which is good. Anyway I got the arm after Axel's mudrun. Doc was in a bad mood because Cyth was gone, so he was extra cranky when I tried to get the arm back from him. He ended up stabbing me and everything. Not fun. But he gave me the arm one night and bam. No attachment anymore. When I saw the arm it wasn't mine or anybody's it was just some arm with frozen dead bugs in it.
I hope Scuttles is okay.
Anyway I felt even more like I was starting to feel. It's hard to explain but after that I started feeling more here than stuck in the past. I'd hang out with Zoey and laugh at jokes and stuff. Play cards with people and best of all I can talk to Phoenix without feeling like one of those guy deers fighting over a girl deer with her. I did get in trouble for saying something at the masquerade party but I think Every just didn't want me to get in trouble right before I was supposed to get into Tytonidae and leave the bridge which was nice of her to have my back like that.
I didn't even mean what I said like an insult because I was just telling the truth. Besides Phoenix already knows my dad doesn't hit on her or like her that way. It's not like I was insulting her. And Every and Phoenix are kind of blunt with eachother that way when they talk to eachother too, only they seem to take it as being friendly to eachother. So at the party, Every got onto me once, but that was it, and it didn't ruin anything. I still had a lot of fun. That dance I practiced? Nailed it. And I didn't even have to really stress about it because my dance partner didn't know how to dance.
The funniest thing about the party was that even though it was a masquerade, Zoey knew who I was right away. Nobody else really did, they all guessed Ariadne. Probably because I'd only ever twerked in front of them so they didn't really expect someone who knew how to waltz. The truth is I practiced the waltz a lot alone in my room when dad wasn't home and that's the only reason I nailed it. I even got to teach Jonah. That was my dance partner. I was really worried that it was Axel in disguise, but it was Jonah in disguise the whole time! I guess even though he looks really scary I still want to be his friend since he was so nice about the dance and patient about learning too.
The masquerade was fun and I'm looking forward to the next Tytonidae party. I hope it's not valentine themed. I really don't want to go with anybody and valentines makes me feel like I should grab a partner really quick. There are only a few my age and I haven't even really talked to them. Don't get me wrong journal some of them are pretty cool and handsome but I just got dumped, it would be really weird if I started holding hands with somebody right after that.
One my public image would be hurt. And I worked hard on it because I don't want anybody to see my Skizophrenia or my awkwardness with talking to boys. If I suddenly started dating again they would think I must not be all that hurt about what happened or that I want to have sex or something.
Not that having sex is bad I guess. I really need somebody to talk to about that. I feel like sex is scary because you have to trust somebody else and be naked with them and let them get really close. That just makes me feel gross. If I wanted to be close to somebody I would hug my dad's cat or something. Is there something I'm missing? I guess that sex feels good? And you're supposed to like it but if you're a girl and you like it too much then it's bad. I don't know. I wish my mom had talked to me about this kind of stuff.
But I can talk to Velveteen about it now because now that I'm in Tytonidae I don't have to worry about looking like I'm kissing up to her just to get in. I like her a lot but if I wanted to be bff's with her it would be kind of creepy and weird. Like just trying to flatter your way into a guild is going to do any good anyway. So journal that's another thing I can do this month is hang out with Velveteen more. And I guess talk about girl stuff.
Okay so valentine's day is coming up. I guess hearts and stuff are cute but it's kind of hamfisted in everybody's face. It's just so stores can sell chocolates and cards and teddy bears and stuff anyway. Looking back I thought maybe valentine's day was really about making an effort to show your SO that you care. But there is no real effort in just going out and buying roses. Money I guess is effort because you get it making an effort at work. So that effort goes into the roses? I don't think so.
I did some research since I'm stuck in bed, which I promise I will get to that part later, and valentine's day started off when this pagan Roman festival was turned into a Catholic festival for Saint Valentine because the Catholics were trying to say that paganism was bad but still let the people have a party. It was always a love holiday though. The Romans would go out and kill a bunch of wild animals, then the Roman girls would line up and the Roman boys would flog and flog them with the pelts of the animals they got. Then they would hang out and pick a date for the rest of the night. It was really wild apparently. The Saint Valentinesing of it by the Catholics kind of made it more about love than sex.
Then later on it became more and more about love and people would hand make chocolates and hand make cards. But they stopped hand making stuff when the industrial revolution started and factories made that stuff instead. So it became kind of dumb anyway.
What's that Journal, you think just because I'm single now I'm trying to make valentines day sound like a not big deal, so I won't be depressed? No that's really not it. You're just a dumb book anyway. You don't know anything.
So about things that have happened in February. Right after that masquerade party, well I mean really about a week after it, Velveteen asked me if I had any plans, and she summoned me to the Eerie. I went through this maze and everybody was waiting for me at the end. They all attacked me, but then they healed me and said that since I gave my blood for the faction, they would give their blood for me. I guess that was neat. It kind of hurt, though. I ended up getting my brains chopped up into mush. Now I can't remember things as good as I used to and some words I can't think of either. But it was worth it I hope. I like my new friends and everything feels like it has a purpose now.
After I got chopped up and shot at, dad took me home and fixed me up. But more than that, he gave me a key to Genesis Labs and I get to actually practice there! I am so excited journal. I have never been this excited that I can remember. Also I am nervous again because he signed me up for college classes. Remember how I dropped out of high school? Well that doesn't matter because dad forged paperwork and managed to get me into college Anatomy. It's not a lab course which means I won't get to practice on dissecting corpses but it's a start and I am going to try to do a good job.
I'm also going to get my own practice corpse except he won't be a corpse. I have a plan, Journal. I told Axel about it and we were going to do it together but it's okay. It only changes the plan just slightly. I'm going to get my mom's ex boyfriend who molested me when I was nine and then we'll see who's helpless. I can't wait. I'm so excited I'm drooling! Or is that the head injury.
Every is a crazy good ninja with that blade. Psyche said that Every got his whole leg during his mudrun. I'm really glad that she didn't get my whole head. Then I'd be in the shadow realm and I really don't like that place. I guess nobody does. You'd think some people do with how they keep going back again and again and again. I guess they just don't like the system and want to change it but instead of changing it they whine.
Okay journal I guess I'm done for now I'm hanging out at Zoey's shack in the Eerie and I wanted to try and see if she wants to hang out but I haven't seen her in a whole day and it's starting to get kind of weird. I hope I didn't offend her somehow. Am I a bad roommate journal? Don't answer that because your opinion does not matter.
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Catherine Nilson
- Registered User
- Posts: 157
- Joined: 26 Jun 2013, 01:33
Re: Catherine, Green, Yellow and Red versus The Lizard Men
Hi journal. That was a polite hi, not a hi because I'm getting used to writing in you or anything. When someone gets used to something, that's called getting complacent. I know because I looked it up in the thesaurus that somehow showed up in the bathroom. I didn't buy it.
What if the Lizard Men bought it to set a trap. What if they made a phony thesaurus and then put it in the bathroom for me to find so when I say new words I sound extra stupid? This obviously means I can't take baths anymore. The Lizard Men have infiltrated. Or that wraith that hangs out around Zoey's boyfriend. If people in Tytonidae didn't know I was sick I think they do now. But they've all been really polite about it. In grade school people would make fun of me but not so much now that we're all vampires. Maybe that's why. Maybe every vampire knows how it feels to be a little sick in the head.
Anyway journal about getting complacent. I'm super excited because my childe Vasik has been getting **** done. He almost won the last stealth raid, too. He is not complacent. Last time I talked to him he had his own building and everything. I had a building once, but it wasn't really my thing. It was fun to run a business for a little while, but I do better stealing than you know. Have I been getting **** done you ask? Kind of. Some of the stuff I planned for long term has come true and while I'm pretty happy I also feel kind of bad for Velveteen having to deal with it. I think she really wanted Phoenix to join. I don't think dad and Velveteen should have told me not to talk to her, because I think a lot of that crap wouldn't have festered so much if we'd just been allowed to talk it out. If Axel loves her she can't be that bad.
But yeah in case you couldn't tell Phoenix wasn't cut out for Tytonidae. I don't think my sire's sire Pi got in either? I didn't hear too much about that one. Might ask her about it sometime. Axel has been quiet about the whole thing. He pretty much stopped being himself after the breakup. Is it because I gave up on him? Maybe I should have been more supportive. He just was acting really weird. Anyway I'm getting paranoid. There was a reason I was writing this entry, Journal.
Okay here it goes: Dad wanted me to write down what drugs I used when I was a human, and what affect they had on the voices. But I don't really remember that well. My mom took mostly opiates. Opiates means they make you calmer and sleepier. She would be strung out for days. I'd take her pills and she'd get mad at me cause they were hers but it's not like they were legal anyway or she had room to talk. That's how I started anyway. I thought it was normal and she was holding out. I started doing drugs a lot after the voices.
Before the voices I would have little visual hallucinations every now and then. That's what it's called when you see things. But I never really thought it was a big deal and they weren't scary or anything. They started getting scary after my mom's boyfriend
Okay this is hard to write about and I don't have to. So I'm skipping ahead. Just the voices started coming out when I was nine. It's not like I took the drugs because I thought they would make the voices go away. I had no idea what would happen. I just took them because mom was taking them at first. I'd steal them out of her purse. First it was Lortabs.
The lortabs just made me feel out of it like I was swimming around in a fish bowl and looking at everything through the glass, and talking underwater. The voices didn't stop. I think what really made them go away was cocaine. Just get too hyper for them to sound like anything that makes sense. Opiates probably made them stronger. I say that because heroin would just make me give up to them. They were still just noise, though. It's not like I believed them or anything.
Okay so I think that's everything I tried. There were some parties with ecstasy and acid and stuff after I joined the gang but I was too busy to trifle with that other ****. Besides, ecstasy is scary. What if you did ecstasy and touched somebody embarrassing you never would have but since you're on ecstasy you're not even thinking.
So that's my list, dad. Hope it helped you with your science stuff.
Oh man. Science stuff. I have to figure out how to get Stephen to the lab without being seen by cameras or people. Wendell said he'd help me if I wanted. I don't need help but I like Wendell a lot so it will be fun to have him tag along. Plus he can keep the Lizard Men away while I get Stephen to the lab. Fall classes start in, okay a long time so it won't have to be too soon or anything. Anatomy class is going to be great.
I hope I can dissect him without him dying. I might have to practice.
What if the Lizard Men bought it to set a trap. What if they made a phony thesaurus and then put it in the bathroom for me to find so when I say new words I sound extra stupid? This obviously means I can't take baths anymore. The Lizard Men have infiltrated. Or that wraith that hangs out around Zoey's boyfriend. If people in Tytonidae didn't know I was sick I think they do now. But they've all been really polite about it. In grade school people would make fun of me but not so much now that we're all vampires. Maybe that's why. Maybe every vampire knows how it feels to be a little sick in the head.
Anyway journal about getting complacent. I'm super excited because my childe Vasik has been getting **** done. He almost won the last stealth raid, too. He is not complacent. Last time I talked to him he had his own building and everything. I had a building once, but it wasn't really my thing. It was fun to run a business for a little while, but I do better stealing than you know. Have I been getting **** done you ask? Kind of. Some of the stuff I planned for long term has come true and while I'm pretty happy I also feel kind of bad for Velveteen having to deal with it. I think she really wanted Phoenix to join. I don't think dad and Velveteen should have told me not to talk to her, because I think a lot of that crap wouldn't have festered so much if we'd just been allowed to talk it out. If Axel loves her she can't be that bad.
But yeah in case you couldn't tell Phoenix wasn't cut out for Tytonidae. I don't think my sire's sire Pi got in either? I didn't hear too much about that one. Might ask her about it sometime. Axel has been quiet about the whole thing. He pretty much stopped being himself after the breakup. Is it because I gave up on him? Maybe I should have been more supportive. He just was acting really weird. Anyway I'm getting paranoid. There was a reason I was writing this entry, Journal.
Okay here it goes: Dad wanted me to write down what drugs I used when I was a human, and what affect they had on the voices. But I don't really remember that well. My mom took mostly opiates. Opiates means they make you calmer and sleepier. She would be strung out for days. I'd take her pills and she'd get mad at me cause they were hers but it's not like they were legal anyway or she had room to talk. That's how I started anyway. I thought it was normal and she was holding out. I started doing drugs a lot after the voices.
Before the voices I would have little visual hallucinations every now and then. That's what it's called when you see things. But I never really thought it was a big deal and they weren't scary or anything. They started getting scary after my mom's boyfriend
Okay this is hard to write about and I don't have to. So I'm skipping ahead. Just the voices started coming out when I was nine. It's not like I took the drugs because I thought they would make the voices go away. I had no idea what would happen. I just took them because mom was taking them at first. I'd steal them out of her purse. First it was Lortabs.
The lortabs just made me feel out of it like I was swimming around in a fish bowl and looking at everything through the glass, and talking underwater. The voices didn't stop. I think what really made them go away was cocaine. Just get too hyper for them to sound like anything that makes sense. Opiates probably made them stronger. I say that because heroin would just make me give up to them. They were still just noise, though. It's not like I believed them or anything.
Okay so I think that's everything I tried. There were some parties with ecstasy and acid and stuff after I joined the gang but I was too busy to trifle with that other ****. Besides, ecstasy is scary. What if you did ecstasy and touched somebody embarrassing you never would have but since you're on ecstasy you're not even thinking.
So that's my list, dad. Hope it helped you with your science stuff.
Oh man. Science stuff. I have to figure out how to get Stephen to the lab without being seen by cameras or people. Wendell said he'd help me if I wanted. I don't need help but I like Wendell a lot so it will be fun to have him tag along. Plus he can keep the Lizard Men away while I get Stephen to the lab. Fall classes start in, okay a long time so it won't have to be too soon or anything. Anatomy class is going to be great.
I hope I can dissect him without him dying. I might have to practice.