Alexandrea's Private Diary~*

[Alexandrea]

Dear Diary.

I haven't keep a journal since I was 13 but I can't talk to anyone about what I am feeling right now and I need someway to express myself.

I'm in love. Have been for months now but I can't tell him and I hardly ever get to see him anymore. He said he cared about me but I can tell he cares for someone else too. And she hates me. I'm sure she says mean things about me to him every chance she gets. But I don't do the same. Even though I have far more reason to hate her than she does me.

A part of me wants to tell him but I worry that would just make things harder for him. Although it's true that I DID promise not to keep secrets from him anymore...

Maybe that's the answer? Just tell him the truth and be ready for him to turn away from me completely? I'd hate to not have him in my life in some way but I did promise. He may already even know, I almost said I loved him the night we slept together. But I wasn't ready yet to say the word 'love'. The only man I have ever said that to before was my father. And what better way to send a man running for the hills after sex than to bring up the word 'love' if he hasn't said it yet?

No, I have to go ahead and say something before he is gone from my life anyways or I'll have to live with always wondering what would have happened if I had been brave enough to try. The next time I see him, I am going to just say it to him. Out-loud, too. Not just in his head. I am going to look him in the eyes and tell him I'm in love with him.

And then get ready to duck, just in case...

[Alexandrea]

She had been tossing and turning for hours before she got up and went to the computer, meaning to just check her emails but in the end bringing up her journal.

Dear Diary...

I did not do as I promised. I DID tell him but... it was not face to face. And not a peep out of him since then. Guess I have no one besides myself to blame. He's such a strong independent person, I suppose I should have known he wouldn't take well to my profession of love.

I should have kept silent. He is not just the man I love. He is also the only person in the world I could have shared with, what I am about to go through.

He wouldn't have judged or offered up opinions. He would have just heard me out and been there, But now I can't even go to him as a friend without worry that he'll think I'm just trying to get his attention.

I got a certified letter the other day. From Paris, France. My stepmother has confessed to... killing my father. Something she had blamed me for. So. I have to go there and figure out what is going on. And help the authorities to find the truth. Under my human name.

Morgan will be coming along with me, I plan to leave right after Christmas. I'll have us fly out first class and do my best to insure she has a lovely trip. It is Paris, after all. At least one of us should enjoy it.

But I won't be telling anyone else.There isn't anyone I feel close enough to to tell. Sure, I have close friends but no one who notices the real me. And let's face it. Most won't even notice I'm gone. Maybe I'll just stay in Paris. Find out for sure if it is true that vampires that die outside of Harper Rock, stay dead.

Feeling out of sorts and super sorry for her self, Alexandrea logged out and went back to bed. The ceiling had been lonely without her attention so she resumed her staring contest with it.

[Alexandrea]

Dear Diary.
Well, it's over. He summoned me over to 'discuss' our relationship but rather than our doing that? He yelled and punched the wall. I stood there literally naked in front of him and he dumped me. Oh sure, he gave me his version of the 'let's me friends' speech. Told me he would always care, that he would have my back.

And then he turned his back, on me. Told me to show myself out and... just left. I was tempted to just wait there and demand that we talk and that he tell me why but let's face it. No one can force that man to do anything. So I left. Took all my things that I had left there over the last couple years and left the key he had given me behind.

I wish I knew why. Is he ashamed of me? He never wanted anyone else to see us together. We never went out in public. And the one time he referred to me as his girlfriend in front of others, he took it back. What did I do???

I loved him. That's what I did. And he couldn't stand that, apparently.

So that's that. Time to suck it up and stop thinking about a man that refused my heart when I offered it to him.

On a brighter note, I went ahead and told Kira about how I have to go to Paris and she's going with me. The company will help and who knows, maybe we might even have some fun while we are there. A girl can hope, right?

Oh yeah... look where THAT just got me...



Alexandrea closed the book and shoved it back under everything in her underwear drawer before marching down the stairs and eating the last of the Ben and Jerry's. Good thing she was a vampire now, otherwise this on again off again on again and now really off for good roller coaster ride Odin had taken her on would have caused Alex to really gain some serious weight.

[Alexandrea]

Hey there stranger, lol. Guess who.

Yup, it's me. Alex again. Sorry I ignore you for such long stretches.

So, Morgan is dead. Well... I think she's dead. Kinda got my fingers crossed that she will be back. I tried to turn her before she was gone but I am not sure if it took. I guess I'll know in a week.

And now I'm without a thrall. That bites. I'd gotten used to the extra help. I guess I'll just hire someone. I'm not sure I want another thrall. No one can replace Morgan.

I don't really want to get into how she died. In the end, it was an accident. An accident that could have been avoided in so many ways. By Morgan, by myself. And by Odin. Maybe even ****, although I don't think she had any idea just how dangerous Odin can be. But I knew.... I knew. And I let her keep going over there anyway.