Diary Journal Like Thingy

[Erica (DELETED 142)]

July 30, 2011

Talking to myself now, kinda sad isn't it? I would sigh, but really the sound would go unnoticed and really what would be the point. And I would further debate the topic of why a sigh with no audience is pointless but it is all ready sad enough I only have myself to fully confide in. Eh f' it...I'm just going to go ahead and sigh...

I don't know what to do with myself...I would say or rather write... 'these days' but then again...it's been that way for a very long time now. Even before I was changed really. I'd rather not dwell on my past too much...I hear other vamps have been writing out their history as if it was long ago or something. Well, I rather get the ones who it has indeed been a long time...but for most of us here? It's been a day, a week, a month or at tops, what like..a few months..

I don't really feel like...writing all that out to be honest. Yet here I am, writing this out instead...I never claimed I made any rational sense. I guess I can see the pro's to a diary...but not one to which I have to write every single day bleh, no thank you. But one for when you feel all alone and bored and/or need to get things off one's chest, then it makes sense I guess. I tried keeping a diary when I was a child, but to be honest that didn't really take off. Course, I know this all ready, since this is my own past. But for some reason when keeping a diary journal like thingy, it just seems to feel like your talking to someone else.

But no fears, I am not insane, I do not think my little diary journal like entries here on my computer is really real or will answer me back or yada yada. Why am I pointing this out? Just in case at some point some nosey being finds this and sits and reads because they have nothing better to do either. Mmmm...while I am making that point, this is a good time to say...if you are for some reason reading this my little intruder friend or friends as the case could turn out to be. Don't expect gold here...perfect grammar or spelling or any of that nonsense. This is a spot for me to vent or whine or plot or confide in...not a spot to win writing contest prizes.

Bleh, I am tired already...I should delete this and just forget it maybe...but I suppose no harm in leaving it...maybe I can add more when feel like it...

[Erica (DELETED 142)]

August 15, 2011

I haven't really decided how much to say here, but I suppose I should at least stop to mention my childer, so here goes.

I have three childer... The first is KitKat...a young girl, much too young...actually, that I turned just a night later after my own turning.. But it was more reflex and my emotions then me thinking with my head. What kind of 'life' will she have now? Did I make the right decision? Would she have been better off left to die? When I look at her, I can't help but say I would do it again. I don't admittedly want to write all that out, maybe some time, but really...what's the point of that much detail to such a dark night. It's not like I could ever forget it... coming up to the horrific scene of a car crash where the rest of the kids were all dead, except her. Her pale skin and blond hair covered in so much blood...some hers, some from her friends... Sorry, I can't really do this, it's too hard...anyways, in short, I 'saved' her the only way I knew to save her... I made her a vamp. She has chosen the path of the mystics, and although I think on one hand she's learning slowly and not learning as fast as I am on my own path of telepathy.. considering her age and all she's been going through... I think she is doing just fine...sorta anyways. She keeps to herself even more then me. She trusts and loves me, I can tell...but she hasn't attempted to reach out to any other of our kind at all. At all. But, maybe she just needs time.. I do worry for her, but hopeful, and even if she just spends her time on comp games mainly, it still is good to even just see her a 'live' instead of in the ground like her friends.

My second childe...kind of a mystery to me to be honest. His name though is Skiff Farkas and he chose the path of the killer. I get this makes no sense...but I really don't recollect turning him as crazy as that sounds. And after I realized I had this new connection and I tried to seek him out, but he was slowly fading away...and soon in the shadow realms. I still attempted to reach him by sending telepathic messages...but nada... and part of me thinks I will never see him again, but I suppose one never knows...

And my newest childe, I did some talks with her but she is newly turned as of right now...as in really really newly turned. Her path way is that of the necromancer and if and when she ever has questions, I will probably ask my sis Zaph to talk with her and help me to guide her some...since for me, I know pretty much nothing about that pathway... I have high hopes for her, Tyankta is her name....really haven't spoken with her since the day I turned her. But she knows how to contact me if and when she wants.

I really don't think I am going to be that great of a sire... not sure what to base it off of. Not sure I am much of the hold your hand kind.. except with KitKat, but really...she is a tad different, for she is still a child really.. well, I don't tell her that to her face, teenagers can get a bit attitude and or hurt on that subject matter. Anyways, I figure Tyankta may need her own space. I had to learn on my own pretty much, rarely see my own sire, but I also know that if I asked him, he'd be there, and I hope my own childer know the same.

[Erica (DELETED 142)]

August 19, 2011

Well, I kept waiting for something worthy to happen to me, with me, around me, anything at all pretty much so that I could have something of interest to write about here... Yeah that pretty much hasn't happened yet. So this is going to be more of a mini vent/rant/I am bored and tired kind of entry this time. Though I suppose is better then me not writing at all..

Life, or I suppose I should call it 'unlife' or...I don't know actually what I should call it, so I get it's not the 'correct' term, but I am going to just stick to calling it life, cause well, it's still my life. That makes sense to me, who knows if it does to any one else or not. Not that I really care anyways.

Right, anyways, back on track... life sucks in short. I would put a 'ha ha, that's funny' but no, it's not actually. It's rather sad and pathetic. The loneliness is so very loud all around me. Boring...same ol' same ol' routine, night after night after night after night...but still I trudge on of course. Though I have seen a few around me who seem to basically not be doing that, or only half way trying to learn and grow in this new life of ours.

Well, I of course talk to some of my siblings sometimes, so I don't mean I never literally do anything at all. But just overall...this life...I don't know. When I was still a human, I felt I had a purpose, goals ahead of me to do...now? I just don't know.

I am glad that KitKat finally moved a bit more out of the apt. Was good to see her out stealing again, feeding again...and she even tackled a few zombies. She fled from a few, but she got right back up and chased down another one and got it. I don't think I had ever felt so proud...

If you had told me 6 months ago that I'd be proud of my vamp childe for stealing and killing zombies, I would probably been nodding my head at you and then backing away slowly. Who knew? Well some humans do figure it out on their own before their changed, I know that now, but still...crazy world we live in. Still learning new things every day, or night I suppose I should say, whatever...you know what I mean.