Captain, My Captain

[Cupcake (DELETED 180)]

21 June 2013 Noo....

June 21, 2013....No.


June, 2013

Dear Diary,

Hi, Journal,Hey, motherfuck-

Captain, my Captain....

I've been lost at sea for a while, watching the world pass me by, while the waves of your embrace carried me along like a disposed dead body. I didn't mean to be gone for so long. I didn't mean to leave my friends behind for the deep blue sea. It was like I was looking for greener pastures, some where to rest my weary head for a while. I've been disconnected for what seems like forever. But deep down, I know, I wanted to stay lost to the world, forgotten by many. No one bothered me. I chose to ignore the calls of distress sent me way. People begging me to return to them, begging for me to come and join in arms. Begging me to come fight for a cause I don't believe in anymore. I don't believe in the way of life anymore, the ways of the vampires anymore. Perhaps I've been out at sea too long with my human counterparts. Perhaps I've spent too much time shipwrecked on the couch with my cousin, Chris.

Maybe, just maybe....I've grown up. Some how along the way...Captain, I've grown up. I mean, it should be obvious proof. I'm not even cussing as I write this out to you. I mean, ****...oh, well. There went that argument. Besides that though...besides all of that...

I've been back on shore for almost a week now and I find myself, aching to return to sea. I've not come to the point where I want to denounce the very vampire blood that courses through my veins. No, I haven't reached that point yet. But holy ****, most of these shits for brains are as dramatic as a bunch of teenage girls. I can't even begin to fathom what the hell I've come back to. Vampires are killing each other over sleeping with each other spouses. I mean, ****...the dude should have died to. Just saying. Everyone, I feel, have become a pack of pussies. People are boo hooing over...worthless..confining ****. Friendships have been lost; men too prideful to admit they're wrong and their need for each other.

I'm not even sure I have the same friends that I used to have. SO what the hell did I come back from the sea...of disconnection....for? What did I come back for? Did I come back for Wolfgang? Was it more of Wolfgang's will for me to come back than my own? I mean, ****. I work all the time. I make my own money. I sleep with whoever I want whenever I want. I dress however I want. I do whatever I want.

Why the hell did I come back to this community? And why am I still here? I think I like torturing myself way too much. I think I like feeling like the black sheep of society. At least I'm not like Robert Pratt and his crazy bat **** cult. **** that guy. I can say at least I'm not like him.

Actually...there's more people I'm glad I'm not like. So I guess...I'm not the black sheep. I'm more like that foreign kid who is having troubles making and keeping friends. Boyfriends...are so out of the question.

**** Monogamous relationships! **** them so hard.

Yeah, **** them.

Anyway...Captain, I long to return to your cold embrace, the disconnection where I felt safe and no one knew my name.

At least I was a no body among the lambs. I don't know how I feel about being a no body among wolves and lions, devouring each other.

I miss you.

Your Sailor,

D.F.

[Cupcake (DELETED 180)]

June, 2013


Captain, my Captain


**** this.