Hello New Old Friend

[Jacob Regan]

Staring at the blank page before him Jacob frowned in thought, he had a journal he had kept once, but staring at these pages he wondered why he had the first one to begin with. Tapping the pen to his lips as he loomed over the opened empty pages in leather cover his thoughts spilled over the last year of his life.
Finally his pen dipped to touch paper and he wrote.

Dear New Old Friend…
…To night is the first night of the rest of my life, but before I start there are some things you will need to know about why this is so…

…Love, betrayal and broken hearts. Epic right? Perhaps, but not to me, no not to me. To me it was just too much. At some point all the drama and the ******** needs to end or all you will have is the same stories told by different hands over and over and over again, it becomes mundane and bland, a boring tasteless fruitless venture that leaves you stuck going nowhere…
…I cannot let myself get stuck like that, getting covered up in everyone else’s versions of what or who I should be. I never wanted the mantle they placed around my shoulders, I never wanted to do it all alone…
…And that is what I was, essentially alone. Not that I discard those that stood by me, but there was a part of me not even they could reach because it was a part forced to the side. I don’t know how else better to say or put that. But that wasn’t really the problem, not all of it and most of what happened to me was my own fault for not only allowing it to happen but for being part of the reason it had happened in the first place…

…My old friend, The sweetest smiles tell the sweetest lies…
…I hope you remember that, not that it is really of any note to my tale, but just a piece of advice I felt I would share with your pages and to be remembered in ink. I won’t put names to your pages because in the event you are violated by prying eyes I would not wish you being held responsible for leaking them. Nor will I detail events that can be held against you, or me for that matter, no my friend for the purposes of this entry I will simply write to you my feelings on all that has happened…
…I will start by saying this, I was hurt and have hurt, I was loved and have loved. No, no that isn’t enough but it makes a fair point to begin with….
…At this given moment all I feel is tired, even anger and rage has gone to sleep inside me for the moment which is why I am here now writing to you. What remains awake is the pain and the sorrow of a heart that loved too strongly for a heart that loved too much, is that fair? I don’t truly give a **** if it is or not, here now you belong to me and you will take what I tell you as offering and sacrifice to ease my thoughts…
…And there the temper flares. Forgive me my friend, I did not mean to pour into you like that. I guess the dividing factor here is that I still love those eyes, those lips and that smile, I still love the woman that made of me a monster, a tool, a toy…

…But here inside you I will lay down what is in me at the moment so I beg your pages bear with me as even as I write these words I know they will sometimes turn the darker for it…
…I have left her side for perhaps the last time, I honestly and truly don’t know what I will do with what becomes of my nights but I feel like a child on Christmas Morning, excited about the present that awaits and afraid that it would disappoint. How she is doing or feeling is something that does gnaw at me and a concern that does fester, but I can’t allow it to affect my chosen path. She needs to grow and find herself again, a chance she never truly had since her awakening nearly two years ago. I have to believe this is the best for us, that it is better than ripping and tearing each other apart over the whims and wants of others or what may or may not be the truth…
…The other part of it is the Tramp and the Mutt that can’t seem to let old bones lay buried, though on that I will not comment more about on your pages my friend as rightly and truly that doesn’t concern me anymore…
…Nor will it concern me unless they start yapping and biting in my direction. I must say friend that I am surprising myself by how much cold vehemence I have curled up inside and how little of that is being etched onto your pristine pages…
…Perhaps I am not ready yet to let it all out or perhaps I value you to greatly to expose you to the full heat of it…

…Ah, but yes. The first night of the rest of my life and why. I am here because I do not believe in throwing myself away for anyone or any cause and have been doing so over and over again for the past year if not more of my life…
…I do not blame them alone but myself included for I allowed myself to be a fool, the fool and that is my own fault. I allowed myself to love and fall in love, to care and opened myself to the greatest weakness any man can be exposed to, his own heart…
…Hence here I am and I vow to never again let that happen…

…I do not claim I will never love again, cause I haven’t stopped loving. But someone else’s toy I will not be again, this wooden boy has had his strings cut and his wish granted, freedom. Now I know that my sound selfish and hurtful, but none know it better than me and for you my friend none other will so I know I do not need to explain the ‘why’ of it…
…I am in my Sire’s service once more, her Runt returned. How we will do I do not know, but I look forward to finding out. For the first time in many nights I do not feel the collar around my neck, I do not see the limitations of my tether and I feel able to soar as high and as far as I want to…
…There isn’t a care in me holding me back, not a want in me keeping me tied up because I know that the caring and the wants in me are not going to be frowned upon or judged by the person I chose to serve. That she will encourage and support my effort to find my own limitations and boundaries…
…It is something we had going when I first came to the night as her childe, an understanding, a trust and it is my hope that we find ourselves there again for she has my full support and trust and if need be I will prove it…

…This may seem like a dog changing masters to you, perhaps it is. I don’t say that I know if it is the case or not, but this is what I chose because I was tired of being the broken and continually remodelled thing I had become…
…I slept in a marble coffin for two months, woke because my thoughts had finally become something of the man I had been before and now that I am back, ********, son of a *****, asshole, the runt of the litter, or whatever other nasty little names people adhere to my persona I don’t care…
…What I do from here on out I do for me…

[Jacob Regan]

Sitting in the dark of his would be office a single desk lamp lit his impromptu desk setup. Before him stretched the endless seas of possibilities and he felt almost giddy with the prospect of just trying his hand at the nefarious, in front of him lay his Journal. Something he picked up on again.


Dear Friend…
…I’ve started something I am hoping will be the beginning of many new things for me, at least along the lines of this venture. I’m hoping the others I approach will consider my proposition carefully and that Liz will come around to it…
…I’m sitting in what will eventually become my office. My office, that just made me laugh. Three months ago I didn’t even see much of a future for myself anymore other than being a Noble ***** and cuckold. There I said it so give it your best shot you sons of bitches. Oh, but I said it inside your pages old friend, but it is out and it isn’t exactly like I’m hiding you anywhere special. In fact I’m not hiding you at all. Anyone entering my office could page through you when I’m in the front, I do carry you with me most nights but not all and that will be our little secret where you rest at those times that I don’t…

…It has come to my attention that there are people moving in the shadows that might not be too eager with my return. I won’t name names nor do I frankly give a ****, but as it concerns my person I feel I need to put that down here. The wolf won’t become a dog again, so my old friend when they move against me we’ll move back in kind or answer them in blood. I don’t care for this back stabbing ******** anymore, but my enterprise isn’t near ready yet for my demise and I will fight to keep what I’m trying to build no matter how amoral that may be…
…I’m done with these fucktards and cocksluts that think they can just pull the ‘I’m GOD and I am right’ ********. Guess what assholes, god spelled backward is dog, so stop your yapping before you get whipped and beat to a ******* whining little leg humper that you are…
…Seems there is always some little ******* Yorky or Chihuahua barking up a **** storm while pissing on someone else’s carpet. I need to make a note of that, “Only real dogs allowed inside the building, not your yapping floor brush.” That might spark up the right clientele to show up, or inspire the rest not to bring their yappers around…

…But enough of turd droppers and leg humpers. I feel at odds my old friend, it isn’t always that I feel this way. For one that ***** Emily walked herself in front of a snow plough and deprived me once again of the opportunity to ******* gut and skin her alive. The thing about that is that I feel the need to wait for her to return and do it but know if I do it would only start up **** that I don’t need right now…
…No I think I’ll let the little turnip stew in whatever bed she picks and one night when all has settled have her stare into the eyes she claimed once and rip out her lying throat. As for the other, well I’m still avoiding that one…
…She sent me two roses tied together with string. One white and one red, and for a 500 year old she is pretty naïve. White is the color of mourning, or it used to be and when it turned to loyalty I wouldn’t know nor do I care. I read the note attached and laughed, I wanted to call her and ask if the string/rope was meant to hang myself with just as a joke to smear on the salt real good and thick…
…And if I believed it would have burned like a *********** I just might have. But I don’t believe she is as fazed by my leaving as she claims, I might be wrong but doubt it. Like I said before, I don’t doubt her love for me, it is her view and perception of love that I don’t trust worth a ****…

…Aly, she seems a nice girl and we’re to meet up later. But it is me and my influence on her that I don’t trust, I don’t want her to carry the taint that is Jacob Regan on her pretty little shoulders. I’ve warned her against me cause she doesn’t deserve that and I wish she and Athan both would just drop my tumble with the fae on their behalf…
…All I really did was make an insolent childe faint by growling to loud and then had a little dance with the ever so kind and wonderful fae, no big deal. It isn’t like I asked them to be all grateful and ****. I just stopped one childe from being a dumbass by stopping another from being a bigger dumbass and in the process Aly got saved. It wasn’t like I pulled her from some monsters clutches and carried her out of the woods to her castle on the hill…
…But I cannot deny that I enjoy giving in to my impulsiveness again and the banter we exchanged earlier was something to enjoy. I do intend to follow through on my end though and don’t really care who says what or gets their panties up in a twist over it…
…If their panties worry them so much I’ll be glad to relieve them of it and stuff them in their mouths to shut them up…

…I am returned and fully intend on being me, the only person that might have a problem with that and that I would actually listen to is Liz. I am after all her runt of the litter, and what is a runt if not mischievous in the full. But I won’t cause her grief, I’m happy to be back at her side and for her to have me there…
…I remember the night she turned me and we got all shot to **** by the cops and the bad guys alike. Fun times, I guess I fell a little in love with her character back then, her strength of person. And I will always strive to repay her for what she did that night, for what she gave me and that is just another reason she is to be included as an equal in my venture…

…but the night is young my friend and I have much to do. Till later…

[Jacob Regan]

He sat at his desk, the lamp lighting a yellow circle of scattered papers and documents and a fresh page of his journal. Jake stood back in the shadows and stared at the blank page for a long moment before he stepped up and sat down to write. It wasn’t long till dawn, but here now he needed to write because he didn’t know what to do with it, who else he could tell accept his Old Friend. Liz and them had too much already on their minds, his troubled thoughts didn’t have to feature in that.

Forgive me old friend for tonight I fear pleasantries isn’t on the agenda…
…I’ll start with the impromptu interview of Ms Lane. It was interesting to say the least and I look forward to working with her, she is as I’ve always thought an amazing young woman. Neither of us have delusions about the other nor are we looking to get those, I am confident we know where we stand with each other. Even there is still the possibility of a larger scheme, but I don’t care about that. If last night proved anything it is that I can afford her the same level of trust that I had invested in her before and I can see our work together being just work…
...And if we play, I think it will be interesting to say the least…

…But tonight had been eventful and busy of which Ms Lane’s interview was only the start of. My Simi came back to me last night for an all to brief stay, and perhaps that is the main thing troubling me. She wakes in me the want to be what she wishes me to be and I know it is because I love her. It isn’t a romantic love and we are not in love, but it is an intimate love between sire and childe. Perhaps more so than most, but I guess it has always been so for us. I do not want to blame my Alluristic nature for what happened last night as I think we both knew it was something coming from the start…
…I believe it is the circumstances we find ourselves in that lead to the desperation of last night. Six months she had said, six months before she returns again for another night. All I wanted to do was hold her, hold onto her and for our brief moments together be the man she saw in me and not the wounded animal with hackles raised in the corner that I am…
…I let her feed on me as she is of my blood already and it was the trigger point for a tension between us since the night I sired her. I had seen it in her eyes as well and as we sat staring out at the water with the DC compound on the far bank I didn’t care for anything other than the small frail frame I held in my lap. I think the initial shock drove us apart at first, but I only had a few moments left with her as her time drew to an end and our time together ended…
…I tasted her then as we agreed, she would return to me and if she ever came to a point where she couldn’t I would go and find her even if it meant I had to die to reach her. And we sealed our deal in the mutual love that we shared. The longing to be close and the blood lust to be stubborn, she is my Simi and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for her. And if all we will have is one night a year then I will make damned sure I’ll give her all she needs to keep her through the dark till the next time she comes home. Returns to me…

…But her leaving took with her what she sees in me, the gentle, loving and caring man she needs me to be and that I need to be for her. That has left a melancholy inside me and I hunted the sewers and the QZ last night because of it, hunted with a vengeance. Until I ran into Scorpia. She had already slit my throat earlier, her way of saying ‘Hi’ I guess and I’d already returned the favour with a bullet to her shoulder so needless to say when I ran into her I was weary of her sting…
…To my surprise though it turned out into a challenge of sorts and I am not sure why I agreed to it, perhaps too many episodes of ‘how I met your mother’ lead to my ‘challenge accepted’ attitude or perhaps I was just looking for a change of pace. We had been fairly good friends once upon a time until a neck snap. And recently she had started saying ‘Hello’ again in her own way…
…As to why she proposed the challenge to me I cannot rightly say because for one it is Scorpia. She’s always as far as I’ve known her been an enigma and perhaps that is what drew me to her, I can see the girl she is behind the bravado and tough exterior and I don’t know. Perhaps we both needed a friend that didn’t mind the others erratic behaviour…
…An unusual gift to catch her interest for one date I get to pick…
…Nipple rings, perhaps. I can see her face going through the motions of surprise and anger. No I will have to think on this a while…

…The last bit of the erratic night I had was a cupcake in a giant box. One I wasn’t quite sure what to do with or how to handle. I’d gotten back to the office and did a solid good hours hammering and sawing in the warm interior with the heat turned up so that I could actually feel the work I was doing to try and settle my thoughts…
…There was a knock on the door which I at first ignored going over the charts and spread sheets one more time. Finally I went to look and there stood a giant box all wrapped up and pretty and it was safe to say I was more than a little confused. I carried the box inside and when I popped the lid I was indeed surprised. It seemed Ms Lauren thought it would be a good idea to surprise me with a cupcake indeed. It was a very sweet thing of her to do, thoughtful to say the least but I just didn’t have it in me and I hoped I hadn’t been too hard on her. She really is a sweet girl and seeing as she has a neighbouring business I wouldn’t want things between us to be tense…

…Tonight was more than just a night to remember. I’ll miss my Simi most and her absence in my life after her brief interlude back will be something I’ll feel for nights to come. I wish I could have stopped time for us and stayed there till our time ran out on its own, don’t get me wrong the romantic notion of forever isn’t an illusion I subscribe to anymore. But for a moment, only a moment I wanted to believe again. Her taste is still tingling on my lips, her touch and feel fresh on my skin and I’ll try to hold onto that…
…But the moment I had to watch her slip away into the dark and fade away from this realm I could feel the part of me she kept alive slip away with her. Better she hold onto it where she went than to leave it here with me anyway…

…The sun rises, I can feel it outside and it has been forever since I’ve seen one. But for tonight I’ll just close your pages and go to sleep for an hour or two before the construction crew comes in for the day…

Till later my friend…

[Jacob Regan]

He pulled out the journal and ran fingers over the worked leather binding. Sitting with his back to the wall of the Deseret Asylum Jacob stared at the book for a long time before he opened it and took out his pen. For a long moment he stared at the blank page before him before he started writing.

Good evening my friend…
…I did something last night that I guess can be seen as unusual and interesting. And you might wonder what the hell I am talking about, well it is simple really. The deal with Scorpia…
…She had challenged me to bring her an unusual and interesting gift and in return we go out on a date of my choice. It had taken a few nights to secure the gift, but I finally got my hands on the cutest little Netherland’s Dwarf Bunny. He is a little ball of soft white fur with black ears and black circles around his eyes and it is really the most adorable evil looking critter I have ever seen…
…I thought he would be perfect for the purpose of a gift for her, not to mention for the challenge. Now you may ask why get a gift for her anyway, well that is easy. Why not, she’s been her unusual self but also a friend and this challenge is a way for me to repay her for her infallible support…
…But that isn’t the only reason. Last night when I gave her the little guy I saw a glimpse of the girl behind the wall if only for a moment and that in itself was enough for the expense of finding that little guy for her…

…But that’s not all that had happened. I ran into Isabella here in the Asylum last night as well. She ran so fast by me that I thought she didn’t notice me at first even though I had thought it would be the civil and right thing to do to say ‘Hello’ to her. But then she whipped passed me so fast I didn’t try cause I thought she had likely not seen me or understandably was ignoring me…
…until she sent me a telepathic message which asked if I would keep ignoring her. Now that pissed me off to no ends, I mean really? Really? I tried to say ‘Hello’ twice and she turns it around on me. No **** that, and it was pretty much how our text conversation went. And once more I saw proof of her actions and claims not matching up, I mean really, come on that was just blatant. And then she went all pleading and what not claiming she would be happy to ‘just sit at my feet.’ ********, I know her better than she thinks I do and I know neither of us would be happy just sitting at the others feet and I said as much…
…I guess her bravado is a lie as well because she still thinks the same old tactics will work on me. ..

…I mean come on Isabella. I’m done with being the sap you could manipulate with your whining. I had really hoped she would change but it seems last night was proof that things don’t change overnight and perhaps she won’t ever change. But then again I don’t really care if she does or not, from what I’ve heard and a little of what I’ve been told her family is struggling and apparently there is now a new rule floating around there…
…I don’t know, on the one side I wish them luck cause there are good hearted people there but on the other hand I want to laugh…

…They say you should love a person for who they are, what they are. And I love her for who she is inside, or who she was perhaps or could have been. But I won’t love her for who and what she turned out to be. Perhaps Nick did more damage than I could fix and vows and commitments and all that aside, there is only so much a guy can do before he should face the facts…
…I watched a movie earlier before returning here. The Vow, don’t know if you have heard of it my friend. I guess I was feeling a little melancholy and the movie came on, I didn’t turn it off or flip a channel. The story was quite good and though it reminded me of the dream of her, it made me realize that it was nothing like us. That woman had a valid excuse, she couldn’t remember their life together. But even that man gave up, faced the facts and in the end they got back together because she found her way back to him….
…I don’t see that happening for Isabella and myself, because where that woman eventually faced herself and came to terms with her life I don’t think Isabella ever will…

…The construction on Evernight is coming along well which reminds me I need to speak to Elizabeth about the opening. Aside from that I still need to finish the documentation for the shop and I have a date to plan. Well I have it all planned out in my head, but I need to start and get the things ready and in motions for when the night finally arrives…
…I still miss my Simi, tonight seeming worse than the last but still I am also doing a little better with it. My final act to be completed is to lay the foundations for my own bloodline and if not for the prospect of starting one then just to rid the name of Noble from mine…
…But all in good time, for now I need to hunt a bit to ease some of the tension in my body and mind…

…Till later my friend…

[Jacob Regan]

Sitting down as the sun set for another nigh in Harper Rock Jacob pulled his journal into his lap, letting it rest against his drawn up knees. He was sitting on a part bench that over looked the river behind the Chateau, it was a nice enough evening and he had a few things he wished to put down before the new night started. So putting pen to paper he began his next entry.

Dearest Friend...
...much has happened since we have last spoken. So much so that I hardly know where to begin so I'll start with Liberty and go from there. It occurred to me last night that I might need to find a cleaning staff for Evernight as neither Cagey and I are likely to clean the place each night so I went looking. I found this place with a very incompetent stupid desk lady at the front who kept telling me they only provided a butler service and completely ignored what I was trying to get through to her. Some human's just don't deserve to live and I would have gladly ripped out her throat right there and then but something, someone surprised me...
...I turned around and there she was and needless to say I was dumbstruck. My Simi, returned? I was confused at first but as she helped me select the service I wanted I came to realize that she wasn't returned to me as was my initial thought but rather that she had returned and that our agreement still stood. Don't get me wrong my friend, I love my childe and I am glad that she is back, but I had hoped that she would stay with me, close to me...
...I guess I can not hold it against her, not that I am, my Simi is growing up and she has a life of her own to pursue and I am more then happy for her that she chose to do so. She had said she wanted to travel and explore and that on occasion when our busy lives allowed that I can accompany her if I wanted to. Of coarse I agreed, hell it would be wonderful to spend such time with her with only the two of us. I don't know what she saw of the world before I turned her, I guess I'll find that out but there is so much we could explore together, so many places I could take her and ensure her safety in the world of humans...

...I left there happy heading back to Evernight to get cleaned up for my meetings I had scheduled last night. The fist of which was with Ms Lane to discuss some of her work responsibilities that we didn't get the opportunity to touch on when she came for her interview a couple of nights back. I think we've reached a deeper level of agreement and understanding not only as co-workers but also as friends. She'll do Office Management for the most part. And yes that isn't very detailed, but her responsibilities are various. We have other interviews to do upon a later stage, but for the moment it will only be Ms Lane and myself and perhaps Maggie. I need to get her out of her room more, into the world even if she is a human. I still brought her here and taking care of Roan's tomb isn't something I want the girl to do for the rest of her life...
...that reminds me, I need to tell her I am back. I've been so busy lately...

...All in all the meeting with Ms Lane last night went well and I see us working extremely well together. I need to remind her to get started on the opening party, I want a small gathering of people to celebrate the birth of Evernight with me and that could be her first task as mangager...
...and that brings us to my next meeting my friend, and what an interesting meeting it had been indeed. Liam, a man I consider a friend and brother came to see me last night about Isabella...

...Needless to say that darkened my good spirits considerably, but I listened to what he had to say. I did, truly listened but there was nothing for it. His intentions were good I believe but Isabella and I aren't just something to be fixed by counseling or the snap of ones fingers. No, there was more to it then Liam knew, much more to it and even more then I ended up telling him...
...Liam doesn't know about the bond Isabella and I shared, at least not in so much as the nature of that bond. Like Rago and Emily had been, Isabella and I were bound in blood and not just marriage. I know now that it was that bond and my blind love of her that had kept me in denial this whole time, always sweeping the signs and tells under the rug...
...but that's the thing about sweeping stuff under the rug, sooner or later someone's going to trip over the **** and all the dirt will be revealed. Nothing that drastic has happened yet even though I'm looking for that person who will eventually trip up and tell me everything. Anyway, Liam and I reached a common understanding about broken trust when he started telling me about his own experiences in that field. He spoke almost longingly about his latest failed attempt at finding happiness and I don't even think he was aware of it, I listened like any friend should and offered what few words of comfort I had left in me. It seems Isadora Broussard was the one that brought this melancholy about him but as he spoke I wondered though I didn't comment that maybe Liam had brought it upon himself...
...he had asked her to choose between her friends and him, something I can understand given his feelings towards her friends but something I did not see as needed. Liam has always been a bit weary and paranoid, it was why when I was still in Noble I assigned him as the Director of Noble Intelligence. But that's besides the point, Isadora had chosen her friends...
...this led me to think about all the times I had asked Isabella to choose. Only I had asked her to choose between her lovers and her love, so it wasn't exactly the same thing. About every time she promised me that it would not ever happen again and I just sat in silence while he spoke and answered a bit distracted at the thoughts in my head. It was like I had told him before, but that is neither here nor there. God I hate that saying...

...I did learn something though, and that is something I'll keep to myself for the moment my friend if you don't mind. As night falls on Harper Rock once more I am glad to say that my mood is less dark than how it was at the end of last night. I need to call Ms Lane and get her started on organizing the opening event for Evernight and then check in on a few friends. Scorpia being one of them. She's been more at ease as of late and she doesn't know that if caught her dosing off a few times next to me as we sat together in the Cats or the Library. When she sleeps holding Reggie in her arms she seems at peace, a side of her I think few ever get to see or take the time to notice...
...I am glad I am the one who gets to see this and notice this...

...but that is all for tonight my friend, till we talk again later...

[Jacob Regan]

(OOC: Back dated to Valentines before taking Lisa dancing)



Jacob sat at his desk with mixed feelings and thoughts. The night had gone roughly as he planned it with a few exceptions, before him lay his journal opened to a fresh page. With a frown of deep thought Jacob picked up his pen and began to write.

Good evening my friend...
...I seem to find you in better spirits, but it is mine who are somewhat troubled and distressed. Last night was the eve before Valentines and I had finally taken Scorpia out on that date we'd agreed upon. I think she needed that more than I did, perhaps that is why I had agreed to it. No, no I won't deny my own selfish reasons for agreeing to that challenge to win a date with her. She is an amazing friend and dangerous, not because she is deadly with her weapons, no she is far more dangerous then just that. But I'll tell you more about that later. Let me get started at the beginning of the night...
...I arrived at the Dark Eden with time to spare and waited for her inside. Needles to say I was excited because my first order to her was two dresses each in its own right a challenge for her and I was curious to see which she would pick to wear for the evening. And when she arrived I was pleasantly surprised but not ready for her to see yet how much or how pleased I was other than a somewhat smug air about me...
...but then she surprised me. Amazing by Aerosmith came on over the clubs speakers and the people seemed to flood the floor. Scorpia in her turn asked me to dance and tugged me along. The song stirred memories up from my human life before Harper Rock and instead of having it remind me of the life since I came here I instead held onto those memories while not forgetting who I was dancing with in that moment. It was there and then that something happened that made me realize perhaps for the first time how dangerous she was...
...after the song ended there was a moment of intensity and near ruin for me. And had I succumbed to it I think our friendship would have been tainted because neither of us I think is ready for that now. Perhaps I would never be ready for that again...

...We left the Dark Eden shortly afterwards on our way to Old Town Theater where I had booked out a whole cinema room with the midnight screening of the old black and white version of Nosferatu. Yes I had bought every seat in that show to ensure it would be just the two of us. Well that is if you don't count the snacks...
...I led Scorp to our seat. Between two enthralled human's, a blond haired young man and a red hair young woman was a single empty seat. I sat down grinned at her. Explaining her seat and her choice of a light white or red as beverage for the movie. I had picked this movie cause it was to me one of the most misunderstood monster movies of all time and it was a sliver screen classic hands down. Movies just wasn't made like that any more you know...

...well the movie was entertaining and I think she enjoyed herself a little more than she is willing to admit. But it was nothing to what I had planned for after. It was the midnight screening and after I took her on a walk through Thornside Park. The next part of our date was set up in my room and the walk from the station through the park to the Chateau was a welcome relief and a moment for us to talk a bit about idle nonsenses. A moment to breath if you will...
...I don't think Scorpia was quite prepared for what awaited her in my room. Yes everything was ready and her expression was priceless. Hell I hadn't even been sure about it all till that very moment to be honest. This was certainly not the date she had expected. 'Eat your heart out Christian Grey, you've got nothing on this vampire with your 'Red Room of Pain" ***********'...yes, those were my exact thoughts in that moment...
...I do think though that she might hate me a little, even love me a little. Well Scorpia was always going on about how she was too much to handle, so what do you do with something that is too much to handle, you tie it up in leather bonds and straps with chains attached. Yes, laugh I know you want to my friend and that is ok...
...I will not bore you with the details of what transpired, but I did have fun and before your lewd mind drifts to far. No I did not **** her, it was a first date after all. No upstanding gentleman closes on the first date, you at least have to wait for the second. Anyway even though I'm sure she is loath to admit, I do think she enjoyed herself. And no, this room was of my own design but with Evernight and everything else I had Maggie put it together. The poor girl, I can only imagine what she had to go through to get her hands on all of these equipment...

...anyway it seems that even after all that. I feel at odds now. I had come dangerously close to self destruction last night. And I think I'll need to steel myself against that, resolve is there for a reason and it is my resolve not to be like that again, not now. I will not say not ever again because I don't know what the future holds and who really wants to spend and eternity as a bitter and cold son of a *****...
...well at least half an eternity would suffice...
...yes my friend even with my melancholy thoughts I still have a sense of humor. It is vital that I hold onto that for risk of loosing myself completely in the muck of despair and letting Isabella have a final win over me. I had given her enough and she had taken enough and I won't give her the satisfaction of seeing me fall to ruin again. I will build Evernight into what I envision it even if I have to fight for it, as specially if I have to fight for it. She took my life, my heart but she won't have my freedom...
...FREEDOM yes I am laughing as I right this, damn that Mal Gibson...

...anyway I promised to take Lisa dancing after that raid and tonight is as good a night as any, besides this night is too dangerous to spend alone or with dangerous company. So yes, I have my own selfish reasons for taking her dancing and not all of them is because I want to spend more time with my sibling. But hell who in this life doesn't have selfish reasons for doing what they do...
...I have to thank Isabella for that, she taught me that lesson the hard way...

...Good eve my friend I shall find you in a couple of night's again, rest well till then.

[Jacob Regan]

It had been so long since he pulled out the book it felt like ages had passed though it was more like months. Did he have anything to write about, yes, did he want to, he wasn't sure. Staring at a fresh blank page the smell of paper and leather lured the ink to the page and his pen rose and fell.

"...But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered-not a feather then he fluttered-
Till I scarcely more than muttered, "other friends have flown before-
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before."
Then the bird said, "Nevermore."..."

I am quoting Poe to you old friend so you know it is dreary indeed...
...last night was as you well know my birthday and though not that I am a fan it is the one day or night that I wish did not really see coming. Yes it took me by surprise so busy my nights have been lately and when it came upon me I was left in a strange motley of of thoughts. Once more I have chosen to forsake my humanity as those of my path are entitled to do. But it is different from how it used to be, I find my wolf bleeding more and more through to replace whatever emotion I gave up with its approximation of the balance...
...I find that I like that...

...As with most of what I write you have mostly already guessed the cause...
...only this time my friend I write to say that it is over. I have sent her the documents to finalize this separation and pray my divorce of her lies and her presence in my life will be a task swiftly accomplished. I no longer want to be near any part of her existence and I thank my siress for separating our blood from hers. That whole family can go to dust for it is fast approaching that under her hand, the only thing that matters to her is the fire to be stoked between her thighs, she has no care for anything or anyone else. Well not true, there is one...
...but she has forsaken everything and everyone else. Even her blood to truth sister is ignored. I feel sorry for Antigony because unlike me I know she can not help but love her sister, but there is no care from the other. All she has is words but no actions to confirm or back that up. My siress told me she hoped that Isabella will realize what she has lost, I doubt that she will see what she keeps losing every night. And no my friend I do not speak about myself...
...I speak of the family she spawned. Sooner or later they will realize what and who they are dealing with and they will move on and past her. Perhaps she will change, perhaps she will take charge and put in honest effort, but I doubt that. The whole thing now causes me a twisted sense of thrill. I guess you could say joy...

...but the prospect of the hunt to follow thrills me more...
...the taste of fresh blood and gun smoke and the cries and screams, the excitement of the coming kill only to take it all away and give them hope. Reprieve at last and then to hound it down again and snatch that hope away until the last minute...
...this old friend will be the best part as the flames of vengeance burn ever brighter with the coming. And I am said to move on, that I have been done no wrong and that there is nothing to avenge. How about ******* my wife while she was still that? How about all the lies and the insult I had to face while I tried to fill the gaps she left in her family while she was out ******* to sate the ache between her eager thighs...
...you say nothing wrong has been done to me, well I say **** you...

...I loved her and that is my fault, my mistake and I was always true to her...
...but your mistake little gem is thinking you did me no wrong and her mistake was being an adulteress and repaying my unconditional devotion with falsehoods and out right lies. The one thing about this immortality is that one can not catch diseases cause I shudder to think how many I might have caught were we both human still. Yes old friend I am filled with bile and ire and cold hard rage and the only thing burning inside me is my lust for vengeance...
...but I gave my word should she answer before dusk settles into a new night. If she signs my release before then I will not seek it. But as the minutes tick by and the hours count down I find myself secretly praying that she underestimates me. That she thinks keeping me chained and wounded won't result in her getting bit. But first she will watch her consort bleed and in pain. He will crawl home to her in pieces every night till she releases me...
...as for what others will do I can not say as to that I know...

...but no one will stand between me and my freedom from her. I hope she disregards my words for I want to have my chance at making their lives as much of an hell as they have made mine...

...I fear I have no other news worth mentioning in my frame of mind, so I will say good evening to you my friend until the next time we meet...

[Jacob Regan]

Sitting alone in his office after the meeting with William and Natasha Jacob considered the events of the evening. He was proud, or as close to it as a wolf and a killer merged could get to that human concept, of them both. He adored Natasha as much as any wolf would adore his pup and William was a godsend, strong and silent.
Opening his Journal Jake touched pen to paper and wrote.


Old Friend...

...do I still call you that. All this seems so ridiculous. Talking to a book as if it were a person, naming it and the writing of ones thoughts. Though I must say this does provide and out in a way not other wisely reached. SO here I am sitting at this desk, doing things the other me would have done just trying to adapt to this skin. I have a great many things I wish to figure out here on these pages tonight...

...first off the actions of something that should have been over with by now. I know what I am going to do, what puzzles me is what she will do. From past experiences I can only assume she will try to seduce me in some form or way, but I won't let her. She is with him now, no matter what she believes or thinks one of us will respect that sanctity. There is however a part of me who wishes she would be her brash impulsive childish self so that I can make her see that it will not work on me anymore...

...I no longer care what becomes of her and I find that knowledge a relief. I find the whole idea to be sour in all honesty. Specially given recent rumors, of which I am entitled to believe given what I know of her already it wouldn't surprise me if they were true. To be fair however, it wouldn't surprise me were they lies either...

...a different matter is Scorpia. I have left her messages, but since the change I find myself no longer willing to pursue that course of action. Granted I did leave those while my humanity were still intact. And from the few words spoken to me by her since I get the feeling she wants to be friends only, I am okay with that given that I don't think I can provide the kind of feelings she seems to need anymore...

...don't get me wrong, she is one of the only other people I care about and feel a need to protect. But love isn't a concept I could fake with her cause she would see right through it. It is another reason I had wished a meeting with her cause she would see the change in me. I am uncertain of how to proceed for I still care a great deal with her, but how do I explain to her why this happened or why I chose this route. How do I explain to her that my wolf and killer have merged to govern my mind in a way no human understanding could possibly dream to understand. I do believe though she would get it...

...yet this isn't the man I wanted to be for her, not as a friend or a lover. I did not want to be like this for anyone to be truthful. Yet, I can't imagine being anything else cause I can see where this path I chose will lead me and it is a place I want to be...

...I have to speak with Miss Lane as well on matters concerning Evernight and our working relationship. She will need to bare the brunt of dealings and public relations from here on out, I do not think my current frame of thought is in line with dealing with people and it is with great effort that I restrain myself from most. This I can see as bad for business...

...Natasha and William are doing well though. I am as proud of them as a wolf can be. But there is one other I wish to include, Elizabeth my siress. I believe it is her continued support and guidance that have lead me to these two pups of mine. It is her unconditional loyalty and support that made me realize where I needed to go and why. I think I covered everything, though I'm not sure I am closer to finding what it was I was looking for at the start of this...

...my greetings to you Old Friend.

[Jacob Regan]

(OOC Note: Under no circumstances are any of these entries to be taken IC without the explicit approval of me, thank you. This is an IC journal for my character and isn't accessable to anyone other then him IC. Thank you.
Why won't you die?

Why won't you just **** off and die and why the **** didn't I kill you when you offered yourself up at my feet? ****, **** this and **** you and **** him. I'm done well and truly and any more of the ******** will be answered with violence cause once again I've reached out in reason and not anger. I truly wish you accept my offer of professionalism and stick to it, I don't need you to admit to it anymore. I see your truth clearly now, those rumors were never rumors but leaked truths. And you in your ignorant bid for attention like some strung out heroine whore proved that to me unknowingly. So yes, yes I bare an unreasonable hate for you and what you did to me. Yes I want to hurt and destroy you over and over again.
No, no I will not.
I will not lower myself to your level of petty cruelty and for the love of **** you better not force me to do so. It won't take much, I am on the edge of that madness, that lust for blood and the feral bid for retribution.

But I am not you and I won't just let myself fall into that abyss because you enjoy my agony, my torture is a game to you. Well you've taken your last hand at it, do not try it again. I no longer answer to you or any of your notions or whims or bed pests.

Now one last thing, I secretly desperately want you to ignore my words, to twist them and turn them and destroy them to fit your illusions because I want an excuse to grind your face into the dirt beneath my heel and splatter your brains with Melody. It is a selfishness, a pettiness and a cruelty I hunger for but won't allow myself without a viable reason. See that is where we differ, I have a code, an honor, a moral ******* compass if you will that doesn't leave me free to just fuckover people the way you do.

Gods ******* damn I realize now just how fully I hate you, loathe you and dispise you. The very thought of you makes me sick and disgusted. It is a good thing I withdrew myself offering only a line that allows interaction on a strictly business\professional manner. I won't let those I care about suffer because of my hatred for you. It's another way we differ. **** I wish you a misrable ******* little life that fucks you up so bad you'll finally drop the veil and let everyone see you for what you are.