Dear John and Jane

[Abelle Broussard]

Q. I have a question/concern. My friend has been dating her boyfriend for about 3 months now. They have an obsessive relationship to the point that they said "I Love You" to one another within the first month, they have sleepovers every night, they talk about getting married (calling each other future husband/wife), she ditches out on girlfriend plans and we don't see her anymore. I brought this up to her and we ended up having a screaming match because she thinks I am attacking her and want them to break up which is not the case. This is her first boyfriend at age 23 and I am concerned that they have too intense of a relationship too quickly that could either end badly or we will end up losing our friend. Am I wrong to be concerned? What can I do? Also, the boyfriend now doesn't like me because she let him know my concerns.

Dear Single Needy Friend,

Leave them the **** alone! Of course he doesn’t like you, I wouldn’t like a whiny 3rd wheel that’s being negative always poking her nose in my business either. Get a new unattached ugly friend to hang with. – John

Dear Concerned Friend,

You can only do so much and then you gotta lift your hands in the air and be like ‘Jesus take the wheel’ and you’ve done what you could and now you just gotta sit back and be a good friend. Just don’t get all stalker, and don’t get your feelings all bent out of shape. If you can’t manage that, then you probably already lost your friend anyhow. – Jane “The sane one”


Q. Dear John and Jane,
How do you approach a mature gentleman, if you’re much younger than him?
Sincerely,
Young Single Girl

Dear Young Single Girl,

Has it crossed your mind, that he doesn’t want you? If he did, don’t you think he would approach you? If he’s mature, he more than likely has a set of values he is looking for that doesn’t match you. Look elsewhere. – John

Dear Lolita,

Maybe you should try getting in the ring with your own weight class? If you don’t got what it takes to net the older guys, you aint gonna get the goods by asking us. You either got, or you don’t. And, if you’re here asking us, seems like you just don’t - Jane “Speaking from experience”

[Abelle Broussard]

Q. Dear John and Jane,

I've been seeing someone since February. He just so happens to be in my circle of friends. We've kissed but haven't gotten physical. This seems odd to me. What do you think? If a guy really likes a girl won't he desire sex a bit sooner than this? I'm worried if we wait too long we'll be stuck as friends. Is this guy into me or not?

You are stuck as friends. He doesn’t want you. – John

Dudes are awful opportunists with missing sensitivity chips that don’t give them the right signals when it comes to letting a girl down the right way. They think ‘ignoring it and it’ll go away’ really is a reliable form of confrontation avoidance. Flip your hand, give him his walking papers and move on. – Jane “Author of Men 101 – the Novel to navigate the male psyche”

---

Q. Dear John and Jane,

Here's me question. If a girl you've only met once comes and visits you (this is a 3 hr drive to visit) for the weekend and you’re interested in her (in that way)….how do you play it? I've only talked to her maybe 2 or 3 times on the phone and sent a couple of texts. I need some advice.

Sincerely,
Dazed and Confused

Dear Dazed and Confused,

She’s a stalker man. Two words: Jodi Arias. – John

Dear Wuss,

It’s the modern world. Girls can know what they want and make a damn decision to make it happen too. Get a grip on your balls, jump in the damn sack and give the girl a good ride. Honestly, girls can like sex too you know. Play it like a man is my call. – Jane “Hitting the wuss upside the head with her book”

[Abelle Broussard]

Q. Dear John and Jane,
I have a concern more than a question . . .People ask me: "So your 24, when are you getting married." When i answer not soon, they give me a look and usually terminate the conversation. People in this day and age look down on anyone and everyone that doesn’t follow the norm. The norm is to get married and have 2-3 kids. If you don’t follow that, people will shun you, take advantage of you and generally make your life a living hell. My grandmother once said to me and i quote: "David why don't you find a nice girl and settle down?" I answered with: "Because that whole sentence contradicts itself."

I don’t know if it’s just me, but I rarely trust most people I meet. It’s probably why I think dating and relationships are such a joke. But it’s their life not mine, ya know?

Dear Forever Alone Guy,

You’re absolutely right, it is the single life for you. – John

Dear Metro Man,

Sounds like you live in the Amish community. Or you’re a misogynist asshole. I’m betting both. Could be you’ll just keep getting exactly what you want (no ties or pesky wives) by the expedient plan of continuing to speak and think. – Jane “Glad you’ll be taken out of the world gene pool”

---

Q. My girlfriend of almost five years told me a couple weeks ago she wanted some space. She is in her first year at Vet school 6 hours away. It seems we only look back for problems after things break.. I know that I have missed opportunities to pay attention and got complacent with her... Well I was wrong. I want to make this work but I am stuck.

Dear Dumped,

Too late. Move on. – John

Dear Stuck,

I agree with John. Too little, too late, and too bad. – Jane “I found that snow ball in hell!”

[Abelle Broussard]

Q. My boyfriend once said he doesn’t like that I have lots of guy friends and he feels unappreciated about it. I apologized and promised to change and he forgave me. Now he is telling me that he never trusted me. I’ve found girls pics on his phone and some of them are his ex girlfriends. I never asked him about the pics and now I have also lost trust in him. I really want things to work out between us and I’m not ready to lose was what we have. I’m confused.

Dear Confused,

Sounds to me, like he’s a man with a guilty mind and projecting his own behavior on you. He’s still seeing his ex. – Jane “The bearer of hard truths”

Dear Snoop,

You have serious trust issues. Have you thought about counseling? - John

---

Q. I have a problem with my love interest, we have been together for 3 years and we’ve been broken up for 6 months. We still see each other frequently. The problem is that I think he may be "seeing" another woman. What is the best way to confront him? Every time I try to, he tells me that I'm crazy.

I did something that I'm not proud of and went through his phone and found evidence that he is talking to the other woman. When I ask him about her by name he tells me that he doesn't no anyone by that name. Do I just fess up and tell him that I know he is lying and how I know or just walk away and leave it with no explanation? I've tried to just leave but I'm having a very hard time doing so. I love him so much but he is being a big jerk.
Please help put me on the right track.

Dear Sucker,

Sometimes you gotta take out the trash and kick that guy to the curb or just resign yourself to being the doormat. If love for you means swallowing his lies and letting him keep pulling this crap, then keep on with your bad self cause I ain't seeing how it it’s gonna get any better. And stalking his cellphone is only gonna make you feel bad, not him. – Jane

Dear Friend with Bennies,

You two broke up. He doesn't owe you any answers, because you two broke up. So you go thru his ****, and find out he has a life and it isn't with you.. because you two broke up. You're just a convenient lay. Move on. - John

[Abelle Broussard]

Q. Any advice on how I can win back the girl I love? We mutually agreed to take a break so we could both focus on God... and she said she really wanted to be with me after the break was over so we would both be in healthy places to have a godly relationship. But when we talked two months later she said she didn't love me and wanted me to move on. Anyway I really love her, and I've always believed ... love can conquer even the hardest trials. I was wondering if you had any practical tips to re-woo her, and help her see the man she fell in love with even more so see the man I am now. Right now I'm just giving her some space and time to figure things out and go her own way. Maybe I'm just naive that love can conquer all, but if I can just show her that love creates light in the darkest places and brings out the very best in us, that maybe there could be hope.

I want her to be happy even if that’s not with me because that’s what love does, but if at all its possible to be a guy she could really love that would be amazing. Either way I'm kinda confused about the ways women minds work, so any more perspective you could add would be great.

Dear Bible Basher,

What’s God got to do with it? God sounds like a convenient excuse for breaking you guys up so she could go do her own thing. And God should be treated better than as an excuse to get rid of a guy (you). I heard of a Baptist Revival down in Redwood, I bet you’ll find you a nice girl there. – Jane “The helpful Episcopalian”

Dear Preacher,

She's happier without you. - John

---

Q. I'm in a new country, nearly 9 months, I haven't met many people that I feel I can be friends with. I've been very lonely - this may be one of the reasons this feeling is so intense. You may think I'm a bit nuts for it's only been a week since I met him, but I tend to let opportunities [when I connect with people and they connect with me] pass me by. We connected automatically, he approached me in a bar (no drunken behavior in this story) and seemed very definitely interested, I let him walk on by and while I was unaware of this, my friends dragged him and his friends back to our table. SO basically, we had a brilliant time, all about conversation and getting to know one another. Everyone came back to my house (yet another scheming plan of my friends), him and I were in fun conversation all night, when everyone was leaving my apartment, he stayed - so I told him that he'd be wasting his time if he was staying for sex, I'm just no that kind of person, he stayed anyways and was impressed at my little statement there. We sat up all night, until sunrise just talking, he slept in my bed, never tried anything (well, he did ask for a kiss but never tried to turn it into anything else). The next afternoon we walked down the street for some breakfast...brunch, spent the afternoon still getting to know one another and when he was leaving he asked me to join him to meet his friends. I got on so well with all his friends, he commented on it himself saying it was rare [and great]. At the end of the night it was him and I alone again talking for hours before he walked me home. Now, I haven't heard anything from him, but he appeared at a bar I was at during the week with his friends [a bar that he never goes to on that particular night, he knew I was there] and all his attention was directed to my friends. His friends and my friends are both trying to set us up, I'm not looking for a relationship and I know it's been 11 months since he broke up with a woman he was with for 6 years. I can't seem to get him out of my head and I just don't know what to think of the situation - at all. I know he is not looking for a relationship, I think he might be hung up on his previous relationship and I don't want to terrify him, I just want to get to know someone and have some fun.

Dear Loquacious
tl;dr - Jane – “Sometimes, less is more. Remember that.”

Dear Oblivious,

He just wanted in your pants. He played the long game, and you didn't cave. So he cut line, and He walked away. - John

[Doc]

Headlines | Viking Ventures | Dear John & Jane | Editorial | Sports & Entertainment | Science
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Views | Horoscope | Businesses | Classifieds | Personals | Events | The Sunday Metro

---

Editor Note: Pinch hitting for the usual writer, and since I do not have access to their email account, please send any questions to my attention.

Q. Dear John & Jane:
My boyfriend is addicted to his cellphone. He is always texting or taking calls from his family and friends while we’re hanging out.

Dear Blind,
He's not that into you. - John

Dear Technology Tortured,
Make rules about the technology. Make time for yourselves. We can't get away from the convenience that it gives us, but put your damn foot down. You deserve some you time and if he can't give it, you can find someone fool who will. Jane - "Who loves her cell, but knows when to put the damn thing down"

---

Q: A long time ago, in high school, I admired her from afar. I joined the Navy right after I graduated and made a career there. I ran into her while home on leave from boot camp right before I left for a two-year tour oversees. We dated a couple of nights. I wrote her two or three times from overseas, but was not sure I had her correct address, as I never got a response. Now years later, when I am 78 and she is 76, we both have lost our spouses through death and live a couple hundred miles apart. Could it be possible to reignite that old spark? Should I attempt to contact her? – Jack, 78

Dear Old Guy,
What do you have to lose? – John

Dear Years Later,
Get yourself a little blue pill and a nice little bouquet of posies and get yourself over to that girl’s house and woo her like you never did when you were young. Seems to me you were both mean to spent your twilight years together. My vote, take a pill, jump and get your reverse cowboy on. – Jane “All for Octogenarian Hanky Panky”

---

Q: John and Jane, I've been with my boyfriend for 3 months. We've both been through bad relationships where we were cheated on. I love him and would never cheat on him, but for some reason he thinks I am. He says stupid little comments to me all the time. He swears I'm cheating but I work from 9-5, and he lives with me at my parents' house. We are always together. Why does he still doubt me??

Dear Doormat,

Kick him the hell out. He's using you for a place to live. Grow a backbone. – John

Dear Bad Experiences,
You’ve been there and you know how it can be. Maybe he just needs some time to sort out his insecurities. But I’m thinking if he can’t get the hell over himself he should be shown the door. You have worked through your **** and that man gotta work through his and if he can’t, and treat you right? Give him some time, talk to him, tell him how you feel and if that don’t buck up his giddy up give him a horse whip to the *** and kick him out. – Jane “Giving the man the benefit”

---

Q: Dear J and J - Ten years ago my wife had a friend who would call her, but hang up on me if I answered. I confronted her and she said it was none of my business. I called him and he told me that he hung up on me because he did not know how I would take it. He is married, and I know that my wife and he are just friends, but I have given her time and she still has not told me about him. I've let it go up until, 10 years later, it still bothers me and I don't want her to have anything to do with him. I have given her the choice of keeping her friendship with him or staying married to me. I am not being naive. I know there is no physical relationship. Please help, what should I do?

Dear Naïve,
She made her choice 10 years ago, you just refused to see it. – John

Dear Blinded,
It took you ten years to get here? There are more ways to cheat than doing some horizontal hanky panky. That woman has got something from him that she wasn’t getting from you. If you want to make it work, you gotta figure out what that is and give it to her. Ultimatums will only make her have to choose. I aint sure you’ll come out the good enough of that one. – Jane “Marital bliss is something you work on, not wish and hope the fairies will take care of it*

[Doc]

Dear John and Jane: I've been seeing a 26-year-old girl for about five months. I thought everything was fine until I found out she was seeing her ex-boyfriend, too. I helped pay for her college and paid all her bills. I'm also very close to her five-year-old daughter and would do anything in the world for her. I'm very much in love with this girl, but she said she needs to give this guy a chance because she never has. Do you think I am wasting my time with her? -- Doug, 37

Dear Dumbass: She is using you as a sugardaddy, wake the hell up. - John

Dear Used & Abused,
**** like this is gonna happen, when you get to be the chump or you end up the one with egg on their face and everyone around you telling you ‘I told you so’. That girl, has played you bad, and it’s time to let it go before you lose too much. You stay and play, do it knowing what you’re buying, when you paying for all her ****.
Jane – saying it like it is.

====

Dear John and Jane:There's this girl that I have liked since my junior year in high school. We used to talk to each other but some really bad things happened and we stopped talking. My senior year I started talking to her again, and since then we have hung out a lot. She went to a bonfire with me and some friends and the only person she knew was basically me. Lately however, when I call she doesn't call back, and when we plan to hang out she cancels the day before. But when we actually do hang out it seems like she wants to continue into a good relationship. Is she just playing mind games or does she really want to hook up? -- Floyd, 19

Dear Blind: She is too nice to tell you she's not that in to you. So I will do it for her. She's not that into you. – John

Dear Wishful Thinking,
I wish I could tell you that she’ll wake up one day and figure out how awesome you are. But that only ever happens in the movies, and really, only the bad ones. Life aint about tidy happy endings and you aint gonna get the Home Queen to fall in love with you. Go to College, get a good job, find yourself some friends who know and value who you are. And come back to your 20 year reunion with a 20 year old chippie on your arm. I swear, that’ll feel SO much better that sitting there wishing and hoping for something that aint never gonna happen.
Jane – sticking up for the Male Wallflowers

====

Dear John and Jane: I have been in a relationship with a wonderful woman for the past seven months. She is always telling me how much she loves me and wants to be with me for the rest of her life. My problem is I don't know if I actually love her back. I tell her I love her, and for the most part I think I do. I really don't want to keep a relationship going because I am unsure, but I don't want to lose her. What do you think I should do? -- Robert, 25

Dear Dense: If in doubt.. Dont. – John

Dear Undecided,
No woman, wants a luke warm, half *** man who don’t know what he wants. And do you yourselves both a favour and let her go cause I’ll tell you right now, one day, her *** will wake up and realise she’s spent her life with a man who gave her the sum total of meh. She will hate the fact she wasted her life on a half *** man. Get the hell out, stay the hell out, and don’t jump into something until you know what you want.
Jane – Hating on any half *** man.


====

Dear John and Jane:Why are men always being made out to be the bad guy? Don't women do anything wrong like getting drunk, squandering money and destroying finances, being lazy, not wanting to work, or even clean their own house or do their own laundry? I feel like a maid. Some women think they are too cute to get in trouble, and then when they do they want to squirm out of it. -- James, 62

Dear James: Date your own age. Trust me that age woman doesn't want to be 'cute'. – John

Dear Dark Ages,
There is a chip on your shoulder and I think it mighta been put there by the liberation of women, the burning of bras and their right to vote and not cook your *** dinner each night after, cleaning the house, taking care of the kids, washing your clothes, getting you your nightly scotch so you can puff on your cigar in your smoking jacket. Dude, you’re living in the wrong century and you aint never getting poontang if you don’t find yourself an attitude adjustment. Evolve. Cavemen, died out a million damn years ago. And so will you.
Jane – Kicking Tarzan’s ***

=====

Dear John and Jane:I have been seeing this man for over a year. Before we sleep together, he always asks me if I have gone to the bank and if I'm going to take care of him. I've only recently realized that he is only sleeping with me for money. I love this man so much, but I realize he is using me and that I let him do it. Besides that, he has a girlfriend that he's been with for 16 years who lives near him. He spends lots of nights at her house, while only giving me two hours once a month. I give him about $300 a month. He doesn't need my money, as he has plenty of his own. I'm a very attractive lady, and I know what I need to do but can't kick him to the curb. He is a big time user, and I need to know how to put a stop to this. -- Lacey, 55

Dear Stupid: Why do you think writing to us will give you the balls to take back your life. Tell him you lost your job, your house is being foreclosed and your car is being repossessed. He will ditch you. - John.

Dear Rose Coloured Blinders:
I think you like the world you live in. I think you know exactly what’s going on in it and you’re under no illusion that man actually loves you. We make our beds and no matter how lumpy the mattress we find a way to deal. If this is how you want your life to be, then you deal with the lumpy mattress you’ve saddled yourself with. And the bed bugs, the straw filling and everything else about this man that sounds like a bad dream and a over night cricked neck. You deserve better. But I don’t think you want better.
Jane – thinking, you gotta want it, or it aint gonna work.


====

Dear John and Jane:I'm married to a man who says he loves me, yet I'm alone, heart sore and angry. He runs at every snap of his ex-wife's fingers. He even cut his grandbaby's cord at the request of his 31-year-old daughter. Please give me your advice.-- Shana, 39

Dear Jealous: Grandchild cord cutting, momentous event, why didn't you go with him? Support him. Go with him, it's his family. He didn't marry you and forget them. He married you to bring you into his family. Be a part of damn family, quit whining like a 13 year old who didn't get a pony for her birthday. – John

Dear Unrealistic Expectations;
That girl needed her Daddeh as much as her Daddeh, needed to be there for his new Grandbabeh and you gotta pull your head in and sort yourself out.
Jane – whose Daddy wouldn’t have looked twice at a selfish, self centered heifer like you

====

Dear John and Jane:At 46, I've never had a boyfriend or even been asked out on a date. I talk to guys all the time, so it's not because of being shy. I have been told by so many people that I am so ugly that I need to accept the fact that I will always be alone. I have always wanted to have someone in my life, but if you're so ugly that even the guys a normal female wouldn't go near won't ask me out, what hope do I have? By the way, I have asked guys out and am always turned down. Please, oh please, do you have any suggestions for me? -- Ann, 46

Dear Ann: **** them. You don't need a man to be happy. Stop looking, start living. - John.

Dear Fugly,
I seen some ugly people, paired up with other ugly people so I wouldn’t give up hope. Try internet dating, be honest, put your real picture up, put your real self out there. I bet, there is a man, somewhere in this world, that thinks your brand of ugly, is the best thing ever. You got forty good years left in your, it over til you’re under. Remember that.
Jane – the ever optimistic.

[Doc]

Dear John and Jane: For three weeks, I dated a guy who wasn't divorced yet. From the first few conversations, we had instant chemistry, a deeper connection than I have felt with a man in many years. Then he found out his ex was seeing someone, and he got very upset and said he wasn't sure he was ready for a relationship. He said he held onto me because he also feels a connection to me. Then when the divorce was creeping up, he started acting distant, and just a couple days after the divorce, he said he's been a mess and can't even get himself to come out and have fun with me. He asked if I was ok with being friends, and I said okay.

It was my birthday a few days ago and he sent me a gift, something we saw together when we were dating. It instantly made me sob! I can't imagine never having a day like that again. I thanked him for the gift, but he didn't respond. The next day he wished me happy birthday and said he was glad I liked it. Very brief conversation.

It's obvious he's pushed himself away from me but I question if it's me or his pain from the divorce. My question is, do I keep in touch with him or just forget about it? He might be confused as well. A part of me feels like this in temporary and we will be together again but I'm not sure if I'm being dense or naive. Maybe he just doesn't like me anymore but sent the gift out of guilt and that's why the conversation was brief? – Baffled

Dear Baffled - He told he wanted to be friends. Since you do not understand politeness, I will be blunt. He doesn’t want you.

PS Jane is MIA so all you get is me.

---

Dear John and Jane: When is it appropriate to tell my serious girlfriend that I am predisposed to ALS, a serious illness that I may die from early in life? I love her desperately and imagine the family we could have together. It has only been five months, though, and I fear springing my family's cursed medical history on her now might scare her away (as it has with two other women in my life). I don't feel like I am hiding anything since none of my longtime friends know. And while she would be entitled to that sort of information before making a decision about kids/marriage, we aren't there yet. I'm kind of hoping to get her to fall hopelessly in love with me before I tell her so she'll just have to accept me. – Len, 32

Len - Tell her now, so that when she leaves you, you aren’t that invested in her. The longer you wait, the more you will hurt.

---

Dear John and Jane: I recently found out my wife has had 12 sexual partners in her past. This bothers me quite a bit and has affected the way I feel about her. I myself have had fewer partners and was more of a relationship-based dater. She explains that after a 6-year relationship she dated quite a bit in the two years before we met. To me it calculates to a new guy every two months until we met. I feel now like just another guy. I never wanted to be the guy who had the girl that many others had. Not sure what the next move is . . . . Any advice would help. – Tormented

Tormented - Grow the **** up. It happened before you. Obsess much on the past? Get into counseling, because you need it you insecure ********.

---

Dear John and Jane: I'm getting serious with this girl, serious enough that I spend most nights at her place. She likes to watch TV in bed, which is fine, but she's addicted to crime drama series. I like these shows well enough, but what I don't like is hooking up after. An hour of watching criminal cases isn't exactly my idea of an aphrodisiac. Do I just have to get over this hang up, or can ask her to cut out this part of her routine? And more importantly, am I the weird one or is she? – Erik, 24

Erik - If you want sex, get over it. And yes you are the weird one. Violence turns everyone on.

---

Dear John and Jane:I have been with the father of my child for 2 years on and off. Before our child was born, he decided he wasn’t ready to be in a committed relationship, so we parted ways. Five months later we were back together and things have been going well, but I’m worried about him leaving me or cheating on me, as he has done in the past. Before we got together he told me he wouldn’t do it, there’s too much at stake, but I still feel scared, and it’s starting to come out in our relationship. It’s getting on his nerves because I don’t trust him. The problem now is his mother. She’s in our business, and this causes fights between my boyfriend and me. We have talked about getting married, but how can we with all these problems? Please help! We both love each other so much and really want to make things work for us and our child. -- Worried

Worried - Run. Do not walk. You are a neurotic basket case based on his past indiscretions, he’s an unfaithful jerk with a busybody mother. What is best for the kid? A neurotic set screaming parents with a bossy grandmother? or a Simple Neurotic mother?

---

Dear John and Jane: I've have had several guys like me and want to pursue a relationship. However, I have this block for some reason. I've never been in a relationship with a guy, and I think I am just scared. I don't want to mess anything up or do things wrong. I want a boyfriend, but when I'm around someone I like, I freeze up. Do you have any suggestions on how to overcome this problem? -- Niccie, 19

Niccie - Time.

[Tomi]

Dear John and Jayne:

My gramma needs fashion help.. I have enclosed a photo.

.

I have even stolen the outfit in the photo.

Do you even have a clue how embarrassing it is to have your grandmother parading about in public like that!?

I know my grandfather would agree.. her fashion sense needs help. How do I get her the help she needs?

Thanks,

Devoted granddaughter