Completely jet-lagged. Harper Rock is very quaint, the house is very quaint, the dog is very quaint, this is all very quaint. I just hope it won't be boring.
* * *
August 14, 2012
The book signing was today. Jim is leaving tomorrow. Tomorrow's send-off brunch will be:
Savory Fig Custards with Prosciutto Spirals, on a bed of arugula with a balsamic reduction
Bloody Marys
Had drinks with a very interesting man, tonight. A little strange, but handsome. The kind of guy you don't want to see too much of, but very much appreciate the rare sighting now and again.
* * *
August 18, 2012
Somebody called today, about wanting to be interviewed. Finally! Have been in a rut. Maybe this book wasn't such a good idea?
* * *
August 19, 2012
Near dawn, some guy named Bob texted me. Nobody but Jim knows this number. Says he knows the truth about vampires and can give me undeniable proof. What is this town up to? Bob says I should check the hospitals and ask around.
* * *
August 20
Had a short but strange conversation about 'evil' with somebody outside the library today. One of those rare moments.
* * *
August 21
Elliot L. is in Harper Rock!!! Friend of the interviewee. (Roxette.) We spent the entire night talking and catching up. Gi kilig gyud ko ug maayo. I was just thinking about him. Ngil-ngig ang kalibutan, no?
* * *
August 24
Have checked the hospital out as "Bob" suggested. Very many anemia patients, many reports of sleepwalking and insomnia, a good-sized mental ward, but nothing too strange. Bob says he can give me evidence of vampires and introduce me to one. Agreed to meet.
* * *
August 27
Bob thinks that he's a vampire. I asked Bob for skin samples while we were in the diner at ___ (?). I don't think I completely disbelieve him.
* * *
August 28
Talked to that boy again today, the one who wanted to know about my opinion on evil. His name is Hamlet. Isn't that funny?
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Woke up in the middle of the forest today, no recollection of how I got there. It was raining. Thankfully, I wasn't far from civilization. Coming down with a cold. Symptoms of memory loss and blanks coincide with rumors I have collected over the internet. What could be the cause? I don't want to say the v-word yet.
* * *
September 7
Very short, kind of thoughtful, but mostly very odd visit from Jacob tonight. I have the flu.
* * *
September 8
E kissed me! I am deliriously happy. Is it possible to go through puberty a second time?
* * *
September 10
Revelation. Henshin. See attached sound file (91312henshin) and transcription in usb. Please remember to keep calm, keep your sanity. Reductio ad absurdum. Facts, facts, facts. But he had no reflection, and I swear that was blood.
* * *
September 15
Diary of a Vampire Hunter, Radien
The Night Battles, Gadzbury
Malleus Maleficarum, Kramer
Magia Posthuma, Glastonbury et al.
Vampyrologie für Bibliotekare, Steinhauer
The Real Nosferatu, Haumann
Lilith, Ibid.
* * *
September 20
Been getting less and less sleep. This is proving to be a dangerous obsession. I feel it very keenly; it is of the utmost importance. The only rest I get from the humidity of this (always checking in mirrors, burying myself in research, dying in piles of books) is Elliot.
"One doesn't fall in love in five seconds; but five seconds can set one dreaming of falling in love." - John Fowles, The Magus
* * *
September 28
Olivia and William are getting on my nerves. They're like ghosts, mooning around all the time. And I swear William tries to catch me coming out of the shower. I need to find a new place.
PM:
My more-than-three year old suspicions have been confirmed. Elliot Lancaster is a more-than-competent, and very passionate, and a gifted, lover. And also kind of a ******** for not waking me me up before he left. Jeepers creepers, how'd you get those peepers?
* * *
September 29
Shown around an apartment by a Shizuka-something in a wheelchair. She seems nice enough, but keeps 'medical equipment' in her apartment. Spooky. Should be able to find another one.
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Just been to see the most charming little house in Cedar Court, only 300 a week. Well-heeled landlord, gentlemanly, seems like a nice guy. Roommate a quiet woman who seems to mind her own business well enough (we'll see). Beautiful bathroom, kitchen, etc. I'll get the entire top floor to myself. Just signed the tenancy contract. I'm on my way to a party Mr. Voss (landlord: Cedric Voss) is throwing.
See contract attached:
Please sign this if you agree to all the terms and then send it back to me. Once bond has cleared you will be issued with two keys.
Address: Number Four, Cedar Court, Harper Rock (North)
Tenant: Irene Cui Silje
Brief: The tenant has access to the top floor of the house via the stairwell on the first floor. The tenant will be respectful of the property and the existing tenant (on floor one). The tenant will be intrusted with two keys and is not permitted to make a copy of these keys. The locks will be changed prior to move in date and once the Periodic Tenancy Agreement is terminated.
Pets: One cat or small dog is permitted. If the tenant wants a larger animal they must first consult the owner (C. A. Voss).
The owner of the property is responsible for water charges and rates. The tenant (Irene Cui Silje) is responsible for all other costs, including power, digital television, landline and internet, (etc). All payments must be up to date upon the Periodic Tenancy Agreement end date.
The tenant is free to decorate the property as she pleases but is not permitted to change the main structure of the building in any way, shape, or form.
The tenant must give twenty-one days’ notice if she wishes to terminate the Periodic Tenancy Agreement.
The Periodic Tenancy Agreement permits each tenant to have one permanent guest (generally a family member) at the property at any given time. If the tenant is found to have more than one guest staying with them, the Periodic Tenancy Agreement will be terminated. The tenant is not permitted to sublet or lease any party of the house.
Parties permitted at the discretion of the existing tenant.
Bond: Three weeks including GST (12%), plus two weeks in advance – 1,536.00
The tenant is to remain two weeks in advance throughout her stay at the property. The 900.00 bond will be returned to the tenant minus damage costs upon termination of the Periodic Tenancy Agreement.
Signed:
Owner: C. A. Voss
Tenant One: M. Quebedaux
Tenant Two: I.C. Silje
* * *
9PM - Guilty for having brought E to that party. I let him go to tend to his bar. Cedric seems like a good enough entertainer, but that crowd was a drag. Extreme tension everywhere. Why? Noticed it when I walked in. Maybe because it was some intimate get-together I wasn't meant to crash?
930PM - Something is bothering me. I am thinking about Jacob and his hints again. Want to ask him about things.
0123AM - I am burning all my research on [word heavily crossed out]
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The Zeitgeist of our age is a spirit haunted by the sins of its fathers; a catholic spirit, that believes in nothing but accepts everything, as long as enough people testify to it. This is an innocent age – perhaps naïve – because of this universality, this indecisiveness, this scoffing and trembling at the stirrings of revolution, of Armageddon, of revelation. It is Truth we are looking for, more desperately than we have ever searched, in the fear – and the arrogance – that there are no more Truths to uncover. Yet we disguise the Truths we do stumble across. We deny them, because the truth is that instead of finding answers, we find only more questions, and who has time for that when the world is ending?
There are three Chinese curses that resonate with me: “May you live in interesting times”, “May you find what you are looking for”, and “May you come into the attention of powerful people”.
I live in explosive times; I have found what I am looking for; and I have been warned that powerful people will become very interested in me, should they discover how much I already know (which doesn’t yet begin to scratch the surface, God help me).
*
Perhaps the horror is that this secret has been under our noses for who knows how long. Your boyfriend could be a vampire; your best friend; your neighbor; your mother. Before this discovery I always saw vampires as metaphors and literal representations for all that is evil and rotten within us, as a global culture. They were representations of base calls that we, in good conscience, cannot answer. They were bogeymen. They were the mirror of our desires – for salvation, for total abandon, and for blood.
No, the nightmare is self-contained. The horror is that they are not like us, they are us, and there is no distinction. Humanity remains a basic instinct in these vampires – they are not a separate species. They are conscious, they are insane, they are bloodthirsty, they are kind, they are lovers, they are enemies. What human being isn’t?
- excerpts from an untitled manuscript, in progress, by Irene Cui Silje (2012)
... And here I was put into a strange situation, not stranger than fiction but as strange as fiction, so that when I woke up in the evenings I could scarcely belief myself. So much of the mythology coincided with the truth that I often wondered if I had just lost my mind, and I was drooling in an asylum somewhere. Maybe I was imagining all this. But it was all so vivid—it couldn’t have been a dream. I could see better, hear better, taste better, smell better, even feel better. Even my emotions were more acute. They cut deep. Every time James so much as looked at me, I felt a throb—right down in my soul, it felt like. It was a throb like melancholy; a little bit of love and maybe a little bit of resentment I didn’t want to face then. But I knew we were like orphans, two orphans in the night, clinging together. Hansel and Gretel. I depended on him to survive, and he depended on me for I-don’t-know-what, and that and our love kept us together.
One night, after drinking the blood of some pretty young girl I pretended to be her as James and I made love. I wondered where she was, what she was doing, what she thought. I wondered if I would ever see her again. I wondered if she would mind that I duped her and drank some of her blood, made her a Sleepwalker. I wanted to talk to all of them, to know their names, to tell them, This is what I am now and can you ever forgive me?
*
I couldn’t end up hating myself. I wouldn’t. I had to survive. So I went moment by moment, hour by hour, thinking of nothing—or trying to, until a thought slipped out and suddenly it was like a dam broke, and I had to sit down as the waves crashed over me. Over and over again, deeper and deeper. I was drowning, but I didn’t want to admit it. I couldn’t stand the way James looked when he was guilty. And he was always guilty.
*
Here’s the thing: vampires are real. That’s the honest truth. The honest, ugly truth. And the scariest thing about it is we’re just like you. We do the things you do. We’re just as sick, and twisted, and sad and scared as you. We’re just as confused. We’re trying to figure this **** out, too. We contradict ourselves; we are hypocrites; we are terrible and selfish. This is my warning. And we love, too, and we want to live, and most of us hope to be kind and good and never hurt a single person if we can help it. And that makes us dangerous. That makes us very dangerous. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, and I only have the best. Listen to me. Don’t go poking your nose in these things. Don’t tempt fate. Stick to the good old books, the college research. Have a vacation in Vienna, or Italy, or Calcutta, or Zanzibar. Buy a sombrero in Mexico. Read about those weird demons. Be careful not to call one when the moon is full. Thank God for telephones.
Was at a party tonight. Met and talked with somebody from 'Tytonidae'--'Velveteen'. M. T. took me to a museum, taught me how to open doors. Might get in the habit of that.