(OOC: These are Christopher's thoughts - though YOU may read this, your CHARACTER will have NO knowledge of it).
It's happened now a few times. I'll suddenly get dizzy - foggy. The feelings that follow are not good. The dizziness is also hard to explain. It just floods me, like some stiffling mist, suffocating me.
Those feelings that follow - they all surround one thing. I have to get out of here. I don't even know if going to the far reaches of Egypt would even settle my mind, but so far that seems like the best shot.
I've emptied my apartment and given it away. I know there are the close (though new) "family" bonds, as of this new way of being. There is also the one I knew before I was changed, ironically.
Yet this feeling will not go away. I need to start making plans.
Notes To Myself
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Christopher (DELETED 1721)
Re: Notes To Myself
I've been thinking things over and there is so much on my mind at the moment. I was thinking about those "family" bonds. Actually, they are probably not all that strong. It doesn't really matter. Neither Odin nor Jarrett ever said much to me, and that's fine. I didn't go to the trouble either. No real bonds there to speak of. I'm sure they'd protect me as I would them, but returning to my original thought - no real emotional bond.
I will miss the ladies though - Colombina, Wolffyn and Serenity. We tend to joke around and have shared a good dozen hugs or so. They make me smile, and looking back, made it so it was bearable. Actually, it all seemed bearable until recently. I'm not having nightmares or anything and it's so difficult to explain why these thoughts of escaping haunt me now.
Serenity has taught me a lot. Oddly, she was a mentor of mine before I was turned, and has continued to be one, but in unearthly teachings. I look around here at Harper Rock and there seems so much discourse. It's like a poison. This may be the vampire capital of the world or whatever they call themselves, but I'm positive there are others, in other towns, other countries - most likely in small groups or on their own.
If I'm smart enough, which I believe I am - and with what I've been taught - I will be fine on my own. Then I can continue my research. As this yearning to leave pulls at me now, the yearning to find an answer to that question - which I won't even write down at this moment - pulls at me even more. I need to find that answer, if it's even possible.
I will miss the ladies though - Colombina, Wolffyn and Serenity. We tend to joke around and have shared a good dozen hugs or so. They make me smile, and looking back, made it so it was bearable. Actually, it all seemed bearable until recently. I'm not having nightmares or anything and it's so difficult to explain why these thoughts of escaping haunt me now.
Serenity has taught me a lot. Oddly, she was a mentor of mine before I was turned, and has continued to be one, but in unearthly teachings. I look around here at Harper Rock and there seems so much discourse. It's like a poison. This may be the vampire capital of the world or whatever they call themselves, but I'm positive there are others, in other towns, other countries - most likely in small groups or on their own.
If I'm smart enough, which I believe I am - and with what I've been taught - I will be fine on my own. Then I can continue my research. As this yearning to leave pulls at me now, the yearning to find an answer to that question - which I won't even write down at this moment - pulls at me even more. I need to find that answer, if it's even possible.
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Christopher (DELETED 1721)
Re: Notes To Myself
I'm still feeling miserable, mentally. I don't know whether to envy my family or feel sorry for them. Odin has taken to this new life with a zest. It seems to suit him fine - better than fine. I don't condone what he does (that I know of) and shudder to think of what he does that I don't know of. Jarrett has somehow smoothed the line between his former life and his new life. He is able to keep his job and interact with humans and vampires alike with such ease. At least he's kept part of his humanity. Wolffyn and Columbina seem well suited as well, though I don't know as much about their activites as I do my brothers. Serenity even has adapted to some extent and uses her newfound gifts to help others.
I went out to the gazebo in the back garden behind the estate. It's been raining all night, and it was still raining, but lightly. I sat out in the dark, trying to organize my thoughts. It is amazing how rains makes everything seem so bright and clean, even at night.
While sitting there I heard some muffled explosions. They didn't quite sound like gunshots but more like fireworks. I have no idea why someone would be shooting those off. It was as though the rain itself muted the noise somewhat. Though it was the odd distraction, I realized I really didn't care what the noise was. As a matter of fact many things have lost their appeal - hacking for one. For some reason it no longer brings me pleasure to beat the system. I still do it from time to time as I plan on leaving a large portion to the family.
I've thought about my ultimate goal, though I don't even know if it's even possible. I'll need some notes that Serenity has - probably all of them. As always, she's done tests and research, some of which I've helped her with. There is a lot more she has kept to herself, and I need to know what that information is. I've done quite a bit of research myself and by combining both our notes I may come closer to an answer.
I've decided to copy her notes before I leave. At first I was just going to take them but that would be so wrong. I can't....ask her. Not now. She'd ask questions, questions I'm not willing to answer at this time. No, I'll copy them. I need to wait until she is gone for a bit - get to them and make myself duplicates. Hopefully I'll be closer to the answer I am seeking. I hope she can forgive me.
I went out to the gazebo in the back garden behind the estate. It's been raining all night, and it was still raining, but lightly. I sat out in the dark, trying to organize my thoughts. It is amazing how rains makes everything seem so bright and clean, even at night.
While sitting there I heard some muffled explosions. They didn't quite sound like gunshots but more like fireworks. I have no idea why someone would be shooting those off. It was as though the rain itself muted the noise somewhat. Though it was the odd distraction, I realized I really didn't care what the noise was. As a matter of fact many things have lost their appeal - hacking for one. For some reason it no longer brings me pleasure to beat the system. I still do it from time to time as I plan on leaving a large portion to the family.
I've thought about my ultimate goal, though I don't even know if it's even possible. I'll need some notes that Serenity has - probably all of them. As always, she's done tests and research, some of which I've helped her with. There is a lot more she has kept to herself, and I need to know what that information is. I've done quite a bit of research myself and by combining both our notes I may come closer to an answer.
I've decided to copy her notes before I leave. At first I was just going to take them but that would be so wrong. I can't....ask her. Not now. She'd ask questions, questions I'm not willing to answer at this time. No, I'll copy them. I need to wait until she is gone for a bit - get to them and make myself duplicates. Hopefully I'll be closer to the answer I am seeking. I hope she can forgive me.
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Christopher (DELETED 1721)
Re: Notes To Myself
It's raining again, which is fine by me. I like the rain. Almost on cue it started a few moments after I seated myself in the gazebo. Well, maybe not quite I cue. I could see it was getting overcast and came out here. Just my good timing I suppose.
I noticed in the last week or so there were a few stray cats roaming around in the back. I purchased a bag of food and put it out. To my surprise, even in the rain, a few dealt with wet paws and came into the gazebo to eat. I put the bowls to the far end away from me and they stare, and check to make sure I'm not making any sudden movements, them slowly approach the bowl to eat.
I'm surprised there are any cats around being I've seen wolves just outside the perimeter of the home. I've been told there have been sightings of mountain lions and bears too, but I haven't seen them myself.
Over the last few days there are three that come back on a regular basis. They are always wary, but I imagine the hunger overrides their fear of having to come into the gazebo to eat. I should probably tell Serenity about this. She seems an animal lover.
There are none here now. The rain pours down in torents and I'm glad of that. Rain seems to wash away bad things. It's so peaceful now to sit here. It's easy to breath. It's nice to feel relaxed - that doesn't happen often, which is probably why I like to come out here from time to time.
I noticed in the last week or so there were a few stray cats roaming around in the back. I purchased a bag of food and put it out. To my surprise, even in the rain, a few dealt with wet paws and came into the gazebo to eat. I put the bowls to the far end away from me and they stare, and check to make sure I'm not making any sudden movements, them slowly approach the bowl to eat.
I'm surprised there are any cats around being I've seen wolves just outside the perimeter of the home. I've been told there have been sightings of mountain lions and bears too, but I haven't seen them myself.
Over the last few days there are three that come back on a regular basis. They are always wary, but I imagine the hunger overrides their fear of having to come into the gazebo to eat. I should probably tell Serenity about this. She seems an animal lover.
There are none here now. The rain pours down in torents and I'm glad of that. Rain seems to wash away bad things. It's so peaceful now to sit here. It's easy to breath. It's nice to feel relaxed - that doesn't happen often, which is probably why I like to come out here from time to time.
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Christopher (DELETED 1721)
Re: Notes To Myself
It is clear that Serenity will not go to Egypt with me. I know she has many obligations here. I still can't believe she thought I wanted her to join me in the shadow realm, but I guess I understand. I have been quite depressed lately and that's where her thoughts went.
I've finally got my traveling arrangements in order, and have contacted a small group I used to dig with. They were more than glad to hear from me and look forward to my arrival. I may "enlighten" Mike and Leslie, maybe even Kevin. The three of them are more or less loners with no family to worry about, and it would be great to explore the sites at night with them. I'll have to play it by ear. They might enjoy the vampiric lifestyle just due to the scientific nature of it. I know now I'll never be human again and it would be good to have the company if they are up for it - even if one of them is. It's a tight-knit group - I think they can handle it, and I've managed okay for myself so far. Of course, there are many things I'd have to teach them. It's a lot to think about.
At least there wouldn't be the drama there that seems to infest this place. Even this last week I see such corruption and senseless killings. It makes me want to alert outside authorities about what is going on here in Harper Rock - bring the place down.
I can't do it though. Serenity is here and she'd be hurt along with everyone else. I wouldn't ever want to hurt her, though with my leaving I probably will. I wish we could have been more than friends. I'll miss her terribly, but I cannot stay here. Hell, it's just one more reason I have to go. I do have feelings for her, so it's all for the best.
I'll leave tonight. The plans are made, and I'm ready to get out of here. Before I go I'll leave Serenity a note. I will also leave her my alabaster stone. It's about the size of a dime and I picked it up from my first dig and have kept it all this time. It has a lot of sentimental value, but I'd rather she have it. She knows how much it means to me and I hope it will remind her of me from time to time.
I've finally got my traveling arrangements in order, and have contacted a small group I used to dig with. They were more than glad to hear from me and look forward to my arrival. I may "enlighten" Mike and Leslie, maybe even Kevin. The three of them are more or less loners with no family to worry about, and it would be great to explore the sites at night with them. I'll have to play it by ear. They might enjoy the vampiric lifestyle just due to the scientific nature of it. I know now I'll never be human again and it would be good to have the company if they are up for it - even if one of them is. It's a tight-knit group - I think they can handle it, and I've managed okay for myself so far. Of course, there are many things I'd have to teach them. It's a lot to think about.
At least there wouldn't be the drama there that seems to infest this place. Even this last week I see such corruption and senseless killings. It makes me want to alert outside authorities about what is going on here in Harper Rock - bring the place down.
I can't do it though. Serenity is here and she'd be hurt along with everyone else. I wouldn't ever want to hurt her, though with my leaving I probably will. I wish we could have been more than friends. I'll miss her terribly, but I cannot stay here. Hell, it's just one more reason I have to go. I do have feelings for her, so it's all for the best.
I'll leave tonight. The plans are made, and I'm ready to get out of here. Before I go I'll leave Serenity a note. I will also leave her my alabaster stone. It's about the size of a dime and I picked it up from my first dig and have kept it all this time. It has a lot of sentimental value, but I'd rather she have it. She knows how much it means to me and I hope it will remind her of me from time to time.