Octavian Melodies

[Octavia (DELETED 2837)]

29th of August, 2012.

It's been months since I've been active, most of the days I spend between feeding and sleeping in the sewers. Several times I've found myself so tired that I laid under a tree and woke up with burns. The shade saved my face from burns but holy **** did it still hurt. When I go out now, I have to wear long sleeves and sometimes a scarf. I'm glad that it's starting to get colder so I don't look so weird bundled up.

I woke up and most of me expected to find Beck awake but I haven't seen him yet. I wonder if he'll remember me when he sees me. Keara says to send him an e-mail and see if it responds back to it. We still haven't danced together like we said.

But. Speaking of dancing, I went to a store tonight and I looked around to see if I could find pearls or other costume jewels for the recital that's coming up. All the girls are excited for it and they practice harder than I've ever seen them. The boys in the class seem embarrassed. I don't think it was their idea to take ballet, I know that some other boys (and even men) think that it's a bit fruity which makes me sad but what can you do? Anyways, I met a man at the store after destroying half of it with clumsiness. Figures that a ballerina would be clumsy? I'm a cosmic joke, I swear on every holy ground. The man's name is Ezra, he seems nice enough. He holds doors open so that's a plus too. I want Beck to come around so we can have a double date and all dance.

But while I wait, Ezra has agreed to teach me what I want to know as long as I can teach him how to dance since he doesn't know how. So I think my goal of branching out, or whatever is working out so far. I might have made a friend.

Go team!

[Octavia (DELETED 2837)]

30th of August, 2012.

You'd think for a Shadow, I wouldn't be so afraid of the dark. But it's not the, "The Boogeyman's in my closet," afraid of the dark. I know that the Boogeyman doesn't exist, though in this world, I honestly can't be too sure.

My fear of the dark stems from that silence, just before the sun starts to peek up and everyone's left to seek shelter. So everything's quiet and still. During the chaotic, heavy trafficked portions of the night you have all this noise and movement to distract you from all your serious thoughts. It's when all that stops that you think of all the things you've been trying to escape.

I thought of him. How his body's become so frail. Those worm hole trails at the tops of his hands. His corroded mind; the last time I even saw him he didn't know I was his daughter. He kept calling me Maureen - my mother - and I didn't even have the heart to correct him. His hands have violent tremors now, that I recall vividly because he couldn't even hold his own spoon anymore without splashing half the contents on himself and the floor.

I'm hoping before I sleep tonight that I think of something else because never have I just wanted to dig my fingers into my temples and scratch my brain out.

[Octavia (DELETED 2837)]

30th of August, 2012. Second Entry.

Today took a turn for an unexpected series of events (ha, you thought I was going to say unfortunate, right?). But I'm pleasantly content with the results of it. I spoke to Aleczandra for a bit because I felt bad leaving so abruptly the other night when Ezra introduced us. She's very sweet and welcoming, like the others that I've met. I can see why Ezra's so fond of her. I had to leave, I don't remember saying goodbye but I needed to go to the shop and buy a blood pack.

I know they're expensive but I still feel weird drinking from a human. Sometimes I forget that I'm not one and the rats in the sewers don't really appeal to me. I picked one up and it was covered in something slimy and I'm pretty sure that it had fleas too. But when I went to look at the prices of weapons, the shop keep wooed me into buying a blood pack and I've just been buying them ever since. Two hundred dollars well spent, in my eyes.

After I got a pack, I went to the restricted area to find more of those zombies. I met Storm there. She's a woman in my lineage, I think she said she was Jonah's childe. I'll have to ask her again. Anyways she told me about this man and how the zombies got here and I just think it's the weirdest thing. How can a vampire be so powerful to rip from the Shadow Realm to here? I know I never want to go to the Shadow Realm. Keara panicked the second time she found herself there and I always think she's so calm and collected about everything. Storm knows a lot more than me so I'm glad I bumped into her.

I also met up with Ezra for our dance lesson. I didn't make him wear a leotard, just active clothing. I only started him off with the basic five positions of ballet but that seemed enough for the night. I didn't want to overwhelm him or have him pull, sprain or break anything. He might heal quickly but that doesn't mean it won't be painful all the same. I'm glad someone took an interest in dancing besides the humans in this city. I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not anymore. I almost ran into a problem when the girls pointed out that my reflection was missing one day. I got by making something up about a magician's mirror but now I make sure that the curtain covers the mirror when I have lessons.

Ezra's pretty good and I hope he'll still want to practice even after tonight.
Really, I just want Alec to see him wearing a leotard because I think she'd get a kick out of it.

[Octavia (DELETED 2837)]

31st of August, 2012.

[Octavia (DELETED 2837)]

31st of August, 2012. Second Entry.

I was reading the different names in the obituary on CrowNet when I noticed Beck's name was on it. It was about a month ago, I don't know how long people spend in the Shadow Realm.

I guess that's why I can't find him ..

[Octavia (DELETED 2837)]

1st of September, 2012.

I had a dream last night. I didn't know that vampires dream. Even if that sounds silly, I can't tell the Hollywood lies from what's true. The movies didn't educate me on the different paths. Hell, I don't even understand my own path.

It was dark in the dream. Waking up, I knew it was a dream; someone once told me that you dream every night but sometimes I refuse to believe I do or I'd remember them. Sometimes I believe I have dreamless sleeps but this one was vivid. I could touch unseen walls and hear the echoing screams of other people as trapped as I was. Not once could I see anything, though. So I blindly felt around but there was nothing but walls. No windows, no doors. No light.

I screamed and it was like the dark stole away my voice because nothing came out.
And no one came to find me.

Is that what the Shadow Realm is like?

[Octavia (DELETED 2837)]

1st of September, 2012. Second Entry.

I felt productive tonight. Got done more than I thought with the help from Keara. She said that I learn quickly but I don't know that I do. I finally got a key to the Asylum so I don't feel like a burglar every time I bypass the doors. We went through every power I have and she told me about the bridges. I'm choosing the summoner bridge. I thought a lot about the name I want to give my wraith. I know that my father doesn't have too much longer to live, I remember his condition from the last time I visited. The doctor said a month at least and they were being generous with that sentence.

Roque will be the name of my wraith. I looked up the name's origin once when I was younger. It came from the German name "Rocco" and the elemental portion of that means "rest." I read that in the 14th century, the man who had that name was a French saint that cared for victims that had been caught by the plague. Working so closely with the plague, he eventually caught it himself and died as the Patron Saint of the Sick.

I remember thinking that I found it strange that my father didn't resemble the man who he took his name from. He didn't work in medical hospitals but psychiatric wards to help with the damaged. Now I see my father, with his fragile mind when he thinks I'm my mother instead of his daughter. Even with all the pain she's caused sometimes when he believes with all his heart that I'm her, I can still hear him ..

"Lygia... Lygia... I'm so sorry. I love you. One more kiss, one more time. I won't let you leave again. Lygia."

I'll never understand.

[Octavia (DELETED 2837)]

*Note: How I roleplay any kind of romantic relationship is posted in the Character Sheet underneath the title, "Personality." If you can comply with those preferences, or have any questions, please PM me directly and we can work out the blind date roleplay together (corroborating with Ezra's player as well).

2nd of September, 2012.

I think I might try dating again. I'll have to catch Ezra and see if we can have a serious conversation about a couple blind dates or something.

Nothing's really happened tonight. I have a class to teach later on but for the most part, it is the day of rest.

I also have had a song stuck in my head and I keep humming it. I don't know who it's by, I might find out if I come across some place with a computer, or the library maybe.

[Octavia (DELETED 2837)]

3rd of September, 2012.

s a v e d . d r a f t . o f . t e x t . m e s s a g e

(1/7)"Ow" doesn't even begin to cover it. Decided to explore more of the city and found this graveyard. I slipped into a couple of the crypts there. I found one that (2/7) looked more like an apartment than anything else. I thought that was weird but being in the sewers all the time, it was refreshing. There was even a (3/7) shower. I didn’t know it belonged to anyone but I have to say, I did appreciate the hot water. You can’t find that in the sewers, or hot water that’s clean. (4/7) I got caught, lashed out because I didn’t expect for anyone else to be there. And in return, my leg got broken. I don’t know which hurt more, having my leg (5/7) broken or being shot by that asian woman a few weeks ago. The man was nice enough afterwards, said he’d stay until my leg’s healed although I’m getting some (6/7) cabin fever. I’m hungry, too. But the man? He said his name is Niklaus.

[Octavia (DELETED 2837)]

3rd of September, 2012. Second Entry.

s a v e d . d r a f t . o f . t e x t . m e s s a g e

That all work and no play? I think I got the play part down tonight.